TV ads that make you want to eat your face.

[Raven]

I'm sure there are thousands but mine are: the goddamn caveman...I'm tired of his whining, he should get a life, wash his hair and shave!

I'm sick of the duck too.

Sally Field and her bones.

The tubby "Cheers" lady making money off obesity.

And, finally (drum roll) the ladies who say..."My husband calls me his trophy wife"..."I haven't had this hot smoking body since college"

I'm sure I could think of more but I'll leave it up to you guys.

Oh, and the lady who used to be bionic who advertises beds now...I think she's on tranqs.

[qwertyMike]

1. Geico n/t

[Archae]

2. ANY prescription drug ads.

How about that, the drugs are supposed to improve your health, but the ads make me sick.

[Raven]

3. Heh, side effects could

kill ya!

[Kutjara]

32. I love how the side effects are out of all proportion...

...to the benefits of the drugs: "At last, enjoy relief from the agony and embarassment of slightly red knuckles. Side effects include rectal hemmorage, cardiac implosion, psychotic episodes, spontaneous gender realignment and a slow, agonizing death. Take only as directed."

I think I'll stick with the red knuckles, if it's all the same to you guys.

[realisticphish]

7. god, yes

"doc, i saw this drug on tv!'

"wow! i had never heard of this drug, or read any studies! i shall prescribe it now!"

[Skittles]

45. "ask your doctor" as if you can just pick up a phone and call them

yea right

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Sally Fields, no matter what she advertises.

And all those boner pill ads -- Cialis and the like. "Will you be ready?" Eww.

[Raven]

10. Damn! I forgot about them!

So if you have a boner for more that 4 hours....yuk!

[regnaD kciN]

65. Have you heard Stephanie Miller's parody...

...about House Minority Leader John Boehner? "It's BoehnerWatch 2007! How long will this Boehner last? (If your Boehner lasts more than four hours, consult your lobbyist.)" ;-)

[Kutjara]

5. When I first saw that "hot smoking body" ad...

...I thought it was for some menopause remedy.

[regnaD kciN]

66. When I heard that "trophy wife" ad...

...all I could think about was the old Geritol spot from the 1970s: "My wife. I think I'll keep her."

Same Sh*t, Different Decade...

[Dinger]

6. What's That One With "Bob" And His June Cleaver Wife?

He has that totally sickening wife, and him too, they both have that pukey smile, and not-so-sumliminal references to the male organ.

[Rob H.]

9. Enzyte, and I hate that one, too nt

[Raven]

14. Enzyte???

Never saw that one...is that some kind of natural remedy for...you know what?

[Skittles]

46. it's for a naturally induced boner, yes

HOWDY GIRL!!! :hi:

[Dinger]

15. Yeah, That's It

I get violent tendencies with that one.

[GaYellowDawg]

64. DAMN, I hate those.

The shit-eating grin and the whistling music... I scramble for the remote every time I see it. I can't sit through those damned commercials.

[fizzgig]

8. the new quiznos ad

something about how the sandwich is full of real meat and that's something real women need. i'm sorry, but sex is not going to sell me a friggin sandwich.

[Kutjara]

34. Especially the way the woman...

...giggles like a psychotic hamster after she says it. I guess Quiznos is going for the "Uh, hamster woman want meat; sandwich got meat; me get sandwich; me get hamster woman" demographic.

[mykpart]

42. But, I kinda like the line in the Quiznos ad

where the guy says, "If my car broke down in front of a Subway, I'd walk 10 blocks to get Quiznos."

[fizzgig]

43. that does make me laugh a bit

i worked at subway for four years and never could figure out why everyone loves it

[petronius]

50. I posted a whole thread about my psychotic hatred of that cackling freak...

But nobody gave a rat's ass about my thread. :cry:

Anyway, I agree - if I don't get to the mute button by the end of that ad, it ruins my whole day (or at least 15-20 seconds of it).

[fizzgig]

54. i would have give a rat's ass

had i seen the thread

[petronius]

62. Aww, thanks!

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my ant-Quizno's-ad mindset... :hi:

[Kutjara]

11. Ooh, let's see:

Allstate - The 'accident forgiveness' ads. Like I really need to be forgiven by my insurance company. Who do they think they are, the fucking Pope?

Farmers Insurance - all the commandos and jumpjets swooping in to rebuild the policyholder's house after a fire. Yeah, right. In reality, you'd be better off trying to rebuild your house from the mountain of paper the bastards make you wade through before denying your claim.

Enzyte, Extenz or any of the other tiny dick remedies. Apparantly, you can both be the biggest prick on the planet and have the biggest prick on the planet.

El Pollo Loco. The smug bastard who smirks his way through every ad, while grilling the most unappetizing chicken this side of a cockfight.

Sonic. The schlemiels in the car, having conversations of breathtaking inanity, punctuated by woefully misguided attempts to be funny.

Any and all of those late night debt consolidation/loan shark ads, in particular the one fronted by Paul Michael Glaser. Starsky's a crook now, apparently. Special dishonorable mention for J. G. Wentworth "get cash NOW!!!!!". Schmuck.

Eric Estrada selling Alabama (or was it Arkansas?) swampland. Another cop on the take.

The Sally Fields brittle bone ads. Not because Sally "could I be any more annoying" Fields is the most irritating human being in the world (even though she is), but because the premise of the ad (that taking a pill once a week is some onerous task akin to scaling Mt. Fuji on your knees - requiring much preplanning and a large chunk of your valuable time to accomplish) is perhaps the stupidest piece of marketing I've ever heard.

eHarmony. Nuff said.

Burger King. Big mutant plastic-headed king does not make me hungry. Just scared.

Those strange guys on late night cable who believe that their product pitch will be more compelling if they yell it at the tops of their lungs. "JUST PUT A DROP OR TWO ON A CLEAN CLOTH AND WIPE!!!!!!!!! IT'S THAT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

Robert Wagner trying to steal homes from the elderly. Even Jonathan Hart is on the take these days.

Ads telling everyone over 45 that they need to make extensive preparations for their funeral, as if it's going to happen tomorrow. I'm 45, for fuck's sake, and I have no intention of needing a casket or plot for quite awhile, thank you very much. Now piss off and stop interrupting my enjoyment of Knott's Landing to tell me I'm going to die.

[Raven]

18. I cannot stop laughing...

is there a drug for that? You have posted the most hilarious piece I've seen in a long time.

Jesus, I can't believe the ads I forgot to list...you have got them all!

[DainBramaged]

28. Bravo

[GenDem]

37. You said it all!!!!!!!!

I'm laughing so hard that I need an incontinence drug cuz I'm wetting myself!!!! Maybe the drug that is represented with the water balloons that blow a leak would help me.
:rofl:

[SOteric]

41. Hair-apy or however it's spelt,

specifically the blondes vs. brunettes advert. It's not enough we have to be callow and vapid, now we have to be locked in a mortal battle over whom is most callow and vapid.

[lildreamer316]

47. Well and hilariously said, as usual..

even though I don't think hliariously is really a word.
Nominated for DUzy award...
;)

[Drum]

51. Damn, you nailed my whole list!

:rofl:

and bonus points too: few people spell "schlemiel" in a recognizable way.

:thumbsup:

[Rob H.]

12. Sonic

I can't believe an agency pitched those ads and the company decision-makers said, "Wow! Those are fantastic!" They're quite possibly some of the dumbest, most annoying TV ads I've ever seen.

[democracyindanger]

13. Learn to love the cavemen.

'Cause ABC greenlit six episodes for a new sitcom starring them.

[Kutjara]

16. Please, please, please tell me you're joking.

Please?

[democracyindanger]

21. Nope, wish I was.

But on the bright side, the premise will only last for 4 episodes.

A Phil Hartman SNL sketch stolen for use for an ad campaign, picked up for a sitcom. Yeesh.

[Kutjara]

26. Civilization is truly doomed. n/t

[Raven]

23. Nope, I think it's true

another wonderful sitcom...I guess people liked seeing that greasy, hairy guy on the ads...is there a cause of action under the civil rights law for those cavemen?

[Demoiselle]

57. Not joking...The cavemen get a sitcom. All the Geico ads come out of a super

agency in Richmond, VA. According to a report I just read somewhere...The celebrity-helping-regular-people
ads (Little Richard. Peter Graves, etc.) are a big hit with the boomer-and-older demographic, women love the
lizard, and men love the cavemen. I have to admit I love them all.

[Left Is Write]

61. I love the celebrity + real people ads. I don't like the stupid gecko.

The gecko was funny in the beginning, when he was mistaken for Geico with a wrong phone number. "No, I cahn't save you money on car insurance! You want GEICO, not GECKO." After that - the gecko ads got stupid.

Peter Graves and tangerine lipgloss, on the other hand, is funny.

[deucemagnet]

17. "Hey bud! I just got the new Fallout Boy song on my vcast phone!"

:banghead:

[asthmaticeog]

19. I LOVE that ad!

It makes emos cry! :thumbsup:

OK, not that that's too hard to do, but still...

[grace0418]

20. OMG that ad makes me want to gouge out my own eyes just so I have something

to throw at the television!

[AlCzervik]

22. is that the one with the guy at the gym and then his phone rings

and he says "hey that my lady"? If thats the one then hell yes that commercial is annoying.

[deucemagnet]

29. That's the one. n/t

[AlCzervik]

30. he looks like a guy that would say something like

"Dooooood, i am totally high on life right now"

[DainBramaged]

24. Verizon is run by cavemen

[Kutjara]

27. When we first saw that one, my wife and I...

...were speechless for about five minutes. Then she said, "I think we've just seen the biggest asshole who's ever lived."

[peekaloo]

48. For some reason I'm transfixed by Muscle Head's double chin.

well that and it makes me wonder if FOB took their name from the Simpsons.

:dunce:

[skygazer]

25. This thread makes me grateful I hardly ever watch tv

And confirms my intention to continue that practice.

[Xipe Totec]

31. Head On, Apply directly to your....

AAAAAARGHHHHHHH!

[Jamastiene]

59. I am surprised this is not the winner, hands down.

That has to be the most annoying commerical....EVER.

[Zorro]

33. Mercury Insurance

and that entire "run by aliens" schtick.

I will never consider Mercury as an insurance provider, simply on the basis of them green-lighting such an idiotic commercial spiel.

[graywarrior]

35. The Bionic Woman selling "recuperative sleep" something or other.

Go fuck yourself on your recuperative mattress, bed, hammock, sleep sofa...whatever.

[Kutjara]

36. Yeah, the "Sleep Number Bed."

Funny thing is, she looks so worn out and depressed, it's like she hasn't had a good night's sleep in years. Maybe she dialed up the wrong sleep number.

[graywarrior]

38. YES!!!

She could be the "before" in a Prozac ad.

[riverdeep]

39. Zantrax 3! Yesss!!

[Lady Effingbroke]

40. Lindsay Wagner shilling for those adjustable mattresses.

Robert Wagner shilling for Di-Tech.

Anything with Wilford Friggin' Brimley - Cocoon worked for him, he's gotta be about 130 by now.

That commercial selling pre-packaged diet meals that is aimed at the male Over-The-Hill-Sports-Shlub demographic ; "I've been eating these for a month and my wife says I'm not as disgusting as I used to be."

[KitchenWitch]

44. The "trophy wife" one irks me to no end.

[BlueStorm]

49. All kinds but the local ones are really lame...

The Sundance car commercial, the one where the show the whole family dressed up as cowpokes and the announcer uses all of these lame Western lingo.

Another local car commercial: Rose City, Hey at least it's good that you can drive the "ve-hick-le" to my house. I mean you have said that in the last 3 or 4 of your commercials. And what's up with the dude wearing the bright yellow with brown stripes?

I really don't care for the Geico caveman commercials either. What's with the whole shctick and what the hell does it have to do with insurance?

The Quizno's ad with the laughing hyena woman. More meat is what real women want, well geez I've been out of the loop, either that or it's the fact that I am well... a lesbian? Sorry dudes but it just doesn't cut it.

HEAD ON!!! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!!! Ah yes the annoying repetitive drone in the background will really get you to buy their product. Really what is it though, chapstick for the forehead?

All of the "natural enhancement" ads, especially Smiling Bob. Creepy. He and his wife look like the Coneheads with a spastic smiling problem.

Blue

[njdemocrat106]

52. Anything Geico

I hate the gecko, I hate the cavemen, I didn't think the "I just saves 15% on car insurance" ads were cute, and I hate how they attempt to infiltrate every single media outlet available (the sports report on the local news is the "Geico Sports Wrap-Up", every other highway billboard has that damn gecko, the only ads I see on the MusicChoice channels on digital cable are for Geico, and I probably get junk mail at least once a week wanting me to switch to Geico).

[Oeditpus Rex]

53. Some kinda yogurt

I think it's Yoplait. (So much for the adman's concept of product recognition in bad ads.)

I can forgive that they fuck up a Brian Hyland classic, but the utter disregard for grammar makes me want to buy a case of the stuff so I can drop it from a four-story building:

"She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini that she wore for the first time today..."

:grr:

[otherlander]

55. You thread title made me laugh.

That's fun to visualize. :)

[peekaloo]

56. McDonald's "Looks like somebody missed snack time".

One snack time I don't mind missing.


The dude even takes a dainty bite of his "snack" 'cause he knows he's selling you shit on a tortilla.

[Cobalt-60]

58. they have to eat

except maybe for Kirstie Alley, who still has to pay the bills.
Give the old stars a break. You don't have to
watch commercials after all.
As for the cavemen, I'm with you.
The next commercial should have them storm the Geico building
with stone axes and spears.

[southerncrone]

60. Countrytside Loans & "I'm a size tewwwww!"

[regnaD kciN]

63. "Can you hear me now? Good!"

:puke:

Also, anything with that nightmare-inducing Burger King or Jack (Out Of The Box).

[GaYellowDawg]

67. The worst ever

Prudential used to run an ad that started with a burning house and ran it backwards to before the fire occurred. I saw it for the first time about two weeks after my grandmother died in a house fire. Absolutely brutal. The second it came on I was screaming at my poor roommate to change the channel. I will never, never buy Prudential, for that ad alone.

[VenusRising]

68. I hate this commercial!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSy-SjhwQik

Is it really necessary for people to go around acting violent and smacking others because of their insurance?

Eat my face. Yes.

:grr:

[Broken_Hero]

69. The one, lately thats been

irking me, is the new Domino's one, where one dude's got a HUGH nose, who says "smell the garlic", another dude has a HUGH mouth, and say "its the taste!", another dude has HUGH eyes and says "look at the CHEESE!" and some dude outside mowing his damn grass, with HUGH ears says "damn, that sounds good"

And I say DITTO bigtime, on Aflac, Burger King, and the Sonic ads....just stab me in the eye, to distract me from the pain of seeing those commericials...

Oh, and the never ending "enhancement/loss weight" garbage...