I inherited a mixed animal from Uncle living in woods.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

Can animals have sex with different animals?
My Uncle Leonard was a hermit that lived alone
in the woods in the mountains for many years. He
had a little money that he left to my sister and
left me a bicycle and drums and this animal that is
part wild and looks and acts like several type
of animals. I would say part dog, part cat and
the way it climbs part monkey. There is some kind
of wolverine or that kind of animal too in my opinion.
I am afraid to take it to the pound if it is illegal
and they take it. Leonard was a scary man to me and
I just don't want to immediately let it go even
though he is dead I just have this funny feeling
I would be in for bad things if I got rid of it.
I don't know why he left me it except that one time
I listened to him tell me the story of his life.
My sister and I were his only relatives. He didn't
have a will but told a neighbor what he wanted
left to who. I don't want to keep it in the house. I am
afraid if I left it outside it would climb over
this big wall we have around the house and hurt
somebody or even eat something. It weighs about
25 or 30 pounds, has stiff fur that is different
colors and lengths, makes sounds kind of like a
digging badger and if you pulled a rope or something
through a cardboard box. It has claws more like a
rodent. The tail is short and furry, but it could
have been broken off or cut off, it doesn't look right.
It doesn't really play, but it looks at you and then
looks awy when you look at it. It likes to root around
in the garden but it is winter and there's not too much
damage it can do out there.

[Dookus]

1. prolly just a badgewolverinoslothomonkey

[Maddy McCall]

93. OMG can't catch my breath...

hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa OMFG.

Best laugh I had all night. All week. LOL!

[burythehatchet]

192. I just laughed up a lung

[Carni]

2. LOL!

This IS a joke right? You sure your Uncle didn't leave you W Bush? lol

[A-Schwarzenegger]

3. No.

This will be the first night it spent here.
I refuse to tie it up but I can't let it
stay in because it lived outside. It's not
housetrained. It eats anything that we've
given it, which is at least one good thing,
although then again maybe not. I'd like to
shave the fur off because it smells so bad
but it's winter. It smells like a combnation
of burned rubber and bad potatoes. I wouldn't
want to try to give it a bath. It has a small
kind of head, flatish, and not very sharp looking
teeth, brown, but lots of them, but strong looking
jaws and very big square sort of ears. Jesus, it
just jumped over the coffee table and caught a moth
about four feet in the air!

[DUreader]

5. Its a Lemur with its tail cut off

[DUreader]

7. lemur pics : Wide variety of looks

http://www.picsearch.com/search.cgi?q=lemur&start=17

http://www.picsearch.com/search.cgi?q=lemur&start=1

[A-Schwarzenegger]

9. No not lemur. It has big square floppy

ears like soft tortillas. Its legs are shorter
but kind of rubbery. The tail is not striped. It's
light black and has bristly short like horsehairs
that stick out when it's startled. Right now it's
asleep on the top of a bookshelf. I don't know how
it got up there. It's snoring and sounds like somebody
shaking a can of plums.

[DUreader]

11. Well there are some good lemur pics below anyway

[DuctapeFatwa]

13. It sounds wonderful! if you don't have a camera, call somebody

I want to see this nice thing.

[DuctapeFatwa]

14. Oh and what is its name?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

19. Oscar.

He wasn't here this morning when we
got up, then he came home for lunch. Does
the thing have a job somewhere? My amateur
vet friend says "looks like mixed breed,
tundra monkey, ontella (?), maybe some badger."
What the hell? That helps. I'm just not gonna
worry about it. I can see him in the neighbor's
walnut tree, throwing things. It runs like hell
at the very sight of the camera. We found a collar on
it hidden in the fur. No tag, but the name
"OSCAR" written in magic marker on a piece
of that white bandaid tape. I'm just not gonna
worry about it. I got too many things to worry
about already. I can't help if I inherited the
damn thing. I'll take care of it and feed it
and let it sleep here if iut feels like it
but it's on his own beyond that. Here now it
just jumped in the window and started eating a
banana peel that was sitting on the table. It
eats anything that's not nailed down, which is
at least one silver lining. Maybe there's some
way I can make a few bucks out of this damn mess.

[DuctapeFatwa]

24. oh please take it to more vets and get its DNA done

I thought about it all day. I ate some plums and laughed and laughed.

I hope it will let you take its picture. Does it like to be petted?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

28. It lets you pet him

but it makes this sound that sounds like
a combination of growling and purring and
a upset stomach so your never quite sure.
It's fur feels like the end of a old broom
and runs in different directions and different
lengths so your hand gets tangled in it. To be
honest I wear miner's gloves when petting it. It
watches your hand with its eyes wide and dilated
and its mouth open. But it seems to like it. Its
breath is like that water in a vase when the flowers
go bad. I don't think my uncle must of petted it much.
It brought home a old bucket it found and keeps nosing
it down the stairs and then gets it and brings it back up
and noses it down the stairs again. My neighbors are
watching it through their blinds.

[DuctapeFatwa]

30. Ohh! it uses tools! I can't wait to see a picture of him! Pet him lots!

and when you take him to the vet, ask them if they will help you give him a shampoo, and try Mane n Tail conditioner to soften his fur so you don't have to wear gloves.

[jmowreader]

32. I think he's guarding against the possibility that it bites

In which case Mane n Tail isn't gonna help.

Interesting sounding animal. Something Dr. Seuss would put in a book.

[DuctapeFatwa]

33. Oscar will not bite! Didn't he bring home that nice bucket?

that shows that he feels loved and is making a contribution to the home.

[REP]

17. "Snoring ... Like Somebody Shaking a Can of Plums"

That's a good line. I'm going to have to steal it.

Just to be on the safe side - don't get it wet or feed it after midnight.

[Generic Other]

161. Sounds like a gremlin to me

Or maybe it's really Maria.

[DUreader]

10. trying a pic

[A-Schwarzenegger]

15. Neat pitchers!

[DuctapeFatwa]

4. Make sure it is warm, can you take a pic of it and post it?

Don't take it to anyone who might hurt it. Do take it to a vet.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

12. I took a couple pictures of it and it freaked

at the flash. It SAW that it was the camera
because it was sitting there looking at it and
I put the camera away in a drawer. It's not sick
looking or acting at all. To the contrary. I have
a friend who is a kind of amateur animal doctor
that I have a call into for him to come over and
give it a checkup. Its eyes are clear if sly and
it is not drooling or anything. Its teeth look a
little worn down like it had been eating a lot of
hard things or bones or whatnot. I'm kind of getting
attached to it already, and I think it is starting
to settle in a little.

[DuctapeFatwa]

16. then shoot it without a flash. make it sit under a lamp or something

You should also take it to a regular vet so it can get shots and things.

[underseasurveyor]

6. A weasle of some kind?

Like a pine martin? :shrug:

[salin]

8. wow.

I have no idea how to respond. Never heard of a situation remotely close to this. Is there anyway to take a picture and share it? (do you have a digital camera or a scanner? if not - do you have a polaroid camera - then you can take it to a kinkos and scan it) - there are so many folks here with a broad range of knowledge that someone might have a clue what the animal is - and give you advice.

I think it is very cool that you are trying to honor your uncle's wishes - despite that you found your uncle rather frightening. I wish you well - and I hope you get information quickly that can help you try to make this work.

[underseasurveyor]

18. Does it look anything like this?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

21. Not much. It's got a flatter face

with a droopy mouth like a bloodhound,
and its eyes are real close together.
The nose is round and black and has a
row of kind of orange whiskers around it.
The fur under its mouth is kind of like a
goatee. His eyes are quite expressive. Big
shoulders, short legs, big paws, claws that
are like an anteater's but nowhere as big.
Snout is medium but kind of coming out of
the face at an angle, like a teapot, curling
up at the end. Big black eyes, white lashes,
fur of many colors, texture of hay.

[Blue-Jay]

20. It's a Bandersnatch! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

22. It does have a goatee.

But it seems not dangerous so far,
although watchful, moody, and careless.

[TrogL]

23. Sounds like a wolverine

Those things are bloody dangerous.

[marzipanni]

25. Did Uncle Leonard live near Delaware? Does Oscar smell like popcorn?

I think he may have been harboring an escapee from the Bradywine Zoo.
Link:
http://www.k12.de.us/warner/binturon.htm

[A-Schwarzenegger]

31. Adorbale! Well, the name is right

but his ears are big and floppy like flap
jacks, he's got a high flat forehead, eyes
almost touch, nose is close, much bigger
mouth with many more teeth, and he has this
look that is both studious, hungry and bemused.
Now he just got up and stretched and farted. It
might be that can of vegetarian refried beans he
got into.

[Capn Sunshine]

67. see below

...

[Logansquare]

26. I'd just like to say this is one of my favorite postings

EVER!
Keep us updated on the "thing"

[myrna minx]

27. I agree.

I am rather intrigued. Do not taunt happy fun ball...or is it happy FUR ball?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

29. Oscar snarls his appreciation.

He is watching the mouse arrow.

[Bertha Venation]

41. thank you for making me laugh

"do not taunt happy fun ball" god, if I were being buried I'd want that on my tombstone.

And I agree too -- great thread, one of the most interesting in a while. A-S, please do keep us posted.

[AngryAmish]

34. Groundhog?

[absyntheNsugar]

35. Could it be a ferret?

Is it long like a weasel? Ferrets are supposed to be friendly, but smell real bad.

[DrWeird]

36. Is it a fisher?

Just google an image of it.

[BigMcLargehuge]

151. that's exactly what I thought

have you tried dressing like a porcupine and seeing if it tried to bite the back of your neck?

[absyntheNsugar]

37. Sounds like you have a new friend

If it turns out to take to you - keep it.

Reminds me of a friend I knew in College - she inhereited her uncle's wolf-dog. It was half Husky, half wolf. Dangerous around dogs (would try to kill them on the spot) but around people she was great. Had this thing for pissing all over the house tho (apparently a remanant of her wolf side.) The thing was HUGE! And it tried to crawl into your lap if she liked you (which was like having a small bear crawl into your lap.)

[oneighty]

38. You obviously have

one of the extremely rare and very dangerous "Chupacabra". Show it pictures of goats (In Color) if possible. If there is no violent reaction to the "Goat Pictures" it might then be a Tasmanian Devil.

In either case protect your throat.

180

[Lars39]

39. LOL !!!!!!

[jpgray]

40. Kick for most intriguing thread ever

Come one and all, look at the mystery animal thread!

[havocmom]

42. What part of the country did Uncle Leonard reside in?

And what does the furry thing like to eat? Answers to those two questions would help us identify the fuzzy.

[absyntheNsugar]

43. Looks like it eats anything and everything

n/t

[gate of the sun]

44. could it be a marmot?

are you pulling our legs? let's see the photo?

[gate of the sun]

45. here is a marmot!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

47. He's cute!

but not it. Oscar has got a lot larger eyes and if
you squint at it it looks like one big wide eye like
a black window in his head they are so close together.
His face is flatter and the snout is more like a pig
but bent like a U. It could be partly of a mutant
remember. Much bigger ears, like waffles. I picked
it up for the first time (I brought it home in a big box)
and it just went limp. It was very heavy but only
in the middle, like a bowling ball in a big basket of
hay. To be honest, it felt like a lot of things were in
its fur, like toys or tools or other small animals and
I got creeped and put it down. It hid its head under its
front legs and tucked its tail in in the back and you
couldn't even tell what direction he was pointing
in. It was like a box itself. I had the feeling he
thought he was invisible by hiding his head and tail
and not moving. I took a polaroid of him standing
like a hay cube with legs and I was going to post it
but while it was drying off he went and ate it.

[DuctapeFatwa]

51. OK you will have to talk to Oscar about indigestion and photography

Give him some butter to neutralize the chemicals. It will also make him fat and have shinier fur.

Then take another picture but put it in a cabinet or closed room to dry.

Does he usually walk on two legs or 4? What are his feet like? Does he have an opposable thumb?

Please take him to the vet as soon as you can. It sounds like he really needs a shampoo.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

57. He walks on 4 but when he gets up to speed

the front two don't touch every time. His
feet have big pads, toes are fleshy like those
orange peanut candy, claws are like anteater
but flatter and curved with round indented tips. He
has six toes in front, haven't counted in back.
I have found no thumbs on him, but he is very flexible.
He appears box-like at times, and others longer and
slinkier. Part of it is the fur I'm sure, which has
a life of its own. It's like a combination of hay and
seaweed. He does need a shampoo and a trim. I am
continually finding things hidden and entangled in
his fur. Sometimes things just work their own
way out and drop on the floor as he is walking
(a little toy wheel) or sometimes they fly out while
he is scratching (an old sock). He was up on the couch
today and I got him off there and then I couldn't find
the remote. Then he was scratching himself and
the channels kept changing. The remote had worked
its way into his fur somehow. Apparently his fur
has some quality that is like those plants that
draw things into them by follicuilar action. I tried
to brush him and the brush broke off in his fur. I tell
you, I hesitate to take him to the vet. I fear
I would not get him out of there. He's obviously a
freak of nature (I say that lovingly) and as far as
I know I could be in big trouble myself for even
having him in the village. After a while I may take
him out in the yard and just hose him off. Oh I just
remembered I have a friend who's an amateur beautitian.
I'll give her a call.

[TrogL]

86. OK, what are you on?

A REMOTE was hung up in its fur? How big is this thing anyway?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

88. Just a normal, regular size remote.

[TrogL]

89. Not the remote, the animal

Thing's starting to sound like a black bear.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

91. Oh. About like a very big turkey

or a small wart hog. The thing is, it has
gas that makes it look bigger but also gives
it a graceful gait that makes it look lighter.
Plus his fur is like old sponges and holds a lot of
water. We're fogged in here tonight and he got
stuck climbing in the window his fur was so bloated
up from the moisture. He was bringing home a briefcase
in his teeth. I tried to get it away from him but he
took it up in the attic. I just can't worry about it.
I just have too many other things to worry about right
now.

[TrogL]

92. I figured it out

It's Zombywoof.

[Tripper11]

46. Gotta kick it...the thread not the animal!

:7

[havocmom]

48. discussed this with Havocdad, who has degree in wildlife management

...ah the sixties...
Anyway, he isn't sure what it is, but thinks he skinned and stuffed its mate for a mammalogy class. Might still be in the musuem at the UM in Missoula. Stuffed it after getting bored taking it to the psych lab for electro-shock treatments. Said the critter made a mess of an organic chem lab once. Couldn't get its fill of refired beans and drank all the beer in the dorm. Climbing skills were a bit help pulling of that prank involving panties and flagpoles....

[Bundbuster]

49. Sounds to me like...

the illegitimate son of Paul Wolfowitz and Barbara Bush somehow mated with an irradiated badger.

[Mikimouse]

52. Unrepentive Kick for Saturday

:kick:

This thread is too cool to die on the vine. I will happily join Dookus in voting for Oscar as the DU mascot!

[Dookus]

50. god

I love this thread.

We need to make Oscar the DU Mascot.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

53. Apparently Uncle Leonard was a bit of a amateur scientist

of sorts. He was doing animal experiments
in the woods. I, my sister Shane, and Oscar went to
see the neighbor that distributed Uncle's worldly
goods to me and my sister. Oscar immediately took off
into the woods. The neighbor name is Chuck. Chuck
says Leonard was cross breeding a lot of different
kinds of animals, wild and whatnot. Oscar is the
apparently only living result of these
ungodly going ons. Chuck is a woodman that plays
it close to the vest so getting anything out of him
was like trying to catch a fish with your feet with
Cordovans on. But he did say that Uncle was quite
proud out of what he had "created" with Oscar. Uncle
suggested to Chuck that Oscar could "communicate" but
Chuck never saw or heard that, but he did note
as I have that Oscar has looking at you intensely
down to a high art. My sister started kind of straightening
up Chuck's old cabin and throwing things in the fireplace
to keep warm like she does. The shadows of the woods
deepened but Oscar had still not returned. To
be honest, I like Oscar some, but he is kind of
taken over my life and I would have missed him for a
while if he didn't come back, but it would have also
been one less worry in my life, which I could use. But
we went over to my Uncle's cabin that's about half mile
away and there he was, asleep on my Uncle's old cot.
It was a sight for sad eyes. But time must march along,
which even Oscar seemed to recognize on some level, so
he came with us, glancing over his shoulder at dead
Uncle Leonard's place one last time, and he jumped
in the backseat of the car like he owned it. On the
way home he kept looking at me in the rearview mirror
in a kind of benevolent leer. Then he jumped in the
front seat and fell asleep in my sister's lap. He's
so big you could barely see her. It looked like just
Oscar with my sister's head added on. When we got home he
immediately took off again. I am worried some
neighbor will report him or me. He came home later with
a bag of oranges which he jumped up on the roof with.
He's sitting up there now eating them and looking at
the stars. I wonder about him. I wonder about me. I
wonder about you.

[Logansquare]

LOL!!

I wonder about me, too...

[Dookus]

54. aww... give him a belly-rub for me

I'm the new president of the Oscar fan club. I think we need t-shirts.

[DuctapeFatwa]

59. Maybe someone here will know someone who would help

you DNA Oscar and get him his shots without trying to take Oscar away from his home and family.

I am starting to wonder if he could have some porcupine heritage.

I hope your beautician friend can help you. She is sure to have some Mane n Tail, the thing is, for maximum effect it needs to stay on for a few minutes, which Oscar might find uncomfortable.

I would focus on the communication thing, so he will understand that a shampoo might be a new experience, and might involve some sensations that are not immediately pleasurable, but do produce a benefit, and are another indication he is loved.

For the neighbors, find out some animal that it is perfectly legal to have but few people have seen one, and say Oscar is a variety of those.

Could you arrange for him to save someone from danger? Then he will become a local hero.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

63. I know an amateur nuclear geneticist

that could run his DNA down. I wouldn't be
surprised if he did got a little pocurpine in him.
I think we could do a Mane n Tail on him when he's
asleep. He sleeps like a box of rocks. One time
I didn't see him sleeping in the hall and
tripped over him and knocked down a stack
of old buckets and he didn't even wake up.
He just went "Glug" and rolled over and commenced
snoring like a old tuba with its legs in the air.

[Dookus]

55. Is this your Uncle Leonard?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

56. No but he got Oscar's eyebrows!

[smirkymonkey]

75. LOL!

Very funny!

The real question I have been meaning to ask though, is: "Does Oscar have more than 4 asses?"

[midnight armadillo]

58. I smell a HOAX

The brush BROKE OFF in it's fur? Yeah, right....

I bet Oscar looks like this:


I don't think this thing is real. You've got a photo, so hit the one-hour photo, scan, and post it.

This will be followed with "I don't have a scanner handy" or "the pics didn't come out." Good joke friend, but give it a rest!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

60. "The brush BROKE OFF in it's fur?"

THAT was what made you lose your faith?
The brush breaking off in its fur?!? As a matter
of fact, it was a old weak brush that had seen
its day. Do you have the first hairbrush you ever
bought? Why not? I assure, friend, "this thing" is
as real as "Midnight Armadillo". Who is thinking
more about the other? Is Oscar thinking more about
Midnight Armadillo, or is Midnight Armadillo thinking
more about Oscar?

[DuctapeFatwa]

61. I have seen brushes break off in human hair

There are probably people on this board that this has happened to, although they may not want to admit it, especially if they have had intensive salon therapy that they wish people to think they were born with :)

[midnight armadillo]

62. Don't change the subject

Pictures. You've played this one out long enough. Let's see them. Or did the film mysteriously not come out? Species don't cross breed like you're suggesting. That's at the heart of speciation.

PICTURES.

[Dookus]

66. I believe in Oscar!

I'm skeptical about midnight armadillos, though.

[Logansquare]

64. Yes midnight armadillo, there is an Oscar

He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Oscar! It would be as dreary as if there were no midnight armadillos.

[nuxvomica]

81. Gosh, after reading that I don't know of Oscar really exists

but I sure-as-heck want him to. If he didn't exist, surely we would need to invent him.

[Dookus]

82. yes, there's an Oscar...

but he needs OUR faith to live. So come people, if you believe in Oscar, clap your hands... c'mon folks!

*clap clap clap*

[salin]

78. LOL!

Too funny!

Ya know I love Oscar - and A-S... but...

Have to say what got me was sis throwing the woodsman chuck's clutter into his fireplace to keep warm.

All amusing... and I could be wrong... maybe Oscar is a cyber jackalope? ;-)

[burrowowl]

65. Picture! Picture!

You should have a friend that can make you on some drawing program.
Or photoshop or something.
Yes! I think Oscar would make a good DU mascot, that's why we need a picture.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

69. Hmm...

Well if I gave a picture that didn't turn
out too good to somebody, or an image or variety
of images that could be caolesced into one, with
unusual traits brought out clearer and brighter
because the light is bad six months a year here,
that if there is any volunteer photorgrapher finagler
of that stripe then yes, I think it could be very
easily done.

[Capn Sunshine]

68. I know what it is!

SCUZZLEBUTT!!!! on the right in the tree!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

70. More cubeular.

[Luther_Blissett]

71. Have you considered

...that Oscar may be more of what used to be
called a "sport" rather than a true mutant?

I've been as puzzled as everyone else, but
your saying he is "more cubeular" makes me
wonder if Oscar represents a fundamental
shift in....well, everything, actually.

We've all heard that there are no straight
lines in nature. But perhaps Oscar
represents the first known example of a
shift in evolutionary patterns toward
regular geometrical forms, rather than
the messy sorts of stuff we have now.

We'll know more when you take him to Italy
and a streetcar conductor asks you and
Oscar for your names and you both say
"Luther Blissett".

It will go down that way, mark my words.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

72. I have not considered

but I will immediately:
it may well be that Oscar is the expression of
a fundamental revolutionary paradigmatic reality
shift, or it could be that as he lies down to snooze
he turns after a while on each of his six sides and
his hay-like fur flattens into place. Then when he
gets up to look for food he merely *appears* cubeular
a la hay bale. That aside, how do I know you're the
real Luther_Blissett? Do you have a photographic type
of picture image to prove it? Or at least a citation
of some sort?

[Luther_Blissett]

73. The citation requested:

"Anyone can be Luther Blissett simply by adopting the name. Become Luther Blissett."

http://www.lutherblissett.net/index_en.html

[Dookus]

74. kick

for the insomniac cryptozoologist crowd

[LastKnight]

76. i am intrigued...

le :kick: kick

-LK

[Mikimouse]

77. Gratuitous Kick

because I want to know what the biologists say about this animal.:kick:

[burrowowl]

79. Maybe Oscar

is a chimera?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

80. How do you pornounce that?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

83. Oscar was gone this morning

so I thought I would have a little peace
& quiet & get some meditating in, which I
have slacked off of since he's been around
taking over my life. So I settled in and got
the OMing going & the energy moving up the
chakras and whatnot, and who jumps in the
window but you know who. I thought oh rats
he's gonna bug me, but what does he do but
sit right beside me quiet as a hay bale. So I
resumed OMing and he starts trying to make the
OM sound along with me! It wasn't exactly OM
but it was a reasonable fascimile, kind of a
groaning, like an old ghost ship. Anyway, you
don't know how much I have always wanted a
meditation partner! He didn't meditate for very
long but it was good for a first time.

Right now he got up in the attic somehow and he's
building some damn thing up there. I'm glad he's
keeping himself occupiued but the game's about
to start and I won't be able to even hear it with
that racket going on over my head.

[LastKnight]

84. This thread wont die...

BREATHE damn you, BREATHE!

:kick:

-LK

[burrowowl]

87. He is BREATHING!

He is breathing.

OSCAR FOR DU MASCOT!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

90. And his breath is sweet, a combination of

sawdust, mothballs, and just slightly bad pork chops.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

85. Could this be Oscar?

Or this, maybe:

[myrna minx]

94. How is Oscar today? n/t

[A-Schwarzenegger]

95. I am not saying that he can read.

I am not saying that. BUT ...
I printed out your sig line from Voltaire
in BIG PRINT 72 POINT because I wanted to
think about it, and I put it on the coffee
table my computer's on, and I left the room for an
errand, and came back, and Oscar was up in my
rocking chair in front of my computer and he
had a paw on the page that was on the coffee
table and he was -- APPEARED to be looking
at the words on the page -- and then he looked
up at me with an odd combination of bemusement
and trepidation, and then he looked at the quote
again, and wrinkled his eyebrows, and then he
went straight up to the attic to resume work
on his project. That's all I'm saying.

[myrna minx]

96. Do you know any amateur oil painters or whittlers?

Since Oscar is a bit "camera shy" perhaps he would be more comfortable posing for an oil painting or a wood sculpture?

Could he be constructing the set of Candide up in your attic?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

99. He is the best of all possible Oscars.

I don't know it looks like there is a lot
of different descriptions of him and his
compomnents around that it would be easy
to picture him in the eye's mind clear. A
sculpture is a good idea though because like
somebody said all you have to do is take away
all the parts of the piece of wood that is not
Oscar.

[DuctapeFatwa]

101. ROFLMAO myrna

coffee really burns when spewed through the nostrils

:D

[TrogL]

97. Maybe you'd better find out what he's doing up there

Invoke the Patriot Act or something

[Karenina]

98. What? 100 hits and no picture?

No link to reality?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

103. How much damage could he do?

It is just an old attic full of a hunderd years
of things. As long as he is keeping himself
busy and out of my hair, that is the main thing.
Offhand, there is very little stuff that I
can think of up there that could be considered
explosive.

[peacebuzzard]

100. how do you keep it? in the house? or a cage?

is he responsive to you? Interesting.

[DuctapeFatwa]

102. I want to know what's in that briefcase

[A-Schwarzenegger]

104. I let it run free as a whatever it is.

It is a small village full of goofballs, bumpkins
and hayseeds. They seem to have accepted him
grudglingly as a part of the general millyou.
If by resposnive to me, if you mean does he like me,
sometimes he can't get enough of me and sometimes
he can't seem to stand me, about the same how I feel
about him, so it's convenient when those times match up,
which they don't often enough, but I need the eggs.

[DuctapeFatwa]

105. Eggs? Oscar lays eggs?

Do you mean that Oscar is Oscarina?

[Maddy McCall]

106. Oscar is a platypus

If Oscar lays eggs, Oscar is a platypus, the only egg-laying mammal.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

108. Wow! His nose looks like Oscar's ears.

[Maddy McCall]

109. Does he look like a primate of any kind?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

111. His eyes do.

They are baleful. They are golden.
They watch you like a librarian.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

107. Naw it's that joke about relationships.

Guy goes to his shrink.

GUY: Aunt Marge thinks she's a chicken.
SHRINK: Do you get a lot of eggs?
GUY: A few.
SHRINK: Well, take care of her.
GUY: I will, she's my aunt.

I'm not sure, I think I left something out.

[DuctapeFatwa]

110. Well what's in the briefcase? And what is Oscar building?

Will he let you see it or do you have to wait till its all done and be surprised?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

113. I found the briefcase chewed open, empty and smoking

behind the davenport. I'm having it tested by
an amateur radiologist I know. As far as what
he is building, I wouldn't call it exactly
hammering that I hear, I wouldn't call it
sawing, I wouldn't call it sanding. He is using
the tools he is been given. I think of him like
Chuang Tzu's archer who shoots for no gain, and
therefore uses his skills to the upmost. All I
know is it keeps him occupied one day at a time.
I don't want to think it is related in some uncanny
way to that disturbing Voltaire quote, but I do.

[Exultant Democracy]

158. NOOOO!

My briefcase, it has been in the family for 3 years (since I stole it from next door.)

[Maddy McCall]

112. Is Oscar a big opossum?

Hairless ears, close-set eyes, lots of fur of different lengths and colors, mouse-like paws, and tail has fur a couple of inches up, and then tail is hairless.

Could you have an opossum with an amputated tail?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

115. I love ooppossums but

for one of many examples, have you ever heard
of an opoosouum that could be standing still at
the end of a coffee table one second, and then
the next second jumping over the coffee table
eight feet in the air to catch a moth in his back
feet, do a flip, and on the way down tuck the moth
up in his gum like a gob of chewing tobbaco?

[TrogL]

114. Let's recap

We have an animal that:

• looks like a cross between cat, dog, monkey and wolverine
  
• climbs
  
• throws things
  
• is light black
  
• weighs about 25 or 30 pounds
  
• has stiff fur that is different colors and length that runs in different directions and different lengths
  
• makes sounds kind of like a digging badger (or snores like somebody
  shaking a can of plums)(or makes this sound that sounds like a combination of growling and purring and a upset stomach)
  
• has claws more like a rodent with round indented tips
  
• short and furry (not striped) tail (may be broken off)
  
• likes to root around in the garden
  
• smells like a combination of burned rubber and bad potatoes
  
• has breath like that water in a vase when the flowers go bad
  
• has a small kind of head
  
• has lots of flatish, brown, worn, not very sharp looking teeth
  
• has strong looking jaws
  
• has big square floppy ears like soft tortillas
  
• has bristly short like horsehairs that stick out when it's startled
  
• has enough fur to hide a remote
  
• has six toes in front but no opposible thumb
  
• has a flatter face with a droopy mouth like a bloodhound
  
• has a high flat forehead
  
• has a snout more like a pig but bent like a U
  
• has big, black eyes with white lashes that are real close together, almost like one eye
  
• has a round and black nose with a row of kind of orange whiskers around it and a goatee
  
• has big shoulders, short legs, big paws, claws that are like an anteater's but nowhere as big.
  
• is the size of a large turkey
  
• eats oranges out of a bag
  
• carries a briefcase
  
• builds things in attics
  
• produces eggs
  

[A-Schwarzenegger]

116. Thank you very much, although

it makes him sound kind of strange when you
put it like that.

[TrogL]

117. I'm still confused about the eggs

is it laying them or stealing them?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

118. Seriously you don't know the eggs/relationship joke

from the end of Annie Hall?
Maybe someone can remember how it goes eggsactly....
Not to change the subject, but I just
entered the 7 hunderd club.

[TrogL]

119. Is it a desert badger?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=1013184

[A-Schwarzenegger]

120. !?!

"And in the initial stages of the administration, as you might remember, we were dealing with Oscar the mixed animal or fly-overs and fly-betweens and looks, and so we were fashioning policy along those lines," Mr. Bush continued, apparently referring to a fabled creature with hay-like fur of many colors.

[radwriter0555]

128. Have you considered adopting Oscar officially as your own kin?

That might calm him down a bit, and put him more in an egg sharing mood.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

131. Well if my Uncle Leonard "created" him

isn't he already sort of my, eh, cousin?

[radwriter0555]

135. I sense that he doesn't feel entirely welcomed into your family...

He seems a bit aimless at times?

I think you should discuss adoption.

It could well calm him down a lot.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

140. This is a very small underdeveloped village.

The courthouse is an unconverted garage
and the judge is the hanging kind.
I think I would get a few raised eyebrows
and probably the men in the white suits
if I walked in to the courthouse to see
about adopting a mixed animal.
I don't know where you get that that he is
aimless. To be honest, he is a lot more
purposefull than me. Everything he does seems
to me to be associated in some way with his
project. Even when he's sleeping, snoring away
like a paddhewheel, suddenly he'll wake up,
put a claw to his lips, look up for a few
moments into the distance, furrow his brow,
nod slowly, and then go back to sleep.

[radwriter0555]

146. It was the banging around in the attic thing, I mis-interpreted THAT

apparently.

You need to BOND with the bad boy.

[REP]

122. Congratulations! Now I Will Tell The Joke

A guy goes to a psychologist and tells him that his brother thinks he's a chicken. The psychiatrist says, "Well, why don't you bring him in? I can cure him!" The guys says that he would, but they need the eggs.

[Generic Other]

162. Here he is!

[Frangible]

121. Sorry, but I call BS.

Call me a whacky skeptic, but I challenge you to prove this thing exists.

[OldEurope]

124. Here´s the proof: A picture of Oscar´s twin brother:

http://www.angelfire.com/oh/alfclub/pictures.html

:evilgrin:

[FrankBooth]

123. I think A-Schwarz is a screenwriter doing backstory

Are you working on a Island of Dr. Moreau sequel? Or is it Pet Cemetary 4? I do find your descriptions of this creature very humorous.

[Bundbuster]

125. From the "Island of Dr. Moreau" gallery

Would this be the genetic experiment gone awry, aka Oscar?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

132. No, but the dandruff is right.

[REP]

126. Is This a Native Species of Zembla?

And are you Charles Kinbote?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

133. Hmmm...

No because CHARLES KINBOTE IS DERANGED!&!
And I am not deranged.... I do vacation
in Zembla, however.

[REP]

193. Ah, Zembla the Fair!

With her spine of mountains and her long thrill through the mist.

Does Oscar whistle with the stableboys and swim with the tame seal?

[jukes]

127. Are we

not men?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

134. We are

part men,
part women,
part body,
part mind,
part spirit,
part angel,
part devil,
part baling wire,
part duck tape,
part Oscar.

[Superfly]

129. It's a chupacabra!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

136. No, but the sideburns are right.

[thingfish]

149. Oops! Hadn't seen this before posting my suggestion.

Sorry!

[myrna minx]

130. Does Oscar posses enough digits

to learn ASL? Perhaps you can learn to communicate with him in that manner. Or possibly, you could teach him a series of blinking, one for yes or two for no. Or do you both just "know" what each other is thinking?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

137. Well when I call him to come over here right now

he keeps scratching his face with his middle digit,
so maybe he already knows a little ASL. As far as
him knowing what I'm thinking, I have this feeling
he bypasses what I'm thinking and taps into the teeming
depths of the ocean of my subconscious. As for me, I
have no idea what he's thinking. I try to keep a
straight face while we're regarding each other, to keep
him from seeing how I'm reading his expression, but
he keeps changing his expressions to try to throw me
off. When I say something to him, sometimes he moves
his lips at the same time, either imitating or mocking me.

[DuctapeFatwa]

139. see if he will show you what he is building in the attic

What does he do when you laugh?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

144. He could be *eating* the attic for all I know.

I did hear something resembling voices up
there last night, as in plural. As for when
I laugh, I was laughing at brainshrub's post
just as Oscar was passing through the room
on the way to an appointment and he threw
me an offhand look and went "Plpt" and almost
dropped the copy of "The Trial" he keeps
carrying around.

[myrna minx]

150. The Trial

OMG, I cannot stop laughing. :toast:

[TrogL]

155. I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!

It's Henry Kissinger!

[TrogL]

168. Hardcover or softcover

I have some Ionesco he might like to borrow.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

171. Oscar is not part Rhinoscarous

if that what you implying...

I don't think...

[TrogL]

181. I was wondering if it sang soprano

Obviously it's not bald.

[brainshrub]

138. Get a picture, or let this thread die.

Personaly, I think you are talking about Alf.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

141. Personaly, to think people are talking about you

when they're not, is something to
be looked into. Oscar does not want to see
a picture of you, why do you want to see a
picture of Oscar?

[thingfish]

148. Oscar is obviously a chupacabra.

You have a chupacabra - or goat-sucker - in your house.

You must contact the Amazing Randy, post haste.

[Dookus]

142. this thread will live

as long as people of good will and open hearts embrace the possibilities that are Oscar.

I used to be an atheist. Now I'm an Oscarite.

[burrowowl]

153. You can't get a picture of Oscar

He lives on several planes and a picture could only show a slice of him.
It's like Flatlanders trying to see a 3-D object.
Besides, I think everybody has a certain image of Oscar and might be disappointed if Oscar didn't match their image.
Maybe the Oscar thread should be made into a triology.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

154. I'm suprised no photoshopers have tried there hand

with all the simple clear description things.

[bubblesby2002]

143. Oscar sound like.......

your alter ego? Seriously, this is the best thread and I think I am in love with Oscar.:yourock:

[Maddy McCall]

145. A-Schwarz, how well do you know Luther Blissett?

;-)

[A-Schwarzenegger]

147. I do not know him at all!#&!

So do not beleive anything he says about me!?!

[DuctapeFatwa]

152. have you considered consulting an amateur speech pathologist?

Maybe he could help you discover if Oscar is multilingual.

And maybe you could just go take a little peep into the attic, unless you think it would upset Oscar.

Did you give him some butter?

[salin]

156. So did Chuck take it alright

when your sister threw some of his clutter into his fireplace to keep warm?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

157. Woodsman Chuck and Sister Shane

is both taciturn types. At first she was picking
wadded paper products and knickknacks up and running
her thumbs over them a moment and then kind of slowly
moving them toward her overcoat pockets and stuffing
them in there. I could see that Chuck could see but
he didn't seem to mind so why should I? I thought
maybe he was like a store detective that was going to
confront her only when she stepped foot outside, but
he never did. Chuck is the kind of guy that takes
things in stride, sitting down. Then, when her pockets
had got themselves full to bulging, she began to look around
for where else to deposit what other items she might find.
There was the fireplace. The first thing was a knickknack,
kind of a whatnot or memoraliabilia type of thing. She
held it up to Chuck and made a slight wrist flipping
gesture toward the fireplace. He was saying something
to me at the time and saw the gesture and shrugged and
frowned and nodded. She tossed the thing into the
fireplace and went moseying around looking for the next
thing. It was a pretty simple low-wattage type of event.

EDIT: tumbs to thumbs
...... and noidded to nodded

[CrownPrinceBandar]

170. Obviously...

you need to confront Sister Shane. I think she found the secret of Oscar's origin in Woodsman Chuck's personal effects. "Then kind of slowly moving them toward her overcoat pockets and stuffing
them in there." Sounds suspicious to me. She also burned some of the knick-knacks too. Huh... Destroying evidence maybe.

Perhaps WC was involved in some 1960's CIA skunkworks project. Oscar may be the very enity that the government created to kill Castro. Who would suspect a fuzzy little thing to be so potentially dangerous? Especially an animal who sounds initally like a thing of scourn (at least, thats how I gaged your inital reaction). But like you, Oscar would've warmed his way into Fidel's heart and then... BLAMMO! Goodnight sweet price. The end of Communism as we know it in the western hemisphere.

And maybe that goal still resides in Oscar. You say you haven't seen what he's building in the attic. Maybe he realizes that Castro still breathes. That might drive Oscar into the high-jump frenzy that you mentioned earlier.

And what about that fur? Sounds thick enough to hide all manner of nasty things: explosives, tracking advice for guided missles, sarin gas?! Maybe his fur stiffens to needle-sharpness and can be launched like a weapon. Scary thoughts.

A-Scwartz, be wary. The friend you have now could be a ticking bomb, ready to lash out at anyone who displays any kind of socialist or communist behavior. My advice is to let him complete what he's building, do his job, and then welcome him with open arms when he finally comes in from the cold.

[elcondor]

159. Tsathoggua?!

[frank frankly]

160. this is genius

truly...

[maveric]

163. Sorry but I've gotta kick this.

:kick:

[burrowowl]

164. Did Oscar

take LevianthanCrumbling's briefcase!?

[Dookus]

165. I believe he did...

but people are too suspicious of his motives. I don't believe Oscar intends to harm anyone. Oscar is love.

[burrowowl]

166. I think Oscar

is trying to undo the super weapons plans in the suitcase and change them into to super peace plans.

[myrna minx]

167. What are Oscar's weekend plans, although I suspect

he does not adhere to the Jullian calander, like we do.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

173. Life aint nothin but a weekend

to Osc. He's like that guy in Cheech&Chong
that somebody tried to sell a hot watch to...
"I'm not into time, man."

[TrogL]

169. I have to ask

How do we know it's a he?

How big is the primary hint that makes this obvious?

[Dookus]

172. I suspect

Oscar transcends gender.

But if I'm wrong, he's obviously a boy. I never met a girl named Oscar.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

174. The fur, the fur!

I aint going in there.

[DuctapeFatwa]

175. But have you gone into the attic? Inquiring minds want to know

what Oscar is building up there. And I still think he needs a shampoo and conditioner. Maybe he is building a salon, as a gentle hint.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

176. I trust him.

I don't think he would build anything questionable
or inappropriate. If I hear engines starting up
up there I'll go see what it is for sure.... I did
finally hose him off and put him in the dryer for
a couple minutes. He came out a little woozy and
looks clean and fluffy and golden but I don't think
it's going to last long.

[DuctapeFatwa]

177. He is golden now? Was the black just dirt, or had he colored his fur?

I am glad he is fluffy now. Next time you tumble-dry him, throw in a Bounce. Be sure to counsel him not to eat it until he is dry. It will work even better than Mane n Tail.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

185. It might of been oil.

Unc Leonard had a barrel of old used Quaker State
that Oscar liked to float on his back in.

[Logansquare]

178. Watch out, you could have baby Oscars! n/t

.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

184. You may have stumbled upon

the money-maker in this fiasco.

[LastKnight]

179. again, i kick the thread...

:kick:

most entertaining thread ive ever seen

-LK

[TrogL]

180. How can you tell all this?

Given the face it's got to work with:

• To be honest I wear miner's gloves when petting it. It watches your hand with its eyes wide and dilated and its mouth open. But it seems to like it.
  
• I think it is starting to settle in a little
  
• His eyes are quite expressive.
  
• watchful, moody, and careless
  
• he has this look that is both studious, hungry and bemused
  
• time must march along, which even Oscar seemed to recognize on some level
  
• he kept looking at me in the rearview mirror in a kind of benevolent leer
  
• Is Oscar thinking more about Midnight Armadillo
  
• he looked up at me with an odd combination of bemusement and trepidation
  
• he keeps changing his expressions to try to throw me
  
• he threw me an offhand look
  

...how in the world do you decode all those expressions? The only way I can figure out someone is angry is their face turns red and white spittle comes out of their mouth, and sad people leak water out of their eyes and make this wierd keening noise.

[blindpig]

182. obviously an oscar whisperer

sure is a slow afternoon

[A-Schwarzenegger]

183. I make my face like his face is

and then exaggerate it and then
look in the mirror and see what it
looks like I wouylds be feeling if I looked
like that. Or I pretend that I'm him and
see what I would feel if I had that expression.
Or stop my mind for a moment and think with my
heart. Or stop my heart for a moment and feel with
my mind.

* To be honest I wear miner's gloves when petting it. It watches your hand with its eyes wide and dilated and its mouth open. But it seems to like it.

Well, if he's watching my hand then I know he
knows what I'm doing, and if he's not attacking
my hand, and if he stays there when he could go,
then I think he seems to like it.

* I think it is starting to settle in a little

Well, he settles in by acting comfortable, by
turning his back to me showing that he's not
afraid, by lying down and sleeping, by stretching
which animals dont do when they're scared, by
cleaning his private parts, all the stuff I do when
I'm starting to settle in around somebody.

* His eyes are quite expressive.

The pupils change, he squints, he widens his eyes,
he furrows an eyebrow, he winks, he does a slow blink
of self-consciousness which means I'm getting to him.

* he has this look that is both studious, hungry and bemused

I think I might have embroidered on that one some.

* time must march along, which even Oscar seemed to recognize on some level

There is a certain long slow existential sigh
he makes that I interpert as his acceptance of
the poingant passing of the parade of time.

* he kept looking at me in the rearview mirror in a kind of benevolent leer

This is a curling of one side of his lip
but without much heart in it, as if he is
reminding me that I should not take him for
granted, but in the meantime he does harbor
some fondness for me.

* he looked up at me with an odd combination of bemusement and trepidation

This is a raising of the eyebrows and a tucking in
of the chin, which lets me think my behavior brings
him both wonder (the eyebrows) and cautionness (the
chin).

* he keeps changing his expressions to try to throw me

This is simply my natural paranoia
and nothing to be alarmed about. He is
a sensitive soul in reality and can't hide
it but he can keep shuffling the cards until
I lose track of all the aces.

* he threw me an offhand look

This is a scrunching up of one side of
his mouth and a looking up to one side
with eyes wide and a snort through the
nostrils. It means he loves me but sometimes
wonders why.

[Luther_Blissett]

186. You don't know Luther Blissett

but Oscar may. More and more characteristics are beginning to emerge which place him in the growing camp of what Derrida called "radical animals". Perhaps he is preparing a manifesto up in the attic? Quite likely, he's "not into time" because he can see past the petty-bourgeois obsession with day-to-day functioning, and is absorbed by the vision of a future in which the lion will lie down with the lamb and the......whatever Oscar is.

-- Luther Blissett

[Bundbuster]

187. Lions lying down withOscar

I'd keep him in the house and away from Luther.

http://207.137.168.225/lions,oscar.jpg

[DuctapeFatwa]

188. What did Oscar bring home today? Is he still fluffy? Has he finished

reading, or admiring, or whatever he has been doing to The Trial?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

194. He finished The Trial, with Italian dressing...

When Oscar likes a book, the whole book is gone
and the meaning has to go find an author again.

(apologies to William Stafford)

[burrowowl]

189. LOL

Yes, caution or prudence is the better part of valor!

[TrogL]

190. I would never be able to understand all those expressions

Like I said, I have enough trouble figuring out "sad".

[A-Schwarzenegger]

195. Can you read the feelings in voices?

I ask because if one faculty is off,
another is often on more than usual.

[Rhiannon12866]

196. As in blind people have extrordinary hearing

One sense makes up for another. What else makes Oscar extrordinary? I can't wait to hear more.:-)

[A-Schwarzenegger]

198. I had not seen him all day. He just came home

wearing a red plaid vest, stinking of cigarettes,
his fur full of burrs and insects, and carrying in
his mouth a paper bag with approixmaietly $80,000
dollars in brand new bills. He stashed the bag behind
the bookcase and then sat there watching the front door
and jumping at every sound. I smell trouble.

[Rhiannon12866]

199. It sounds like he has got into something. I am so glad I don't have this

problem with my dogs, but I keep an eye on them. Sounds like you had better keep a closer eye on Oscar. But if he would come home with that kind of money, maybe not. As long as he shares it with you, what's the harm? I also think a trip to the vet is in order, or at least, the groomer. Who would groom Oscar, anyway? :shrug:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

200. I'm not going to mess around with him any more.

I'm going to get a barkolatar. I just read
up on it here. I wouldn't say what he does
is bark per se, but there is enough dawg and
enough bark in him that I am going to give
the barkolater a try. As for the money, I
was thinking I was going to get me a new Lexus
and get Oscar a new flea collar but I looked
at the money and I don't think the green ink
is suppose to run, is it? I'm going to go to Pettown
tomorrow first thing and get a barkalatar and maybe
a catalater too and any other olater they have there.
It can't hurt and it might clear a few things up if
I could interview the little bastard. I'll use some
of the funny money. From the sounds of the people at
Petville it sounds like they won't even notice. Maybe
I'll take Oscar along to distract them from the ink.

[DuctapeFatwa]

202. What does a barkolator do? I think you should get Oscar a new vest

If he is golden, I'm not sure red plaid is the best choice to give Oscar the flat-heeled aristocrat mixed animal look he's shooting for.

Check the Pettsville Executive Shop for something a little more GQ, maybe a soft taupe, with a muted stripe.

And stop by Office Depot. It appears that Oscar may be trying to clone currency without the proper equipment.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

205. A barkolater translates dog into English.

Since he's not exclusively dog, I also got a
koalalater, a monkeyolater, a wolverinolater,
a pocrupinolater, a anteaterolater and a couple
other ones that I got cheap because the labels
had fell off and they didn't know what kind of
olater they were. Then I got home and hooked the
wires from all the olaters to one speaker, only
I didn't have a regular speaker so I had to use
a loudspeaker. Only the loudspeaker was too loud
for inside the house, so I had to put it outside
so it would sound OK inside. Only that means that
everything that gets translated from Oscarlish
gets blasted through the village over the loudspeaker.
As a test I had him stand in the middle of the ten
various olaters and asked him who would win tonight
in Iowa. He growled, he gurgled, he chittered, he
guffarphed, he hacked up hairballs, he howlered, and
it came out of the loudspeaker: "I can't think I need
to clean my balls first!" So much for technology.

[Luther_Blissett]

220. "I can't think I need to clean my balls first!"

Let's not make the mistake of assuming that Oscar meant that
literally. It was just the first thing that popped into his
brain as he tried to cope with the question. His response
to the *.olaters is simply another reflection of his
multivariosity. That is why you find yourself describing
him in so many different terms, because each one leads to
"...but it's not exactly that, it's a bit more like this,
but not exactly." You find yourself vocabularizing thus
because Oscar, at heart an entirely new form of
anarcho-syndicalist, is unable to present himself
in one aspect at a time. Most humans and, sad to say,
animals do this out of habit. Oscar, being a radical
animal, has launched himself for who knows what odd
genetico-social reasons into a new paradigm in which
everything that presents itself to human perception
will do so in at least four aspects simultaneously. Plus
Time is now moving backwards, which confuses the matter
further.

-- Luther Blissett

[A-Schwarzenegger]

221. That's radical *mixed* animal...

Funny you should mention the reversial of time.
On the side of his growing attic project there is
a gargantuan clock going backwards. He is reading
"Einstein's Dreams" if that has anything to do
with it.

[burrowowl]

235. Welcome to DU

Luther. I think you might be on to something.

[PopSixSquish]

296. Holy Mother of God - That Hurt...

Note to self - do not read anymore of this thread until finished drinking Coke. I just snorted it out of my nose.

I need oxygen.

[TrogL]

231. Do you have a satellite dish?

Is it pointed in a direction your not used to?

Failing that, is there a casino nearby?

There any groundhog genes in him?

I'll have a Royale with cheese.

[TrogL]

204. nope, haven't a clue

I routinely screw up "excited" vs "angry" and "sad" vs. "threatening"

[A-Schwarzenegger]

207. I can't imagine what that would be like.

Are you used to it? Do you ask people what
they mean, or what they're feeling?

[TrogL]

213. It's either that or misinterpret

and half the time it ends being up misinterpret, with the predictable results.

[RandomKoolzip]

191. I just have one question:

How come you never see DU posts like these on some RW blog or FR? How come it's always stuff that paints us to be bomb-weilding anarchists or whiny ponytailed dweebs? If THIS thread were to represent DU for the rest of the world, I'd be incredibly proud.


This is one of the coolest threads I have ever seen ANYWHERE.

[dolo amber]

197. Simple

It's hard to be creative and witty when you have pressing issues like: Ignoring the obvious, opressing any and everyone who's not a white Christian male and worrying about where and with whom everyone is having sex. ;)

[blindpig]

201. a very late kick for a kickass thread

fine work, A. keep us posted. I still want a picture. When we figure out what he is then we can start to assemble a breeding group.

[myrna minx]

203. How was Oscar's weekend?

Since he has finished The Trial, may suggest some further eating material? How about Siddhartha, by Herman Hess. It is a short book, but there is much to chew on. :hi:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

206. He knows Siddhartha well.

I read your post to him and he teared up with
memories. He made me get the book and turn to the
last page and he read these lines into the omni-olater
which came out of the loudspeaker and washed over the
bustling village:

"His countenance was unchanged after the mirror of
the thousand-fold forms had disappeared from the
surface. He smiled peacefully and gently, perhaps
very graciously, perhgaps very mockingkly, exactly
as the Illustrious One had smiled."

[brook]

209. I'm pretty sure...

I saw Oscar this morning. When I woke up and looked out at the bay, there was a sleek red kayak going in a southerly direction at a rather swift pace. It was being paddled by an aged porpoise wearing a tam o'shanter,and singing "Volare". In the rear of the craft, I swear, from your descriptions, I saw Oscar! Of course, I can't be 100% certain - the sou'wester pretty much covered his face...but he was holding a basket of extinct Pismo Clams in one paw - and a copy of Moby Dick in the other. Just as I ran for my binoculars, bam! they ran into a fog bank over near the spit. (If you discover a hundred or so sand dollars in his fur tonight, it's quite possible he spent this morning picnicing on the sand spit).

[A-Schwarzenegger]

210. He does love the fog.

The first time he saw it moving in, he stopped
whatever he wasn't doing and ran out and climbed
up on the wall around the village and let himself
disappear into it. Then when it moved back out
he was still there but he had turned white in
empathy.

[trof]

212. Sid who?

Hartha?
Wasn't he the podiatrist from Muncie?
No...that was Steve Hartha.

Oh yeah...didn't he used to work in the Garment District?
Down around West 44th street?
Yep, that's the one! Bell Captain at the Iroquois Hotel. Passed away last year. Big funeral. Wore a monocle. Had a gimpy foot from when the Hansom cab ran over it on New Year's Eve in '84. Koch was mayor then.

Used to pass out religious tracts (Sid, not the mayor) in the Bronx on his days off. He was a Rosicrusian or a Drunkard or something like that. His wife raised miniature wire-haired Dachshunds and mealy worms. I don't think she went to a church. Had a bait shop out at Montauk Point. Sold the worms there, not the dogs. Sold the dogs out of their house on Staten Island. Remember she got in trouble with the zoning board about it, but was able to smooth it over. I think money changed hands at one point. Never liked them little weenie dogs, but that's just me. Got bit by one once and had to go get tetanus shots AND rabies shots. Little booger didn't have any tags. Isn't that always the way?

Look, I gotta run now. When you see Sid, tell him...oh yeah, he passed. I almost forgot. I can see him standing there in the lobby of the Iroquois with his uniform on just like it was yesterday. Big monocle shining in his right eye. Or was it his left? No, I think it was his right. Doesn't matter now, I guess. Always had a few copies of the latest Women's Wear Daily under his arm to hand out to the regular customers when they came down in the morning. Most of them had breakfast in the Chief Wampum Coffee Shop, just off the lobby. Eggs Benedict was the most popular thing on the menu, but lox and bagels with a "smoosh" (I think they called it) was a close second. Anyway...I best get along now. Nice talking to you. Where do you know Sid from?

[trof]

228. Hello? What about Sid?

Did you know this guy, or not?
jeez

[A-Schwarzenegger]

229. No I did not know Sid but I knew his pal Budd.

Budd Ha.

[blindpig]

218. as Oscar takes his literature seriously,

on the gut level, I'd avoid letting him get his paws on Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas, could be trouble. Or maybe that is the trouble.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

226. He perfers the original.

Fear & Loathing in Copenhagen.

[felonious thunk]

208. I encountered a similar beast once

It's eyes were like black jelly beans, surrounded by murky water, as if kept in an old wooden drum. It's fur was like the sugary soft yet firm feeling of a peep, like those I fondly recall enjoying on many an Easter morning. I showed it to an amateur confectioner friend of mine, and he found my assessments to be quite accurate.

What you are about to endure will be at once the most terrifying, exciting and comforting experience of your life. I have enough to worry about right now, though, to get into all that.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

211. His fur is chewy

but not really Easter egg candy like.
More like kind of like a garlic-flavored
washrag.

[TrogL]

214. Why were you chewing on its fur?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

222. I wasn't.

I asked him and he told me. Well, he told
the whole village.

[felonious thunk]

215. Does it often stick together

like a wet sock to your foot?

Does petting its fur discolor your hand (or glove as it were) like a dandelion rubbed on your favorite shirt?

I also asked an amateur haberdasher I know, and he thought both of these were accurate.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

223. Your questions is like a pome.

His fur does get gummy
especially in the fog
but the golden stays on him
like the green on a frog.

[WilliamPitt]

216. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I just died laughing. Bury me. I'm dead.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

224. Not so fast.

Osc has healing powers.

[TrogL]

236. Then let him heal me

The Messiah has come
in an unfamiliar form.
He builds in the attic
the next Jerusalem.

A combination of many forms
perhaps trying to be all things to all people.
Not failing but perhaps as hard to approach
as the original Christ.

His wise visage gazes upon us
through unfamiliar eyes
and a form unseemly
born in peril and confusion.

Let Him look upon my nakedness.
Let Him look into my soul.
Let Him look beyond the surface
into the brokenness of my desire.

Time shudders to an end.
The trump prepares to sound.
We have shattered the sky
and broken the sea.

Finally I weep.
It is over.

Oscar, my love.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

243. That pome is scary

like a pome should be.
I think I might wait a while
before showing it to Oscar.
There's nothing like a radical mixed animal
with a Messiah complex. I can just hear him
on the Mount with his ten olaters and his
loudspeaker. I got enough problems in this
village as it is.

MOB: Hey, isn't that your mixed animal on the Mount?
ME: No, I don't believe I know the fellow.
MOB: Yeah, I think it is, I think that's
your mixed animal.
ME: No, I never heard of him before.
MOB: Yes, you did.
ME: No, I did not!

Cockadoodledo.

[Robb]

219. Good Lord, this thread.

Check inside his fur, see if he has a copy of Biedermann und die Brandstifter. :shrug:


Heck, could be.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

225. OK I had to look that up.

By Max Frisch, English name of play, The Firebugs,
"dark comedy" about rise of Hitler, the firebugs
apparently being Nazis. Osc I believe may be fond of
both dark political comedy. From a website
about the play:

"Biedermann tries vainly to befriend the firebugs,
hoping that by doing so he will avert their plans
to burn his house and the district. He even goes
so far as to offer them matches, telling his wife,
"If they were really firebugs, do you think they
wouldn't have matches? Don't be foolish, Babbette!"

We will look futher into this.

[DuctapeFatwa]

230. Maybe he is building a soundstage in the basement, for a Firebugs revival

starring the Olson twins and Paris Hilton as Hitler.

Somehow I sense that Oscar is a feminist.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

232. Maybe he is building a basement in the attic

cuz we do not have a basement.
In regard to feminism, I'm afraid he is
still fighting the caveman influences
of his "creator" Uncle Leonard who was
known for having a number of wives go on
vacation suddenly and never be heard from
again. The woods is a dark realm that
embraces and digests everything that happens
in it. Oscar, a sensitive brute, struggles
woozily against the amorality of that wilderness,
with respect to females and many other important
earthly issues. Like right now, he just finished
devouring a gallon of Rite-Aid pistachio low-carb
frozen yogurt, and there is a poingnant lesson
in his mighty struggle to get his head out of the
empty carton.

[TrogL]

242. Given everything else we know, that makes perfect sense

It's an exercise in topology's interface with string theory.

More information here http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap011231.html and here http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap040120.html.

I've been working on this for awhile.

Where I have trouble is where to bring synchronicity into it. You see, if the synchronistic hook is first order, then even navigating a structure so simple as a tesseract (which Oscar appears to be able to do) becomes extremely difficult. However, if it's second order or beyond it becomes relatively easy, but you need a separate mapping grid for the first order.

Given that I flunked linear algebra in University 'cause I had the flu and missed three lectures and then the prof was writing gibberish on the board and wouldn't help me get caught up and the textbook sucked someone with better skills than I can perhaps address that issue.

In the meantime, though, if this happens to Oscar again, suggest he put his head further in instead of trying to take it out.

Sorry about the coat hangers. I needed socks.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

245. Hey, Tesseract is Oscar's middle name.

He has theories he's working on that pass
behind his eyes like black holes
behind the blue sky. As far as synhcroncicity
goes, I think it is best to let it bring itself
into the topology. In my experience, syncrhonicity
laughs at grids, good-naturedly. Excellent take on
the yoguhrt carton/head quandairy. I'll tell him.

[TrogL]

253. I don't have time

The clock is ticking
as my mind melts
and dark forces gather
behind my back.

I need to reach out
beyond the ordinary
to reach the stuff
between the stars.

While earthly pursuits
can be interstitial,
there is no room
between the heavens
unless we make it ourselves.

Matter does not matter
in the greater scope of things,
a mere convenience,
a sop to the senses.

"To be or not to be"
is not the question,
"I think, therefore I am"
is missing the point.

The attributes remain hidden
until someone stumbles across them
by painful search through mind
and time.

Oscar, help....please!

[patdem]

217. If A-Swartzenegger ain't Al Franken-egger my name ain't Kitty Boo

and that's the troof!!!

The only person who can purchase an anteatenator is Al Franken..or his cousin, or his son/daughter...or his cousin's son/daughter or his uncle or his aunt...This man is TOO FUNNY FOR WORDS...because gafaw is not a word..

and a hardy :kick: to the funniest post on ANY BOARD

[Lurker Number001976]

227. Walter Miller

Is that you?

Irregardless, this is by far the most creative and entertaining threads I've come across in ages, and I lurk on many, many boards...

[A-Schwarzenegger]

233. Who is Walter Miller?

That guy with the funny leg?

[Lurker Number001976]

240. Right here

http://www.waltermillerhomepage.com/

[A-Schwarzenegger]

241. Yes I am

not Walter Miller.
But this one was a knee slapper
where his granpop farted and ...
"It was so loud it set off the lamp in the other room which was attached to the clapper."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

234. Gosh thanks to everybody that is made

this thread a fun and wonderful and
mysterious living thing.

[demnan]

239. Does Oscar have a Tin Drum?

does he read Gunter Grass?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

247. Well, he *looks* at Gunter Grass.

I mean I have no way of knowing if he
understands what he reads. I can
ask him about it, but he has a Zennishly
roundabout way of answering questions
that leaves you shaking your head, farrowing
your brow and making a kind of pained smile.
E.G., he was reading Metamorphosis the other
day and I hooked him to the olaters and asked
him how he liked it. He goes, "You'd be better
off asking yourself how you like it."

[WilliamPitt]

237. This thread will not die yet

[brook]

238. Oscar lives!n/t

[myrna minx]

244. Will Oscar watch the State of the Union speech?

Have you considered, as a public service of course, translating the State of the Union through the omni-olater? Perhaps it could provide a better understanding of what bush is actually saying. :shrug:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

250. He's a little blue this morning.

But I like yer idea. A Busholater.

[LynneSin]

246. Ok, when the hell will we let this thread die

please!!!

[TrogL]

248. We are still exploring Oscar's attempts

to manipulate:

• his "owner"
  
• our emotions
  
• his home environment
  
• the space-time continuum
  

[LynneSin]

249. Maybe we can write-in Oscar's name in the New Hampshire primaries

Since he seems more popular than all of the democratic candidates combined

[A-Schwarzenegger]

251. Amen!

If it dont die soon I'm going to have
to junk my dialup. You know, Oscar has a
soft spot in his mixed heart for Howard,
like you, and I think that's why yer both
in a kind of a bum mood this morning maybe.
You may not be in the best frame of mind to
take it in, but I ast him what was up and
he said, "Tao. 30. Last four lines." Which
are:

"Force is followed by loss of strength.
This is not the way of Tao.
That which goes against the Tao
comes to an early end."

[TrogL]

254. OSCAR UNDERSTANDS!!!!

We can't let this die.
We approach the truth
by the calculus of the unknown
and the unknowing.

Our stumbling way is illuminated
by Oscar's sieve.
Cannot cut the sleeve
and disturb Shroedinger's pet
or all will end
before I'm ready.

Gabriel's on deck
and time is of the essence
of life, which many feel
must be preserved.

That will occur, but
by a methodology unimaginable.

We must pray.

[TrogL]

255. On a more practical note

(changed my mind)

I'll start a new thread...The Tao of Oscar.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=663920

[TrogL]

301. ...which appears to have sunk in oblivion

Oh, well.

[Stephanie]

252. I suggest you sell Oscar on EBay

He will certainly fetch as much as "ghost in a jar."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

259. How much did ghost in a jar fetch?

I would never sell him.
I might rent him for a while.

[Shananigans]

256. Wait!!!

Please don't harm him... my little brother has been missing for WEEKS and I think you found him! Please send him back. He may be a bit funny looking and not quite human, but he's still my little brother and I love him.

Please return him to:

Shan's Family Funny Farm
200 Zoo Road
Kennel # 54
Minneapolis, MN 55416

Thanks so much and let me know where I can send the shipping money. By the way...he really likes bananas and wheat bread. I swear to you that if he ever acts up just feed them to him and he will calm right down and go to sleep. As for the snoring, I recommend BreathRight strips. My ma used to slap them on him all the time and it worked like a charm.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

257. Weird.

Only dog I ever had (a collie) was named Shan.
Bananas have lots of trytophan is why he conks out.
But so does a gallon of pistachio yogurt.
I'd have to shave his nose for the strips to work.
I kind of like the plurppling sound anyway.

EDIT: And far as shipping him somewhere goes, he's
free to wander where & when he wants. I got no more
control over him and what he does than I do over, eh,
what anybody does. He puts me on ignore all the time...

[Shananigans]

258. but...but...

he might not remember how to get home... Please send him back. He's the only little brother I have!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

261. What's in it for me?

I fed him, I give him an attic, I been
through heck to keep him viable.
I developed a fondness for him that
would tear my heart in two to have to pack
a lunch and send him off to you on a bus
without reasonable recompense.

[Shananigans]

264. Money...

If you send my little brother back I will send you all the money I have...it's not much but...it's all we have here on the farm.

Without Oscar our life is miserable. Will you do me a favor and scratch that little spot right above his butt...he loves that...He'll know it's from his big sis..

[trof]

260. Would somebody just shoot this thread?

MODS?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

263. Even Oscar knows how to click on that little x in that little box.

TROF?

[brook]

265. Shoot?

Don't you know what kinda trouble that'd bring? Can't you see?
Oscar's at the SOTU, fer gawd's sake! He's running the darned teleprompter. I heard that he wrote the speech...using a smidgeon of Hesse, a tad of Orwell - and a few choice excerpts from Castenada. The finish is rumoured to be BIG...containing some recent advice from Kesey.

BTW, the red kayak was found near the sand spit this afternoon, strewn with sand dollars, an empty briefcase, and a container of blue cheese that was past it's *sell by* date. Oh...and a Julio Inglesias CD.

[everdene]

262. About Oscar--How do you know he's a "he?"

Are you thinking of breeding Oscar eventually?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

279. I don't!

I am taking his word for it. If I told you
I was this or that, wouldn't you take my
word for it? I would never ever breed him,
except for money.

[everdene]

309. A-Schwarzenegger, I promise I'll believe you...

Are you "this" or a "that?"

[A-Schwarzenegger]

313. Absolutely!

[burythehatchet]

266. Where does Oscar stand on same sex unions?

[brook]

268. I could be wrong..

but I'm not sure Oscar does 'stands'. I think if it's really an issue he cares about, he scampers sideways, then jumps incredibly high, and might do the hay bale manuver...then gives that awry, unfocused but artfully earnest look. With just a slight lip curl. It's almost as if he took acting lessons from Jack Nicholson.

I'm only guessing here. I don't know Oscar. I'm not certain I've ever seen him. He just invades my dreams and mismanages my days...and I think he's using my computer...because I'm not here now. But I was here then.

[DuctapeFatwa]

270. I think Oscar represents the union of all energy and matter

outside the artificial construct of the space-time continuum.

He is after all, a mixed animal with golden, chewy fur.

[blindpig]

274. does that mean he's capable of teleportation?

seems like I heard once that monitor lizards could do that. Has he been helping my dogs bust loose? The time frame is suspicious.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

283. I don't know what he can or can't not do but

he is perfecting chameleonics. If he
remains still for about two minutes he
blends into whatever the background is.
He was standing in front of the TV during
the SOTU last night and after a few minutes
he blended into the Congressional chamber
and I forgot he was there and when * said the
line about WMD-related program activities I
threw a football at the screen and Oscar caught
it in his mouth and suddenly reappeared. It was
disconcerting. And then he went around and kept
knocking everybody's drinking glasses off the
coffee table. My sister Shane got a big kick out
of that. In fact, she almost smiled.

[TrogL]

288. You mean like cats that can walk through walls?

If you have prescience and telekinesis, do you really need teleportation? What would be the point?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

290. The Point of Fun!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

280. He supports all unions.

He is a strong union mixed animal.
He was sad to see Gepbhartd bow out.

[nemo137]

267. if you ever get around to cloning him, i want one.

[Rhiannon12866]

273. Me, too, as long as I can be assured that he won't eat my little dog

Have you told us what he likes to eat and I missed it? That would surely help determine what species went into his makeup.:shrug:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

286. Yes his diet has been detailed but

I don't think it will help you.
His basic menu: Everything.
Sawdust, pistachio yogurt, compost, rug,
spaghetti, rust, photographs of himself, etc.
I believe there is some goat in him.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

287. I'm afraid

if we did clone him, it would turn out
different depending on where we got the
gene from or whatever they take. If I
recall correctly, when they were first
trying to clone a burro, they took one gene
from his head and got a donkey, and one gene
from his butt and got a horse. An amateur
zoologist friend of mine has identified a
minimum of 15 species in Oscar, so you could
clone him and come up with about anything.
He's a being that defies quality control.

[hedgetrimmer]

269. has it escaped?

there was some strange creature hauling ass down our street and scared the screech out of our cats... was it your mixed-breed?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

289. He cannot escape

because he is not ... containable
in the first place. It's hard to explain.
He is the most self-absorbed being I have
ever seen. Even when he is studying your
face like it was a treasure map, you have
the feeling like he doesn't even know you
are there. He is completely un-self-conscious
and seems to care for nothing but doing whatever
he wants to do whenever he wants to do it. At
the same time, he bears no ill grudges against
others, as far as I know. When I threw the football
at the SOTU/TV and he caught it, he gave me a quick look
like, Ah-ah-ah, but then he brought me the football and
commenced knocking water glasses off the table as it
were his job. So, no, he did not escape because he has
nothing to escape from.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

271. I had an uncle named Oscar

I wonder if it is him?

[Dookus]

272. hrmm...

did his snoring sound like someone shaking a can of plums, and did he have ears like waffles?

[TrogL]

285. My grandfather was named Oscar

[A-Schwarzenegger]

291. Does he get his head stuck in Pistachio cartons?

Does he tuck moths into his mouth like chewing tobacco?
Does he burrow into the compost and then come inside
and shake his fur? Does he breathe onto mirrors to
pretend that he is lost in a fogbank? Etc?

[creativelcro]

275. Mine is pink, has 3 horns, 4 tails, spits fires, and sings too...

:)
Sorry, without a picture the default assumption is that this thread is a hoax.

[Shananigans]

276. Why do people have to try and ruin the fun?

I mean...get a life here creativelcro and others like you. Who cares if others are having fun believing...or pretending to believe. It's not doing you any harm.

You remind me of the bully in 4th grade who told me there was no Santa Clause. I stood up for Santa then and continued to believe, just as I am standing up for Oscar now!

LONG LIVE OSCAR!!!!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

281. *snicker* Oscar exists...you need only to believe

[myrna minx]

282. I base my life on Oscar's teachings.

:hi:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

292. Somebody has a sig quote from Camus

about following, leading and friendship.
I believe Oscar would furrow his fur thoughtfully,
stare off into the distance, purse his lips
slightly, and nod Lao-tseishly if he saw that sig.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

284. Oscar don't do default assumptions.

[Maddy McCall]

277. I think I know who Oscar is.

He's Chaka from Land of the Lost.



Chaka became unemployed in the late 1970s, after the series lost its viewership. Not one to consider his future, Chaka had neglected to build retirement savings and had impulsively spent his income on wine, hookers, and cocaine. He went to the county welfare agency, but was told that he could not receive aid because his pelt would be considered an asset that would bring income beyond the federal poverty limit.

In frustration, Chaka headed for the hills, where he met a nice elderly gentleman who supported Chaka until the gentleman passed away recently. Word has it that Land of the Lost marketers are looking for Chaka--he should be receiving royalties for rebroadcasts of the show. However, he is in backpayment on child support for the offspring he fathered with a female Sleestack, so that negates any profits he could potentially make.



A-Schwarz, do you have Chaka? Or possibly the Sleeslack-Chaka offspring?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

293. I have never heard of them before but

I like Sleestak! He looks like a half-formed
unicorn turtle!

[Shananigans]

278. I miss Oscar...

I know people are sick of hearing about him...but they can just ignore me. I miss him... Will he ever be coming home??? If not can I forward his things to you?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

294. He has a vacation coming up.

I will put him on the bus.

[Shananigans]

295. You are so kind!!!

Will you please remember to pack his Minnesota Wild baseball cap and silver Yoga leotard. He'd be rather out of place at home without them.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

297. You should see him in that Wild cap

and leotards, gingerly playing the drums
that Leonard also left me, and singing
"Knockin' on Heaven's Door" through the olaters,
his poingantly off-key crooning washing over our
sleepy village: "Momma, put my guns in the ground ... "

[DuctapeFatwa]

302. Please let us know when Oscar arrives

I am worried about him on the bus, but airline travel being what it is these days, he will probably be more comfortable. Maybe he will have an interesting seatmate at whom he can gaze fixedly in an absent-minded sort of way. If he is lucky, she will be a comfortable fat lady who will go to sleep and he can rest comfortably on her shoulder and search for crumbs in her collar.

Is Oscar the only mixed animal in your family?

[Shananigans]

303. Oscar isn't what I would call an animal...

He's my little brother! Duh!

And although he may be of skeptical origin (momma wasn't too picky about who kept her warm at night) he's still my brother.

I do have an older sister who resembles a half eaten coyote...she' aint the cutest thing around, but that didn't stop ol' edgar johnson from marryin' her.

Myself...I think I'm the bestest lookin in the family. Momma says I don't bring in too much money for the zoo, but at least I gots me big muscles to help run the place.

[DuctapeFatwa]

306. A mixed animal is not the same as a regular animal

Besides, Oscar is an existentialist.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

315. I wouldn't worry about him.

I would worry about the bus and the driver
and the passengers and the towns he passes
through. He has a way of being distracted
and there is no guarantee he'll get to where
he started going. I put an electronic bracelet
and a Lojack and a UPS tagger on him to keep
track of where he is or isn't at all times.
Greyhound reassured me they would keep an eye
on him and make sure he got back on after rest
stops etc. But you know what? I just can't worry
about it, even though at the moment I don't have
any thing else to worry about, I still just can't
worry about a semi-wild mixed animal on a bus trip.

[Osiris]

298. I want to get a word in before this gets locked...

There once was a man named Enis.
He had a great big......

[Osiris]

299. 300?

D'oh. 299 :(

[TopesJunkie]

300. I knew Oscar way back.

What a rascal, er, I mean ardvaark-badger. Yeah, that's right, mixed animals hyphenate!

[jukes]

304. Two

words, A/S: “SCREENPLAY!”

[brook]

307. I've been thinking...

children's book for grown-ups. The illustrations! Can you imagine how wonderful they'd be?

[TrogL]

310. I love children's books

They're so wonderfully sureal.

I grew up with the Dick and Jane stories. Even at that age I knew there was something fundamentally wrong with them, and something different with me. Jane looked like a skank and Dick was really hot but my all-time favourite has to be One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

312. I like it.

An 8-year-old kid was here today and he
just started reading what I was writing
so I started showing him the thread. He was
digging it but I found myself skipping things
enough to where yeah it seemed adult some.
I'd like to look into that kind of a thing,
children's book for grown-ups. I don't know
no illustrators though.

[Dookus]

314. Surely

there's an amateur illustrator among your circle of friends!

Or give Oscar some paper and crayons and see what he does. Probably eat the crayons, I guess, but it's worth a try.

[myrna minx]

320. I love the book idea.

I line up to purchase it, autographed, of course. :hi:

[brook]

321. Maybe...

we should have a contest? Aspiring illustrators could pick one post and submit their drawing depicting that part of Oscar's story?

I can't help thinking that Oscar's story would be a huge success...enough to earn a nest egg to keep him in attics for the rest of his life!

edited to add: Crassness of money aside - the world needs Oscar's story!

[A-Schwarzenegger]

331. Hmm nobody seems to be storming the gate.

Maybe Oscar is easier to imagine than to picture.
I promise that if this fiasco took off that dear
mixed animal would get every single penny of the
10 per cent I would let him have, minus handling
charges.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

305. DIE THREAD DIE!!!!

That is all.

[brook]

308. oh piffle!

Assuming you have opposible thumbs, toggle your ignore button. 'kay?

[burrowowl]

311. I second your

Oh piffle!

[myrna minx]

319. Ummmm...there is a hide function

if you find this to be so offensive. Sheesh.

[blindpig]

316. woke up this morning thinking of Oscar

what the hell is wrong with me?

[Shananigans]

323. Nothing at all...

Oscar has a tendancy to become a huge part of peoples lives...I think it's that brain power thing..

[A-Schwarzenegger]

332. me too

Well I woke up this *afternoon* thinking of the
little smelly unidentifyable scamp, wondering how he is
doing on the Greyhound to Mexico to visit Shanneee.
I can see him now almost, sitting on the bus, in his
red plaif vest, looking out the window, humming
"Shrimp Boats are a-comin, they're a-comin tonight,"
and gnawing on the tear-stained tofurkey samdwich I
packed with my own hands. He is probably thinking
things about his attic project which of course now
that he is absent from the premises I could easily
slip in there and study it at my leisure, but if I
want him to trust me than I have to be trustworthy
myself and respect his privacy as long as I can.

[jimbo fett]

317. What's the record for the longest thread? Is this dead horse the longest?

[TrogL]

324. There is no death

Horses cannot die.
Death is an illusion of matter
which veils our sight of God.

Oscar has come to lift the veil
like a bride before her husband
or the widow setting aside her weeds.

When John spoke of the broken sky
and rent ground he hinted of this,
but spoke in parables much like Oscar
and his predecessor.

Oscar should take warning at His fate
and fear those who fail to understand
the "other", unless it's happening again.

I should stop slouching.

[Shananigans]

325. Oscar will never die...he lives on in infamy (or was that Lincoln?)

:toast: :party: :bounce:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

333. Just like any dead thing that you like to beat

you will miss it when it's gone and you can't
beat it any more, but for right now it's in
your hands so beat it while you can.

[izzie]

318. OK I will ask. Did it vote for Bush?

n/t

[Shananigans]

322. Of COURSE NOT!

Oscar wouldn't vote for Bush in a million years. I believe at the time of the last election Oscar was away visiting a distant relative of his father's in Tazmania. Although he could have done the absentee ballot, he wasn't quite old enough to vote then. He did vote in a mock election at his school, but his candidate was not sucessful.

I am curious as to who he supports in the upcoming election. I haven't seen hide nor hair of Oscar since he started living in his current residence.

P.S. When exactly is his vacation? I need to make sure the barn is swept and the cages are cleaned before he gets here! We are gonna have a ho-down Minnesota celebration!

[burrowowl]

326. Make sure Oscar

doesn't ingest Ovid's Metamorphesus. He might end up as any manner of god or demi-god.

[myrna minx]

327. Perhaps there was ambrosia in that briefcase?

:shrug:

[burrowowl]

328. Ambrosia mixed with plutonium!?

hmmm. this might unlease a whole new world of strange creatures. Hope Oscar has a handle on it.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

336. I don't know about Ovid's

but I know he is fond of *Kafka's* Metamorphosis.
You know, the one where the guy woke up in bed on
his back with a whole bunch of his legs wiggling
in the air? He likes stories about other mixed animals.

[burrowowl]

344. In Ovid's Metamophesus

there are mixed beings as well. Those Greeks, who influenced the Romans, e.g. Ovid, had quite a thing about mixed beings.
I like Kafka's Meta as well.
I live in New Mexico and also know people in El Paso, will tell them to be on the lookout.
If he gets to Mexico City, I'll tell my Uncle to look out for him.

[DuctapeFatwa]

329. Oscar should be there by now! He got on the bus day before yesterday

Does he have a cell phone?

[Shananigans]

330. Oh NO!

He HASN'T arrived yet! I hope he didn't decide to stop off to visit Cousin Egner in Togo... Does anyone know what bus he got on? I will call Grayhound and ask them the whereabouts of him...

[A-Schwarzenegger]

337. I did slip a disposable cell phone in his backpack

at the last second but at the station
he was distracted by the bus noises and
exhaust and coughing and looking at gals and
I really don't think he heard the instructions
clear on how to use it. Plus I haven't used the
olaters on the phone. This was a sudden half-assed
trip that is turned from fiasco to brohaha. He's
in Mexico by now and suposed to be in Minnesota.
What else can go wrong? What has Uncle Leonard rot?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

335. Minnesota?!? Minne-SOTA?!?

Uh oh. I thought you said MEXICO.
Well, we got a problem, Houston. He is
headed to Mexico on the Greyhound, touching up
on his Spanish by Berlitz as he speeds through the
Southwest darkness by seatlight. In fact, before he
left, for three days he slept with the loudspeaker
under his pillow piping in Spanish lessons through a
reverse-olater hooked up to my phonograph. I thought
you were going to, you know, meet him at the
border and everything. Well, he's in for one big
sad suirprise when he gets off the bus and looks
around ready for a home-cooked meal and a hug and
there's nobody there to greet him. I wonder what
he's going to do. I wonder what trouble he's
going to get in. Gosh, I hate to think.

[DuctapeFatwa]

338. DUers in SW US, Mexico and vicinity, please be on the ALERT

to find Oscar and help him get back on the road to frosty Minnesota!

He has a UPS tracking tag, maybe someone can check and see if he has been accidentally delivered somewhere.

[Pobeka]

339. I still have 5 orbs of Oscar here in Oscarton.

You know, maybe we could get a volunteer from the crowd and try the impregnation again. I have a feeling that the beer party before the impregnation may have been the monkey wrench in the cogs of progress. Then we could get a few more Oscars and at least sent a consulation Oscar to Shannee.

I promise, no cult building this time...

[TrogL]

341. That's probably a good thing

Hopefully learned his lesson after the palm branches thing.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

334. You know I don't even know if he's old enough

to vote. I don't know how old he even is.
Or if he's an American actually, to be frank
and candid. I don't know if he's registered.
I don't know if he can write his name. He
obviously reads books with gusto and salt, so
one would imagine he can write if bark came
to bite. In olater-based conversations we have
had out on the veranda late at night, I gather
that he is a social liberal, but a little bit
conservative fiscally owing to the backwoods
influence of Uncle Leonard I suspect. I did once ask
Oscar what he thought of Bush. He twitched, stared
thoughtfully off into the lonely distance where
the lights of the cars wound through the darkened
foothills, and vomited over the balustrade.

[Resistance]

340. very interesting.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

342. Sort of like the American Civil War chat I had

You know with that learned professor of history, Heywood Jablome... we were talking the other day, and well, we found out that we were born on the same day and we were both thread killers,
so I assassinate you
I assassinate you
I assassinate you.

[burrowowl]

345. May all your threads become frayed

ne'er to enter the eye of a needle, WannaJumpMyScooter!

P.S. Killjoy.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

343. The Tao of heaven is pointed

but does no harm.

[absyntheNsugar]

346. OMG...this thread is still going.....

Im amazed...what do you say we try to keep this alive forever?

[Moderator]

347. I'm going to lock this for now

It's gotten so large that people on dial-up are having problems.