I need some serious advice

[Droopy]

A couple of my friends are feuding. I've known them both for about 20 years. We are all in our early 30s. I will call them Mike and Marvin.

Marvin claims that Mike owes him about $300 for some work he did for him last fall. I believe him because Mike has been known to skip out on his monetary obligations- even with friends. It is for that reason that I do not loan Mike money. I would have hated to see money come in between our friendship.

Anyway, I was hanging out at Marvin's place last weekend eating pizza and drinking beer when Mike calls me on my cell phone. He asks me where I'm at and I tell him. He just gives me a sarcastic little chuckle. Marvin asks who is calling and I tell him. Marvin says, "Tell Mike he can fuck off." So I tell Mike. Mike then gets extremely angry. He says he's going to get a couple of guys together and come over and kick Marvin's ass. So now, being a dumb ass and all, I get into the middle of the feud. I tell Mike that he is not going to kick Marvin's ass. He asks me who's going to stop him. I say I will. Mike says he has two friends who might have something to say about that. I say come on over.

I was not going to fight anybody if I could help it. The plan was to just get in the way. Mike is 220 pounds, Marvin is 140, and I'm 280. I think I could have got between them and prevented anything from happening. Then a better plan came to mind. If Mike showed up I was just going to tell him that if he steps foot inside Marvin's house he's going to jail. That sounded like a better plan to me.

So I stand outside of Marvin's place for about an hour waiting for Mike and his fellow bullies. He said he was going to be there in 20 minutes, but he never showed.

I'm too old for this shit. That's the kind of stupid shit we did when we were kids and it seems so child-like to me now. I'm seriously considering ending the friendship with Mike. It's hard for me to do because I have known him for so long, but the guy's got problems that he fails to address.

What would you do?

[AllegroRondo]

1. someone who threatens to kick your ass is not your friend.

time to end the friendship with Mike.

[Droopy]

3. I think you're right

That's the way I was leaning. I just have a lot of history with the guy and it's going to be hard to do.

[tk2kewl]

2. I think I'd kick Mike's ass.

Or just tell Marvin to eat the $300 and write Mike off as an ex-friend. Mike sounds like a jerk.

[Droopy]

6. Well, you're right I think

I'm not going to kick anybody's ass, but you're right. Marvin needs to let go of the money- he's already let go of Mike- and I need to let go of Mike.

[skygazer]

4. I have people I've been friends with for 20 years or more

And sometimes you realize that it's the ONLY reason you're friends with them - because you've known them so long.

Sometimes you realize that you don't actually have much in common with these people except that time.

When someone behaves the way Mike's behaving, it seems to me that it's time to cut ties.

[Poiuyt]

5. How much alcohol was involved

You say that you were drinking a beer. Do you think Mike drinking also?

Don't try to resolve this physically, and don't threaten to. Wait till things have cooled down and try to have a calm discussion with them.

[Droopy]

8. Me and Marvin probably had about 3 or 4

Neither of us were drunk and Mike doesn't drink.

Don't worry. I'm a very non-violent kind of guy. The only way I would lay a hand on someone is in self defense.

[youthere]

7. I'd ask them both what they value more...

the friendship or the $300.
And you owe it to yourself to be honest with Mike about how you feel.

[rug]

9. Rank on his mother.

[trof]

10. I'd say when money comes between friends they weren't really friends.

I would never not pay a debt, especially to a friend.
I expect the same treatment.

I used to be friends, sorta, with a neighbor lady.
Then I found out she had flat out lied to me about getting our property owners' board of directors' OK to spend a pretty big chunk of our money.
I was the treasurer at the time.
I'll never trust her again and I really don't want to be around her any more.

Hasta la vista, Mike.

[Droopy]

11. That's probably the right thing to do

It doesn't seem to me that Mike has grown very much since he was about 14 or so and he's probably never going to change.

[trof]

12. My shrink friend calls that 'arrested development'.

I guess it's a polite way of saying someone is being childish.
;-)