Southern gentlemen, ladies: is this something you've heard before?

[crim son]

I was at a club last night. The place was empty because of a storm warning, and a crowd of about twenty of us were watching a decent classic rock band perform its repertoire. A few couples were dancing. Eventually the band's vocalist called out to the crowd and invited a fellow up to play with them. A short, reasonably attractive man walked onstage. He played harmonica and did a fine job! Okay. When the song was finished he stepped off the stage and walked over to me. We talk for a minute and then he asks me to dance. Why not? I say. Too late I realize it's a slow song and I must submit. So: the fellow holds me closely and begins to speak in a charming southern accent. He says, "Do you ever come home and wish there was a man waiting for you; a man who worshiped you; a man who loved you? Do you ever want a man to look after you and treat you kindly? A man who will treat you like a queen?" While struggling to loosen his hold on me I nod yes, yes, who wouldn't? He continued like this for a while then paused and looked deeply into my eyes. "You know, I've got a crocodile up my ass," he said. "I've got a snake up my ass and...(unintelligible) I've got my Mama up my ass." !!! He must have noticed my look of astonishment because he said, "That's what we say in Mississippi when we want to tell you that something is really, really important." Yup, hokay, all well and good. I finished that dance and made a quick escape to the ladies' room where I took a moment to reflect on what a weird, creepy life I have right now.

Anyhow, my question is, is this in fact a common expression? To have something up your ass... does that mean something other than the fact that you have something up your ass? Or was our man smoking something really powerful? I'm curious because it was so surreal to have somebody try to impress by referring to their anal passage not once but three times. Your input, please?

[unsavedtrash]

1. I have always heard s/he has "a bug up her/his ass." Meaning they are being pissy about something or

can't sit still. Never anything like what he said. My SO lived in Mississippi as a child and said she never heard of that saying.

[crim son]

3. I've heard the "bug up your ass" expression too.

I have NEVER heard anybody claim to have their mama up their ass. Totally bizarre.

[Hardrada]

95. Bush, maybe.

[NewWaveChick1981]

99. I've heard and used that particular expression, but to me, it's always

meant someone who was pissy or agitated about whatever. It's not used as a comeon (except maybe for those who ENJOY bugs up their asses). :yoiks:

[undeterred]

2. freaky, but I'm from the north

[crim son]

5. I'm Canadian but have lived in Oregon, Massachusetts and Maine.

Oh, and Delaware for a year but no further south. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? :shrug: Besides run for your life.

[trof]

4. Do NOT walk. RUN!

No m'am, no way.
This guy is seriously weird.
Born and raised in Alabama.
Never heard of this line.

[crim son]

6. Believe me, we did not exchange any personal information!

I'm not a fool :7

[conscious evolution]

10. Agreed

Georgia boy here for most of my life and I have never heard that saying.
I have heard people say "he has a bug up his ass" but always used to describe a boss on a rampage.

Never have I heard used like he said it.
Weird is right.

[Kutjara]

7. "Creep" is the same in any language.

Sounds like someone in need of professional help. Or at least a pair of forceps to help get mama out of a pretty unpleasant situation.

[crim son]

8. ROFL!

Maybe that's why he danced funny. The only reason I thought he might be, you know, serious is because it was so unbelievably crass and yet he looked sincere. I always fall for that sincere shit, so it's a good thing he didn't tell me I was HAWT or I probably would have married him. :P

[Kutjara]

19. As Lawrence Olivier reputedly said to a young actor...

...who'd asked him for advice: "Sincerity is the most important quality for an actor. If you can fake that, you'll go far."

[crim son]

21. Excellent point.

I'm going to be single forever! And that's okay!

[Kutjara]

26. I shall now save this post...

...and send it back to you on your wedding day. ;)

[krispos42]

96. HAWT: having a wonderful time

I'm learning so much internet slang here in the Lounge. I feel weird because I use 'your' and 'you're' properly...

:-)

[GalleryGod]

108. Sorry. As an educator, I find they defilement of English around here

Well...:puke: :argh:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. Yikes! My dear crim son!

How scary! :scared:

Poor baby..........:hug:

[crim son]

13. I can't say I was scared so much as very surprised.

We left the place soon after and he did not follow us because he had already shifted his attentions to somebody else. The social scene in Bangor is very sad indeed. :hi:

[NC_Nurse]

11. Not that I've heard.

Sounds like a creep to me. :scared:

[crim son]

14. I think so!

There are too many creeps and creepettes in this town :(

[SPKrazy]

12. Sounds Like A Fuckin' Wierdo To Me

I've heard a bug up my ass

but he's been shoving too many things up his ass for my sensibilities

I'd suggest a good proctologist and let him bee.

Weirdo messin' with crim son! BOLO for one weirdo with animals up his ass!

:spank: him and send him back to the swamp

[crim son]

16. BOLO?

What's BOLO? Although I appreciate it (probably) :pals:

[SPKrazy]

18. Be On the Look Out

it's a police thing

you know, Be on the lookout for so and so...

be on the lookout for a weirdo with animals up his ass!

:pals:

[crim son]

22. I'll insist on an enema before every date :)

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

24. You Might Get More Dates

especially if you administered them

but the kind of guys you got might be even more interesting than this one!

:rofl:

[crim son]

39. Ewwww.

:rofl:

[GalleryGod]

109. Latex, Enemas, and Bondage..all in Maine?

Sounds great...Who knew?
The Great State of Maine's Single Scene:wtf: :hangover: :wow:

[crim son]

111. I am not going to claim that the Maine singles scene is anything

but totally fucked up. Before the whole divorce nightmare my husband and I used to thank god that we didn't have to find our beloved up here. Ha!!!! Life kicks you in the face sometimes.

[deucemagnet]

15. Where do you find these guys?

You're like flypaper for freaks, my dear. :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

17. Oh That's Cold

geez

:spank:

the world is full of creeps

[crim son]

23. I meet lots of nice people too but they don't either amuse or

shock me enough to post about them. I don't think deucemagnet meant anything bad by his remark.

[SPKrazy]

25. ...

yeah, well, if you say so

it sounded snarky to me

but I just think there are lots of goobers out there in the world
and you are a nice person and attract them to you

look at me for instance

:rofl:

[deucemagnet]

41. I didn't mean anything bad.

Sorry if it sounded bad. A friend of mine always referred to herself as "flypaper for freaks".

[crim son]

44. I know it.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

51. Just Call Me

an idiot

I over reacted

sorry

:pals:

[deucemagnet]

79. Not a problem!

:hi:

[SPKrazy]

82. Cool!

:yourock:

[crim son]

20. Absolutely.

I can only think that it's because I'm friendly, because I meet these oddballs everywhere from the grocery store to my kids' school. One of my sisters similarly attracts freaks and she'll be visiting some time in February. I should probably bring a notebook and record the night's events.

[XemaSab]

27. Add "hair up his/her ass" to your list of expressions

but not that.

Sounds like a FREAK! :o

[crim son]

31. Oh yes, I'd forgotten "He got a wild hair up his ass"!

Maybe I was just witness to an incidence of the evolution of the American laungage :rofl:

[pitohui]

28. lived in the south all my life

never heard that one

does he really succeed in getting laid w. that line? he sounds like a crazy, to be honest

[crim son]

33. It's hard to say whether or not he's had success with the ladies.

The answer is either yes, which would account for his confidence; or no, which is explained by his behavior. I didn't stick around so I don't know if he got lucky!

[reyd reid reed]

29. Granted, when I lived in Alabama,

I was a little on the young side for slow dancing in a club but....

I never heard anything remotely like that. Ever.

Bless his li'l pea-pickin' heart, but...run -- don't walk, run -- as fast and as far as you can...

[crim son]

34. Did that, RRR.

How is your granddaughter?

[Maestro]

30. Southerner here and I have never heard that

one. Wow! He sounded sort of desperate to me. And any expression I've heard related to having something up your ass has always been negative to me.

[crim son]

36. Enough southerners have responded so I believe he was full

of baloney. I'd say he was incredibly drunk but his performance on stage was great. :shrug: It's strange, that's what it is.

[RoyGBiv]

32. No, never, not ever...

And I say this after IM-ing a friend who is in Mississippi at the moment and responded with, :wtf:

So, no.

The bug up the ass thing, as mentioned, yes, but that's not a positive euphemism.

[crim son]

38. Which makes me now wonder...

was his mama up his ass? :scared: Hey, thanks for IMing your friend!

[RoyGBiv]

40. Very scary to contemplate ...

An addendum: I do recall having heard something like, "You got your momma up your ass, boy?" but, again, not as something positive, more of a slight variation of the "bug up the ass" thing centered on someone being either a coward in the eyes of the accuser or "unmanly," whatever that may mean.

The apparent reptile fetish this individual has makes me think this twit has habits of which the ASPCA wouldn't approve.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

72. Bug up their ass is a common phrase...

Native Texan here, maternal grandparents fled Mississippi many decades ago (right after WW I ).

Also, I've heard "Got his tail over the dashboard".

[LeftyMom]

35. I suspect your suitor was on a day pass from the local booby hatch, or would have been in saner days

Poor guy.

[crim son]

37. It crossed my mind.

Acadia (our local institution) is just down the road!

[Schema Thing]

42. You sure you weren't on some new version of candid camera?

cuz that would be hilarious to watch!

nope, never heard the expression. He sounds like a drunk southern man with a truly odd sense of humor.... or a total whackjob perv, not sure which.

[crim son]

45. If I was on Candid Camera

I hope they took the camera off me when I went back to my friends and re-enacted the encounter with one of them :blush:

[struggle4progress]

43. The polite retort amongst the genteel folk with whom I regularly associate, ma'am, would be

to tell him that if he turned his head a bit he could probably see whether it was a snake or a crocodile ...

[crim son]

46. I hope I do not have an occasion to use it, but I will remember

your polite retort :D

[mykpart]

47. I've never head it, but

southerners from Mississippi have expressions that other southerners don't use. And an Alabama southerner is as different from a Virginia or Georgia southerner as possible. Louisiana is different from Tennessee. Even the accents are different, but I don't think most northerners can tell the difference.

[Maddy McCall]

48. I'm a Mississippian.

Native Texan, but have been in Mississippi a long time and my father is a Mississippian.

I've NEVER EVER heard such a thing.

If someone's got a bug up their ass, then they're in a pissy mood. But I've NEVER heard any "up the ass" expressions for urgency to share something.

We don't have crocs in Mississippi anyway. Alligators, yes, but no crocs.

I think the guy was just a weirdo who was trying to blame his weirdness on his region of origin.

What a doofus.

[crim son]

52. That's the best explanation I've heard.

If I hadn't asked DU, I'd think there was something badly gone wrong with the Mississippi colloquial pickup lines :7

[The Traveler]

49. Nope.

I would suggest he might be the sort that does not handle his liquor well.

[crim son]

54. I thought that because he played well he mustn't have been very drunk.

I was probably wrong. :hi:

[The Traveler]

62. Hi Crim

Missed ya last night. :hi:

BTW, I have told by sober people that I play better (guitar) when I a bit buzzed. So that is not a sure indication that he was not intoxicated in some fashion. Of course, a simpler explanation is possible. He may be just an asshole. :)

[Starbucks Anarchist]

50. Lived in Texas for 12 years and never heard that expression.

:shrug:

[crim son]

55. And I thought maybe you were its origin!

:P

[Haole Girl]

63. LOL!

:rofl:





I really needed that laugh!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

65. Hey there!

:hi:

[Haole Girl]

68. Hey

:hi:

[crim son]

71. You're here!

Yay! :hug:

[Haole Girl]

77. You're so sweet

I might even post a pic in a minute...
your thread reminded me why I can't stay away
from this place...
it just always makes me laugh. :hug:

[crim son]

81. We agree on that, KC2.

And I'd love to see a pic :hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

64. Well, I am the ass man.

:hide: :P

[crim son]

67. Assman... assman...

Where is that from? Besides your tender heart, I mean.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

69. Seinfeld.

:D

[crim son]

70. That's right!

Assmen are wise men. :D

[Whoa_Nelly]

53. OMFG!

The guy has probablyused these lines on other unsuspecting females, but this is NOT Southern Gentlemanly behavior! You met a strange one last night! O My! :wow:

Sure have to wade through the weird ones to find a decent date now and then, eh, crim son?

:hi: :loveya: :pals:

on edit:
My Red Flag Radar would have been high alert over this happening. Would have given me the willies, and would have been tempted to ask him if that alligator up his ass also gave him cooties! :rofl:

[crim son]

56. If I hadn't been with a number of friends including two males

I might have been alarmed. The truth is that I meet people like this all the time... deucemagnet said I was "freak flypaper". I am. :(

[Whoa_Nelly]

60. It's not you, babycakes

There are a lot of losers out there...have run into my share and more of them, too :hug:

[BikeWriter]

57. So... did you sneak out the door or take him home?

[crim son]

Even if I were in "take 'em home" mode these days

I would have left this treasure behind for somebody else to discover. :rofl:

[BikeWriter]

61. Hee hee hee! That was probably wise. ;-)

[krispos42]

97. Hopefully for his 'somebody else' the gator was facing upstream

If you know what I mean. :evilgrin:

[crim son]

104. I DO know what you mean!

:rofl:

[Xipe Totec]

58. Gentleman?

You must be using a definition of that word I had not previously encountered....

:rofl:

[crim son]

59. "Gentlemen" used to duel to the death over a lady's hand.

The meaning of the word is very... fluid.

[Xipe Totec]

66. Now that's more like it!

What you described may be a Southerner, but that was definitely no gentleman.

When you say you were "struggling to loosen his hold on me", I got to tell you, that does not conjure up an image of gentleness.

Yes, "Gentlemen" used to duel to the death over a lady's hand. The did not however wrestle with their dance partners.

[idgiehkt]

73. sounds like an anal fixation to me.

to be honest (and possibly offensive to some) this sound much more like something I'd expect to hear on the subway in New York than from a native southerner. Them's just the facts, y'all.

[crim son]

76. He'd only been in Maine for a couple of months but perhaps he'd

picked up a nasty habit! :rofl:

[Gold Metal Flake]

74. Not no but HELL no.

"Bug up his ass", as was mentioned before, refers to someone who is irritated.

"Who put the firecracker up your ass" is used to shame someone who talks out of turn or says something stupid. Usually aimed at teenagers by non-family adults.

Whatever the hell was going on in your would-be suiter's head is not anything approaching normal. He is every bit a sick as you might imagine. In any state. In any country. That's just plain wrong.

[crim son]

78. I don't doubt you.

:crazy:

[leftofthedial]

75. If I had to guess,

I'd wager the dude had something else up his ass

probably his head

[crim son]

83. Lol. Then there was a facsimile on his shoulders!

It's just too weird.

[leftofthedial]

88. wouldn't you like to have a gentle, caring, strong man to come home to?

one with an iguana up his ass?

LOL

[Generic Brad]

80. He sounded provocative until he got to the reptiles up the ass part

I am not surprised you found that a turn off.

[crim son]

84. I don't know. I've never laid eyes on him before so even his

early flirtation was unnaturally intense, but I didn't turn to run until I heard about his poor mama.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

85. Not from the South and not even from the US but

If those are his pickup lines, I wonder how much success he has with them. If someone ever tried those lines on me, I'd be seriously creeped out and would get away as fast as I possibly could -which is what you obviously did :hug:

That is just weird

[Lisa0825]

86. Google says:

Your search - "crocodile up my ass" - did not match any documents.

:shrug:

[Lethe]

87. never heard that before.....wow that is pretty bizarre

but then again, some people actually eat squirel brains in the South too

[Strawman]

89. I'm pretty sure that when Haley Barbour calls the MS legislature into special session

He has to formally declare that something is "up his ass" to the President Pro Tempore of the Mississippi State Senate. Sometimes it is a croc, other times it might be a snake. On rare occasions, a honey badger.

[SPKrazy]

91. Yeah, But That's Haley Barbour

he's got that kind of stuff up his ass all the time

is he typical? No, not of southerners. Maybe of southern repukes

[Strawman]

92. Yeah but I suspect that this harmonica player might have something in common

with the governor of Mississippi. It is a new policy that Governor Barbour instituted.

[SPKrazy]

93. ...

:spray: :rofl:

[crim son]

112. hehehe.

A honey badger.

[Ghost in the Machine]

90. Born and raised in the South here... and I've never heard of this saying

Ma'am, my ancestors would come up out of the grave and get me if I didn't hold a door open for a lady, open her car door or pull her seat out when she's ready to sit.... or call her "ma'am" at least once, no matter her age.

This putz tarnishes the image of Southerners as much as the friggin' Clampetts did. Weeeeeeee Doggie, indeeed.


PEACE!

Ghost

[crim son]

106. It might have, had I not heard from fine southerners like yourself.

I know he was not a fair representative.

[mentalsolstice]

94. mmmkay, no, not a common expession!

I'm from FL, husband is a Cajun from Louisiana, we met up in Alabama...somewhere THAT expression really got lost 'tween us! If not, it would have been a deal breaker! Florida, Alabama, Louisiana...must've skipped to be a Mississippi "thang"!

And I'm feelin particularly souther' tonight... we saw "Hurricane on the Bayou" today at our local IMAX... I'm wantin' to fiddle and throw down on so' crawfish...

No kidding...run, run fast!

[NewWaveChick1981]

98. That's not exactly charming, nor is it any sort of Southern tradition I've ever heard of.

Maybe in Deliverance or something....but I've lived in the South all my life, and that's just plain bizarre. :yoiks: I'd run screaming away from that...

[carly denise pt deux]

100. raised in the south, my ggrandma was an old southern belle

I have never heard of that kind of expression, nor would any southern gentleman worth his well-received reputation say that sort of thing in public and NEVER in the presence of a lady. He sounded like a bubba.
Carly

[JVS]

101. Ah, the old alligator, snake, mama routine

It's used to drive off the squares.

[crim son]

105. Arschloch!

:P

[wildhorses]

102. i am not familiar with that phrase being used in that context--

but, the south and the deep south are 2 very different places:shrug:

[jus_the_facts]

103. Life long Louisianian....."blowin' sunshine up my/yer ass..."

...is a colloquialism that means...tryin' to make everything all right when it's obviously not...but I've NEVER in all my 30+ years heard what he said....eeewwww!!!! :hi:

[GalleryGod]

107. Wow! You folks in Maine have such great stories!

Keep 'em coming.....:smoke:

[Dude_CalmDown]

110. I'm not southern and only some would call me a gentleman but...

...that's pretty fucking creepy right there.