Is it silly to have hurt feelings when an online friendship ends?

[alarimer]

I mean, it isn't "real" is it? The problem is I started looking forward to those Yahoo IM conversations and now this person has stopped speaking to me. It kind of hurts my feelings, strangely. And I feel silly for that. I do not really know this person except for what I have learned in the conversation. And that could be false. Yet I wonder what I might have said to offend because he does not answer my IMs anymore.

I guess I really need to get a life.

[billyskank]

1. No not silly

What you know of the person may or may not be false but your feelings aren't.

I am not going to comment on whether you need to "get a life" or not. I suspect the reason why you have an online life is because the offline life available to you isn't very appealing. Otherwise you'd be out there, I expect. (As would I be).

[BarenakedLady]

2. Not silly at all

It always hurts to lose a friendship. On-line friendships are very real. I've even been lucky enough to meet several of my online friends.

I'm sorry you are hurting. It happens. :hug:

[alarimer]

3. I am sure it's happened many times

but I have just forgotten. I've just been lonesome or something lately so it stings a bit.

[wildhorses]

4. i have had that happen to me

and yes it hurt...
:hug:

[reyd reid reed]

5. It is "real"...

a friendship is a friendship, whether it's online or face to face or over the phone or pen-pals. Someone who is important in your life in any way, voice or virtual, counts. And when something happens to change or damage the relationship, it hurts.

I'm sorry. Maybe it'll pass and your friend will be back in your life. And you've still got us.

:hug::hug::hug:

[Left Is Write]

6. What is not "real" about online friendships? You felt a "real" kinship

with this person, right? Certainly the information the person gave you could have been false - it all could have been a front. But you related to friend as the person presented to you, and your feelings are very much "real". Therefore, acknowledging your feelings of hurt is not silly at all.

[Ariana Celeste]

7. Online friendships are every bit as real

as far as I'm concerned. I have great friends IRL that I hang out with, and some great online friends that I know I could talk to about anything- most of us exchanged our numbers and addresses long ago- one of them I have known for 6 years! I even knew my current SO as just an 'online friend' before I moved out here to be with him. :)

You don't have to be physically around a person to get to know them and have great conversations and common interests.

So, no, I don't think you are silly at all. I have lost a couple of online friends over the years and it hurt just as much as losing IRL friends. So I'm sorry that you are hurting, :(. Maybe this person could be going through some rough times or something?

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[alarimer]

17. There could be many explanations

So I am not going to wear myself out worrying about. Just chalk it up to life in general I guess. And he might just be busy or something.

[Cheney Killed Bambi]

21. that's right

one thing I have learned which I think applies to both on-line and off-line friends, is that you don't always know the whole story when someone stops talking to you, or starts acting strangely. It may be that he's going through a personal crisis and needs to attend to it and doesn't have time for other things. It could be any number of things, and sometimes patience is all that's needed before the friendship revives itself.

[Guava Jelly]

8. I take my online friendships seriously

so imho it's not silly.

[ForrestGump]

9. What everyone else has said...

It's real.

And if you don't really know a person like you thought you did...well, that happens in face-to-face relationships, too...

:hug:

[applegrove]

10. It was a relationship..different as any other. I would feel sad if that happened

to me.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. My dear alarimer!

It is completely natural to have hurt feelings over such a loss....

And your relationship with that person was every bit as real as any in our so-called 'real lives.'

It is a different sort of intersection, having a relationship that's all online, than having a face-to-face one......

But that does not make it any less real, IMHO!

Hope you feel better very soon........:hug:

[GalleryGod]

15. "So Called Real Lives ????" Yikes!

Holy Shiite...welcome to Bizarro World, GG!

[idgiehkt]

12. For me it's very, very real

I get closer to people online than I do in real life sometimes, just because so much conversation in real life is small talk. I had to learn the hard way that you never really know anyone until you see them really, really angry though. I'm kind of hesitant about making myself vulnerable to anyone that I don't know how they act when they are really mad, just because I had some friends get mad at me a while back that were 'online' friends and I was pretty blown away by their behavior. I don't think it can really be denied any longer that online communications are real, whether it is friendship or cyber-sex or what have you.

[GalleryGod]

14. Beg your pardon

Small Talk = Life.

[idgiehkt]

20. so are you saying

that Carrie was into Big as a person or because of his money and the size of his unit?

[crim son]

24. It is not.

Small talk is what you do when you can't think of anything else. I despise it although I'm adept but if a relationship does not progress beyond small talk, it isn't a relationship.

[GalleryGod]

42. I disagree 110%

But that's why Chasen's had menus.

[crim son]

43. You're going to engage me in small talk now, aren't you?

:P What's Chasen's and what do its menus have to do with this discussion o Professor?

[alarimer]

25. The strange part of online conversations is that it is hard to convey

emotions. You can't necessarily tell if someone is being sarcastic or making a joke or whatever. So I think it might be easier to misunderstand things, although I am not particularly good at "reading" people in real life either.

[GalleryGod]

13. Well...the old professor is at odds once again with your other cyber pals.

I agree with YOU...it wasn't "real".

If,indeed, a time comes when your Cyber Pals (like DU) become "more important" than our IRL friends...well, I think it's time for a REassessment of your IRL circle.

Cyber friendships are EZ oh,so veddy EZ much like freshman math.


But..that's just me; after 5 1/2 years on DU, there isn't a single acquaintance (and I've met many,hell, we invented DU Meet-ups !) that I would rely upon for anything Real in My Real Life.

Lecture over. Quiz Wednesday.:smoke:

[idgiehkt]

16. oh, you are tallking DU.

That may be true for some people. But most of the people I was referring to aren't here, and one in particular stood by me during a huge disaster where I got a lot of flack from a whole lot of people, and she is a conservative christian republican, but we really have a bond and a connection. I love her, and it doesn't matter to me that we've never met face to face.

[alarimer]

18. My goal in all of these online friendships is to meet in real life

if at all possible. Some live far away so that is doubtful. And I couldn't possibly meet all 100K Du'ers. That's a small city. We'd have to meet in Giant Stadium or something.

[idgiehkt]

19. and

I've met tons of people in real life. Scads. And very few of them are my close friends. :hi:

[Deja Q]

22. Not at all. I feel that way all the time.

But consider who just said that. Me! :rofl:

[crim son]

23. I feel like it *should* be silly but I still feel sad if it happens.

Any time you open up and share your feelings or aspects of your life with somebody, it hurts when the communication stops. It feels like rejection when in truth it's probably just indifference.

[alarimer]

26. That's probably true.

And it is not as if this were a long-term friendship, just a few months at most.

[idgiehkt]

27. I hate it when people just disappear .

Man...I hope it isn't indifference. Geez. I'd rather they be mad at me than just let me 'slip their mind' or something. boo hiss.

[crim son]

28. Naturally. But I'm sure it happens.

Some people use others to satisfy a personal need and when the need is no longer there, the relationship becomes pointless. Sad but true, eh?

[idgiehkt]

29. suddenly I feel the urge to

post another 'cryptic meaning in this thread' post, lol. I hate the fact that I can't post anything now without worrying that people reading my posts are gonna think every fucking thing I type is in reference to or about a *person*

Guess that's what happens when you associate with greatness...

:sarcasm:

[crim son]

30. I'm sorry.

I was in fact thinking about what went on between myself and MJC. The relationship was platonic (strained platonic) until he began to write me to... you know. IOW, I was the virtual vagina I once told you about. :hug: You KNOW I'm self absorbed, right?

[idgiehkt]

31. Not you silly.

That was NOT directed at you. You can't possibly more self-absorbed than me. And I guess there are plenty enough chicas on this site to form a chapter of Cyber-Pussy anonymous. :hug: back


edited, before deletion.

:rofl:

[crim son]

33. Well, I surely got burned and misinterpreted everything.

It's a mistake I won't repeat. You crack me up, lady! :rofl:

[idgiehkt]

34. You know I love you the bestest

I sent you a pm. The redneck in me may be visiting DU very f*cking soon if people who don't know what the f*ck they are talking about don't start minding their own business. Sigh...but you are above reproach in my eyes. Even witht the 80's hair and makeup. Or maybe *especially* with the 80's hair and makeup. With "Don't You Want Me, Baby" playing in the background...yeah, yeah... that's it. Who dares to say that this isn't real?

:rofl:

[crim son]

36. I just teared up again.

I love you too, idg. You've been completely real to me. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

I'd post a pic of you but you remain the mystery woman as you prefer. As for eighties hair, that's the tip of the iceberg. I'll post me in a charming silver gown later on. Conservative eighties hair i.e. pretty big and bad.

You are dear to me.

[BarenakedLady]

37. I love you guys...

:loveya:

You are cracking me the hell up! :rofl:

[idgiehkt]

38. And we love you back

let's jump in the little yellow box and have an electronic menage a trois. :)

:loveya:

[Guava Jelly]

46. I love all you guys

:7 :loveya:

[idgiehkt]

49. ooh it's our big daddy harem leader

:loveya:

is it time for group activities?

[Guava Jelly]

52. Gawd I hope so

:evilgrin:
:loveya:

[Connonym]

32. but it IS real

I don't think this is silly at all. I would be and have been very heartbroken when online friendships end.

[mdmc]

35. no

feel better

[mzteris]

39. an online friend

of mine died a few years ago - I cried for a long time. It still hurts sometimes.

My family did not understand it AT ALL. My husband calls my online friends - my "imaginary friends"
:(

In that other group (a limited ISP group) - I had one person there that I THOUGHT was a friend, but she turned out to be one of the meanest nastiest people I've ever had the occasion to run across. She really had me fooled for a while. She lied to everyone. That *really* hurt. I felt like such a fool. :sigh:

I left the group that was in - for a number of reasons - I changed ISP's, etc..... (that and I got locked out for being too argumentative!) lol I had some very good friends there that I lost touch with. I still wonder how they are.

I've not really made any "friends" here (on DU) - more like some nodding acquaintances. I don't know if it's me - or what - maybe 'cause it's such a huge place. Sometimes I think I'm happier this way (I'm pretty much this way IRL, too...) but sometimes, well - it feels just a bit lonely.

Ooops - sorry - got off on a pity party, din't I? :blush:

Anyways, LSS (long story short) NO, your feelings are your feelings and they are never silly. Whether someone played you false, or it just didn't matter as much to them - well, you can still feel badly.

I hope your friend and you patch things up.

In the meantime, I hope this helps a little: :hug:

[alarimer]

40. Thanks

I wanted to know if somehow I was making a big deal out of something that wasn't. And that still may be true. Those of us who grew up with Yahoo and ICQ and so forth probably feel as if those friendships are genuine. Those of us (myself included) probably see them as something different. Hence my putting real in quotation marks.

Yet, when something happens to a member of this online community, nearly every responds as if it happens to someone they know, so there must be something to this after all. I know when I read about something unfortunate happening to someone here, I do think about them and want to know how things are going, just like I would for a neighbor or a friend. People have sent money and helped out in less tangible ways for people they may not recognize if they saw them in the street. And yet they are friends somehow.

It is a brave new world we are living in that's for sure.

[GalleryGod]

41. Your Husband sounds wise.

:smoke:

[GalleryGod]

44. This Thread Certainly Wins A Prize.

let me leave it at that."imaginery friends? all !

[InvisibleTouch]

45. Oh, let me tell you a story.

I once had an online friend with whom I chatted quite a bit about life, relationships, the struggles of existence, etc. He told me all about his girlfriend and her cats, his family, and so forth. He even sent me occasional gifts in the mail, and we exchanged video tapes, music, and other miscellany. I guess I should have become suspicious when the first mailing address he gave me resulted in a "return to sender" bounceback, and he gave me some weird excuse like "the mailman can't find our place." Then gave me a relative's address to send it to instead, and that seemed to work. This went on for about two years - until one day the truth was revealed: my "friend" was in fact an ex-friend who had betrayed me years earlier, had attacked me publically and behind my back, and whom I had cut off all communication with because it wasn't worth my time and aggravation. She (yes she) later took on this false identity to worm her way into my good graces, for the express purpose of being able to say at some point, "Ha ha, fooled you!" What annoyed me the most was not so much what my ex-friend had done (it was typically juvenile and attention-seeking, not to mention the amount of time and energy she wasted in the deception), but the fact that I didn't in fact have a friend that I thought I had, because that person had never existed. Now there's a weird little mental adjustment for you.

[idgiehkt]

48. that is truly creepy

I had a few people have major meltdowns on me at the beginning of the year...just go stark raving outer limits. I never saw it coming. Sorry that happened, that is a true pschyo in that example.

[InvisibleTouch]

50. She was indeed a true psycho...

...which is why, after the initial surprise, it didn't really bother me on principle, since I knew what she was from years earlier (also a total without-warning 180-degree ally-to-enemy aboutface). It was just a little odd to realize that a person I thought was part of my circle of friends, whom I thought about fondly along with the rest of the group, was completely and totally made up.

You live and learn, as they say.

IMO the people that meltdown on you without warning, you are better off without. Take it as a blessing (you're rid of them!), forget about them, and concentrate on the decent ones.

[idgiehkt]

51. oh, I did

but it was scary for one day everything to be fine and the next day be receiving e-mails full of vitriol and craziness. And she told other people things that were lies, when she knew the truth. The lies were more interesting though. It was just crazy drama, which I really can't stand. That's why i said you really don't know someone until you have seen them really really angry.

[SPKrazy]

47. No, It's Not Silly!

what isn't real?

Is the IRL friendship really real?

online friendships can be very real.

It is harder to maintain such friendships because you don't have the benefit of facing the person. Instead you have to decipher from PM's, e-mails, etc. what the meaning of "is" is. (sorta)

I would say that it is painful to lose a friend whether they are IRL, or online, it still hurts. We're humans, and when we invest emotional energy into something, we expect a return.

:puffpiece: :shrug: