Breaking: More confessions from KSM...

[Berry Cool]

He is now claiming that he:

--Wrote the Book of Love
--Put the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's chowder
--Even worse, put the Benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine
--Killed Bambi
--Broke a vase, hit a baseball through a window and tracked mud through the house in a Family Circus cartoon
--Made the salad
--Stole the kishka

[bleever]

1. Also, he shot the sherrif.

But, he did not shoot the deputy.

[Berry Cool]

2. Actually, I thought he was the one who DID shoot the deputy.

I mean, I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy. That was still a mystery. Now we finally know.

[Pab Sungenis]

3. I heard that he

put the bomp in the bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp.

He might also have put the ram in the ramalama ding dong.

[Berry Cool]

6. That's the rumor.

It's already been verified that he let the dogs out.

[Clark2008]

19. Best. Post. Ever.

:spray:

SNORT!!!


I'm :rofl:

In keeping with your avatar... We ARE amused.

[iamahaingttta]

4. A friend at work said...

...it's too bad it wasn't the Israelis who captured and tortured these confessions out of him. Maybe they could have gotten him admit to killing Christ, then they would be off the hook...

[notadmblnd]

5. It's also be said he confessed to stealing Austin Power's mojo.

nt

[Berry Cool]

8. I understand that he also went to New Orleans

I know what you're thinking, he's responsible for Katrina.

But no, it's worse.

He said he gonna beat dem Saints.

[majorjohn]

7. Breaking: He is now found guilty of killing Versace n/t

[Berry Cool]

10. Not only that, but he was the real chauffeur for Diana and Dodi

The other guy just took the fall for him.

[bleever]

9. He also claimed

"I am the Walrus."

[Berry Cool]

11. And why not?

After all, he buried Paul, didn't he? :shrug:

[Art_from_Ark]

22. No, Paul was buried in Strawberry Fields Forever

But then it was later revealed in "Glass Onion" that the Walrus was, in fact, Paul. So I guess that takes what's-his-face off the hook for that one.

[WolverineDG]

70. If you play that album backwards

you'll hear "KSM killed Paul."

dg

[Lusted4]

15. Delete

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

12. Did he confess to stealing my beloved TR-3 in 1971?

If so, I want to thank him. The insurance paid me more than it was worth.

[Patsy Stone]

13. He shot J.R.

...stole my shoes.
...put the lime in the coconut.


Is that a Sex Pistols shout out?

[Patsy Stone]

14. He put the biscuit in the basket

Couldn't resist.

[Berry Cool]

16. And, of course, the answer to the perpetual question...

...HE farted.

[Patsy Stone]

34. ...

:rofl:

He's the one who put the empty milk carton back in the refrigerator.

[HawkerHurricane]

17. Did he say he was Spartacus?

Or a nerd?

[PegDAC]

71. Signal Corps? n/t

[depakid]

18. He's also the Zodiac killer...

[Clark2008]

20. I heard he shot Liberty Valance...

...and Mr. Burns.

[Connie_Corleone]

21. KSM is really Keyser Soze!

[The Doctor.]

64. There's a good one!

He was also the bastard who created the 'Badtimes Virus';

Alert: Most Dangerous Virus Yet!
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.

This is the most dangerous E-mail virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend (ex-husband/wife) your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic (or worse yet... Country Music).

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend husband/wife) behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!

http://www.c-3.com/WNBadVirus.cfm

[bleever]

23. He stole the 2004 election for Bush, despite Rove's efforts to stop him.

Karl, desperately working to safeguard the fairness and security of the election, on election night 2004:

[Clark2008]

24. KM in O-Hi-O

[Berry Cool]

25. Righter than you know.

He was also responsible for the Kent State shootings.

[bleever]

26. THAT'S why Warren County voting HQ had a Homeland Security alert!

Mystery solved. Case closed.

Brilliant!

[Clark2008]

33. He also caused the humidity that shut down machines in

Jean Schmidt's distrist in her election against Paul Hackett.

[Buzz Clik]

27. KSM is "Not Me"? Huh.

[mmonk]

28. Please, I'm still trying to recover from Randi's show today.

Sometimes, laughing so much starts to hurt.

[Mister Ed]

29. He fought the law, and the law won. nt

[majorjohn]

30. He taught Bin Laden how to become a terrorist

:eyes:

[Craftergrl]

31. I heard...

He divided by zero.

Was he on the grassy gnoll?

[Patsy Stone]

40. No

He was the magic bullet.

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[Patsy Stone]

32. Look no futher

We have found the Chupacabra.

[Clark2008]

35. I thought that one, actually, was Ann Coulter.

But, then again, maybe KSM *IS* Ann Coulter.

[Patsy Stone]

37. That would certainly answer for a whole lot

wouldn't it? :hi:

[Clark2008]

39. It would account for the Allah's Apple she has.

:hi:

[Patsy Stone]

55. You know what else?

He broke up The Beatles.

[bleever]

46. Now he's messing

with YOUR spelling too!

Not gonna stand for this.

Na. Ga. Da.

[Patsy Stone]

47. He's the one

who made us not use spell check. He sucks.

[devilgrrl]

36. He killed Laura Palmer

Made Scott Norwood kick wide right in Superbowl XXIV
He killed Jon Benet Ramsey
and kicked the lantern over in Mrs. O'Leary's barn causing the Great Chicago Fire of 1871

[Mister Ed]

42. Don't even get me started on Chicago.

He's confessed that he was the guy in the bleachers who grabbed the ball and cost the Cubs the World Series.

[devilgrrl]

45. He played QB for the Bears in Superbowl

and did he ever SUCK!

:silly:

[Berry Cool]

59. He's been especially cruel to Cleveland.

Turns out that he engineered the Rocky Colavito trade, called Brian Sipe's Red Right 88 play, caught one of John Elway's passes during The Drive, caused Earnest Byner to fumble, helped Jordan make The Shot, and put in Joe Table as the closer in '97.

[PegDAC]

72. Did he

cause the Cuyahoga to burst into flames?

[Horse with no Name]

38. Confessed to the Black Dahlia murders

Killed Natalee Hollaway and kidnapped Patty Hearst.

[Art_from_Ark]

58. And he killed Cock Robin, too,

and pushed Humpty Dumpty off the wall

[Generic Brad]

41. OJ Simpson is finally in the clear!

The real killer has finally stepped forward!

[bleever]

43. He misspelled "sheriff" in the first reply to this thread.

Bastard!

He'll pay for this, alright.

[Patsy Stone]

44. Oh, he's got plenty more to pay for...

I heard he's the one who green-lighted Ishtar.

[bleever]

52. .

[Mister Ed]

48. Methinks he doth confess too much.

[Connie_Corleone]

49. KSM came up with the idea to fire the eight U.S. attorneys.

[Mister Ed]

51. He cooked up the phony intelligence reports that misled Bush and Cheney into attacking.

[charlyvi]

50. He was on the grassy knoll. n/t

[bleever]

53. Mastermind behind "New Coke".

Also, forgot to set Dagwood Bumstead's alarm clock.

[Mister Ed]

54. He's the one who rang my doorbell and ran last Halloween.

Somehow I just know it.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

56. Rumor has it he is the one who

put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop.

But I ain't sayin' where I heard it.

[Rex]

57. New Revelations from KSM(tm)

- He invented crack cocaine(tm).
- Swore off hookers and scotch.
- Supports the Democrats(tm).

[Hubert Flottz]

60. He taught Chocolot to talk alot

He taught a bar to say crunch

I'll give you a clue...KSM

I'll bet he knows where the beef is too!

Edit...And he cut the cheese!...bet on it.

This is the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the maiden all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the man all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the priest all shaven and shorn,
That married the man all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the cock that crowed in the morn,
That waked the priest all shaven and shorn,
That married the man all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

This is the farmer sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn,
That waked the priest all shaven and shorn,
That married the man all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Khalid Sheikh Muhammed built.

[Bluebear]

61. He decided to preempt a football game for "Heidi"

[cooolandrew]

62. Also guilty of once appearing on American Idol I am told.

[Patsy Stone]

67. And...

He votes for Sanjaya.

[DemReadingDU]

63. stole the Lindbergh baby

I heard that too somewhere, :)

[Chulanowa]

65. He knows where Al Capone's treasure is!

KSM knows where the beef is!
HE framed Roger Rabbit!
Not only is he Anna Nicole's baby's daddy, but he's also Luke Skywalkers' REAL father
And also in his confessions... The gravest crime of all... he was the actual director for the Catwoman movie.

[The Wizard]

66. Sank the Lusitania

Fired torpedoes at the Turner Joy in the Tonkin Gulf.

[Lost-in-FL]

68. He killed Kenny!! KSM... you bastard!!!

[WolverineDG]

69. He started the Great Chicago Fire

as well as the Great Fire of London in 1666.

He was the "Who" heard by Horton.

He downgraded Pluto's status as a planet.

He caused the Great Plague.

He's buried in Grant's Tomb.

dg

[PegDAC]

73. OMFG!

You should have heard Mike Malloy on this last night! Priceless!

[frogcycle]

74. not to mention

he farts in bed and pulls the covers up over his wife's head