What Will The Epitaph On Your Headstone Be?

[arwalden]

Remember... it needs to fit on a grave marker or headstone... so 20 words or fewer.

I've always laughed at the one that says "I TOLD you I was sick!"... but if I had to write one now mine will probably say "Oh My Gay Stars!"

-- Allen

[LynneSin]

1. Allen, we're just going to engrave your duck on your tombstone

My parents & grandparents have scenic backgrounds on their tombstones so I think we can put your duck on yours.

And we'll have a looping tape of the Carwash LP playing at your site!!!

:P

[arwalden]

20. And Endless "Carwash" Loop... That's Wonderful!!! Very Funny.

I just love it.

-- Allen

[LynneSin]

26. People will fly from all over the world...

just to boogie at your tombstone!!

What a fitting ending!

[WillParkinson]

2. Here lies Will...

And that's all he ever does...LIES, LIES, LIES!

[eek]

6. I just want to be composted

no embalming, no stone
Just organic matter for our pals, the Flora

(after anything useful is scooped out and recycled) :hippie:

[Kamika]

3. Here lies Sue Xxxxxxxx:

"HAH I got the last word!"

[7th_Sephiroth]

64. *lol*

i got a better one babe

[DS1]

4. Damn, you're heavy, stop standing on me.

:eyes:

[HereSince1628]

5. Do not open door while refuse is burning

[FunBobbyMucha]

7. Two Sting lyrics always struck me as headstone fodder.

"Woke up in my clothes again this morning..."

and

"After today, consider me gone."

[grannylib]

9. *lol* good ones...I plan to be cremated, but if my survivors feel the need

to inter some ashes and have a place to go for remembering, I guess I would just like it to say something like what is on my daughter's: hers says "Loving Mother, Daughter and Fiancee" (she died right before the wedding)
so mine could be wife, mother, daughter or something. Simple.

[quispquake]

8. "Wish You Were Here"

He he...

[ret5hd]

10. What an asshole...but some people kinda' liked 'im.

[Loonman]

11. "I told you I'd shoot, but you wouldn't listen to me"

"why didn't you listen to me?"

[Bronco69]

12. "If you think it's hot up there!"

:-)

[MissMillie]

13. "Wow, that went by quickly...."

Actually, I want to be creamated, but I thought that would be a pretty good one.

[lovedems]

14. Sausage or Pepperoni?

Sorry, just couldn't resist from the commercials a couple years back. :)

[Mikimouse]

15. Yo God! Wanna go double or nothing?

n/t

[underpants]

16. Popcorn

:bounce:

[moof]

17. moof is everywhere

born ,##,##,19##

Escaped to sea

To rejoin the Circle of Life

##,##,2###

[Radical__Moderate]

18. What are you looking at

[bearfan454]

19. Here lies bearfan454

A died in the wool Democrat and Chicago Bear fan from birth to death !

[Elidor]

21. "I was expecting this, but not quite so soon"

I forget who came up with that one.

[RandomKoolzip]

22. "HE COULDN'T STOP FARTING"

RANDOM W. KOOLZIP 1975-?
R.I.P.

[arwalden]

23. I Recall Reading About A Headstone Epitaph Poem With "Fuckyou" ...

... as the first letters in each line of text. Like this:

For here lies our friend
Under the earth who was
Carried away by heavenly
Kings and Queens... blah blah blah

Obviously those aren't the words... they don't even have the correct rhythm, syllable count, or rhyme. But you see what I'm talking about (I hope).

I don't know if it was real or an urban legend or a digital photo hoax... but I recall seeing a picture of it too.

Do you remember this?

-- Allen

[underseasurveyor]

46. I've seen one like that....it says

John,
Free you body and soul
Unfold your powerful wings
Climb up the highest mountains
Kick your feet up in the air
you may now live forever
Or return to this earth
Unless you feel good where you are

Missed by your friends.........

:evilgrin:

[bikebloke]

24. "I requested cremation, you eejits"

I read about something called a Natural Death Society (or close to that). They put you in a biodegradable box or cotton shroud for burial. Then plant a tree over top. Your body then nutures the tree. I like that idea. No worry about it now, as I intend to live to 130, just to spite any decendants I might have.

[LTR]

25. I'll go out in a ball of flames

[Blue-Jay]

27. "All things considered, it was a pretty good ride"

[Cat Atomic]

28. When I get out of here I'm going to eat your brain.

Why not. Scare the kiddies.

[XNASA]

29. "Here Lies an Athiest....

All dressed up and no place to go."

[arwalden]

31. Snarf!

Who would have guessed that hot coffee spraying out of my nostrils would be so painful!?

-- Allen

[FunBobbyMucha]

30. Warren Zevon's public statement when he found out he was terminal was

something to the extent of "Gee, I hate to not be here for the next James Bond movie." God, I love that man.

[Zomby Woof]

37. Here lies a disruptor

And he was damn good at it! :evilgrin:

[terrya]

32. "Now I'll know the ultimate unknownable"

[YNGW]

33. Thank You For Coming By. Pardon Me If I Don't Get Up.

nc

[Robb]

34. LOL!

Mine:

Veni, Vidi, Oh Crap, I'm Dead. :D

[Doc_Technical]

35. Hey, I'm out of here!

n/t

[bleedingheart]

36. Finally...we are rid of her...

hahahahaha

[ProudGerman]

38. This space for rent

I don't plan on dying, at anytime. I'm gonna live forever.

[Deja Q]

39. "If I only had the guts to ask Bryan out for a date back in 1994..."

Long story. He's long since vanished anyway. :cry:

[SOteric]

40. Life is short. How is standing there sniveling going to add to yours?

[HEyHEY]

41. "Louie louie oooh nnooo baby I gotta go now..ya ya ya ya!"

[radwriter0555]

42. What a waste of stone and real estate! Toss me into the Pacific Please..

After I've been TOASTED and ROASTED. I don't need to rot in the dirt.

[NightTrain]

43. I hope to die in a way that will make people laugh.

For example, a fertilizer truck flipping over near me, causing me to suffocate in several tons of spilled manure. And my epitaph would read:

HE DIED AS HE LIVED--SURROUNDED BY BULLSHIT.

[rasputin1952]

44. "Damn, I should have listened...

when they said 'DON'T try this at home'"!

O8)

[VOX]

45. "He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw."

Or more likely, "At last Some Peace and Quiet!"

:toast:

[corporatewhore]

47. I I like emma goldmans Liberty will not descend to a people.....

...a people mustraise themselves to Liberty."
There is also graffiti on her gravestone "emma died for your sins" and smash the state http://flag.blackened.net/daver/anarchism/emma/emmagrave.html
But i also love her other famous quote "i dont want to be a part of your revolution if i cant dance"I dont want to be buried i think too much money for no reason i am already dead

[CanuckAmok]

48. "Wish You Were Here"

With a nod to Jim Thirlwell...

[Norbert]

49. "God wants to see you and man is he pissed."

That ought to get a rise out of the living.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

50. GOG's ashes were scattered around this tree

She loves you all very mulch.

[NoPasaran]

51. The Philosophers

Have described the world in various ways
The point is to change it

[Sacajawea]

52. "Always His Own Man"

That's what I had put at the bottom of my dad's headstone. It seemed to sort of say everything. I think he would have liked it.


As for me, I intend to go the "Sopranos" route, like Big Pussy. Over the side of a boat and - poof - right back into the food chain.

[LibertyorDeath]

53. I knew sooner or latter something like this was bound to happen.

It's Woody Allen's & it's great.

[ScreamingMeemie]

54. GO PACKERS!!!

;)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

55. Do headstones float? I'm gonne be fish food when I die.

[ScreamingMeemie]

57. Ah we'll just tie you with a long rope to the hood of your car....

The hood will float. ;)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

58. In that case it will say

She never strayed far
from the hood of her car :D

[ScreamingMeemie]

60. Heehee. Somehow that fits.

:7

[havocmom]

56. hey, diddle diddle

take your dog elsewhere
to piddle

I used to walk past a cemetary in Tucson that was across the street from some townhouses with elderly owners. Seems most had tiny poodles and they all walked them to the nice grassy place across the street to do their dog business. Watching that reaffirmed my wish for cremation
and the scattering of my mortal remains.

[Bertha Venation]

59. "You people are full of crap. That's Mars!"

On a visit to the Griffith Observatory, Mrs. V., my niece and nephews, my sister Bonnie, and I were trying to determine whether a certain star was Mars. I, the family astronomy "expert" <ahem--strictly amateur> stated unequivocally that it was a star because it was twinkling. "Planets don't twinkle," I said arrogantly.

But every one, down to my 11-yr-old nephew, told me it was Mars and listed all the reasons why: color, size, time of year, time of night, position above the horizon...

That last one finally made me cut through my own bullshit and think: it's near the horizon. That's why it's twinkling. I grabbed the binoculars and took a good long look. Seeing that it was indeed the red planet, I tried to come up with a way to back down and apologize. I couldn't come up with anything, so I just took down the binoculars and started to walk away, saying, "You people are full of crap. That's Mars!"

I think they heard my family's laughter all the way down in the valley.

[LWolf]

61. I won't have one.

I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes scattered on a lonely mountaintop somewhere.

If I had a memorial, it might say something like,

"Closed for remodeling. Reopening by 2397, in a body near you."

[PartyPooper]

62. Here Lies PartyPooper, I'm too pooped to party!

:evilgrin:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

63. Here Lies a Disruptor.

He disrupted poorly.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

65. Hi WJMS!

LTNS! :hi:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

67. been here and there, you know.... oddly enough most of

my posts seem to go by another name for some reason.... I post them under my name, and then they magically change to Deleted Message posted by someone named Name Removed...
I can't figure it out.

How you doing?

[devilgrrl]

66. "Daughter · Sister · Agitator"

Or...

"What are you looking at!"

:evilgrin:

[solinvictus]

68. Tombstone

"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange eons even death may die."

Of course, when the stars are in alignment, I'll be back anyway to wreak a terrible vengeance on the sons of man from beyond the dead spaces between the stars. Wait, did I say that out loud or just think it..............?

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

69. Nothing.

I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered. Why should my body be taking up space when I have no further use of it?

[BurtWorm]

70. I thought you were proposing something like the White Album

without the words The Beatles embossed on it, or any words at all. That would keep them guessing!

[solinvictus]

71. Your Message or Advertisement Here for $9.95 per month

[BurtWorm]

72. "If you were dead, you'd be home now."

Do you have to be from Boston to get that?

[Dogmudgeon]

73. Here lies the mortal Body of BKL ...

His head may be found at:

Cryolife Preservation Labs
322 Therion Blvd.
San Sinsemilla, CA 94541
1-800-ICE-BABY

--bkl
"Many are Cold, but Few are Frozen"

[Solly Mack]

74. "_____________, you really ought to get up"

Back-story

My mom went off to work on a weekend. Asked my sister and I to tidy up while she was gone. So, I did and my sister didn't...but

as my mother was coming up the walk, my sister saw her and picked up a cleaning towel... just as I sat down(from cleaning the whole time), my mother came in the door

She looks about, notices that someone tidied...spotted my sister with the cleaning towel and looked hard at me and said

"___________, you really ought to get up"

My sister smirked.....

We still laugh about it.

[Piperay]

75. What a long strange

trip it's been. :shrug: :-)

[flamingyouth]

76. (Desperately searching for pithy comment...)

After putting our cat to sleep yesterday, I have found this thread to be very cathartic and funny. I wish I had my sense of humor working today, or I'd come up with something. Well, it still is only 6:30 am here. :silly: I've totally been cracking up reading this - I really needed it. Thanks! :hi: