Is musical compatibility important in a relationship?

[alarimer]

I don't know if I could date someone who only liked death metal, for example. My tastes are eclectic and I can tolerate a lot but not that. I have never not dated someone whose music I could not stand but such divergent tastes might be hard to reconcile. I guess you'd never go to concerts together. This was just something I was musing about earlier today. I mean it isn't high on the list of priorities but such differing tastes in music might indicate differences in other things. I met a guy the other day who got all worked up over the fact that they played two Spanish-language songs over the radio at the post office he was in. He said "What side of the border are we on anyway?". Now I have at least 30-40 songs on my mp3 player in a language other than English (mostly Spanish but also Portuguese). I hope he was just joking but I wonder if maybe he is a freeper. But something else about him is offputting anyway. He seems very, um, eager to jump in the sack. Now maybe all he wants is friends with benefits, which is okay but not what I am looking for at this point in time. There never seems to be much friendship there.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. I think it's good if you share most of your musical tastes...

But it certainly isn't a necessity....

My husband and I both adore classical and jazz .......

But I also love rock..........and he mostly doesn't!

You don't have to be joined at the hip to have a great relationship....

But I do see it as important that you share your core values...

Otherwise, what's the point?

Good luck, and happy hunting!

:hi:

[alarimer]

12. My question was mostly about extremes

Music is important to me- a good song, lyrically and musically, can really lift my spirits. Or bring me down, if it's a sad song but that's okay too. I enjoy live music of all kinds (except for heavy metal- mostly it's too loud and I can't understand what they are saying) so I would like to meet someone who enjoys that too. And most of the people I have known do like live music. Every now and then I run into someone who for some reason doesn't. And that seems strange to me.

[Shell Beau]

2. I hate heavy metal, but my husband likes ALL music (except most pop).

I prefer blues, jazz, old rock, and old country. He likes all of those also, but he likes everything else too. I like some pop also. Not him! He likes the music for just the music. He doesn't really care much about the lyrics. I like to hear the lyrics. But he enjoys some heavy shit on occasion. As long as he listens to it without me, I am fine. We are compatible with most music, but there is a lot that he likes that I wonder wtf?

[Left Is Write]

4. Sometimes I wonder if that's a common gender difference -

Most of the men I have known don't care one way or the other about lyrics, but most women I know (including me) consider the lyrics part of the whole experience.

[alarimer]

6. I do too

Which is why I like a lot of folky, singer/songwriter stuff.

[Zookeeper]

18. I'm a woman who likes music more than lyrics...

and my DH considers the lyrics at least as important as the music, in general.

We both like Classical and Opera, but listen to different Rock. He tends to listen to a lot of old Rock (Dylan, etc.) and I always want to hear obscure new indie/edgy stuff. He sometimes (jokingly) accuses me of listening to, "Bug Music."

[Oeditpus Rex]

20. I don't think it's so much a gender difference

as one of the musician.

Example:

Pink Floyd lyrics are important.

Bob Dylan lyrics are important.

Beatles lyrics may be important.

Motorhead lyrics are probably not important.

Sammy Hagar lyrics are shit.

[NashVegas]

27. There's a Huge Gender Difference (for the most part) and Labels & Radio Bank On It

It's no coincidence that courtship was ushered out at the same time rock music was coming in.

Prior to the rock age, the huge majority of popular music was directed towards women. A guy liked a girl, he took her out dancing. He put on a little Frank to get her in the mood. What *she* liked was important.

Today, radio stations make a conscious choice whether to "lean male" or "lean female," depending on what kind of advertisers they want to attract. A station that wants to have BIG ratings needs to have teen females listening - they will play Justin Timberlake, for example. A station that will accept lower ratings but have a higher proportion of a certain demographic, that they can take to advertisers who want to hit that demo, will play something else.

[Left Is Write]

3. My husband and I like a lot of the same things musically, but we also have divergent tastes.

He likes Pantera, for example, and I don't.

I like the All-American Rejects, and he'd rather poke needles in his ears than listen to it.

We agree on a lot of music, though, so our differences haven't been a problem.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. It is to me...

I couldn't stand a partner who lacks an open mind when it comes to listening to music.

[Shell Beau]

7. I almost have no open mind when it comes to heavy stuff.

I can't stand the screaming. I guess there are a few songs that I consider "soft" heavy metal, but that whole Korn and Insane Clown Posse stuff I just don't get!

[ghostsofgiants]

9. Please don't muddle the reputation of heavy music by bringing up Korn and ICP.

:P

[Shell Beau]

11. Those are the two that came to my mind. They are very different from

one antother, but still. I guess I could like some if I gave them a chance, but I prefer singing. We all can scream right? :hide:

[ghostsofgiants]

13. You're talking to a guy who listens to a lot of hardcore and screamo...

A scream can convey a sense of urgency, anger and/or passion that singing sometimes can't. Plus it's fun as fuck.

[Shell Beau]

23. I can see it being fun every once in a while.

Notice the every once in a while part!!! ;)

[Left Is Write]

16. Well, nobody can scream like Rob Halford.

Compare Judas Priest with, say, Britny Fox, and you'll see what I mean. :D

[Shell Beau]

22. Yeah, I know about Judas Priest unfortunately!! Not my kinda music!

[ghostsofgiants]

24. On that note...

I noticed on my friend's laptop today that his wallpaper is Rob Halford battling Optimus Prime. So awesome, haha.

[alarimer]

14. I don't even try

And a lot of new pop stuff I don't like either. Although I find new stuff I like all the time, like Ozomatli, a sort of Latin hip-hop group.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

35. Funny...When you say "heavy stuff", I think of Bruckner and Schoenberg

:-)

[alarimer]

8. Music is important to me

I like discovering new things, not just listening to the same old stuff I heard in high school.

[lildreamer316]

10. YES. n/t

[Miss_Strawberry]

15. Def. possible...

My honey loves metal...I don't.
I make him listen to my music when I'm driving but he's a little...a lot more considerate.
I did go to a metal show with him once...he couldn't find anyone to go with and he bought me drinks all night. He also stayed with me at the bar so I didn't have to mingle with the general population...

[Ptah]

17. If this doesn't get my date jumping, then I'm sad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT_IsN9rJJE

[helderheid]

19. I used to think so

[mentalsolstice]

21. Hmmm! There's 14 years difference b/t my husband & I

So, yes we have differences in taste of music. He likes doo-wop jazz, whereas I'm more into Dixie and blues (oddly enough, he's born 'n raised from NOLA, I'm not). He likes really classic rock like Jimi Hendrix, but I'm more into adult-alternative like Coldplay, U2, Snow Patrol, etc.

Yet, we'll both get into something like the Chieftains, and John Prine (usually at my prodding, smirk).

There's always a happy middle!

[Deja Q]

25. Some tastes, but being a clone of each other would be boring as hell.

Life needs to be engaging and also being able to deal with arguing properly... you know, no hitting allowed, coping with differences, not wanting to commit suicide because of it. Simple stuff like that.

And if you know what he wants (friend with 'benefits') and you're not for it, you already have your answer. Let him know what you want and see if he works with you or promptly vamooses...

[alarimer]

30. You are right

I haven't spoken to him yet but I will ask.

As for the music, I was imagining a road trip with someone who only liked music I couldn't stand. I guess we'd have to compromise and listen to NPR.

[NashVegas]

26. Compatibility, No, Respect, Yes

He may not be a Freeper but he's certainly narrow-minded to the point where he's upset that something he doesn't consider a part of *his* culture gets promoted.

You can dislike a certain form of music and recognize that it's a subjective thing and that you aren't the arbiter, ie, have a 'live and let live' attitude, and be open to the possibility your taste may change in the future.

Or you can dislike something and think it's your duty to convince everyone that's it's crap.

On your next date, show him what's on your mp3 player and if he disses your taste, in any way, or otherwise doesn't show that he's willing to reconsider, walk away.

[BuelahWitch]

28. I think to a certain extent, yes

A younger friend of mine once told me he likes '70s soul music, so a few weeks ago I made him a CD with some Al Green, Earth Wind and Fire and Marvin Gaye, among others. He absolutely loved it and we're "closer" friends now than we were before I made him the CD.:pals:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

29. I think it's pretty important.

It would be hard to date someone who didn't like jazz, classic rock, blues, etc. It would be equally hard to date somebody who listens constantly to new country, which I find the most despicable form of music alive, excepting perhaps rap and "Christian" "rock." And if people couldn't RESPECT my musical tastes, if not enjoy them, then definitely NO.

My reasoning is that because music is such an enormous part in my life, it needs to be at least respected, and preferably have at least a genre or two of overlap with the other person. For important moments in my life I like to have songs. I'd like to have whole songs and albums to share with somebody as "our" songs. There has to be at least some degree of overlap in order for that to reasonably happen.

I also do buy into the idea that people's personalities are definitely reflected at least somewhat in their musical choices. I have never known a Freeper to like, say, the Grateful Dead. People who buy into jazz--not just the old ballads/standards, but all forms of jazz, including cool, swing, fusion, etc.--and do so passionately also tend to be more liberal. Likewise, most of those who listen to "Christian" "rock" are fundies of that especially irritating yuppie stripe ("true" fundies often denounce all music except for church hymns entirely), and many, many people who listen to new country, especialy Toby Keith, etc., are no liberals.

[alarimer]

31. In college I had friends who were into Christian music

I went to the beach with them and was stuck listening to Sandi Patty all day long.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

32. Eeew.

:puke:

[unpossibles]

33. it depends. Music is important to me and I am open minded about a lot of it

what would bother me more in the scenario you mention is not that he doesn't like "spanish" music, but that he's possibly a freeper, or at the very least a sucker for right wing bullshit and needs serious rehab. If you like "projects" then go for it. If the idea of listening to Rush's opinion parroted by someone else sounds horrible, then run away. I have conservative friends and some family, but I could never date someone too uptight to deal with a song or two in another language and see that as a sign of the invasion.

Me, I'd be saying "see ya!"

Or as Dan Savage would say, DTMFA

[eyesroll]

34. Music is not very important to me, but I am open-minded.

Anyone who would have a problem with either of those wouldn't make a good partner for me. Sure -- music can be important to HIM and I'll respect that, and go to concerts with him, and I wouldn't have a problem with him playing whatever he wanted (at a decent volume, especially when I'm trying to study or sleep, anyway)...but I couldn't deal too well with a music tyrant regardless of his specific taste ("If you don't like something I like, you're inferior; anything I don't like is shit").

So, in other words, no, musical compatibility isn't important to me in a relationship, but personality compatibility is.


As for your guy...his comment, depending on the context and tone, sounds more like racism/xenophobia than musical incompatibility to me. I'd be more worried about his attitude toward Latinos than his attitude toward music.

[alarimer]

37. I think it was more about racism/xenophobia than music

And he may have been making a (not very good) joke too. I heard nothing else to indicate extreme freeperdom.

[liontamer]

36. it depends on the person

if you're dating a musician and you hate their music, the relationship won't work.
otherwise, unless you're dating someone who is excessively controlling, you can both learn to tolerate music you don't like on occasion.

[CatholicEdHead]

38. Yes, a general compatibility

You do not need exact tastes but a larger overlap is a good thing. My fiancee and I overlap on folk and rock. We also overlap with a dislike for rap and espically country. We are different enough to expand our horizons but close enough we do not play types the other one hates.