Thank you for all the "forwards". (a rant)

[Road Scholar]

As an "undisclosed recipient" myself, I recently I have considered all >>>of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over

>>> the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
>>> and wealthy.
>>>
>>>
>>> Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
>>> envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need
>>> to seal an envelope.
>>>
>>> Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>>> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
>>> remove toilet stains.
>>>
>>> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
>>> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>>>
>>> And, I don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
>>> cancer.
>>>
>>> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
>>> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>>>
>>> I won't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
>>> water buffalo on a hot day.
>>>
>>> I don't go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
>>> perfume sample and rob me.
>>>
>>> I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex
>>> since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>>>
>>> I won't answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
>>> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
>>> Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>>>
>>> And, I never eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
>>> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>>>
>>> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
>>> my free replacement pair from Nike.
>>>
>>> I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
>>> now have their recipe.
>>>
>>> I'm not worried about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>>> angels looking out for me.
>>>
>>> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>>> forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
>>> minutes.
>>>
>>> I don't have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
>>> about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
>>>
>>> I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
>>> receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
>>> in their special email program.
>>>
>>> Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
>>> now return the favor!
>>>
>>> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
>>> 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on
>>> your head around 5:00 PM one day soon.
>>>
>>> PS ~ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy
>>> study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual
>>> activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>>>
>>> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

>>> In_Transit:shrug:

[Bassic]

1. UPS and Fed Ex are Al Quaeda?

:rofl:

Ok, that's a new one to me :rofl:

[Road Scholar]

2. I thought you'd like that one.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Bassic]

3. Who makes this stuff up?

Whoever it is, they are geniuses :D

[Road Scholar]

4. They've recieved a forward or two also. That's for sure.

:)