Write a joke that sounds like it should be funny, but isn't

[Frank Cannon]

For instance:

"It was real windy yesterday. In fact, it was SO windy, Nipsey Russell mooned a nun at a Fatburger in Schenectady!"

Or:

"I like hot food. I mean, REALLY hot. The last time I went to a chili cook-off, even the Swedish judges were doing the lambada!"

This is a lot harder than you'd think.

[unpossibles]

1. how many engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one.

[Frank Cannon]

2. Actually, that is kind of funny

My FIL is an engineer and I guarantee he would laugh at that.

[unpossibles]

6. thanks. I made that up when I used to work in fiber optics

the majority of the engineers were good people, but dryer than the Sahara...

When telling the joke, I usually try to deliver the punchline with an expression that says, "what other answer could there be?"

[KurtNYC]

3. A can of salted peanuts walks out of a bar

then got assaulted.

2) A guy goes to pizza parlor, eats a slice. Says to the owner "this is amazing -- better than what I had in Italy last week!" Owner says "that is because they don't use imported ingredients in Italy."

[MonkeyFunk]

4. "I was going...

to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I — so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.”

[crim son]

5. Good one! n/t

[thefool_wa]

8. That's just silly

and, a little funny.

[Frank Cannon]

14. Yes, it actually is somewhat funny

Like I said, this task is harder than you would think.

[thefool_wa]

17. I have some that qualify

But they are of the unbelieveably depraved variety. I mean, seriously, these are jokes so horrible in theme and content that you want to punch the person for telling you. Not just becasue they aren't (really) funny, but also because the person telling the joke must be one sick fuck to want to tell these jokes to other people.

That and I wouldn't want to get the thread locked (or myself alerted to a Mod)

[av8rdave]

7. Here's one I was actually told

It was from an oarsman on a rafting trip who said he heard it from a Dutch customer (we were talking about how different societies find different things funny):

A horse walks into a bakery and orders four donuts. The proprieter goes into the back room, takes out his pistol and shoots four holes in his television. He comes back out and tells the horse, "sorry, no donuts today. We only have bagels."

The horse replies, "That's ok, I came on my bicycle."

The oarsman said the Dutch folks couldn't stop laughing every time they heard that one.

[thefool_wa]

9. WTF?

I'll bet there is a Danish play on words there that is lost in the translation.

Maybe, I don't know. It seems the only explanation for ANYONE thining that was even a joke...

[av8rdave]

16. I agree....WTF was my reaction exactly!

[LostInAnomie]

10. It was hot yesterday.

How hot was it!?

So hot I got arrested for murdering my girlfriend's parents!

*crickets chirp*

[skygazer]

11. Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer?

Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[Frank Cannon]

13. Na, schoen!

Not that I have any idea what you said, but I was always told in German class that that was the correct response to anything you didn't understand.

[sce56]

15. Es macht nicht!

[johnnie]

12. Ok

A man comes home early from work one day and discovers his wife in bed with the neighbor. In a rage the husband kills the man, cuts up his body, boils him and eats him. The wife screams out "Why did you do that?" The husband replies; "Because I was hungry".

:rofl:

[thefool_wa]

18. But that's funny

So it don't count.

[johnnie]

22. OK

You're as sick as I am..LOL

[Kutjara]

19. A Greek, a Pole and a Jew walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kinda joke?"

[rlev1223]

20. Take my wife....

...for example.

[trof]

21. The 'non-sequiter' jokes were popular in the 60s?

Guy walks into a bar with a colander on his head carrying an egg beater in each hand.
Bartender says "What's with the colander and the egg beaters?".
Guy says "WELL! I guess you've never seen my bathtub!"
barumph bump
:shrug: