I think we need some drummer jokes

[PVnRT]

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"

How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!

--------------

One day a drummer sick of all of the "stupid drummer" jokes decided to change instruments. So he went to the local music store and said that he wanted to learn a new instrument. The store owner cheerfully replied ok and asked what he would be interested in playing. After looking around the shop he said I'll try those things over there, pointing to the accordion section.
After looking through the accordions from over an hour the shop keeper said, "Have you found what you looking for?"

The drummer replied, "Yes, I'll take that big red one over there."

The store keeper smiled and and stared laughing. When the drummer asked why he was laughing the store keeper replied, "Are you a drummer, son?"

"Yeah!" replied the drummer.

"Well that big red thing is a radiator"

-------------

What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend?
Homeless

[meegbear]

1. What do you call a person who follows musicians around and hangs around backstage?

The drummer.

[AllegroRondo]

2. more!

How do you get a drummer off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.



Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?

It took an hour to get the drummer out.



What do you do with a musician with no rhythm?

give him two sticks and make him a drummer.

What do you do when he still cant play?

take one stick away and make him a conductor.


How do you make a drummer's car go faster?

Take the Dominos sign off the roof.


Whats the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of 4.

[AllegroRondo]

4. Still more!

How can you tell if the stage is level?

Drool comes out both sides of the drummer's mouth.


A drummer dies and goes to Heaven.
St Peter meets him and gives him the grand tour. During the tour, the drummer hears someone playing, and it sounds incredibly like Buddy Rich.
He asks St Peter, "Buddy has always been an idol of mine. Can I meet him?"
St Peter says, "Sorry, thats just God. He thinks he's Buddy Rich."

[ghostsofgiants]

15. Haha, that Buddy Rich one is good.

[guitar man]

3. why do drummers

have just one more brain cell than horses?

So they don't shit in the middle of the parade! :rofl:

[underpants]

10. Oh man that and the family of 4 joke are killing me

HAHAHAHA

[unpossibles]

5. what does a stripper do with her a**hole before she goes to work?

drops him off at band practice.

How can you tell if a drummer is at your door?

the knocking keeps speeding up and slowing down.

[Parche]

6. LITTLE DRUMMER JOY

What do you call a Drummer in a Volkswagen?
Farfromthinken.


Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!


What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.


Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.

Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot

How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

What's the last thing the band wants to hear the drummer say?
"Hey guys, wanna try one of my songs?"

What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
"Would you like fries with that sir?"

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

[TheBaldyMan]

7. What do you call a drummer that can read music?

A percussionist.

[riverdeep]

8. these are good,

Here's one I heard from a drummer:

What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

[bif]

9. What's the definition of a band?

Three musicians and a drummer.

[leftofthedial]

11. How can you tell the stage is level

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth

[Rockit]

12. Thats the best drummer joke.

It works well for banjo players as well :)

[leftofthedial]

13. banjo player is on the way to a gig, his trusty banjo in its case on the back seat.

On the way, he stops to get some coffee, locks the car, goes inside. When he comes back, he is horrified to see the window of his car smashed. He looks inside and there on the back seat are *two* banjos.

[AllegroRondo]

14. what's the definition of perfect pitch?

when you throw an accordion in the dumpster and hit a banjo.

[billyskank]

16. What's the best thing about a drum solo?

It means the bass solo is finished.

[Blue-Jay]

23. Didja hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?

Took him two hours to get the bass player out.

[AllegroRondo]

17. yet another one

A drummer dies and goes to heaven. He's waiting in line at the gates with many other people. St Peter is questioning them before they can get in.

St Pete: "So, what did you do on Earth"
Man: "I was a computer programmer."
St Pete: "Well, your papers are in order, come on in."

St Pete: "So, what did you do?"
Woman: "I was a doctor""
St Pete: "OK, your papers are in order, come on in."

St Pete: "So, what did you do?"
Drummer: "I was a drummer in a rock band."
St Pete: "OK, go around back and come in through the kitchen."

[AllegroRondo]

18. still more

whats the difference between a drummer dead on the side of the road, and a snake dead on the side of the road?

the snake may have actually been on his way to a gig.

[pdx_prog]

19. Why do drummers always wear towels around their necks?

Because drums don't have spit valves

[gmoney]

20. Amy Rigby has a song with these...

"Tonight I'm Gonna Give the Drummer Some"

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=23959338&s=143441&i=23959325

When she does the song live, there's a break where she tells drummer jokes and takes them from the audience, including...

"What's the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?"

"The savings bond will mature and earn money..."

*rimshot*

[Hand]

21. Here's one that NONE of you have ever heard.

Robert Gates comes into Chimpy's office and sez, "Sir, yesterday five Brazilian drummers were killed in Iraq."

Chimpy sez, "Oh, no! That's just terrible!" He slumps down in his chair in shock. All of his staffers are amazed at how deeply the news has affected their lord and master.

Then Chimpy turns to Gates and sez, "How many is a brazillion?"

:hide:

[ashling]

26. And the Award for the most unexpected

use of the brazillion oke goes to .....
:rofl:

[Hand]

29. Thank ya, thank ya very much...

I'm here all week! Don't forget to tip yer waitress!

[pdx_prog]

22. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

You only have to punch the informtion into a drum machine ONCE.

[Blue-Jay]

24. A drum machine doesn't try to sing when you spill beer in it.

[AllegroRondo]

25. A band was travelling in a pick up truck

that went off the road and into a lake.

The guitar and bass players in the cab were able to get the doors open and swim to safety. But the drummer riding in the bed couldn't get the tailgate down, and drowned.

[Throd]

27. What was the last thing the drummer said before he was fired?

Hey guys, I wrote a song!

[deepthought42]

28. What do you call a guy who hangs out w/musicians?

The drummer.

:P