Mementos from past relationships ...

[Madrone]

Poll question: Mementos from past relationships ...

While cleaning up the kitchen I found a stashed card from someone I used to date. I tucked it away in a drawer - and got to thinking. I've heard many people over the years discuss finding letters/pictures from a SO's past, and demanding they be thrown away. This has never made any sense to me - but then, I believe jealousy is for SUCKAS.

I have a bunch of little things like that laying around, and I will not throw them away. GOPisEvil is aware of my past, and isn't threatened by it, nor would he ask me to throw away things I've kept. When I was visiting him in Austin over New Years Eve he showed me pictures of his most recent ex, and while doing so made mention that he should delete them. I was (and am) emphatically against him doing that. The woman was a special part of his life for awhile, and holds a special place in his heart for the relationship they had while it lasted. I don't want him to just purge all of their memories as if they didn't matter or exist.

I'm curious what other DUers think. Do you / have you thrown away special reminders from your past to prevent trouble in a current relationship? Did you do it because you wanted to, or because you were asked? Have you asked an SO to throw away mementos? Would you be upset if you found a box stashed somewhere that contained them?


For the record, in my case it extends beyond mementos. If GOPisEvil were to tell me he was going to meet w/ his ex over lunch, or that she called him, or he her - or anything else like that I wouldn't care in the least. They didn't get a lot (if any) closure in their relationship and I would be genuinely happy for both of them in achieving it.

Am I alone here?

[MorningGlow]

1. Other!

I lovingly mock DH's photos of his exes, and I don't make him throw them away. Not even the chick he was engaged to. Why? Because none of those was The One for him; I am.

DH might have a bit more of a problem with the mementos I keep of my exes, but only because he gets jealous easier than I do. He hasn't asked me to throw any of them away, though. And I haven't--I keep them because I have fond memories of my exes and I know it's not possible--nor do I want to--erase part of my life and pretend it never happened. Of course, I don't flaunt the mementos either. I just keep them in a box or a photo album. Never look at them, really. To know they are there is enough.

Now, don't ask me about Mentos. That's another story entirely. :evilgrin:

Seriously, Madrone--sounds like you've got good sense--both of you! :D

[hippywife]

2. I kept mine for a long time

and then pitched them all the day before my wedding of my own volition because I knew I'd found my keeper and I wanted a clean break from the past.

[Guava Jelly]

3. Obviously he is as crazy about you as you are of him

And I think you trust each other.
You are both extremly nice people and I am excited that you have found each other.
:)
I have old pictures and letters they are my past.
And to throw them away would be throwing part of myself away.
Enough of my rambling.

[Left Is Write]

4. I keep my photos and some other types of ephemera.

I'm not erasing a part of my past, and Mr. LIW wouldn't expect me to. Heck, I made a scrapbook for him of HIS old photos from birth through college, and this included pictures of him with his former fiancee.

My old relationships are part of who I am. My husband doesn't expect me to pretend they didn't exist, and I don't expect it of him either.

[Kat45]

5. No, you're not alone. I'm even good friends with a few of my ex-s.

And if someone I went out with had a problem with that, then I'd have a problem with him.

[Dangerously Amused]

6. Some stuff I've thrown out or given away because I wanted to, some I kept.

Depends on the ex, the thing, and the circumstances under which it was given.

The things that have bad vibes attached I don't want, ie, the guilt presents... the things he gave me "for no reason" when I would later find out he was cheating on me. But the things given on happy occasions in an otherwise healthy relationship that for whatever reason just didn't work out, if it's something I still like and use, those I'll usually keep.

As for letters and cards, I'll usually go through them and if there are any with particularly special meaning - again, only those which are going to conjure up good thoughts and memories - I might keep a few of those. The rest I'll read one last time before letting them go.

As for what approach my SO takes, I think it would only become an issue if he obsessed over those things. Like if he kept everything and ex-GF ever touched, or built a shrine to all his old girlfriends with all the stuff they ever gave him. Something like that.


Hey, congrats you guys!


:hi:

[Pushed To The Left]

7. I tend to hang on to some mementos. I still have a box full of cards from my ex-fiance

I would NEVER go back to her, but it was part of my life and my history. I still have things from the relationship before that. My ex-fiance did pressure me to delete old e-mails from a previous ex, and I ended up doing it. I did end up resenting that a little, though. I would never pressure a SO to throw a memento away, especially if she had it stashed away.

[Richard Steele]

8. It's silly to care about THINGS when every previous relationship helped make -US- who we are now.

IMHO, of course.

[Dastard Stepchild]

9. *I* am my husband's only serious relationship :)

So he has no mementos from previous relationships, though I do torture him with pictures of the Titanic movie, since one of his only other dates was with a woman that wanted him to take her to see Titanic. :)

As for myself, I have saved a few mementos in a box at my parents house. He's not jealous of them because most are pictures of me and ex-girlfriends. He pretty much wants to get those framed so that he may stare at them daily. Gifts and pictures from male partners remain in the box. He doesn't prefer to see them, but is fine with them being in a box somewhere.

[crim son]

10. I've always made it a practice to throw away such mementos.

I'm a sentimental sucker and nothing good ever comes of remembering that stuff.

[TheBaldyMan]

11. can an STD be counted as a 'momento' ?

[regnaD kciN]

12. In a gesture of everlasting fidelity...

...I threw out all my mementos from previous relationships (including a large number of letters and photos from my "first love") just before getting married back in 1978. My fiancee didn't ask me to do so, and I'm sure never would have demanded it, but I wanted to show that, from now on, she was the only woman who would ever mean anything to me.

Boy, did I feel stupid when we split up five years later... :banghead:

[VenusRising]

13. I have thrown things away in anger.

I am really sorry about some of the things, but I still have others. I would do anything to have those paintings back!!

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[haf216]

14. I keep some of the stuff,

some I give to the guy,if I think they would want it. I'm talking a bout pictures and things like that . Mostly I tend to remain friends with the the guys I date, so I keep everything because they are still a part of my life.

I do have some 21 quart gold jewelry (that could be worth a lit bit of money) from an ex in a relationship that did not end well. I do not really wear gold, so everyone wants me to sell it, but I think I would feel bad, because it was given to me from his heart. But at the same time why keep it if I'm not going to wear it.

[Phillycat]

15. If you've seen me naked and we're no longer together, you don't exist for me.

All your stuff will be discarded. Blergh.

[dropkickpa]

16. I've only ever kept the one momento

I'm not a sentimental person, so it all gets chucked when I get around to it. Here's the one thing I did keep

[Connonym]

19. that costume is awesome

It's not every mom who would put their kid in something like that. You're my kind of people and I'm totally stealing that idea.

[dropkickpa]

20. She is pretty awesome

she loves scary stuff, has since she was real little (my little goth gir, awww). What's funny is that she is just as likely to go for super girly princess stuff, but, in her words, Halloween is for scaring people! This year she wants to be either a spider or bat, so I need to get working on the costume. Last year she was a mummy, and that took me way longer than I thought it would!

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. 1 and 4. I've thrown some stuff away, MrG has thrown some stuff

away, but we both have stuff...and neither of us worries about it. Who we were made us who we are. No need to feel threatened. :hi:

MrG has met with an ex for coffee. No worries there either.

[gmoney]

18. I've kept Mentos from past relationships...

...but when they get stale, you best watch your teeth.

[Connonym]

21. I would never expect an ex to throw away parts of their past

I've remained friendly with several of my exes. I keep a box of mementos in my closet -- letters, pictures, tschotkes and whatnot. I very seldom look at it but it was part of me and contributed to the person I have become. There have been a couple occasions where my exes have been required by their current SOs to stop being friends with me. I found that very hurtful because, even though I had no desire to rekindle a romantic relationship, I truly held them in my heart as friends. I could never be able to be with someone who was that insecure.