Man Says Masturbating An Elephant Isn't An Easy Job - But It Is HIS Job

[matcom]

<snip>

MASTURBATING an elephant in the cause of science isn’t an easy job – just ask wildlife expert Dr Thomas Hildebrandt.

Just touching a jumbo penis – they measure more than 1.5metres when aroused – can have painful consequences as German scientist Dr Hildebrandt reveals.

He said: “One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant’s penis.

“When you touch an elephant there it starts to flick backwards and forwards and it’s so strong it can knock you off your feet. It’s such a strong movement.”

Dr Hildebrandt, a world expert on elephant and rhino reproduction demonstrates how it should be done in BBC2’s Horizon: The Elephant’s Guide To Sex screened on March 20.

His mission is to help endangered species get into the mood for love and give them a hand - quite literally – to boost their dwindling populations.

In the programme, he bids to help elephants Jackson and Christy – who lives in US zoos 1,200 miles apart – to produce a baby.

It’s a messy business as he massages Jackson’s prostate gland to produce 300ml of semen per orgasm – the equivalent of a can of Coke – which has to be airlifted in giant condoms across America to Christy.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2001320029-2007110053,00.html

[TechBear_Seattle]

1. I can just imagine this guy's resume....

Elephant fluffer.

Methinks Dr. Hildebrandt has much in common with Jeff Gannon and Rod Majors. :rofl:

[meegbear]

2. More than 1.5metres when aroused?

call me meegelephant. :rofl:

[BreweryYardRat]

7. Really? Hope you enjoy walking funny.

;) :rofl:

[Deja Q]

36. Mine's bigger.

:evilgrin:

[NewJeffCT]

3. giant condoms across America?

And, with a 5 foot long schlong, I guess a male elephant would be insulted if a female elephant said he was "hung like a horse."

[Maine-ah]

22. roflmao

:rofl:

[AllegroRondo]

4. can you imagine getting elephant semen through airport security?

"sorry, no liquids more than 3 ounces!"

[LynneSin]

10. They could treat it like breast milk - make them sample it

:puke:

[dolo amber]

5. Knowing I'm a little over an inch longer than an elephant dong

is doing wonders for my self-esteem. :D

[hedgehog]

11. Being a short person myself, that's an image I didn't need this

early in the morning!

[RevCheesehead]

6. Repukes aren't worth the time, or effort, IMO.

Just sayin.' :)

[Le Taz Hot]

8. Where do you find this shit????

:spray: :rofl:

[Omphaloskepsis]

25. fark.com

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=2657828

He is a filter of Fark.

[dropkickpa]

9. Jackson is one of our bulls here in pittsburgh

the only active naturally breeding guy in the US. He is the top elephant gigalo in the US, with paid trips to Florida and other locales for the express purpose of doin' the nasty with some sows.

[Connonym]

12. How is this different from bestiality?

That's seriously disturbing. If he did it to his dog he'd get arrested.

[BreweryYardRat]

16. WTF? Please tell me you're being sarcastic.

Elephants need artificial insemination to help keep the species going. Kind of hard to move a 4-ton beastie around all the time to get the natural stuff done. And you don't necessarily want to use a stimulation device-might cause problems.

The guy's also a legitimate zookeeper, not some freaky pervert or total stoner.

[Connonym]

20. only slightly

I've always lived in the heart of farm country but there are still a lot of animal related things that set off my squick-o-meter. This is one of them. I know they're not doing it for kicks and there many, many reasons why this is safer and more practical but I still think it's pretty damned gross to think about. I guess I'm weird that way or have some strange sex hang up :shrug:

[billyskank]

21. Are you saying he wanks elephants because he likes it?

[Connonym]

23. Well....

I guess we should be glad someone is willing to do it because I'm sure as hell not willing. I don't think if we were down to the last 2 elephants on earth I'd be willing to do it.

[billyskank]

26. I think veterinary and zoology types are willing to do a lot of gross things

Still no need to call them deviants.

[Connonym]

29. well that's no fun

who will I make fun of then? Brits?

[billyskank]

30. Please be my guest

I won't see it.

[Connonym]

31. What, did you put me on ignore?

Damnit! I hate when people ignore me.

[dropkickpa]

42. I had to do it to dogs

at a clinic I worked at. For sperm analysis prior to breeding (high-end purebreds). I've also assisted with a horse, though they have dummy "mares" (kinda like an equine blow-up doll) and the stud does all of the actual work. I doubt that it would be possible to build a dummy elephant cow that could stand up to regular use, not to mention he probably wouldn't use it.

For Jackson, he was an abused circus elephant before he came to Pittsburgh, and he does NOT respond well to anything that is in any way "assaultive" (harsh voices, physical coersion, etc etc, he certainly would't respond to electric prostate stimulation). He is actually going to have a pretty sweet home when the elephant breeding center here opens, he is the ONLY naturally breeding bull elephant in the US. This program and others like it are vital to the species, and this method is the least stressful for them, as it is believed that stress is a critical factor in it's success (or I should say failure).

It is gross, but so is working in a sewage treatment plant, and that is necessary too.

[underpants]

13. post....the.. ..... video

The horse lovers one

[ironflange]

15. Find it yerself

This is the internet, for Godsakes. It won't take you more than two minutes to find it. Google gave me this:



Though I made the mistake of actually going to its website. eeuuuwwwwww. . .

[BreweryYardRat]

17. Not applicable here. Let's not.

Although I did crack up at it, and what eventually happened to the dumbass.

Seriously, what sort of imbecile actually goes and does something like that?

[ironflange]

14. Ya know, matcom. . .

I've made a game of scanning the list of topics without peeking at the names. I'm getting pretty good at spotting yours.

[Javaman]

18. I guess they order the K-Y by the barrel? nt

[KamaAina]

19. The GOP needs a new animal mascot

with repukes, it's more like 1.5 millimeters :evilgrin:

[Yavin4]

24. What's Even Worse Is That The Elephants Totally Forgot The Doctor on Valentine's Day

No card. No candy. No flowers. Nuttin.

And they say that Elephants don't forget. Ha!

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

27. A date with Dr. Hildebrandt

"So, what do you do for a living?" asked the fetching Ms. Summers. As he fidgeted and mumbled his way through a full glass of Chardonnay, he finally replied... :D

Three minutes and forty seconds later, Dr. Hildebrandt found himself bathing in the sweetly sick aroma of Ms. Summers' margarita, trying to pluck away at the pesky shards of glass that had infiltrated the innermost layers of his dermis.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

28. I'd at least demand dinner and a movie first...

:D

[Yavin4]

32. Those Elephants Should At Least Offer To Return The Favor

I'm just saying. At least make the offer.

[alarimer]

33. This calls for a Dirty Jobs episode

Paging Mike Rowe!

[AwakeAtLast]

39. That's exactly what I was going to post!

I LOVE that show! :hi:

[Seldona]

34. Wrong thread. Seld delete.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

35. Still sounds better than being a guidance counselor.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

37. This brings to mind a classic elephant joke:

Q: How do you know that elephants have been making love in your back yard?

A: Your flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

41. What do you do when an elephant comes through your window?

Swim for your life!

[Cabcere]

38. A black eye? That'd be difficult to explain to your pals...

or your significant other. :rofl:

"What the hell happened to you? Did you get in a bar fight again?"
"No, honey...it was the elephant..."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Oh, man. I know that's gotta be pretty bad for the guy, but still...somebody else getting whapped in the face with an elephant dong? HILARIOUS! :rofl:

[kath]

40. Our Puritan FCC would never let such a show be shown here ("The Elephant's Guide to Sex", indeed!),

yet it is being shown on BBC. And I wonder if any US so-called "news"papers would even dare pick up this story...

[tinfoilinfor2005]

43. Groucho Marx said it best...

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know...

rim shot...