Man, this is going to be tasty!

[Hogarth]

I'm not really much of a cook, but last night I really pleased myself with an impromptu concoction.

First I beat the hell out of a sirloin steak with a carpenter's hammer until it was flat and had no fight left in it. Then I used a mortar and pestle to make salted garlic butter, which was spread over the meat. I folded in the sides just a mite, then rollled the whole business up into a log.

I wrapped the log with bacon slices, rolled it up in foil, and threw it in the oven for a couple hours.

Now I'm trying to recreate it, but I'm looking for suggestions as to how I can improve upon it.

Damn! I forgott to incorporate worchestershire sauce into the garlic butter.

Next time.

[Mass_Liberal]

1. put Gravy on it

mmmmm.... Gravy. Or tabasco....mmmmmmmmmmm. But not both.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

2. Bookmarking this for future reference. Yum! (nt)

[OldSoldier]

3. Not much you can do to that one

It sounds like you've got a good recipe.

But buy a real tenderizing hammer. Carpenter's hammers can't be cleaned well enough to use in cooking, and who knows what you've been hitting with that.

[Hogarth]

11. I've only used it for driving nails coated ...

... with toxic substances, but I did scrub the business end thoroughly before using it to prepare food.

Damn! I was just at the store to buy squash, mushrooms, and asparagus. Why didn't I think to get a tenderizing hammer?

[Rabbit of Caerbannog]

4. steak, butter and bacon...

don't forget the Lipitor or Zocor

[AngryAmish]

23. mmmmm...bacon...

[GOPisEvil]

5. Hmmm...cardiac arrest on a plate!

Sounds delicious. Put my cardiologist on speed dial. :D

[Bertha Venation]

7. who said anything about a plate?

Just wrap it up in a piece of foil & eat it like a burrito.

(You know you've gained weight when your ass is wider than the shopping cart is long....)

[JVS]

6. Sounds like the good morning burger from simpsons

First we start with a Porterhouse steak and rich creamery butter....

[trof]

8. Tuck 3 or 4 peeled, deveined shrimp inside.

Surf 'N Turf!

[camero]

9. Use a jackhammer on the steak

it works better. :)

[TreasonousBastard]

10. Roll up some cheese inside it...

with very thinly sliced tomatoes.

Or haggis, or anything else you might fancy.

[grasswire]

12. fresh rosemary

...that would be good.

[Hogarth]

16. I was actually eyeing-up the Rosemary at the store ...

... trying to decide between that and thyme, but some 400-pound gorilla was breathing down my neck, so I put it on hold, found the Windex I need, and then promptly forgot about spices.

Next time, I guess.

[Hogarth]

14. Cheese, eh?

I should have picked some up when I was at the store. All I have is Swiss. Tonight's rendition will be wrapped in proscuito ham and bacon.

Give me a break ... I'm trying to *gain* weight.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

15. Trying to gain weight

If I believed in reincarnation, I'd guess you were Gandhi in your previous one.

[Hogarth]

17. We do our share ...

... of peaceful protests here--Mari and I--but I'm no Gandhi. Sometimes the appetite just wans, and a guy has to get creative with the menu--high-fat, plenty of vitamins, and enough beer to help me forget that my son is headed for Iraq. I wish he'd call. I have no way of contacting him, either by phone or mail.

[TreasonousBastard]

20. By now...

you've already consumed whatever you made.

But, I hope you used the Swiss. Swiss is excellent cooking cheese. Even the phony supermarket Swiss works OK, and goes well with prosciutto, but some people have a problem with the smell. (People move upwind from me when I order a Reuben at the diner, and some waitresses refuse even to serve it.)

A genuine buttery, nutty, Emmenthaler is heaven to cook with, and is a bit less aromatic.

[Hogarth]

21. I have aged Swiss...

...but does it melt well inside a roasted steak? If it does, I'd welcome the enhanced flavor. I'm going for it again today, but with a tenderloin this time.

[TreasonousBastard]

22. It's all aged...

or it wouldn't be Swiss. How long it's been aged is the question.

Deli slices usually melt OK, but shredding it helps it melt even more evenly.

[SmileyBoy]

13. You have a coupon for a free angioplasty, right???

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Hogarth]

18. My ticker is well ...

... but my liver might drop out of my ass one of these days without warning. I watch *way* too much news, and it gets me down.

Time to call the eye doctor ... I can just barely read my screen. Rather than spend a ton of money for "progressive" lenses, I think I'll get the old-fashioned ones with the line that separates farsight from nearsight. I'm a codger ... who cares?

God, I can't even read the Yellow Pages to make an appointment. Where's my looking glass?

[Brewman_Jax]

19. That's almost Beef Wellington

See cooks.com or any other recipe website for the exact recipe.

[Ramsey]

24. Horseradish

You can mix fresh horseradish into your butter mixture before coating the meat. Yummy!

[Pobeka]

25. Don't ask me why, but I'm thinking sage leaves

could be interesting...

[Hogarth]

26. Odd you should say that ...

... because tonight's version incorporates sage and red wine, and I didn't forget the worchestershire sauce this time.

[Pobeka]

27. Yessireee, Pobeka's psychic hotline is now officially open for business!

May as well start out on a direct hit!