Could I ask the Lounge for some advice?

[Haole Girl]

If you found your ex, on myspace, but you were married to a wonderful man, would you contact the ex...out of curiosity...and to see what's been going on in their life?

Part of me says "HELL NO, do. NOT. even. think. about, it!!!

But, another part of me (the curious like a cat part) just wants to see how he's been....

I think I just answered my own question.

But, I'm curious...what do you think?

:shrug:

[SPKrazy]

1. Asking The Lounge?

Beware of the answer you get.

I've not found any ex'es on myspace, but I haven't looked. Maybe I should.

I recently found an ex online and contacted her and she is happily married and we've exchanged e-mail back and forth. Admittedly not my original intention, curiosity, and ??

I think it's up to you and your intentions.

[Haole Girl]

3. I'm going to think about this one..some more...

...before I do anything.

And, possibly...if I can think of a tactful way to do it...tell my husband about it first.
Uh...maybe the whole thing is stupid. When I put myself in his shoes, so-to-speak, I would be very hurt.
Yeah, the whole thing was stupid.

[SPKrazy]

7. If You Have To Think About It

you have doubts

and what are you trying to find out?

:shrug:

[Haole Girl]

10. Good question...

..I guess if he is well...how many children he has...if he followed his dreams from college...that sort of thing. But, we have enough history to make it very dangerous.

Think, maybe, I should just take up skydiving?

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

14. You Might Start With

trampolines

rapelling

Human slingshot at the fair

skydiving

in that order

I'd skydive with you if you did it!

I'd like to do it someday!

[Haole Girl]

17. I really do want to skydive...

...I've actually convinced my husband to go with me!!

Now, I have to keep my nerve up...

I think it would be exhilarating!!

Let's make a promise- to each other- to DO IT!! Okay? :hi:

[SPKrazy]

35. Okay

:scared:




:thumbsup:



:hi:

[Haole Girl]

41. Something tells me....

... I'll do it before you will!!

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

44. One Never Knows...

I did one of those human slingshots at the fair last summer.

I waited until someone came along to do it with me because everyone I was with was too chicken to do it.

Quite the rush at midnight to do, or anytime really.

I imagine it is nothing compared to the rush of jumping from a perfectly good airplane.

My deal is I've known 2 people who have crashed jumping because their chutes didn't open. One was in the military and he's had to have artificial knees and a lot of pain.

The other did it jumping from a plane locally. He barely survived and spent a long time in rehab.

I want to know who packed my chute, and well, are they mad at me?

:shrug:

Other than that, I'm interested in trying it.

[Seabiscuit]

2. Just remember what curiosity did to that cat. n/t

[Haole Girl]

5. I know

Thanks

[NC_Nurse]

4. No.

Not a good idea.

[Haole Girl]

8. Yeah

I'm kind of getting that feeling.
Even seeing it, in print, makes me feel...uh...icky.

Thanks.

[AlCzervik]

6. no.

[Haole Girl]

11. Thanks

:hi:

[BarenakedLady]

9. I would

But then again, I'm in a different situation.

How do you find people on myspace anyway...unless they are using their real name...does anyone do that? :shrug:

[Haole Girl]

13. I just clicked on "search" and put in the full name...

..it came up with enough info on the profile I can tell it's my ex. I actually found it back in July....but, I've only been tempted to do something about it recently.

[skygazer]

12. I'd only do it in one way

I'd tell the wonderful guy I was married to, "Hey, look at this! I found so-and-so, my ex, on MySpace! I was thinking of contacting him just to see how he was doing. What do you think?"

I get along well with my ex husband and he and my present SO are friends. I'm friends with his ex-wife as well. But the key is for everyone to know about any contact so there are no misunderstandings - or temptations.

[Haole Girl]

15. That sounds good

I wonder if that would work...for me.

I'm going to think about this some more.

Thank you so much for your advice! :hug:

[hfojvt]

58. good point. I would do it in a heartbeat

I still care about all my exes. Of course, I have nobody now, so that's hard to tell.

[Maine-ah]

16. my hubbie's ex from high school

contacted me 2 x's. once on classmates and the other on myspace, just a couple of weeks ago. She was one psycho bitch from hell, and it creeped me out...:scared: now, hubbie has page on myspace as well, but she didn't try to contact him. She and I wanted to basically rip each other's hair out back then....her comments were basically "you look really good" "your baby is so cute" ect....:scared:

Don't do it.

[Haole Girl]

19. Well...I already know he is single...

..so, I wouldn't creep anybody out.

But, thanks for the advice!! :hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. If you're sure you won't fall back in love with the person, go for it!

There's no reason that exes can't be friends.

[Haole Girl]

21. I know I wouldn't do that...

...still, it seems kind of weird.

Damn...I should have made this a poll! Now, I'm finding myself going back and forth, on the issue, again!

Thanks! :hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. Although you didn't define what you mean by "ex", I'll say this:

I am still in contact with many of my "ex"es - but I was never married to any of them - and sometimes go hang out with them.

My partner is also still in contact with many of her "ex"es, and quite often goes out to dinner or bars with them (one of which is now a woman...), including her one former husband (though not 'friendly' with him, she does still, professionally, need to be around him, and they get along fine).

She is never threatened by my contact with exes, I've never felt threatened by her contact with her exes.

In my opinion, people who are threatened are immature shitbags.

[Haole Girl]

25. We were not married

He wanted to get married...but I was not ready-- we were too young.
It's a decision I've never regretted.
We dated a lot of years...a lot.
Mostly, we were young and crazy. ;-)

[mentalsolstice]

20. Would you want your current spouse to know?

That's one way of discerning your intentions. My biggest fantasy, at least one I can write about here and doesn't involve a lottery, is running into an ex, who treated me pretty shitty...but in my fantasy, my husband would be with me. I'd want the ex to see that I moved on, and survived pretty well without him, and that leaving him was probably the best thing I ever did! In my case it wouldn't be to start anything up, but to put some closure on things.

[Haole Girl]

22. The closure my ex and I had could go into a ...

...romance novel..or screenplay. That...believe it or not...is one of the reasons I've never contacted him. We said good bye with such grace and finality...on Valentine's day. And, I knew in my heart it would be the very last time I'd see him...and it was. We haven't spoken a word to each other since. Everything was said that night that could be said. I sort of like good-byes like that....memorable, that is. Does that make sense?

[mentalsolstice]

27. That's as good as it gets!

My previous relationship was anything but graceful. Like I said he treated me crappy. I broke up with him several times, but a few weeks or months later he would come slithering back, and there we'd go again. He told me several times I'd never amount to much...he was very emotionally abusive. So I'd love to show him that I turned out very well, if I do say so myself!

[Haole Girl]

28. It's odd you used that expression "slithering back"...

...because I usually do that, too. For some reason...possibly because he was engaged to be married...I just left him alone. I heard, through his family, that he got divorced the week his first baby was born. All I could remember thinking was how glad I was to be out of that situation...instead of single with a newborn!

[mentalsolstice]

29. Yep, he was a slitherer alright!

I know enough about him to know he's done well in his career, but he's been married and divorced at least twice since I last saw him...and he'd already been divorced once before I met him. So it looks, like I got the best end of things, as you did as well! Funny, how life turns out.

[Haole Girl]

30. It is funny, how life turns out, sometimes

Nobody would have ever predicted he'd be the one with a problematic life...since I was the emotional one.

And, here I am...sure, I've got my problems, but all-in-all I have a very nice life! I'm glad you do, too. :hug:

[mentalsolstice]

34. Back atcha! eom

[LibraLiz1973]

24. I'd friend request him

just to touch base and say hi- as long as it wasn't some crazy abusive relationship.
Also, I would tell my husband I was friend requesting my ex out of curiousity- if he was
really against it I obviously wouldn't do it.

[Haole Girl]

26. Hey, that sounds so logical...I think it could work!

Thanks! :hi:

p.s., There wasn't any abuse involved.

[Pushed To The Left]

31. How does your husband feel about it?

He would probably be the best person to ask.

[Haole Girl]

32. I'll know, if I ever find what seems like a right time...

..and ask him. I'm still weighing in on the risk of that.

[wildhorses]

33. curiosity killed the cat but,

satisfaction brought it back (nine times:P)






























have you been keeping count? ya only have nine!

[Haole Girl]

36. Ha-ha!!

I lost count somewhere in the thousands!

:rofl:

[wildhorses]

38. like living dangerously, huh?

then let us know how the ex is doing:rofl:

[Haole Girl]

39. Always

Danger is my middle name. ;-)

But, even I know when the fire can be too hot...and I'm thinking this one just might be.

[Blue-Jay]

37. I don't see why not.

I mean, if it's just harmless curiosity and genuine concern about his well being, then sure, send him a note.

[Haole Girl]

40. I just asked my husband...

..I started with, "Do you realize how many people you can find on myspace...?"

He said, "It's up to you." I don't think I'm going to do it. I detected disappointment in his voice. Now, I feel terrible. Well, I guess it's one of those times to "let sleeping dogs lie," as they say.

[Totallybushed]

42. 'Course I know nothing

of the circumstances of your parting. But he is an "ex" for a reason, isn't he? I don't know, but I have never spoken one word to any of my "exes" since we broke up. I have no curiosity about them, at all. Of course, I wasn't married to any of them, either. Maybe that would make a difference.

I don't know, I think "moving on" means moving on. The past is past, why dig it up?


Best wishes, whatever you decide.

[Haole Girl]

43. You have some very wise words there...

..and I thank you for them. :hug:

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

45. Curious? I don't believe it ...

Your big brain is trying to make you believe you're curious and interested.

Your little brain saw him on myspace and wants to get laid. The little brain gets horny quickly and will lead you into complicated situations.

That's my two-brain theory on matters like this.

Listen to the brain you want to. Common sense says "don't do it". On the other hand, "ex-sex" can be great. Edit to add: "or so I've heard" :)

(the seed is planted ... feel the itch?)

:rofl:

[Haole Girl]

46. Your post was funny...

...consider yourself lucky that I am in a silly mood today!

:rofl:

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

49. Yeah, funny ... sort of ...

But exes can still invoke a "moth to fire" impulse. Even though "an ex is an ex for a reason", there's sometimes still some fire.

A couple of innocent emails, a face-to-face, a touch ... and it's "off to the races".

It can be exceptional and complicated. Only you can decide how risky it is and whether it's worth the hassle.


...


Plus, it seemed like you had already received a bunch of great advice. So it was time for someone to be a "douchebag". It's been that sort of weekend.

:rofl:

[krispos42]

53. That is very true

My ex and I separated in August 2005. Last time we bumped uglies was September 2006. A decade of complete intimacy was very hard to let go.

[Scarlett17]

47. No Uh Uh

Let sleeping dogs lie.

[Haole Girl]

48. Thanks. And, thank you...EVERYONE...for the great advice...

..have to run now! :hi:

[LostInAnomie]

50. My Ex did just that.

Lets just say our conversations were "brief".

[leftofthedial]

51. I think you should immediately have sex with the ex

just to see if things have changed

[krispos42]

52. I would bring it up with your SO first

This way you aren't going behind his/her back. Maybe come up with a special reason, like "his/her mom had a disability, and I wonder how she's doing" kind of reason. Or "his/her brother is in the Army, I hope he's okay. He helped fix my car once." kind of reason.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

54. I'd be inclined to say sure. I mean, if it was a clean break, and you love who your with,

then why not see how they are? While I am young and haven't been in many serious relationships, it's still important to me to be friends and keep up with the people I have gone out with. I used to share a bond with them, but don't anymore, but you can still be friends can't you? Companionship, romantic and otherwise, is a very important thing.

[philosophie_en_rose]

55. Nope. Just spy on his MySpace to see what how he is.

Why contact him?

[Ariana Celeste]

56. I'm in contact with one of my ex's as we speak

he found me online and we've been talking and its been great! its like talking to one of my best friends... and i think of him that way too... we will always feel very close to each other whether in contact or not.

hes even going through a horrible mess right now with delayed and canceled flights just to come hang out with me for a bit.

so i would say, if you feel that it would be nice to talk to your ex, go for it! just make sure your SO is cool with it. :)

[Sleepless In NY]

57. Do you have to worry about myspace trackers?

I've heard about them, don't know if they work, some say they do, other's say they don't, one service, if you pay for it, says it can not only give you the ISP number, location, but the email addy of the person looking at your profile. If that's true, and you don't want an ex to know, it could be embarrassing.

[Ariana Celeste]

59. as far as i know they dont work

[judaspriestess]

60. Sure why not

What is the big deal about contacting a person from the past? Whether it be a friend, ex or whatever....

I swear people need to lighten up about this stuff. Life is way to short. My ex and I are still good friends. He comes over to our house all the time to use my computer. At first my SO thought it was weird but he sees that Scott and I are only friends, now we all have beers together. It didn't work out for me and Scott but that does not mean we could not remain friends. I've known him for 14 years.

I say its ok.

[China_cat]

61. I didn't look him up on myspace

but I did make contact with my favorite ex-husband after finding him on switchboard.com. I'm really glad I did because he died a little less than a year later.