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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:33 PM
Original message
I am so mad at my daughter...GRRR
Back story:

Since she is in Kindergarten, I have to pack a lunch for her every day, since they do not allow the Kindergartners to partake of the food service ( :eyes: ). Most days lunch consists of a 1/2 sandwich (cheese, peanut butter, or bologna), juice and either fruit or yogurt. I ask her every day if she has finished her lunch, and she tells me she has.

I was just straightening up her room, and lo and behold, in her closet (sliding doors - takes up an entire wall in her room) are about a week and a half worth of uneaten sandwiches.

She has lost her TV privileges for the next three days for lying to me.

:grr:
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malta blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:35 PM
Response to Original message
1. Oh hell....
I knew that was coming. I have to physically check the lunch bag every day, and I still find tidbits around the house.

Sorry about the sandwiches and good for you for punishing about the lying.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:35 PM
Response to Original message
2. I think you need to try to find out why.
Just MHO.
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HiFructosePronSyrup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
3. Maybe that says something about your sandwiches.
:shrug:
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LSK Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:38 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. doh!
:hide:
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rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:39 PM
Response to Original message
5. Where'd she put the yogurt?
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. She EATS the yogurt!
:P
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:40 PM
Response to Original message
6. Ouch........her lying to you just hurts.........
Why on earth would she do a thing like that?

Could it be that she just fell into it......and then was too ashamed to confess?

But still....you're doing the right thing.

Actions always have consequences...

And her mom has eyes in the back of her head.....:hug:
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HiFructosePronSyrup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:41 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. Did kindergarten aged children change when I wasn't looking?
Edited on Tue Mar-06-07 06:43 PM by Bornaginhooligan
When a five or six year old isn't lying is when you have to look out. That means they're up to something.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #8
15. I have to admit that it has been a very long time since my girls
were that age.....

But I do not remember them lying to me about lunches...

Or much of anything, really....:shrug:
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Flaxbee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-07-07 12:48 PM
Response to Reply #8
57. lol! my sister worked with kindergartners for a while...
she said it was just amazing how they'll look at you with this angelic expression and proceed to flat-out lie to you without any compunction. She said it was very unnerving b/c her kids were already in jr. high and she had NO idea what accomplished little liars 4-5-6 year-olds are!
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:41 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. Now I do - you know I will be checking her closet every day
:crazy:
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:47 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. Careful - I just threw mine away at school
:rofl:

thin sliced "meat" product :puke:
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. She likes it
She just would rather play during lunchtime.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:52 PM
Response to Reply #9
22. Perhaps a little discussion about how much better she'll feel
having eaten her sandwich?

More energy, and like that?

After all, it doesn't take that long to eat!

Yeah, and check her closet too.....you might as well....

:hug:
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bleedingheart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:44 PM
Response to Original message
10. hee hee...the trials of parenting
when my son was in first grade I remember getting food service bills all the time. I couldn't imagine how this tiny kid was using up so much money for lunch.

Well...I could drop him off early for before school daycare (he got to play with his friends and read)...so even though I fed him breakfast at home..he would get breakfast and lunch at school..

That is when I started calling him my little hobbit...1st breakfast, 2nd breakfast...elevensies...lunch...etc

I still have to put about twice the amount in for his lunch account and he is a skinny kid...I don't know where he packs it away..

As for your daughter...did you ask her why? Perhaps she isn't fond of sandwiches...it is cute though..how she didn't throw them away...
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:48 PM
Response to Reply #10
12. She likes sandwiches
Edited on Tue Mar-06-07 06:48 PM by KitchenWitch
I think her thing is that the "lunch" time is combined with the "play" time, so she eats her yogurt, drinks her juice and stashes her sandwich back in her lunchbox.

I am not sure what to do about that, since I really have no control over what goes on at school. She gets out at 2:15 which, to me is kind of late for lunch.

She ate her sandwich just fine today. I know because I watched her eat it at 2:15.

:o
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bleedingheart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. well you better just stop packing her that coal miner lunch then..
cuz the girl needs to socialize...

:-)

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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:51 PM
Response to Reply #16
20. Damn gadabouts!
:rofl:
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:49 PM
Response to Original message
13. When my daughter was that age
I was always finding food squirreled away in odd places. That kid HATED to eat anything besides a salad - I'd find bits of her lunch tucked away in a corner of the dining room or a sandwich wedged behind the TV. :rofl:

Kids are funny. But good for you for teaching her that lying has consequences. I always told my kids, "Just be honest. I might be mad at you anyway but I can guarantee that I'll be madder if I found out you lied. And I'll ALWAYS find out."
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:50 PM
Response to Reply #13
18. Do they think we don't LOOK?
:rofl:

I am far more upset about they lying than the not eating lunch.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:02 PM
Response to Reply #18
28. Yeah, I was too
I was raised with the ol' 50's mantra of finishing everything on my plate because there were starving children in India (or wherever the current famine was). I would have been happy to mail them my plate but that didn't seem to be what my parents wanted. :eyes:

My daughter never seemed to be lacking for energy or health, she grew just fine and I didn't worry too much about it. I just wanted to provide her with food so if she did need it, she'd have it.

They're a lot like puppies. :P
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
17. I suppose you could yell at her and punish her
I believe if I were five, that would teach me to be afraid of you a little, and maybe to make sure you don't find out about things that are gonna make you mad at me. I'd learn to throw out the sandwiches at school. I'd probably still lie.

Or, you could just ask her what's up with the sandwiches, and find out why she isn't eating them. That would go farther I think, toward building an atmosphere of trust, where she knows she can say things to you without you freaking out. And, you might find out whether she even likes sandwiches or if there is something else she would rather eat.

My daughter hated sandwiches. So I learned not to put them in her lunch. She liked humus and pita bread, or grapeleaves. I don't get it, I love sandwiches, but they weren't for her. No biggie, the humus was probably healthier anyway.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:57 PM
Response to Reply #17
26. We have discussed the lying before.
I was very sane and rational when I took away her TV privileges, and she is aware that the privileges are gone because she lied.

I also calmly discussed with her (not just today, but on several occasions) that she could tell me she did not finish her lunch, and that if that were the case, she could finish it when we got home, before she does her homework.

I am very aware at how damaging a "punishing" style of parenting can be. I was raised in that environment. I am doing things differently. I also have a 16 year old son, who is very well-mannered, well-behaved, and a great young man to be around. And it is because he WANTS to be, not because I am some sort of a control mongering harpy of a mother.
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:10 PM
Response to Reply #26
32. I'm not suggesting otherwise.
Maybe some creative thinking is required here.

If you aren't mad that she didn't eat the lunch, that's cool. It seems like at least part of the problem is that her lunch is something that spoils, so if she doesn't eat it, she knows it's going to be wasted.

If she likes peanut butter, maybe a small container of peanut butter and a bag of crackers would make more sense than sandwiches. If she doesn't eat it, she can just leave it in the box if she forgets to tell you, and then it will be okay for the next day, instead of having to be thrown out.

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hedgehog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #26
36. Maybe she's just not that hungry. She hid the sandwiches
because she couldn't face eating them . By asking her if she ate them, you forced her into a situation where if she had told the truth, she would have had to eat the sandwich,.

My philosophy; never force a child to eat. You may have regrets in the near future.
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #17
34. Or you could teach the child that nothing bad happens when you lie
and in fact mommy and daddy will do all they can to make your life easier for doing it.

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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #34
38. You're overlooking the obvious.
You can teach a child that truth telling is a way to find solutions to problems.

"Now that I know this is a problem, let's find out why it's happening and fix it, shall we?" is better, in the long run, than: "You'll get punished if you lie."

The REASON they should tell the truth is that hiding problems perpetuates them, and exposing problems helps solve them. Not because they're afraid of the consequences if they are caught in a lie.

If you think about Walter Reed, it would have been a lot better if the commanders had come forward with the problems and said "I need help here, we have a crisis." And the reason they should have come forward isn't because of rewards and punishments and their careers, but rather because they had a problem they couldn't solve on their own.
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:33 PM
Response to Reply #38
42. Doesn't work
People, including kids, don't lie because they are trying to hide a problem, they lie because they are trying to stay out of trouble. Eventually a problem comes along that they are afraid will get them in trouble, no matter how many situations you have shown them how to get out of. In that case, if all you've told them is "try to work out the problem" rather than "lying brings bad things to you" then their only experience is to try to get out of trouble--which in that case means lying. They also can learn to game the system--turn everything wrong they do into a problem for you to solve, rather than a bad deed on their part.

You have to do both. You have to show a child that some things are wrong, and that there are penalties for doing wrong things. Otherwise they grow up to be Scooter Libby. You also have to show a child how to face an issue rather than hiding from it, as you say. If you get really lucky, the child grows up with a balanced perspective and productive manner of dealing with problems. If you don't get lucky, your child grows up to be Scooter Libby--a man so convinced that he is always right that he does what he wants because, well, if he does it, it's right.
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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 08:47 PM
Response to Reply #42
54. No, seriously
Kids can be taught morals through modeling the behavior you want. And actually they learn far better through modeling than they do through punishment. Fear just ain't a necessary part of parenting.

(I have an adult kid, btw, and teach in a high school. Not that this makes me an expert, but I'm not one of those idealistic souls that has no experience in the matter, either.)
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ThatsMyBarack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:51 PM
Response to Original message
19. Try cutting the crust off
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:51 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. I do cut the crust off.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
23. I know that one well. We use trash-free lunch boxes, so I get to see what's been eaten.
my next door neighbor and good friend created these great waste-free lunch boxes and they've gotten incredibly successful, over the past 5 yrs. Check out this link for more info:
http://www.laptoplunches.com/
:thumbsup: I'm very proud of her, so I had to give her a little plug. :D

Did you know the average American school-age kid creates about 68lbs of garbage PER YEAR?, from their lunches!? Amazing.

My daughter has gotten into hiding food sometimes, too. I think she does it b/c she feels so badly about not being able to finish and doesn't want to disappoint me. I've dealt with this issue by simply giving her much less food than I'd been packing in her lunchbox. It's made a big difference. She gets to feel successful by eating it all and I don't feel pissed off to see the box coming back filled with food that's essentially "wasted".

:hi:
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
24. OK, some questions.
Why didn't she eat them?
Why did she stockpile them instead of just tossing them?

There's a reason.
It may be a silly reason to you, but it matters to her.
I don't mean to be preachy, but you need to try and find out.

Miz t. said she didn't like ham when she was a kid.
If she had a ham sandwich in her lunch she threw it away.
Why didn't she tell her mom she didn't like ham?
I don't know. Her mom made six lunches, 5 days a week.
Six sandwiches and put them in 6 bags.
She wasn't about to cater to six individual tastes, I guess.

There may be more to this than meets the eye.

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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:10 PM
Response to Reply #24
33. She is currently taking a nap
But I will ask her those questions.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:33 PM
Response to Reply #33
43. When my grandson was 3 he quit eating.
He was just too busy doing 'other stuff'.
My daughter almost went nuts.
She'd serve his favorite plat de jour and he'd take a bite.
And 10 minutes later another bite.
And then want to talk about Spiderman some more.

I dunno.
I posited he was living on crumbs from between the couch cushions.
Or air, like one of those ferns.

Eventually he moved on and now he tucks in fairly well.
He's still fairly skinny, but I guess that's not bad.

Kid's thought processes are a mystery that we keep trying to solve.

Good luck.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:36 PM
Response to Reply #43
46. Thanks trof!
Children are a total mystery.
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Kerrytravelers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:57 PM
Response to Original message
25. Yep. The lying is totally unacceptable.
When I taught Kinder, there was always one teacher with the kids during lunch. Let the teacher know and she'll have to show them her empty lunch sack before she's allowed to play. The lesson to her: when you don't tell the truth, you can't be trusted. Once she gets that, the teacher can relax on checking the lunch sack.

Oh, the joys of having a five year old!
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derby378 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 06:57 PM
Response to Original message
27. You might also watch out for subtle eating issues
At least she's eating her yogurt. But is there any chance that an "overweight" girl at school is being teased or picked on because of her weight?

I would not rule out the possible early onset of anorexia, no matter how young she is. Every girl needs to learn the importance of getting good nutrition - there are far too many elderly women suffering from osteoporosis because they didn't get enough calcium and phosphorous in their diet back when it mattered the most.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:04 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. I am not sure
She is a skinny minny. But maybe some of the heavier girls are being teased. I will ask her.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:05 PM
Response to Original message
30. Yet another strange eating thing among my kids -
When my son was about that age (what is it about that age?), he would NOT eat any of the usual things and I went nuts trying to figure out what to put in his lunch. He wouldn't eat sandwiches, wouldn't eat yogurt, wouldn't eat those nasty Lunchable things - the only thing he'd eat were sardines packed in hot mustard. :wtf: Mainly because he had a hero worship going about one of the guys who worked on the farm and HE ate 'em.

His teacher very politely called me one day to ask about it. I suppose it was a pretty bizarre thing to keep seeing in a kindergartener's lunch. :rofl:
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:09 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. That is hilarious
Maybe I will start packing kimchee!

:rofl:
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 08:20 PM
Response to Reply #30
50. that is funny!
:blush: I liked kipper snacks myself.
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 08:21 PM
Response to Reply #30
51. that is funny!
:blush: I liked kipper snacks myself.
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sam sarrha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:16 PM
Response to Original message
35. you really want her to eat Bologna.., its crap and tastes like it, ask her what she really wants
Edited on Tue Mar-06-07 07:17 PM by sam sarrha
and have her make them with you
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:21 PM
Response to Reply #35
37. She asks for bologna
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sam sarrha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 08:26 PM
Response to Reply #37
52. but you actually let her eat it..??!!
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 08:28 PM
Response to Reply #52
53. Thanks for your judgementalism
It is really appreciated here...NOT!
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
39. Better that than a month's worth of filthy underwear.
That was my oldest son at her age. I wonder if she's been eating other kids' lunches. That went on in our grade school for a while... v. irritating.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:30 PM
Response to Reply #39
41. That is possible
Although the teachers try to stop it (because there are kids with major food allergies in her class).
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:34 PM
Response to Reply #41
44. Yup. They put the kabash on the practice in our schools as well
but kids will be sneaky. I'm not saying your daughter is, of course. :)
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:37 PM
Response to Reply #44
47. If she is anything like her mother...
I am in BIG trouble!

:rofl:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:41 PM
Response to Reply #47
48. Yeah. What goes around, comes around.
I live in fear and trembling! :pals:
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:46 PM
Response to Reply #48
49. Me too, baby, me too!
:pals:
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Lilith Velkor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:30 PM
Response to Original message
40. She may be a grazer
I used to have a terrible time with my mom because she always wanted me to eat what I thought was too much at a time. Perhaps an afternoon sandwich would be good at this time.

I'm so sorry about that first lie. I don't have any kids but I know that milestone must be a tough one.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 07:35 PM
Response to Reply #40
45. I think she probably is a grazer
Her pattern on the weekends is to eat little bits all day long. I just need to adjust her lunches/snacks accordingly.
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BlueStorm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-06-07 11:06 PM
Response to Original message
55. He he... I know how that goes...
I don't have any kids at all but when I was in kindergarten I often didn't eat everything in the bag so I would often bring my uneaten portions back home. Needless to say my mom was getting tired of me wasting my food so she started punishing me by eating beef liver and onions.

Turns out, I actually liked liver and onions, lol.

Blue
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-07-07 11:30 AM
Response to Reply #55
56. That is pretty funny.
:hi:
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