Sressed and depressed: I can't even save myself

[AlienGirl]

Well, everythingsxen is due in tomorrow morning.

I still don't know where he's going to live. If it were up to me, and it isn't, I'd put him up for a few days while he looks to arrange a place. But I can't.

I feel so helpless. I can't even help *myself*, much less anyone else.

The roomies have made it clear to me that this is *my* responsibility alone, and they are not going to help. I feel so utterly alone. I wish Xen had at least decided to wait till summer before attempting this.

Tucker

[Booberdawg]

1. What are you talking about?

Does everythingsxen think he/she is staying with you? I missed the background on this. A relative?

[AlienGirl]

4. No--

He and I have been carrying on virtually for a while, and he decided to move to Seattle to take it into the Big Blue Room. Well, okay, I sort of encouraged him...

I feel responsible for his well-being when he comes out here, because he's a sweet aieve guy who has never lived on his own, and because he's doing it because of me.

He has leads on a couple of places, but one is over the passes, and I'm worried the passes will be iced over and I won't be able to get him where he needs to go.

Tuckr

[rumguy]

5. What's the Big Blue Room?

[AlienGirl]

6. Offline Reality

It's a phrase Interrobang came up with.

Tucker

[KC21304]

7. Have you met this person, in person ?

Tread carefully. Don't let this person make you feel responsible if you really aren't. Good luck.

I am leery because my niece broke up her marriage because of the internet and I don't want you to get in over your head.






On edit: I see you did specify the person was a he. Sorry for being obtuse.

[AlienGirl]

8. Not yet

However, I had never met any of my roomies in person before moving in with them, either. And that's turned out quite well, IMO.

I have a good record for being able to tell what someone is like from their writing--it's one of the odd talents I have.

Tucker

[KC21304]

9. But I take it this guy is probably interested in a different kind of

relationship than you have with your roomies, and they are not making you feel responsible for them in anyway, are they ?

I'm sorry, I'm not up to speed with your situation out there, but I do remember you moved from Wisconsin, my home, and went out west.

And please do not believe off the bat this guy is naive, just because he says he is. Good luck.

[AlienGirl]

10. Well, they took responsibility for me...

I left Racine and moved to Seattle with a thousand dollars, and my roomies were nice enough to let me slide a month in rent because I couldn't get a job at first. (Yes, I did pay them back.)

I'd like to pass the favor on, if I can.

And I know Xen from several fora and have talked to him on the phone; he strikes me as bright, but naieve and over-idealistic.

Tucker

[KC21304]

11. I sounded a warning to you, only because

you said you were depressed, and wished this person would have waited until summer to come. I don't want to see anyone be pressured into something they don't want. I hope everything works out and you are able to help him like you were helped. That is a nice way to look at it. I don't know about the other burdens someone mentioned, but I hope they are lifted soon. Take care.

[regnaD kciN]

13. Uh, Kerryfan...

...don't you realize she's talking about "everythingsxen," who's a regular here at DU?

[AlienGirl]

14. Yeah, he's a reg here...

And on a couple of mailing lists and other fora I visit. One of the mailing lists used to belong to my roomie Ulex, and my other roomies Effie and Jag are still members over there. (It's a small list; many of the members know each other offline as well, and any disruptive or not-quite-right behavior gets noticed *immediately*.)

Tucker

[KC21304]

16. No I didn't. I don't spend much time in the lounge, but

I don't really care who he is. It sounds like he is pressuring Alien Girl. Her words. She is stressed, depressed, cannot even take care of herself, and wishes he would wait until summer.

Maybe her roomates know the situation the best, and think it is not such a hot idea either at this time.

All I said was be careful. I got the impression she was looking for some guidance. Sorry if I stepped on someones toes, but nothing I have read here changes my mind. So for the 4th and final time, good luck.

[regnaD kciN]

17. If you think he's "pressuring" her...

...you know virtually nothing about the situation (and certainly a lot less than any one of us who have been reading their interactions in message threads here for several months), and might want to become a bit more informed before jumping to conclusions and deciding that you know what's best for everyone.

:grr:

[Instant Karma]

19. He was only looking out for her.

I think that is a good thing. He only said she should exercise caution. We should all exercise caution. Caution needs to be exercised.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

21. That's right if you don't exercise your caution, you can't put your

family in food...

or whatever * says.

[KC21304]

20. Where did I say that I know what is best for everyone ?

I suggest you not only read my posts again, but read Aliengirl's original post. Did she not say she felt helpless ? Do you know what that means ? Are you familiar with the signs of depression ? Is it outrageous to suggest to someone who is saying she is " stressed, depressed and feeling hopeless " that they be careful ?

Of course if you think you have a better answer for her, have at it, but I don't see where you come off criticizing my offering of support and concern.

[AlienGirl]

18. No, there's no pressure

Only my self-induced pressure...Xen hasn't asked anything of me; I feel responsible of my own accord.

Tucker

[radwriter0555]

2. With all that you have on your plate, you take on yet another burden?

Ease up on yourself.

[Rainbowreflect]

3. My good thoughts & prayers are with both of you.

I hope everything works out great for you.
:grouphug:

[UrbScotty]

12. I'm hoping for the best, AG. (nt)

[jpgray]

15. Look on the bright side--if you have kids, you can beat 'em.

:D

[Dogmudgeon]

22. A few (idiotic) remarks

I don't mean to sound tough or harsh or anything, but I seriously think you're making this way too heavy.

everythingsxen is going to stand or fall on his own power. Your responsibility in this is nil. If everythingsxen tries to make you responsible, he's out of his mind. And from reading his posts here on DU, while he might be a bit naive, he's not purblind stupid.

You're in a state where you're weak, and badly hurt, and have been treated like a piñata over the past few years. Unless everythingsxen is a drama addict who likes to make other people responsible for him, all should work out fine, with only a few bumps in the road. And if your roomies have been giving you static, that's probably 90% of the bumps you'll ever have from it.

Of course, I could just be an idiot talking through parts of my body that were not designed for speech. My only qualification is that I've been in similar (though not identical) straits, and things never did go as bad as I worried they would.

Give yourself a break. I think things will work out -- and even if they don't, everythingsxen will just have to regroup and suck it up. Like any of us.

Good luck. I mean it, damn it! :)

--bkl

[binaryline]

23. I don't know the whole of the situation, but...

your housemates have forbidden everythingxen from staying at your place for a few days/ weeks until he gets things worked out? That, uh, sucks... every shared apt. I've lived in for the past few years (strangers and close friends) has had an unspoken friend/SO clause-- they can stay as long as they're not around long enough to alert the landlord or cause insane bills. If they do cause bills to go up, they pay the difference or share the cost...

But then... I don't know the situation, so I'm totes talkin' out my arse right now ;-). Hope everything works out for you guys...

[Rhiannon12866]

24. I agree with you

I think that everyone is entitled to a houseguest once in awhile, though I know that aliengirl has had her share of difficulties with her roommates, so she might not want to test it. This guy did make his own decision to relocate, so should be responsible for himself, but I do understand her feelings of responsibility towards him; I would feel the same. It's because we are all "bleeding-heart liberals" and want to nurture everyone. :-)

[binaryline]

25. Indeed we do :-)

I hope everything works out for the best with AG and everythingxen. As I said, the way I see the situation is colored by my own experiences with housemates and houseguests and SOs staying over. I have my own ideas about how things might work ideally, but then, it isn't the same everywhere.

Damn, I just wish I had friends out there to help out for a bit x(.

[Rhiannon12866]

26. Me, too, on both counts

I hope that we hear how this turns out.:shrug: