Subject: How to Prepare for Your Mammograms

[Radio_Lady]

(From the Kaiser Permanente message boards)

Mammograms

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and
doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and
best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as
hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time
wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just
perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one
breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back
the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn
over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with
the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

Send this to all women to have a laugh AND, don't forget to have a
mammogram!!!!!

[malta blue]

1. I guess I will now cancel my appointment.

I have never had one and I am OH SO inspired now.
:sarcasm:

No, really, I wouldn't cancel, but will be thinking of this during the torture session.
:hi:

[Radio_Lady]

2. Take some aspirin or a Tylenol before you go. Or something stronger if you need to.

Happened to have 1/2 dose of Percocet.

Mine came out negative. Another year with the boobies would be OK with me!

[malta blue]

3. Is Xanax ok? eom

[Radio_Lady]

9. Yeah, that'll work. Don't take enough to render you senseless while driving...

[malta blue]

10. Get driver. Check.

Thanks again!

[mentalsolstice]

4. You forgot to say...

"Hold your breath" while doing each of these exercises. :P

[Radio_Lady]

14. You're right!

[Shell Beau]

5. I am 28. How long do I have before I am tortured with mammograms!

Is it 40? 35?

That just sounds plain awful and I have a high pain tolerance!

[Radio_Lady]

12. They're really not so bad. I've been having them yearly since around 45 years old.

It's best to have them after your menstrual period, when the breasts are somewhat softer. Closer to your period it could be OUCHY! The techniques have improved over the years.

My mother had breast cancer, so I am at a 50% increased risk, and growing older is another risk factor. I'll be 68 in May 2007.

You'd better check with your doctor for guidance on when to start.

Thanks for your comments.

[Shell Beau]

15. I hate when he does breast exams ! I just can't wait for the

mammograms! :P

[CTyankee]

20. Hey R.L. we're the same age! I'll be 68 this September.

1939 was a good year wasn't it? Well, no, actually it prolly wasn't what with the gearing up for WWII.

Good luck on your mammograms! There is no breast cancer in my family and I never took HRT so I hope for the best. Both my gyn and my internist do a breast exam so I have my check twice in each calendar year, a good thing!

But this getting old is a real job! Next stop for me is to the gastorenterologist for the diverticular thing. I don't think this is gonna be fun...

[Radio_Lady]

23. Hi, kiddo! Well, I don't rember much about 1939 and for years, I was vainly

trying to pretend I was born in 1940 -- just because it looked better on resumes. But what the hell does it matter now? Nobody puts their birthdate on resumes any more and, besides that, we're both retired.

Mammograms came out OK -- but my doctor wants me to have a Thallium treadmill test to check my heart. I am totally panicked by that -- but perhaps I should have it, since heart disease runs in the family, too.

Anyway, we're off to Maui and Oahu, Hawaii, in a few days. I'm putting all the testing off until we get back.

My former employer had manufacturing facilities in Stamford, CT when I lived in Boston, MA. I've spent a bunch of time in Connecticut and miss New England in general, but not in the winter.

I had a colonoscopy last year, and they found ONE small pouch (diverticulum??), but nothing to worry about. I don't know what they do for them exactly. They can get filled with seeds, etc. and give people problems. You'll have to let me know about that illness. I've got enough to handle with the health conditions I already have!

In peace,

Radio Lady Ellen in Oregon

[CTyankee]

25. Yeah, I used to think 1940 sounded better.

My husband was born in 1940 and I never hear the end of that!

Good luck with your cardio test. I had the stress test and the rest. It was OK, thank god..

Most people over the age of 40 or 50 have diverticulosis. But diverticulitis is an infection and can be serious (leading to peritonitis, very scary). I've already had it once and now I think I have it again.

Oh well, che sara, sara. Have a good time in Hawaii!

[CTyankee]

17. I have low pain tolerance but large breasts which accounts for

my not feeling as much discomfort as my smaller breasted sisters. It only feels squashed for a few seconds and you know it's gonna be over with.

I don't "do" pain but I also don't fear mammograms. I truly don't like pap tests, tho, because as I get older I "feel" them more. However, my new gynecologist is very good. She did a painless pap on me last summer and I am eternally grateful!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear Radio_Lady!

You must have greater sensitivity to the exam than I do.....

My mammograms don't hurt anywhere nearly that much!

And the new equipment is much faster than the old days....

Plus I get to do them standing up, which is a great improvement as well!

:hi:

[Lex]

22. Thanks for saying that, C_P.

I'm 41, 42 next month, and 2 maternal aunts have had breast cancer and I'm supposed to go and get my first one but I'm worried about the pain because I've heard that it's terribly painful.

Your post helps. :pals:

[Radio_Lady]

24. Naw, really, it's not so bad, and it's a very short visit, also.

Don't worry about it -- just have them routinely.

[Lex]

28. Thanks.

I think I'll take a couple of ibuprofen beforehand to see if that helps too.

[Zookeeper]

7. LOL!

Exercise #1 is closest to my experience. It doesn't exactly hurt, but it is uncomfortable. And having one's breasts smashed once a year probably doesn't do a lot for them, asthetically.

However, it's important and I'm due....Thanks for reminder, Radio Lady! :hi:

[Radio_Lady]

18. "Pancake maker" is what we call the machine!

Of course, that's nothing compared to what gravity does over the years.

I could flip them over my shoulders and pretend they were my VERY ENLARGED ear lobes... :sarcasm:

[Deja Q]

8. I'd hate to know what testicular exams are all about...

:scared:


:yoiks:

[Omphaloskepsis]

13. I had the boys checked for cancer a few months ago..

They used the wand thing with warming jelly (sonogram?). I actually enjoyed the experience.. But that was after having my prostate checked. Just relax..

[NewWaveChick1981]

11. I guess I go to the right place or something... I've had a mammogram every year since turing 40, and

they've been fine. :) I've had them done at the same place each time. My mother definitely will agree with the assessment above, though. :rofl: :P

[bicentennial_baby]

16. Bwahahaha! Too true!

As a 30 yr old with fibrocystic breast condition, I salute you! :rofl:

Although now, I just get ultrasounds. :)

[Radio_Lady]

19. Now there's an idea! I should ask about those!

I'm having a uterine ultrasound -- at my request -- sixteen months after I had uterine surgery to remove benign polyps.

I'm turning into an elderly hypochondriac, but I don't get nice people calling me from the HMO to "remind" me about ANYTHING -- it is up to me, the medical consumer, to keep tabs on health conditions. I am just one of perhaps 100,000 people covered on this plan.

[bicentennial_baby]

31. I get them b/c my breast tissue is very dense

like most younger women, and the mammograms are useless, pretty much. The ultrasound is a dream, comparatively. :D

[Lex]

21. I'm due for my FIRST one and I'm SCARED of how painful it will be.

I've put it off and it is long overdue because I'm a chicken.

[Radio_Lady]

Yes, I know the feeling -- I am truly apprehensive when they draw blood, but try to endure it.

I've been doing relaxation exercises and listening to music on my mp3 player when I am in doctors' offices.

You really have to have mammograms -- breast cancer affects one in 8 women over a lifetime, and the older you get, the higher your risk. It's the second biggest killer of women after heart disease.

Ask your doctor for some anti-anxiety medication if you are really terrified. I'm sure you'll weather the storm. Can you take someone with you? My daughter and I went together a couple of years ago when I had to have a CT scan with dye injected in my veins. (Everything was OK -- false alarm.)

My daughter was good for moral support, but of course, she didn't accompany me into the scan room. I took some Xanax and did the best I could.

Of course, as usual, the anticipation was worse than the actual procedure.

[CTyankee]

30. No, I am chicken about pain too but I don't mind it that much.

See my post above.

IMHO, it is SO worth it to go. I've had friends and relatives who caught their cancer at early stages because of mammograms. THAT impresses me!

Don't worry. It's gonna be all right!

[Lex]

32. Thank you . . .

One of my aunts caught hers really earlier due to a mammogram. It wasn't big enough to be felt yet, so I do believe in their effectiveness.

It's only a few minutes of pain so I'll just have to buck up and get it over with.

:hugs: to you, CTyankee.

[CTyankee]

33. Please don't get distraught. It is only a brief thing.....

[Shine]

26. I seen this before, but it still makes me laugh everytime. Very true!

:hi: RL!

[yy4me]

27. Best laugh all day, thanks for the vision, I'm printing this and

will bring it with me during my next visit to that cold room. Might get a few laughs from the first timers. Better yet, a belly-laugh for those of us who have had this necessary but vaguely undignified test.

[GenDem]

29. I love these exercises -- they ring true for me

I go with a friend, and it doesn't bother her one bit. She walks out with that piece of cake look all over her face. She is a decaffeinated tea drinker -- I am a 4 - 5 cup of coffee a day person that no matter how hard I try to cut back before the mammy -- I simply can't. Therefore my pain level is on the high scale.

My boobs are not really big either, this means the tech feeds what little I have in like she's putting them into a ringer washer. The techs famous last words are always "relax". I want to say "How the fuck can I relax when your smashing my tits like a pancake?"

Thank you, Radio_Lady, for reminding me that next month I will be going in for this very fun procedure. :sarcasm:

And for those that haven't had one yet -- "relax" and don't drink any coffee three weeks prior.

:rofl:

[graywarrior]

34. I prepare by planning my funeral.

I like to be proactive.

[CTyankee]

35. Nah, don't do that. Plan your next trip to Europe like I do,

No matter what happens I have a trip to Europe all ready for me to take. I've got Northern Italy, Spain, Malta and Greece all lined up over the next few years (2 trips a year!).

Can't die yet. Too much to do!!!

[Radio_Lady]

36. We're checking out Europe this summer, too. After we get back from Hawaii, we will pack up again

and visit France, Belgium, England, and Scotland.

We're getting to the age when -- in darker moments -- I think briefly about checking out the cost of flying a corpse (him or me) back from some foreign land! That would be fun, wouldn't it?

My husband is a travel junkie and I have no idea where he gets his energy at age (almost) 73.

[CTyankee]

38. My mother traveled anywhere at any time she could. She urged me

travel, too, and we did when I was younger and then just a few years ago before she got too old. She went to Australia alone, only knowing a "pen pal" she had never met, when she was 84!

Because I had to care for her and for my disabled brother, in addition to my kids and then grandkids, I felt I couldn't travel. I lost both my brother and her in 04 and 05. Now I am doing what she would have wanted with the money she left me. I know she is smiling now...

[Scarlett17]

37. Hilarious! But mammograms aren't painful for everyone. . .

I had to have my first mammogram a few months ago at the age of 35 (young for one, but my family history and a "cystic texture" caused my doctor to want a baseline). Being relatively well-endowed in the "chestal region", I was positive it was going to hurt like Hell. Several weeks of teasing by my friends (and a very well-developed scenario devised by PassingFair where she even wrote dialogue of how the tech was going to take one look at me and quit on the spot) had me pretty nervous. But, I was very pleasantly surprised. At worst I'd call it mildly uncomfortable. And the tech did not quit (ha ha PassingFair! :P).