Cybercheating - Actual cheating or harmless fun?

[Susang]

Poll question: Cybercheating - Actual cheating or harmless fun?

What do you guys think?

[ForrestGump]

1. All of the above

:D

[merh]

2. It is so cheating

jmho.

[Taverner]

3. Does the mouse go into a new house?

If not, it's not cheating.

[merh]

6. does the mouse really want to go into the other house

but the opportunity to do so hasn't presented itself?

does the mouse pet itself while dreaming of going into the other house, while words of encouragement are being read on the screen?

:shrug:

[Taverner]

7. Intent is an issue - but in the event of actual opportunity

The true intent is revealed - does the mouse, in fact, go into a new house or not?

Many people cybercheat with no true intent of doing anything wrong - and the fact they got into cybercheating (which is not as fulfilling) over real cheating says something about the intent.

[jpgray]

8. I wouldn't imagine any kind of cheating is fulfilling

But I wouldn't know. :D

[Taverner]

9. Some people say it is - albeit only temporarily

Much like heroin is to a junkie...

[Susang]

12. You're such a good boy!

:loveya:

[jpgray]

15. I dunno--I have some weird interpretations of the above "mouse in house" metaphor

:rofl:

And you're the bestest! You're so best it's redundant. :D

[xchrom]

20. he's so damn cute and sexy too.

woof!

[jpgray]

25. That's because I'm a person of high fidelity

No cheating is an auditorally sound philosophy. :patriot:

[xchrom]

34. lol -- indeed!

[merh]

13. the fact that they call it "cyber cheat" says it all

it's cheating -

If a man cyber cheater explains it all to his wife and she is okay with it, they they have an open relationship/marriage. If that same cyberplayboy hasn't explained it to her because it would hurt/anger/upset her, then their marriage is not open and he is cheating.


edited cause it had all sorts of typos :blush:

[Taverner]

17. But wouldn't that be an overly broad definitiion

Dr Phil (whom I loathe) said "Anything you do that you wouldn't feel comfortable doing in front of your spouse is cheating" I disagree 100%. By this definition, enjoying porn in the biblical sense is cheating. Flirting with a random stranger is cheating. Looking another person up and down is cheating.

Cheating is a specific act, not merely intent. It boils down to "did you have sexual relations with someone other than your spouse without their permission?" Anything else could be considered unfaithfulness, but not cheating.

[hippywife]

37. For me, there is no

difference between being unfaithful and cheating. There is more than the physical/sexual bond in a relationship that makes it what it is. Intent is just as important because it entails breaking a trust.

[Left Is Write]

43. I agree.

[Susang]

22. "Cyberplaybody"

I like it! :thumbsup:

Don't be mad if you see me stealing it at a future date. :-)

[merh]

30. LOL - no need to steal

tickled you found it appropriate. :hi:

[Gormy Cuss]

18. My opinion: if it feels like cheating, then it is.

That and if you can't tell your SO what you've been doing in cyberspace, you may be cheating.

[Left Is Write]

4. I'd consider "cybercheating" to be cheating.

I guess it depends on how couples define cheating - some people would feel cheated on, and I guess others wouldn't.

Here's where the line is drawn: If it's something I would believe I had to hide from my husband or something I wouldn't want him to do, then it's cheating and it's off-limits.

[leftofthedial]

5. I don't know

want to chat about doing it?

:evilgrin:

[Guava Jelly]

10. I have no idea

:shrug:

[hippywife]

11. Totally cheating.

I think so because it involves what is most deeply identified with the person you love...their mental and emotional selves. Whereas, a physical one-night stand, while still totally cheating, may or may not also involve those aspects of themselves.

[idgiehkt]

16. yeah, what she said

Damn, I took two paragraphs to say what you said in two sentences. Thank you, thank you, thank you, that is it exactly for me. The 'mental and emotional selves' part; sharing that is much more of a violation to me than the physical.

:applause:

:applause:

:applause:

[hippywife]

41. I understood

what you meant. :hi:

And this is a good example why love is also sometimes wasted on the young. Many haven't matured enough yet to have a sense of anyone but themselves in a relationship/situation.

[idgiehkt]

14. every time this topic comes up I always think of my favorite line from Dirty Dancing

"Some ass in the woods, maybe, but no conversation."

To me there are some sex acts that are less intimate than conversation. I'm not saying that both are not forms of cheating but to me sometimes something that came out of someone's mouth (via keyboard) might hurt me more than something that went into it. I think because you are using a different part of your brain. Plus there are different phases of relationships, too. If you are still in the building up phase where you are getting to know each other and find out about something like that it pretty much nukes the whole relationship because you know you can never trust that person in the future. If there is deception and one partner is being lied to, then it's cheating. My mom found out my Dad was cyber-flirting with a woman and had gotten pics from her and it absolutely devastated her, same as in 'real life', probably because so many times that kind of thing ends up being consummated.

I wonder how people feel about phone sex? Is phone sex with someone other than your spouse cheating? I wonder if back in the day there was such a thing as 'smoke signal sex' or something. I mean, any means of communicating sexually with a person not your S.O., when you've pledged to be sexually loyal, could be construed as cheating. I guess it depends on the individual.

[slj0101]

19. Yep. I see it as cheating.

[swag]

21. Ask me when I don't have a cyberdick in my mouth.

[Susang]

23. I know a few Cyberdicks

If you get my drift. ;-)

[jpgray]

24. Are cyberdicks represented by the mouse or the house?

:shrug:

[Susang]

26. If I had to guess...

I'd say the mouse. The mouse has to go in the house, so it kind of makes sense. Or not.

[jpgray]

31. So if your house is infested by cyberdicks, you may have a housekeeping problem

[Susang]

33. Do you suppose they have exterminators for this problem?

If so, what do you suppose they charge? :shrug:

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

49. The exterminators are called Divorce Lawyers

I'd guess they are expensive.

:)

[Zhade]

44. Or a mousekeeping problem?

NT!

[SteppingRazor]

27. I would consider phone sex cheating, so this would be too. Here's a rule of thumb:

1. Would your significant other be extremely hurt/upset/angry if she/he found out?

Then, yes, it's cheating.

[jpgray]

28. Excellent rule of thumb

And if that's the case and you want to do it anyway, with no possibility of ever being at peace or happiness again, break off the relationship! Or at least tell your partner what's going on so you both have a chance to talk about it.

[terrya]

29. I like your answer.

I'll use it on my own. Very good and common sense.

[jpgray]

32. I would add a corollary--if you feel guilty doing it, it's probably trouble

He/she might not mind, but if you feel you're hurting someone and yet you do it anyway, that's also a messed-up situation in a relationship. Because it stands to reason that if you feel guilty, it's likely something you wouldn't care to have done to yourself.

[Susang]

35. I'd add one more thing

If you are actively hiding what you are doing (and feel guilty, hurting your S.O., etc.), then I would say it was cheating.

[jpgray]

36. Very good! Maybe "don't be an asshole" would be the best rule of thumb

[GalleryGod]

39. As Fonzie would wont to say: "EXact-a-mundo!"

Dead. Solid. Perfect.

[Pithlet]

40. That's the way to look at it.

Because different relationships are going to have different boundaries of what is acceptable. Because you see another couple flirt openly with others on the internet doesn't mean it's going to sit well with your own SO, or SOs as the case may be.

[LostinVA]

62. Excellent rule of thumb

[GalleryGod]

38. The Lounge has Risen 100% by this reaction.

Cyber World:rant: COUNTS,folks!

[Susang]

42. I'm actually a little surprised

I expected more dissent. :shrug:

[idgiehkt]

45. well, there is that old saying

"silence means dissent", lol.

I guess some folks aren't speaking up.

[Susang]

46. I didn't think about it that way

I'm guessing they didn't want appear to be guilty by thread-association. :D

[sundog]

47. well this thread is like a cold shower

basically

give em a week

they'll be fucking in the aisles again :D

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

50. Dissent? Just because we agree it's cheating ...

... doesn't mean we agree it's a "bad thing", or that we seek it or avoid it. Maybe that's a topic for another poll.

[PVnRT]

48. I have lusted in my heart for hOtChIcK1982xoxox

n/t

[ForrestGump]

60. You can keep her

And I'll move up one in the line of crushees for Ms NewWaveChick1981. :D

[Susang]

51. Just curious what the evening crowd thinks

:kick:

[mike_c]

52. WTF is "cyber-cheating?"

I mean really. Did anyone ever rub actual mucus membranes over the internets? Isn't "cyber-sex" kind of like having a pen-pal? Sheesh.

full disclosure on edit: I prefer my sex in person, so I've never actually cheated with anyone via broadband....

[Susang]

53. It falls under the category of "emotional cheating"

Many people carry on intimate/romantic relationships with people they've never met, except online. It doesn't necessary have to do with sex. Sheesh!

[idgiehkt]

57. I was gonna say that

plus as was said above, knowing someone hit their knees for a few minutes to me is a lot different that finding scads of communiques from a lover to someone else online saying "I love you" and describing in detail how they felt and what they wanted to do and having deep intimate conversation.

[LostinVA]

64. Yup, I agree with you completely on that

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

59. Um...time for you to learn about the cyberbirds and the cyberbees.

Seriously, cybercheating is cheating and cybersex is not like having a penpal.

Sex can and should be more than just rubbing mucus membranes.

[HEyHEY]

54. Fuck, you didn't tell your husband, did you?

[Susang]

55. He knows?!?!?!

I am soooooo fucked! :yoiks:

[HEyHEY]

56. Unless we can convince him to join in for some cyber trois

[tuvor]

58. Of course cybercheating is cheating--it just has 'cyber' for a prefix.

[Zookeeper]

61. Cheating.

Flirting is one thing (I flirt a bit with everyone regardless of gender), but if it gets cyber-sexual or romantic it's cheating.

I wouldn't be a fan of my partner spending time alone "using" on-line porn, either. Call me old-fashioned.

[SPKrazy]

63. If It's Cheating, It's Cheating, Period

I mean, it may not be mucous membranes making contact but it does have consequences sometimes.

[Shell Beau]

65. If you have to hide it from your SO, then it is cheating!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

73. this is how i feel about it. if you are hiding it...you are probably cheating

or have a crazy SO

[BluePatriot]

66. Cheating.

It'd rate lower on the "pissed off" scale for me (like an 8 vs. a 10 with 10 being the highest) but it still counts as cheating.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

67. well anytime i cyber flirt i let lisa see the threads on du...

and i figure as long as she knows i am not doing something harmful or hurtful in the relationship...so its not cheating

if it were cheating i would take care to hide it

[idgiehkt]

69. roflmao

:rofl:

you so crazy. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

70. its true though...were you here doing the "i am a democrat and i do that and more"

thread?

she read all of it. thought it was the funniest thing ever.

if it were really cheating..i would hide it.

[hunter]

68. My wife and I talk about everything.

Flirt with me and I'm likely to call her over and ask, "Do you think this person is flirting with me?"

And she'll say something like "Duh."

There isn't any sort of atmosphere of secrecy in our marriage in which an affair could happen.

We respect one another's privacy, and there are confidences we keep -- there are things about her friends I don't know just as there are things about my friends she doesn't know -- but if someone is hitting on either one of us we are going to talk about that.

I'd guess that cybercheating is a symptom of something wrong in a relationship, not the cause of it, but it's not harmless fun.

[SPKrazy]

71. That's A Really Cool Sounding Relationship

I agree

cybercheating or any kind of cheating is a symptom of something wrong in a relationship

not the cause

and it isn't harmless

and for some, it may not be fun

[bleedingheart]

72. you and your wife remind me of me and mr. b

he never knows if someone is flirty with him...

[hunter]

74. However I present myself in writing...

... in the real world I'm Dr. Asperger's Syndrome.

Words and body language go zooming right past me. "Huh?"

I go to parties and I have no idea what's happening, so I just wander around and hope for the best.

The first date I ever went out on started like this: I was in the computer lab writing code, I'm not sure how long I'd been there, or what time it was, and this woman came up to me and said "You need to eat."

And I did too. I was skinny because I often neglected to eat. Either that, or I'd go off running ten miles on a whim.

So she took me out by the hand to eat.

She was pretty cool too, she could talk about electrical power networks, submarines and computers. And like wow, she was a woman!

That relationship ended very badly over things that weren't anyone's fault.

By the time I met my wife I was a little better at socializing, but not enough that she doesn't joke about it.

True Love.

[bleedingheart]

75. my husband is also an Aspie

he forgets to eat because he gets so involved in coding
he wanders around parties and appears aloof but it is because he is not typically the one to initiate conversations.

when we first married, we went to a party and I watched from across the room as this woman was flirting with him...shortly after he started to talk to her...you could tell she was looking for an escape route...(i was smiling the entire time)...she wandered over to where the rest of the women were congregated and I said to her...." i notice you met my husband over there"...she said..."oh yeah..is that your husband"...in a tone that denoted..."thank god it is you and not me..." and I said..."was he talking to you about computers...?" and she said..."how did you know?"....and I said..."cuz that is what he likes..."

Together almost 14 years...married a little over 12...and we are still very happy together and very much in love.

[skygazer]

76. Yeah, it's cheating and here's why I think so

Okay, so you're "harmlessly" carrying on an internet affair. Then the other person suggests a phone call.

Is that okay?

So you decide the phone call is okay and you do that for a while and then they suggest meeting up.

Is that okay?

So you meet up and the opportunity for sex arises.

Is that okay?

No, it's not and none of it was because what you've been doing from the very beginning is deceiving the person you're actually with. It's a breach of trust. It has nothing to do with the mechanics of physical sex - it has to do with honesty and trust.

If you know the other person would feel upset and betrayed, it's cheating.

[youthere]

77. It's cheating.