My friend caught "The Gay"!

[huskerlaw]

Ok, how's that for an attention-grabbing headline?

But I need some serious advice. One of my really good friends just told me that she thinks she's gay...or maybe bi. But she's not sure and she doesn't know what to do next.

I'm flattered that she told me, but I don't know what kind of advice to give her, having never been through this myself. She's a college freshman, and as far as I know just assumed she was straight until recently. I know she's had boyfriends, and hasn't ever dated another female.

She's already wondering how to come "out" to her parents...I suggested she wait on that until she's sure of her own status. Kinda like waiting until you've been dating someone for a few months before taking them to a family dinner. Not so much because she thinks her parents will freak out, but just because she's not sure how they'll react.

Also, I suggested that she talk to someone at her university's GLBT group. However, she's friends with nearly everyone in the group and doesn't want to come out to them yet.

So...any advice? Either for her, or for me. I want to support her any way that I can.

Also, I realize that this is a very personal question, so if you'd feel better responding to me in a PM, please feel free to do so.

[Redstone]

1. This may not sound like serious advice, but it is: All she needs to do is to

try it, and see if she really likes it, or if she just gets excited thinking about it.

I know that's easier said than done, but it's the only way for her to find out. And wouldn't it be embarrassing for her if she "came out" to various and sundry, including her parents, and found out later that it didn't turnout to be her cup o'tea?

Redstone

[huskerlaw]

2. That makes sense

and yes, the potential embarrassment factor is another reason I suggested putting off the announcement. ;)

Thank you for your reply.

[liontamer]

3. If she thinks she's queer, she probably is

Be supportive and encourage her to talk to people at the LGBT group. Also her university may have other options (informal groups for people who are questioning their sexuality) where she can discuss this in a more confidential setting. Beyond that just keep being her friend. :hi:

[huskerlaw]

5. I can definitely do that

Simply being her friend is the easy part. She just feels so confused and alone (because she doesn't have anyone to talk to that has actually been through this), and I wish there was more I could do to help her.

I will mention the possibility of informal groups...thanks!

[idgiehkt]

4. Sounds like good advice to me

It's not really important for her to come out to her parents until she's sure of her own status, I think. I went through that and of course there is that urgency but it is not really necessary. Of course she may feel that she has to be honest about her feelings for her gender around them, or she may feel that she needs to speak up if they make slurs. I know that the sense of urgency around self-defition is very common when someone is going through this kind of thing. I think you were right in advising her to talk to people with similar issues about it.

[huskerlaw]

6. Thank you

I think the issue with her parents is that she, of course, wants their support. Plus, she's close to her mom, so I think she feels like she's hiding things from her.

But you're right, I think she needs to be more sure of where she stands first.

[sasquatch]

7. I hope she's in her mid twenties

And bi.
:evilgrin: