I just made my dog cry

[MonkeyFunk]

The SO and I were discussing that he's good at most basic commands, but has never been great with "Stay". So I decided to work with him on it.

I fixed up a nice dinner for him (rice, gravy, turkey and his kibble). As I was preparing it, he was all excited, because usually he ONLY gets kibble. But I made him sit while I prepared it and every time he moved I stopped, looked at him and said "sit!". So he'd sit.

Then I put the bowl down, with me standing between him and the bowl and said "Stay".

He did. For about 5 seconds. He started to get up.

"Nuh uh!"

He sat back down. I was trying to count to 20, but after another 10 seconds, he was just crying and crying. I didn't crack. Then 2 seconds later, a giant line of slobber dropped out the side of his mouth. So I gave him an "OK - go!" and now he's a happy happy dog.

[hippiechick]

1. The only way to make my dogs cry ...

... is to put them in a closed room together a couple hours after they've each eaten leftover chili.


:rofl:

[driver8]

2. Ha Ha -- that's funny!

When I was a kid we had a dog who would slobber so much, you had to give him some of whatever it was you were eating!

Hey -- your pooch made it to 12, that's pretty good!!

[MonkeyFunk]

3. oh god

we had a Great Dane when I was a kid. My Mom just followed the dog around the house with a rag to clean up the slobber.

[Truthiness Inspector]

4. Sounds yummy!

Minus the kibble of course, lol.

But then again, I did get caught eating kibble when I was a kid...

[MonkeyFunk]

5. well you can have some

but STAY!

(counts to 20)

[Elidor]

6. Perhaps I read that wrong

Your SO is "good at most basic commands, but has never been great with "Stay." So you're working with him on this.

Keep up the good work and keep us up-to-date on his progress.

[MonkeyFunk]

7. true

but you should see his "Come!"

[Fran Kubelik]

15. ~

:spray:

[Karenca]

30. First command my poodle learned was to come.

NT

[MonkeyFunk]

31. you naughty girl...

I think I saw that movie.

[Karenca]

32. And what good movie it was! nt

[flvegan]

8. So then, what you're saying is

that proper training techniques escape you, and you choose to rather dominate your pet.

Nice. At least you're almost not abusive. Good for you.

[MonkeyFunk]

9. silly boy

not at all.

He's well-trained, just a little sloppy on the "stay". So I'm working with him on it. If by dominating him you mean I denied him his meal for 15 seconds, then color me dominant.

Seriously, you think it's abusive to make a dog sit for 20 seconds before getting his food? And you call ME ignorant of training techniques?

[flvegan]

10. What you described isn't "working with him"

Take the rest of your strawman elsewhere.

[MonkeyFunk]

11. silly boy

you're not making much sense.

Why not explain how I can do it better?

[flvegan]

12. I suggest you consult a professional.

I do believe they'll agree with what I stated.

Were I to try to explain how you "could do it better" then well, I'd be here all night.

Good night, MF. I hope all the strawmen sleep tight tonight.

[MonkeyFunk]

14. silly boy

I know lots about dogs. It's not abusive to make one wait for my command to be fed.

And what's the obsession with strawmen? That word doesn't mean what you think it does.

[flvegan]

16. Again...

good night, MF.

*This* stopped being worth my time. I'm sorry. I hope your boss understands.

[MonkeyFunk]

18. Silly boy

this was NEVER worth your time. But thanks for playing.

[flvegan]

20. One of the few times we've agreed.

Thanks for the support, MF.

Regards,
Silly Boy

[MonkeyFunk]

23. There used to be this one funny guy

here, who, whenever somebody would back out of an argument would figuratively spike the football and declare victory over the whimpy loser.

God, he was a dick.

[jpgray]

24. To be fair I won all those arguments.

[MonkeyFunk]

25. Mark!

Stamp down, poster!

[jpgray]

26. This subargument isn't worth my time. Go screw one of your Ray Bolgers

[MonkeyFunk]

28. Fort!

Haystacks Calhoun! Brush near the can, lithograph!

[jpgray]

34. Helping the little poster along are you, my fine strawmen?

Well, stay away from him--or I'll stuff a mattress with you!

Conferrin' with the flowers was such a euphemism.

[MonkeyFunk]

57. To be honest

I'm just trying to find out what I did wrong.

I've been through obedience training with three dogs, and not once did the instructor ever tell me making them sit and stay until I released them was abusive.

In fact, I'm starting to suspect that the accusation above is pure bullshit.

[asthmaticeog]

27. Wha? That's not even a straw man argument.

Looks like your stock lines are losing their effectiveness. Perhaps you should diversify?

Mark.

[flvegan]

29. Uh huh.

Is that it? Don't you have a rep to live up to?

[asthmaticeog]

33. A rep? None that I'm aware of.

Perhaps you could enlighten me.

Or, alternately, I might just go to bed, since all you'll do is post vague, ball-less, not-quite-insults so as to remain just barely non-deletable while demanding that I "back up" statements I've never even made.

:boring:

[MonkeyFunk]

35. Jack!

Free up!

[asthmaticeog]

36. Isadore!

Keep a tissue handy!

[jpgray]

37. Heathcliff!

[asthmaticeog]

39. Parsifal!

No running at the pool!

[jpgray]

42. Hippolytus!

Give your new mother a kiss!

[asthmaticeog]

43. Henrietta!

Meow meow meow meow mark meow meow!

[jpgray]

44. Hymenoptera!

Bzzz bzz bzz boster bzz buzzz!

[asthmaticeog]

45. Cthulu!

That is not dead which can eternal lie!

[jpgray]

47. Michael!

IF from the public way you turn your steps
Up the tumultuous brook of Greenhead Ghyll,
You'd better back your shit completely up
or find your strawmen sleeping more than ill.

[MonkeyFunk]

49. nice couplets, Stanford

:eyes:

[jpgray]

51. It's blank verse with only incidental strawmen, Grape-smuggler.

[asthmaticeog]

50. Walt!

O Strawman, my Strawman!
Our fearful bitch is smacked up,
The ship has weathered every mark,
the shit we claimed is backed up.

[jpgray]

53. Christina!

Morning and evening
Marks heard the posters cry:
"Come buy our strawmen suits,
Come buy, come buy:

[MonkeyFunk]

60. Syvlia!

Oven head
Now I'm dead


Paul!

[MonkeyFunk]

38. This is too much fun

I'm gonna run down to the local watering hole, then come back and beat my dog. You hold down the thread in the meantime.

Go that by with, pipe!

[asthmaticeog]

40. Care to back up your strawmark?

A din arose!

[Karenca]

41. a din arose -

This is the best thread. :rofl:

[MonkeyFunk]

46. I'm back with up by, Scotty!

So Carl that shit down, tuna.

[asthmaticeog]

48. Near the village, the peaceful village!

The strawmen sleep tonight! Gus!

[datasuspect]

70. you made me laugh

because it's true.

[CanuckAmok]

58. At least he lets the dog eat what it wants.

Some people aren't so considerate.

[fudge stripe cookays]

66. My dog is like that.

He HATES tofu.

[Karenca]

72. Your dog knows what's NOT good for him -

Soy products are trigger foods for seizures in sensitive dogs....(among so many other problems).

[fudge stripe cookays]

73. Well, he ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer...

but he knows that much! :D

[asthmaticeog]

87. The sharpest knife in the drawer would probably entice him to sit, though.

Marcus.

[PVnRT]

62. Amazing

that certain people on this website are allowed to get away with saying anything the hell they want.

Perhaps you could explain to the rest of us non-PETA whackjobs how exactly he's "dominating" the dog. You know, since we're not "real" liberals like PETA freaks.

[MonkeyFunk]

75. I think he's just upset

that I didn't use tofurkey.

[Ariana Celeste]

76. huh?

:eyes:

[MonkeyFunk]

77. He's just jonesin' for some turkey

and he's pissed that I made him wait.

[Fran Kubelik]

13. Aw...

Stay was a hard one for ours to get too.

[MonkeyFunk]

17. it is a tough one

My holistic vegan dog trainer suggested I try a little Reiki to get him to stay. But I was unable to manipulate the aura properly as the dog ran by me.

Then my homeopathic vet suggested I try one drop of amphetamine in 6,000 gallons of water, shake it up good, take one drop of that and put it in another 6k gallons of water and shake that up real good, then give the dog half a drop of the results. Still, he wanted to run to his food.

So I went to a Jungian dog psych who suggested my dog try to tap into the collective unconcious through his dreams, but when I tried to explain the process, he just licked his balls (the dog, not the psychiatrist, though I could tell you stories...)

So I watched Cesar Millan, a Mexican shaman. He just told the dogs to sit until he gave the command to go eat, and viola!

[Elidor]

55. This thread delivers!

:thumbsup: I should have stayed to watch the fun, but I didn't know Sanctimonious Man would get in on the action.

[MonkeyFunk]

56. He's like Spiderman

only without the actual insect involved. Maybe an origami-spider-man.

You never know where he'll show up. One just hopes and prays.

[PVnRT]

63. Did you try Atlantean power crystals?

Amphetamines are made by the OMG EVIL pharmaceutical companies who are conspiring with the BFEE, Peak Oil and Reverse Vampires control our minds with medicine and chemtrails. Fight the power!

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

65. Nicely done, MF.

:thumbsup:

[Little Wing]

67. omfg

in tears laughing

[GoneOffShore]

80. You are one creative guy!

That is one of the funniest rants I've seen yet.

And I noticed that your tormentor has disappeared. Not that I knew who it was or what they were saying. : rofl:

But it was funny to read your responses.

[MonkeyFunk]

81. Why thank you!

Now I'm sore from shaking 6,000 gallons of water repeatedly.

And now I'm afraid to use my hot tub for fear of a speed overdose.

[Karenca]

19. I think someone is sexually frustrated.

I'm not talking about you.

[MonkeyFunk]

21. who wouldn't be

if you lived in fear of losing your nuts?

You WERE talking about my dog, right?

[Karenca]

22. You made me laugh.

maybe.

[MonkeyFunk]

52. Whaddya mean "maybe"?

Back that up, with, by, down, aus, ausser, bei, mit, nach, seit, von, zu or gegenuber, wainscoting!

[wildhorses]

54. best-thread-of-the-night

:applause:

[MonkeyFunk]

59. Thank you....

I just kicked my dog in the balls in honor of your statement.

[Little Wing]

69. That will at least slow him down, and help on his "stay"

Probably deserved two kicks, but I'm no expert

[ronnykmarshall]

82. Cat Enchilada?

[MonkeyFunk]

83. No thanks...

I just had lunch.

But it does remind me of a great meal I had in Cancun.

[ronnykmarshall]

85. Was it breaded in corn flakes?

[slj0101]

61. Carry the firewood back to the cabin, Dutch!

[PVnRT]

64. Everyone vote for this thread

It belongs in the hall of fame.

[Little Wing]

68. great idea - it's a scream

:rofl:

[datasuspect]

71. i like the part where "the biceps of justice"

got his ass whipped with a belt.

[MonkeyFunk]

74. that's mean

I would never beat an ape.

[Name removed]

78. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Ariana Celeste]

79. i think im in love

this thread has had me cracking up since i first opened it

[JackBeck]

84. Kick.

Thank you mods.

[Name removed]

86. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Little Wing]

88. with dampening eyes

:rofl:

[MonkeyFunk]

89. I love you

[asthmaticeog]

90. .

Oh, yes.

[jpgray]

91. IBTD

:o

:spray:

[Evoman]

92. This is a joke...I'm not gonna get my ass kicked for it, am I? lol.

[jpgray]

93. Just lounge silliness, says I.

I don't think anyone really means anything by it.

[HEyHEY]

94. I got nuthin' n/t

[Name removed]

95. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[jpgray]

96. To me it's another silly flamewar like cornflake chicken or Olive Garden

People get weird tempers over a non-issue, act silly, then calm down. With any hope, that is.

[JackBeck]

98. Let's hope.

And fwiw, I wasn't talking about you.

[Evoman]

102. Your going to put me on ignore?

Thats a bit harsh...I was just joking around.

[asthmaticeog]

97. I doubt it.

All mark, no mite.

[Susang]

99. Brilliant!

Words fail me. :applause:

[CanuckAmok]

100. Oh, SNAP!

There are no words.......

:rofl:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

101. Wow!

Major kudos!

[Pithlet]

103. Locking.

I think we've all had enough.

[Pithlet]

104. Locking

n/t