Another guy who REALLY doesn't know what an asshole he is.

[Redstone]

So...I went to the grocery store today to buy a bag of dog food.

That bag being only one item, I went to the "express" checkout lane. And, you guessed it, there was some bozo with about thirty-seven items in front of me.

But wait, it gets better: Among those 37 items, he had two bags of Sargento shredded cheese. When the clerk scanned them, they showed up on the screen at $2.59 each. He immediately protested to the clerk that they were supposed to be on sale at two for five dollars. Yes, that's right, he was bitching and holding up the line of seven people over eighteen cents while he made the clerk look up the item in this week's sales circular and explain to him that it was Kraft shredded cheese that was on sale, not Sargento's.

Then he asked the clerk to remove them from his purchase. Then he asked to clerk to get a supervisor to check the sign that he said was above this particular cheese in the back of the store.

At this point, I couldn't take any more. I handed him a quarter and said "here's your eighteen cents, and a seven-cent bonus for letting me get out of here without having to wait another twenty minutes while you argue about cheese." And you know what? He took it!

Christ, and I thought I was oblivious. This guy has me beat by a mile.

Redstone

[NNadir]

1. I had no idea that Dick Cheney did his own shopping.

[Redstone]

24. Nah, wasn't him. He'd have just shot me in the face for insulting him.

Redstone

[Critters2]

2. That is great. People are amazing. nt

[graywarrior]

3. He's a professional flim-flam man. You fell for it.

:rofl:

[Redstone]

10. What a pro, indeed. He scored a whole quarter, and got to keep his cheese.

Now I feel foolish in the face of his victory.

Redstone

[redwitch]

4. And he thinks this was a major coup

you can learn alot about people in the check out line. :-)

[Redstone]

9. Yep, he scored big: SEVEN CENTS! probably went home and bored his wife with the story.

And got a large number of "yes dears" in response.

Redstone

[raccoon]

53. If he has a wife, she has my sympathy. nt

[mentalsolstice]

5. Tell Dad I said hi! n/t

[Danger Mouse]

6. Sorry about that.

Thanks for the quarter, though.
:)

[Redstone]

12. You're welcome.

Redstone

[Little Wing]

7. After reading, this, I'm officially trademarking the phrase "must turn lefters"

Not in the political left sense, but those people who come to a busy intersection and must turn left into traffic. It doesn't matter how long it takes, they'll wait. They could turn right, do a little juggling of blocks or u-turns and be on the same path the initial left-turn would lead them to *five minutes faster*, but they never do. They're happy sitting there with their blinker on, gotta turn left because I'm not going right. Where I want to be is left, why would I want to go right?

You see it all over the place. It's the same genus of moron that drives all the way up to a merge sign on the highway before merging, causing everyone to slow down to a stop for 6 miles. They could've heeded the first "Lane Closed in 5 Miles" sign and started to merge, but NO, that's too fucking difficult, the directions say that the left lane goes fast and the right lane goes slow. I don't want to go slow, I want to be in the left lane. "Merge lanes in 3 miles", the sign says. I don't want to merge, merging means I go in the right lane, I don't want that, right lane slow. "Merge in 1000 feet", oh man, there's a cop up there, I should switch lanes. Hey, why don't you fucking assholes get out of my way and let me in?

[redwitch]

13. LOL, so true!

Did you know that UPS drivers no longer turn left?

[Little Wing]

22. It makes sense

Hit a light, make a right

Even the authors of Copland, the movie, knew that. Keep the momentum going.

[redwitch]

25. great fuel saver for UPS

in addition to time saving.

[Little Wing]

26. less fuel equals less money going to Saudi hands, and less time

equals my stuff getting here faster

I approve!

Now if they'd only cover the tops of their trucks with solar panels and drive hybrid, we'd be all set

[Redstone]

14. Those "I'll merge when I'm damn well ready to" people enrage me. I am usually a very

"giving" sort of driver, but if I'm in that situation, that son of a bitch is NOT going to merge in front of me.

No way.

Redstone

[Little Wing]

21. There's one experience I truly remember as a child

Same situation with merging, and just as we were about to get through the choke point, some asshole drove up next to us, a little bit ahead of us and put on his blinker because he wanted to merge and started to force his way in front.

My father, who was driving, stopped the car, got out, and yelled "It's because of stupid fucks like you we all have to slow down" while pointing his finger at the dude. Keep in mind, this was in England, so stuff like this NEVER happened. I was mortified at the time, but now I'm so proud of my dad.

[CC]

29. But don't try to merge into a trailer.

A top idiot driver is in WI somewhere oblivious to how lucky she is to be alive.
My SO drives a tractor trailer. Yesterday he is running in the right lane, rush hour traffic when he hears a crunch back toward his trailer. So he slows fast and pulls over onto the shoulder as another truck yells that car hit you on the CB. A car pulls onto the shoulder behind him and a women gets out and runs to his door somehow avoiding getting hit by all the other vehicles on the highway. She tries to pull open his door, he opens it after calling 911. She then begins yelling at him that he hit her. Runs to the front of the truck,looks and runs back to stand in the highway to bitch there is no damage to the front of his car. He ask her to please go back to her car and wait for the police or at least get out of the highway before she is run over. She keeps yelling at him for hitting her with his car. He says lady I am not driving a car, I am driving a tractor trailer and you hit my trailer when you merged onto the highway. She says, "What trailer." He shut his door before he lost if laughing. She finally went back to her car and he got out to look at the trailer. Not a scratch on it but the back passenger side tires have her car paint on them and are scuffed. She tried to merge into the middle of the trailer. Cop shows up, sees the damage to the rear of her car so says to him I guess you hit her car. The women is yelling and complaining she will be late. Cop looks at the the front of the tractor, no damage then finally ask him what happened. He didn't get a ticket but when the cop told him to leave she was still trying to explain to the lady why she was getting the ticket and how lucky she was he got stopped before he ran all the way over the car she tried to drive under the truck. He doubts the woman ever gets it.

[Redstone]

33. Oh, no, she'll NEVER get it. Some people just don't.

Redstone

[CC]

34. Oh I know she won't

and waiting for her to try to get the company to pay for the damage to her car. I ask him why didn't he ask to cop to give her a sobriety test since she never did see that huge trailer.

[Redstone]

36. Forty feet's hard to miss, indeed.

Redstone

[Little Wing]

44. I'm willing to bet her logic was something like

"My BMW SUV was waaay more expensive than that truck, so he should pay the damages!"

[mikeytherat]

65. You hit this one PERFECTLY for me and Mrs. Rat!

"My BMW SUV was waaay more expensive than that truck, so he should pay the damages!"

Many years ago, Mrs. Rat T-boned a brand-new Hyundai in our old beater Honda. It was the other driver's fault, Mrs Rat CREAMED that sucka, and the 'ol Civic held up very well, with NO visible damage (underhood - headlight buckets and radiator, but that was it). The other driver complained at length to Richmond's finest that it couldn't be her fault because, I swear to God, her car sustained more damage. That was the sum total of her argument - more expensive repair=not my fault. I told her I was gonna go buy a new Ferrari and start running red lights because, surely, I'm likely to win the "more expensive repair" prize in a collision. Everyone (cops, EMTs, tow jockeys) burst out laughing.

mikey_the_rat

[Little Wing]

42. Build an idiot proof system, and the world builds a better idiot

[ElboRuum]

57. Buh... uh, wha... you made this shit up. You HAD to...

...please, please, TELL me you made this shit up. If you don't, I will have to spend the evening in a cold corner of my house, in complete darkness, sucking my thumb and chewing on the knowledge that there are, in fact, people in this world that GODAWFULSTUPID!

[Hav]

51. "must turn lefters"

That reminds me of these kind of idiots who come out of the parking lot of that store to enter a busy street during rush hour. They could turn right, drive 50 metres to a roundabout/traffic circle where they could drive back but they just have to turn left, waiting endlessly for the traffic from both sides to stop for them...again, during the rush hour when they clearly see it's car after car coming! They just believe that it's their right that other people stop for them. Freaking idiots, they don't even realize that the other option would save them time and money.

[reyd reid reed]

8. The absolute...thick-headedness

of people truly amazes me sometimes.

I'm sorry, darlin'.

:hug:

[Redstone]

19. I'll bet you $100 that this guy writes down

his odometer mileage and number of gallons he bought, every time he puts gas in his car.

I'll beet you a further $100 that you know somebody who does that. Everybody knows someone who does. (In my case, Mrs R's ex-husband, who is a great guy in general, but quite the fusspot.)

Redstone

[reyd reid reed]

41. Yup...gotta admit

I've met a few of them in my lifetime. And people who abuse the express lane at the grocery store get on my last nerve. Hell, if I'm at the limit I usually won't go.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

11. Not to argue, but...

sometimes when the express lane is empty and all other lanes are busy, I've been asked to bring my order to the express lane, even though I'm over the limit. It's kind of embarrassing; because as soon as I get my order moving, someone with a couple of items invariably shows up and gives me a dirty look.

As for the 18 cents, yeah...the guy was an asshole.

[JackBeck]

15. I always choose the wrong checkout line.

It never fails.

[Redstone]

16. That's what I told the clerk, when I finally got to her: "My wife wonders why I hate it when

she asks me to go to the grocery store; it's because I always get one of THEM in front of me."

She (the clerk) did laugh at that.

Redstone

[JackBeck]

18. I feel like I'm doing mental acrobats when it comes to the checkout line.

That line is short, but in the past I was burned by that choice. But there's a line that looks kind of long, with people who have a few items, but I got caught in that line before and also got burned.

This also works for toll booths, as well.

[Redstone]

20. One of those Murphy's Laws: Whichever line you join will be the slowest to move.

Redstone

[barb162]

17. He's not oblivious; he's an arrogant narcissist

who thinks he's above the rules and everyone else. I wish the check out workers would just tell these assholes they have exceeded the limit for the express lines. This has happened to me too many times too ( about once every three months; now I look in people's carts before I get in the express lines)
PS: HI Redstone

[Redstone]

23. And howdy to you as well. It's been a while, as I recollect. Or, as they say in Maine,

"as I disremember," which is certainly apropos in regard to my memory.

How've you been? How's every little thing going for you these days?

Redstone

[barb162]

27. Oh thanks, I'm fine

Things are going well, except it's too darn cold and flurrying right now. But I look at it as we're half done with meteorological winter.

[sakabatou]

28. Ugh...

[SeattleGirl]

30. I hate being behind people like that!. Also hate being behind

the woman in the regular checkout line, who's buying a ton of shit. She's going to pay by check, but does she start digging through her gigantic suitcase sized purse for her checkbook right away? NOOOOOOOOOOO. She waits until EVERYTHING is rung up, THEN she starts the archeological expedition through the purse for the checkbook, and writes the check. AND to add insult to injury, she has to balance her fucking checkbook right there before moving along! I don't mean just writing down the check, I mean BALANCING THE FUCKING CHECKBOOK.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[Redstone]

35. But that's the way MOST women are. Even when they pay with cash, they have to

reorganize their whole goddamn wallet, while consigning every bill and coin from their change to EXACTLY THE CORRECT SPOT, whereas guys will just jam the change into their pocket and GO ON WITH IT.

Argh.

Redstone

[SeattleGirl]

37. I've seen that a lot too, Redstone.

Believe me, if you are ever in the checkout line behind me, you won't be growing old waiting for me to get my shit together. I either have the money, the debit card, or the check (filled out except amount) ready before things are rung up!

[barb162]

60. I shove the change in my pocket so I don't hold up the people

in line behind me. You know what else? The check writers who have nothing on the check filled out while they are in line, like the date, the name of the store, etc. Then they write out everything really, really slowly when they see the bill amount.

[youthere]

59. And COUPONS! Don't forget the flippin'COUPONS!

[barb162]

61. People should have their coupons all ready to hand

to the cashier immediately. A lot of people stand there fumbling around with those coupons and hold up everyone .

[youthere]

62. I agree.

Before I go into the grocery store, I have my check made out (except for the amount obviously) and any coupons I plan to use are paper clipped to my list. I hate when people wait until everything is rung up before pulling out the coupons or the checkbook. It's inconsiderate.

[barb162]

66. If I don;t have my coupons ready, would you believe I don't even get into a

line? Thing is, when I can't stand something about the behavior of others, I am not going to do it myself. You're right, certain things, like holding other people up. is so inconsiderate.

[crim son]

31. Did you imagine he wouldn't take it?

A penny saved is a penny earned. :P

[Redstone]

38. BFD. So he "earned" a whole quarter. While irritating seven people for fifteen minutes.

I do hope he's proud of himself, and I have no doubt that he is.

Redstone

[crim son]

39. Exactly.

I'm related to these people; they're the ones who, when they die, are found lying atop a mattress stuffed with hundred-dollar bills. You don't matter; control matters.

[SPKrazy]

40. hi crim son!

penny saved is a penny earned

related to these people?

[crim son]

43. Meaning, my inlaws are people who are oblivious to everybody

around them... they lack the empathy gene but are unaware of the fact. It is important to them to be in control: of their thoughts, of the conversation, of the amount they shell out for toothpicks & when you combine these traits with inborn miserliness (word?) you get Redstone's gentleman at the cash register OR my BIL, MIL, CousinsIL, AuntsIL and STBE. And me, a bit, after all these years.

[SPKrazy]

45. Okay, I Believe You Lack The Empathy Gene

like I believe George Bush is really a genius that has our best interests at heart

[crim son]

46. They are only related by marriage so all I've developed

is the control and miser parts of the deadly equation :rofl:

Although do you remember reading that intercourse with one person over time results in a transfer of DNA, which explains why longterm couples start to look like one another? Maybe we discussed this.

Also, my ideal occupation. No idea. Help! -L

[SPKrazy]

48. I Don't Know My Ideal Occupation Either

maybe when I grow up I'll figure it out? :cry:

I haven't heard the intercourse transferring DNA to the other. That's kind of scary.

:hug:

[QMPMom]

50. crim son, are you married to the child my ILs never knew they had?

You just described my deceased (thank God) MIL. Shopping with her was torture. Include all you said above and add in a woman who had to "educate" the clerk/wait staff/receptionist, etc., about something while you wait.

I always ended up apologizing to a dozen or so people when I'd take her shopping.

[crim son]

55. You're that child now, QMPMom! hehe

It is distinctly possible that we are all related :) :hi:

[TroubleMan]

32. The express lane thing bothers me a lot, but not the 18 cents thing.

I've been in a grocery store several times where I had the last few dollars to my name to buy food. I'll go and calculate the exact total in my head including tax, and make it so I've got the most I can get - sometimes with only a penny or two to spare. Then a sale that was advertised on the shelf doesn't kick in at the register, and because of this now I don't have enough money. That's extremely frustrating, and the person should pay the amount advertised. If you've ever been broke before, you'll realize that 18 cents is a big deal.

That being said you shouldn't get in the express lane unless you've got less items than the number posted. Also, a whole bunch of the same item doesn't count as one item. If you have three 6-packs of soda, it's three items - not one. I'm a strict express-lane constructionist. So I'll agree with you that the guy's an asshole just for that.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

64. There are times when I've been instructed by express line clerks

to take my large order to their line, because they have no customers, and the large lines are backed up.

Of course, after I do this, while the clerk is scanning my items, someone with one or two things comes up to the line and gives me the look of death.

[swag]

47. How many of us can there be?

[leftofthedial]

49. That was YOU?

Thanks for the quarter!

[baldguy]

52. There should be a 10% surcharge for every item over ten.

That would keep dumb shits like that in the appropriate line.

[July]

54. There's a sniglet for that guy: "expresshole."

One of my favorites.

[unpossibles]

58. brilliant! n/t

[ileus]

56. Great Story....I may try that with my wife sometime.

She's always holding out for an extra 13 cents while I'd rather just "eat it" and go...My time is worth more than a fist full of pennies to me.

[Redstone]

63. I hear you on that, I do. If I had a dollar for every time I've said "Let it go,"....

Redstone

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

67. Ha! I was about to post a thread about express line ninjas! Ya beat me to it!