Advice on a eulogy?

[underpants]

I don't really know how to write this but I was wondering.

It has become pretty clear that I am going to have to give a eulogy for someone fairly soon and the end of his life has not been very pleasant. It hasn't been present for anyone involved in it really and sadly there are very few people from his life still in contact with him. When I say unpleasant I mean he is an alcoholic or more aptly a drunk and he is near death. I can't imagine him making it to next Christmas but then we have all said that before.

SO

Any advice on a eulogy in this situation? Clearly I should try to reach back and grab some of the happy times some of the good times because he, like I, hate funerals and memorials. I talked to him already about anything specific he wants (I may get arrested doing what he wants me to but I will do it of course) so I know that.

[Kali]

1. yeah - there must be some good things. Very few 100% assholes, most have some good points.

Ask the attendees to reflect on that subject...yes there were some less than good times, but here is something I remember that was positive/happy/whatever...

[underpants]

2. Oh he's not an asshole at all

he is just a drunk -self absorbed center of the universe look at ME- you know a drunk.

[trof]

5. Opening line?

"Well, Ed always wanted to be the center of attention, and finally here we are. All gathered in his honor."

[ncrainbowgrrl]

9. Ok- Try this one on for size- it's quite positive- yet says EXACTLY what you may feel

"In the time that I knew him, I learned that for him,Asking for things was never a problem-He was always the one in a crowd looking for attention for something. Sometimes it was easier than others to give it, but we always knew what to expect. That's not something that is common these days- With people being busy and leading active lives, there's so much instibility and challenges in reading people at times- It feels like you never know what to expect anymore- even from some of your closest friends and relatives. We knew that he would always be the same from day to day. What You Saw is what you got. This trait will be missed dearly. "

[underpants]

12. That is excellent

Thank you very much. That will be the basis for most of it.

You got it.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

13. Glad I could help!

:hi:

I know- these are hard to write. I've had to do a lot of "tactful writing" lately... It's definitely not easy- especially when You're the one with the relationship with the person about whom you have to write. Sometimes emotional detachment helps a lot!

If you get stuck, or want any other suggestions feel free to PM me... I have to run to a meeting- should be back on DU around 6:30pm EDT.

:hug:

Good Luck

[trof]

3. OK, you've really aroused my curiosity.

Although Miz t. says it don't take much to do that.
Can you tell what it is he wants you to do?

Is he close friend, relative?
I guess I might try to keep it kinda light and humorous if possible since neither of you like that sort of thing anyway.

[underpants]

8. Yes and yes

second question first- he is my brother

his ashes will be taken to a body of water very near to a arena that he saw a lot of Dead shows. I don't know if that is allowed but I am doing it.

I like the opening line.

[trof]

10. Sorry, man. I did a 'burial at sea'.

I don't think there's a law against it, but for god's sake don't ask anybody's permission.

I just took the family out on my boat and we put her ashes in the bay. Really no fuss.
I had the florist make up a white lei (a Hawaiian custom, I think).
"Just make SURE the damn thing floats." I asked.
Figured a lei that went straight to the bottom would really be a bummer.

You gonna use a boat or do it from shore?
Anyway, I think the lei is a nice touch.
Best of luck.

[underpants]

11. Good advice that - no I won't ask permission

I will just tell everyone where and when it is going to take place.

[commander bunnypants]

4. No idea but good luck

CB

[Midlodemocrat]

6. I delivered my dad's and my FIL's.

My dad's was easy. He was a great, wonderful man who gave a lot to the world. My FIL's was a bit more challenging because he was a curmudgeon beyond all during his last years.

I would say try to be a little bit poignant, but be funny. Pick out some funny things you remember and expound on that. That way you are truly celebrating his life instead of mourning his death.

[KitchenWitch]

7. Certainly recall some of the happier times

Then discuss in a compassionate way that alcohol and alcoholism got the best of him, as it does with people afflicted thusly.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

14. Above all, be honest.

That does NOT mean be brutally honest, however.

But how many times have you heard a eulogy and said to yourself, "Uhm, that doesn't sound anything like the person that I knew." Too often, eulogies make the person sound like they were perfect human beings.

So acknowledge the problems, while more prominently talking about the good.

[underpants]

15. Good advice

I hate that too.

[qwertyMike]

16. Tell them he died of an incurable disease

He died a 1,000 times before.
It wasn't his fault.
He must have had good traits.
Reember them

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. Perhaps you'll find some inspiration in this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsHk9WC7fnQ

[underpants]

19. Yes quite

thank you

[July]

18. Ask others who know him what they'll remember, what they'll miss.

Mention some little things that he enjoyed and ask others to think of him when they do/see/experience them (could be anything: pounding rain; a favorite book; "his" football/basketball/baseball team, and so on).

Ask the mourners to give him what we all want: forgiveness for our mistakes and a place in their hearts when we are gone (forgiven but not forgotten).

Read a favorite poem, song, or apt quotation.

That's all I've got right now, but PM me if you want to talk about it more. I've had to give a number of eulogies of people I've been very close to.

You'll find a way.

[qwlauren35]

20. Generic works...

sadly, it's what lots of ministers do when they've never met the individual.

You can talk generically about human life. You can actually make the man into a martyr if you have any idea what led him down this dark path..

Or you can tell the truth. "I am here to talk about a man who was, by all accounts, a pain in the ass. But he was also my XXXXX, and I have learned from this that the bonds of family and friendship can have strength beyond measure...."

[AlCzervik]

21. if you have any funny anecdotes then use them, i did that when my friends mom

passed away and she asked me if i would speak and i had one really funny story to share and the mood was actually lifted, that was probably one of the best things i ever did.

[Blue-Jay]

22. Start with funny anecdote about the "nearly departed".

One that everyone attending will "get".

Move to the general effect that your loved one had on friends/family/total strangers, etc. General terms, personality traits, stuff like that.

Then, relate a heartwarming (or defining) story involving yourself and the departed.

End with a prayer/poem/prose that you feel is appropriate.

Thank everyone for coming to pay their respects, and make sure to mention by name the closest family members.

(Depending on the person/crowd, maybe another short, sweet anecdote or a phrase that the departed was often quoted as saying. Use your judgment on this, obviously)

_____________________________________________

Those are just thoughts off the top of my head. My condolences, Mr. pants.

[SOteric]

23. I don't know what you're worried about.

You wrote a wonderful eulogy for Martin and he wasn't even dead yet. :spank:



Maybe give this a gander. It has some good tips.

http://www.co-operativefuneralcare.co.uk/pdfs/eulogyguide.pdf

[underpants]

24. ...

:rofl:

[QMPMom]

25. Have your eulogy ready but also give people who attend

the service a 3 X 5 card to write one good memory on and choose some of them to read. It will make it easier on you and also give you some good memories of your brother from other people.

This has nothing to do with the eulogy, but when my IL's died (10 months apart) we had small wallet-sized photos of them on the table with the programs for people to take as a momento. Many, many people told me how much they appreciated that. We used the photo that was taken of them at our wedding because it was the last really good photo of them that was taken while theywere still healthy.