A heartbreakingly sad situation. I'd like to know what you think.

[lildreamer316]

My husband works at a country bar/saloon on the weekends. He's been there about five months. Knows several people there from other bars, but is good friends with everyone there. Bar fire capacity is about 750. Always had a good reputation; lots of fun there. It is close to a local university; so they run a college night on Wed. and then regular country nights on Friday and Saturday. They intersperse bands with the dj spinning country and top 40 on those nights. They just had Little Big Town play last month.

Husband LOVES working there and they take very good care of him. They were even instrumental in him getting his other dj job that is in the nicest gentleman's club in two states. It's like a family at this club.

Well; last thursday the owner rented the bar out for a private party via a promoter who came and asked for it. This party featured a rap act performing. The only people at the bar that were employees were the bouncers; and they were only at the door and inside. The local sheriff's office had OFF-DUTY officers patrolling the parking lot. This is normal procedure.

About 2 or so a huge, huge brawl/riot started inside. It made it's way outside to the parking lot and got bigger and bigger. Somewhere in all this; two things happened: the off-duty sheriffs called the local city police to back them up; and one of the bouncers decided that it was too big to handle and went and got his own gun and fired it into the air (bullet did not hit anyone). This; in turn; caused some of the brawlers to get their guns out and open fire.

A local police officer was shot and later died.
The shooter was not caught for about 6 days.

The local news jumped on this like crazy; saying the club had multiple violations. It has had about 6 calls out (police) for fights and one citation for serving an underage drinker (not sure that stuck; just a report/complaint made) The other violations noted were for the club that was there before it became what it is now. Not even the same owner.

Of course the club was going to close for awhile out of respect; but the ALE also pulled their liquor license. This weekend the owner decided to open as a fundraiser (no alcohol; a band volunteered to play for free; employees worked for free also; donating their pay) for the family of the officer. However; when the money was offered to both the family and the police organization; they both severely refused.(I was told they literally said "we don't want your fucking money")

Husband said the police were swarming all over the lot last night; pulling everyone who left the club. He said it felt very menacing.

There seems to be a general police ABC/ALE and community will to force the place to close.
It is heartbreaking; because it was a good and clean place to go. There really was not a history of violence or problems of any sort.

I certainly understand the police's pain, and I am sure I will not come close to knowing the officer's family's pain ever. I would not dare to say that I could. (I did lose a fiance in a wreck, but it is not the same).

But I wish that they could see their way to understanding that all these people who work at the bar are heartbroken and in pain also, and it only hurt more to have their honest effort thrown back in their face.

It just sucks. I hate that there is so much anger and pain. And I hate that I can see this may turn very, very ugly - serious race issues are lurking on the other side of this if everyone is not careful.

The owner doesn't know what to do. He says he is damned at every turn. Yes, I feel he should understand that he takes this kind of risk when he accepts a private party. However,as he pointed out to a few people, he thinks that if he had rejected this party he would have been called a racist.

What do YOU think he should do? I don't really know myself; being privy to feeling for both sides.
It's just hell. I am glad husband has another, more stable job.


ON EDIT: after re-reading it seems I am more on the side of the bar; when I really am not--it is a horrible thing that happened and I can fully understand the police and the family being so angry. Just wanted to say that.

[Nicole]

1. You can't blame the family for not accepting the money.

Everyone grieves in their own way. If refusing that money helps them in that process, then who has a right to tell them otherwise? I'm sure the heartbreak & pain of the employees doesn't mean anything to them right now, their own heartbreak & pain is much bigger than that.

[lildreamer316]

2. Oh, I would never.

Didn't mean to imply that--I just felt that the money could help them; and it wasn't the club's direct fault for this happening.
So very sad.

[Nicole]

9. I didn't think you were.

I was just trying to answer this:

"But I wish that they could see their way to understanding that all these people who work at the bar are heartbroken and in pain also, and it only hurt more to have their honest effort thrown back in their face."

I agree with you that the money would probably help them. However grief sometimes doesn't let people do the sensible thing, you know what I mean?

If I were the club owner, I would hang on to the money to donate it at a later date. Often times bank funds are set up for people to donate to after something like this. The club owner could donate the money then & the family wouldn't know who it came from.

[lildreamer316]

12. I thought of that too.

But I think they are being allowed to donate to a fund that is there for fallen officer's families; so it will in a way help those it was intended to. Not sure about this though; the decision will be made for sure after tonight's take.
If the bar makes it through the night; that is.I have serious feelings it may not.
Thanks for your input...

[petronius]

3. That's really rough - I understand the police being angry

(actually I don't really understand, having never lost a friend that way), but they are wrong to take it out on the bar.

As for the fundraiser money - does your state have a charity for the families of fallen officers?

[lildreamer316]

5. That's exactly what ..

they ended updoing with the money. Thank goodness that charity is taking it...

[auntAgonist]

4. that is so sad lildreamer

I'm sure the owner and employees meant only the best in doing the fundraiser. :hug: for you and your husband. Condolences to the family of the deceased officer.

A sad situation all round.

:hug:

aA
kesha

[Maddy McCall]

6. The bouncer who pulled the gun and fired into the air is an idiot.

The owner should ceremoniously fire that bouncer and then publicly offer to cooperate with ALE/ABC and any law enforcement group who is investigating.

A similar situation happened in my hometown about fifteen years ago. They bouncer that pulled the gun got shot by a patron. The bar never recovered, and was burned down in the middle of the night not long after that incident.

I've found that a lot of bouncer/rent-a-cops have an authority complex. Terribly sad that this one ended with a dead cop.

[lildreamer316]

11. He is in jail.

And yes; he's a dumbass.
Funny you should say that;I was thinking the bar may be messed with or set on fire.
I don't see how this bar could recover either.
Thanks for your input..... (good to see you!)

[Maddy McCall]

14. Good to see you, too.

This whole situation is a tragedy. Just a terrible situation for everyone involved.

[KitchenWitch]

7. That is really sad!

I hate the "Us vs Them" mentality of many police federations. I can understand the family not wanting the money, but I think the Police department could go a long way with softening their attitude. It sounds like the bar and its employees were NOT to blame in this situation.

[Maddy McCall]

13. I think that there was much culpability on the part of the bouncer and club owner, if...

...the news items i just found are about the same situation.

I just googled "police officer shot" and "bouncer" and found this...sounds like the same situation, though it may not be:

http://www.wfmynews2.com/news/mostpopular/article.aspx?storyid=80639&provider=top

http://triad.johnlocke.org/blog/?p=514

[lildreamer316]

16. We were under the impression..

That he had a permit for the gun.
It's been a bit confusing. Of course this should not be possible if he is a convicted felon.
However. I don't know him personally (husband does).
NOT that that fact excuses the stupid actions he did.
I dunno. From what I know of the owner he would not state something like that if he didn't feel that truly, but in a situation like this one never knows what stress can do.
We will see...

[Dangerously Amused]

8. It might depend on how the money was offered.

If it wasn't done tactfully it may seem more like a bribe to get any media and police pressure (extra patrols, etc.) to lighten up. BUT... even if it was done beautifully, those people may be in too much pain right now to understand and/or appreciate the kindness in the gesture.

I would say hang on to the money, keep it in an account gathering interest somewhere, and try again in a few months. But this time have the checks accompanied with a sympathy card signed by the many who raised the money, and a thoughtful letter further expressing sincere condolences and the true intent of the gift.

If they still reject it after that, well... I guess then donate it to an alternate charity.

Good luck.

[amitten]

10. I mean no offense, but I've read a lot of your posts, and every

time I do I think to myself, "That poor broad needs to move to a different city or something."

I don't know why, it's just the vibe I always get. Have you ever considered just packing it up and headin' down the road a bit?

[lildreamer316]

15. Ha!

No really; nail on head there.
We do want to move; and husband's other job I mentioned is actually in a bigger city two hours away(yes; he drives that every night he works!) I believe this area is just headed in the wrong direction and lead by very clueless people.
Our biggest problem is that the house we live in is mine-sorta. It's actually in trust for me and does not come into my direct posession for another six years. My mother was pissed because I am a stripper and wrote her will this way. My uncle is the executor. SO, I live in a free house (!!!!) BUT that means it is harder to sell. Options of course incude moving anyway and renting or leasing; but without the capital from the sale of this house we are not going to qualify to buy one there; due to shitty credit on both our parts.
So, it's really a wait-and-see thing. I am sure a way will be made, and probably soon, but everything hasn't come together yet.
Ohh yes. We are SOOOOOOOOOOOO outta here when it does.

[amitten]

17. I'm glad to hear that. I thought maybe you didn't realize how bad

things frequently are, and how often they seem related to the area you live in.

Obviously, you're clear on both points (you never know online...)!

I hope things look up for you soon, in every way.