On Monday night, I told my adult daughter that if my husband -- her stepdad -- died tomorrow --

[Radio_Lady]

I would not remarry, but I'd probably be dating again in six to eight weeks.

Was that wrong somehow?



Radio_Lady listens...




Florida vacation 2002:

[NNadir]

1. I have advised my wife that it would be perfectly acceptable to pick up men

at my funeral, if any eligible men happen to show up.

[Radio_Lady]

4. Very good. You're my kind of guy! I love it!

Thanks for posting.

Of course, if he died tomorrow, it would be very inconvenient.

I'd have to invite SOMEONE to HAWAII on Saturday morning for 21 days.

I'm definitely NOT going alone...

[graywarrior]

2. I told Mr. Gray if he goes, I'm becoming a lesbian.

He wants to stick around for that.

[Radio_Lady]

5. The last woman I lived with in Florida in the 1960s was a drunk.

We had an argument and she broke a Scotch bottle on a table and then sliced the bottle over my left calf.

After I got stitches at the emergency room in Miami, I packed up and moved out right then.

That kind of cured me of same sex relationships.

But you know who I'm really attracted to tonight?

Here they are:


From the storybook "The Grandmother Gathering"

[graywarrior]

8. Maybe I'll stick to cats.

[Radio_Lady]

11. Good choice. Please understand that I know some women are very happy living together.

I am not a bigot and I did have an eye for a gorgeous woman we'll call Joan C. in Boston when we were in sales together. One night, after a long day talking to clients, we went to a bar and had a drink. She was just a beautiful blonde, and when the light shined on her hair... well... I told her, "Joan, if I were a lesbian, you'd be the one for me." But, of course, it was the drink talking...

Wonder where she is today?

[graywarrior]

12. With some guy....at an AA meeting. Bwahahahahahha

[derby378]

3. It's very difficult to make promises like that to yourself

You have to grieve. That's only natural. But if someone new comes into your life, I think your husband would want you to be happy.

[Radio_Lady]

6. Well, it's not exactly a promise. The fact is that I would need immediate help

with all the nitty gritty details.

Wouldn't that best be done with a new and personable stranger?

Maybe some reputable old geezer from our religious fellowship?

I could grieve in the night in my own bedroom -- alone.

I don't want to have to pay for it -- that would be like prostitution.

[QMPMom]

7. Well, from the point of view of a person who has lost a parent,

albeit one that I didn't get on well with at all, it's hard when the surviving parent starts dating again. My Dad remarried several years later, but I was in no way ready when the women started circling around him like vultures shortly after bio-mom died.

I was told by someone that women were talking *at the funeral home while my bio-mom was laying there in the coffin* about my Dad being the new eligible bachelor in town. :mad:

Women started phoning the house to ask him out the day after the funeral. :grr: :mad: :grr:

He didn't start dating for a long while after that but it was really horrible going thru the vulture period.

It's a shock to some when a surviving partner starts dating again. And actually, 6 to 8 weeks does seem a bit too soon to get thru the grieving process. It also seems a little cold.

[Radio_Lady]

9. OK. Somewhere between 6 to 8 weeks... and what? A whole year?

My husband was age 38 when he lost his wife to cancer. She was 34 years old in October 1971. He was left with three kids, ages 13, 11 and 8. He was involved in computer dating when I met him in July 1972. We moved in together when school started in September 1972 with all five kids (mine were 3 and 2). We finally married in February 1973, and have been married for 34 years.

You know what? Two of his three kids -- both daughters -- have never accepted us and are fully estranged from us now in their mid-40s. We both broke our butts raising five children. We tried everything to heal the breach. Books have been written on the subject of "Motherless Daughters" which has give me great insight. My theory is that WHENEVER a biological mother dies and leaves children, especially girls, there is emotional damage that no other human can really cure.

You'll see below the perfect picture taken on Mother's Day, 1974. My little boy is going to be 38 years old this year, his little sister will be 39. They love their stepdad very much.

The point is that my life is my own -- even while married. It may sound cold to you to say this, but life is short and I really don't care what anybody thinks about my looking for companionship as a senior. I'll do what I want to... and I hope that's OK with everybody else!

Thanks for your comments! Your description of the human female "predators" circling your father was kind of humorous in a bizarre way. I grew up in Florida with a huge older population and am well aware of what goes on when any man becomes "available"!

[QMPMom]

10. Of course your life is your own. I just gave my opinion.

I'm kind of sorry that I did. I'm glad that you found a horrible period in my life amusing and humerous.

Edited to add: My Dad was 49 when he became a widower. Far from elderly.

[Radio_Lady]

14. I didn't mean it that way and sorry if I loaded on. Were you a teenager when your mother died?

Is your father still with your stepmother? Do you get along with them?

I've heard amazing stories about women and men who re-marry and get wonderful "bonus" families. Remember the whole myth of "The Brady Bunch"? That was what was on TV... Movies? "The Sound of Music" -- Maria, the perfect woman who came along after the Captain's wife died.

In my case, it didn't happen. It was a pretty horrible period for me, too, trying to raise another woman's children. Maybe if they had been younger -- or older -- or if their bio mom hadn't been "an angel" who "gave herself for the children."

Anyway, please forgive. I think I understand your position in theory; however, my parents did not die young and I just don't have the same perspective as you do.

Thanks for posting.

In peace,

Radio Lady

[Nicole]

15. I agree.

I just deleted my post after reading your's.

[Nicole]

13. Delete n/t

[Radio_Lady]

16. Oh, Nicole... what a beautiful signature!