I Had A Good Belly-Laugh At Safeway This Afternoon...

[arwalden]

but it had nothing to do with Safeway itself, OTHER than the fact that Safeway was playing their customized "Muzak" of lite-hits from the 80's-90's-and-today.

When what to my wondering ears should be heard... a REMAKE of the duet love song "Endless Love". The original was Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie, but I haven't a CLUE who sang this version. (In fact... I was completely UNAWARE that it had been covered.)

But I digress...

What I found amusing enough to laugh out loud was the fact that BOTH singers were singing in that Kelly Clarkson-slash-American Idol manner of PURPOSELY singing every note OTHER THAN ACTUAL NOTE as the song was originally written.

It was as though they were in competition with each other. Kind of like dueling-banjos... only WORSE... this time, the competition wasn't to see who could be better, they were competing to see who could be the WORSE.

Well, I'm certain that's not literally the case... but I'm also just as certain that NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL THEM the subtle and finer points of trying to harmonize together.

In this duet disaster, both singers appear to be "free-styling" around the ACTUAL tune. Each singer doing their OWN UNIQUE version of the song (with NO regard to what the other is doing) and sadly... no HUMOROUSLY... they are equally oblivious to the truly cacophonous results.

It was an absolutely TRAIN WRECK. This in and of itself would have been annoying enough, but the fact that I was very familiar with how the original sounded, and my virtual side-by-side comparison of the two, made the newer version sound almost too painful to bear.

Laughter was my only defense at this crime against common aural decency. How this travesty managed to escape out of the recording studio is a mystery for the ages. Clearly, someone wasn't listening.

-- Allen

[RandomKoolzip]

1. I know. These current singers really really need to tone down the "pyro"

and the vocal gymnastics. It's very annoying...and It's just as shallow and soulless as hearing some Joe Satriani-type play a million miles an hour on his guitar.


Anothet train wreck was Destiny's Child's cover of "Emotion," by Smamntha Sang (one of Barry Gibb's greatest songs, IMHO), which was like hearing some cocky-for-no-reason high school kid show off, badly, for three minutes...I laughed every time I heard it, which I'm sure as not the intention of its creators....


These kids need to bone up on some REAL singers, like Marvin Gaye, Van Morrison, Desmond Dekker, et al, who knew when to turn down when it is necessary.

It's not just pop pap; Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes is also guilty of this offense.

[DS1]

7. You must be talking about Steve Vai

Yeah, it's difficult and fast, but it sounds like shit.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

13. perfectly stated

i dont think ive ever heard Vai explained so well so fast. Brilliant.

[mouse7]

20. Damn LOL :)

Nailed that one.

[supernova]

2. That song is a crime against humanity

no matter who does it. Laughter is the best response.

[NightTrain]

3. I think the remake is by Mariah Carey & Luther Vandross

It truly pains me to hear a great R&B singer debase himself (or herself) by teaming up with a popular hack. Aretha Franklin did it in the '80s with George Michael, too.

Incidentally, the original version of "Endless Love" would undoubtedly make my list of the ten worst songs of the '80s! :puke:

[CanuckAmok]

10. She's the "Queen of Everynote".

And countless Miriah wannabes have followed in her footsteps. I hate that style. What good is technical range without the intelligence, sensitivity, and subtlety needed to sing soul or blues?

[SlavesandBulldozers]

4. of course the other tendency

is for a new "alt-rock" band to cover a formerly cheesy song and make a real chunky disaster out of the chorus a la Limp Bizkit's thrashing of George Michaels, Alien Ant Farm's cover of Smooth Criminal etc. They still think that when they "go off" it blows everybody away - despite the fact that they have no immediate songwriting talent of their own.

Now i will never mention Limp Bizkit again on DU, swear.

[RandomKoolzip]

5. Limp Bizkit's cover of "Behind Blue Eyes" ought to be a punishable

offense. They destoyed it. They shat on it. They didn't even do the bridge, and added a ne verse of their own at the end. As a major Who fan, I thought I was going to vomit.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

11. yeah

i didn't even want to bring the whole "Behind Blue Eyes" cover up. I was afraid nobody else had heard it (or maybe I was hoping for the sake of humanity nobody else had). But alas, I have vowed not to talk about it anymore because these things are best forgotten, lest I will go on and on about that which isn't deserving of human attention.

[Beetwasher]

22. I Will Puncture My Eardrums Before I Listen To Those

douchebags cover that great song. Good god, I'm an atheist, but that's friggin' blasphemy if there ever was such a thing...

[Pobeka]

6. I **HATE** that kind of singing

Slip-slopping all around a note because they probably can't hold a single note in tune and with a quality that is pleasing, so we have to listen to this garbage.

There, glad I could say that. I don't know about you but I feel better.

[OneBlueSky]

8. there actually a term for that kind of singing . . .

using eight notes when one would do just fine . . . the NY Times had an article about it a few months back, but I can't for the life of me remember what they called it . . .

[NightTrain]

9. "Melisma," perhaps?

:shrug:

[BurtWorm]

15. That's exactly what the Times article called it.

(I read it too with horrified fascination.) They also called it American Idolization, or something like that.

There used to be a DUer who would defend this kind of singing within an inch of his life. Why, I don't know. (Believe me, it wasn't me.) His basic line was that anyone who couldn't get with this crap was being an old-fart Elvis-hater of the 2000s who just didn't understand what these kids are listening to these days. It was sort of a brave position. Quixotic, but brave. Nevertheless, he didn't manage to convince me.

[OneBlueSky]

16. yup, that's the one . . .

I'm often amazed at the vocal contortions that some of these "singers" go through to sing one note more than the other guy . . . some people like it, I guess, but I find it hard on the ears . . .

[GoddessOfGuinness]

36. Melisma was Plainsong's grandchild...

centuries ago.

History is simply re-repeating itself.

I wonder what the next Rennaissance will bring?

[NightTrain]

39. Melisma was a popular singing technique among the black gospel groups...

...of the 1930s, '40s and '50s. In fact, a number of church-trained R&B singers also used melisma generously when they made the transition from gospel to secular music. Examples are Clyde McPhatter, Sam Cooke, Jackie Wilson, and later Aretha Franklin and Al Green.

However, to make melisma sound good requires both talent and technique. And while a singer like Mariah Carey may possess the former, she sure as hell ain't got the latter!

[SlavesandBulldozers]

12. i've heard the

psuedo-scales that all the pop singers are trying to pull off now called "loopty loops" somewhere.

[Zomby Woof]

14. I was in Safeway today too!

Except our muzak was Carly Simon's "You're So Vain", the original. Kind of a funny choice to hear in the supermarket. Perhaps appropriate if I were buying hygiene products rather than soup. :-)

[Afraid of My Shadow]

17. Note to self. Stay out of Safeway today.

[arwalden]

18. Welcome To DU... Your FIRST POST, I See!

:hi:

[Afraid of My Shadow]

23. thank you

I used to sing a song to "Bewitched". The words were

bewitched!
bewitched!
bewitched! bewitched! bewitched!
bewitched!
bewitched!
bewitched! bewitched! bewitched!
etc.

[arwalden]

30. Bewitched Lyrics

Bewitched, bewitched, you've got me in your spell.
Bewitched, bewitched, you know your craft so well.

Before I knew what you were doing, I looked in your eyes.
That brand of woo that you've been brewin' Took me by surprise.

You witch, you witch! One thing that's for sure,
That stuff you pitch, Just hasn't got a cure.

My heart was under lock and key, But somehow it got unhitched.
I never thought my heart could be had.
But now I'm caught and I'm kind of glad
To be bewitched. Bewitched.

[Afraid of My Shadow]

31. lol who knew?

[kmla]

19. I made a mental note to myself once, too.

But my mental eraser took care of it before I could act on it.

BTW - welcome to DU!

:bounce:

[Afraid of My Shadow]

25. bah! funny.

thanks.

[Pobeka]

27. Welcome to DU

:hi:

[Afraid of My Shadow]

28. thanks Pobeka

I like your name.

[kaiden]

21. Musicians Who Cause Cancer:

Celine Dion, Michael Bolton, and Kenny G.

[liberalhistorian]

33. ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Michael Bolton, EEEWWWWWWWWW! I simply CANNOT stand to listen to him for even two seconds, I can almost feel my teeth grating! I was in a restaurant once and one of his songs came over the PA, I had to sit there and listen while my brain was getting ready to explode out of my head. I finally went to the bathroom about thirty seconds later, 'cause I just couldn't take it!

BTW, the funniest thing I ever heard was his so-called "opera" album, an album of opera arias, goddamn, I fall down laughing just thinking about it!

[kaiden]

37. Have you heard him sing "Chestnuts Roasting . . . ?"

There's this radio station that plays nothing but Xmas songs for a month and there that guy was, screeching a Mel Torme. Between him and Maria Carey mangling "O Holy Night," I had to put on a CD of Godsmack. Saved my last nerve.

[NightTrain]

40. You know, LH, I'm really beginning to like you!

:hi:

[ProfessorGAC]

24. A Muzak Version Of That Saccharine Crud?

How much more Musak-y could that song get? Ick!
The Professor

[mouse7]

26. Al Bundy: "What the HELL is Micheal Bolton screamin' about now?!?"

Al Bundy's Micheal Bolton jokes were the best jokes in the whole series. Kelly Clarkson HAS to be Micheal Bolton's love child.

[arwalden]

29. Please don't get me started on Michael Bolton...

he's not a "crooner" he's a HOLLERER... a raspy SCREAMER.

He doesn't sing, he shouts. Andy Williams, Perry Como, Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra... those are crooners.

-- Allen

[ronnykmarshall]

38. Michael Bolton

ewwwwwwwww!

[ronnykmarshall]

32. I can't stand that song.

But I have a GREAT Safeway muzak story.

This was around 1994, I was still living in SF. I had spent the evening at my local "men's club" and walked over to Safeway to pick up a few things. (What a great neighborhood, a sex club and a grocery story with walking distance of my apartment)

Anyway over the PA is Miss Tina Turner singing "What's Love Go To Do With It?"!! Not only was fitting to how I spent my evening, but as I walked down the store aisles, I arched up my feet and worked my invisible "high heels" singing my ass off!

As I turned the corner, I ran into one of my "dates" from earlier. With out missing a beat, I said "betcha didn't know I could sing good too".

Like the old saying goes "Butch in the sheets, nelly in the streets."

[MrBenchley]

34. On my first ever trip to Salt Lake City

I heard an all-strings version of Sympathy for the Devil......

[midnight armadillo]

35. Vocal training

There doesn't seem to be alot of voice training being done by the American Idol types.

The best singers seem to be those who are formally trained or who sing traditional church music, be it gospel or choir or whatever. The singers who learn by imitating Mariah Carey and Fred Durst are off on the wrong track from the get go. A friend of mine has a master's in choral conducting and has had formal voice training for like 15 years. His singing is so spectacular.

Unfortunately with singing, it's easy to discover one's physical talent for it is not necessarily matched with musical talent. Someone rarely bothers to study an instrument if they're not musical (Steve Vai excepted).

While we're on the subject, am I the only one whose skin crawls whenever Rod Stewart opens his mouth?

[sendero]

41. One time...

... I was shopping for groceries and heard a familiar tune on the Muzak speaker. It was "Tonight", a song written by Iggy Pop, and performed by him first. But later recorded by David Bowie on an album of the same name.

The thing is, Bowie left off the first verse, which explains that a guy is watching his girlfriend die of a drug overdose, and is presiding over her death and singing the remainder of the song to her.

I'm sure the folks that made the Muzak version had no idea what the song was really about, and I'm DAMNED sure the grocery chain had no clue what the song was about. And that probably goes for the other happy shoppers as well :)