I need a mechanic who works on _German_ cars, not _Nazi_ cars

[ForrestGump]

My Mercedes desperately needs a tune-up, air conditioning, and a general service but I want to find an independent mechanic partly because I am assuming the dealerships here are as much a rip-off as in many places (not always, but typically) and, besides, in my experience the independents are better as well as being less pricey. One dude I was wanting to ask about finding a mechanic who worked on Mercedes, if he didn't do it himself, is someone my work partner found who did a good job on his vehicle. He's allegedly (I say allegedly not because I particularly doubt his service record but because, in this town, most people we meet on the street have all sorts of stories that are not true) a Gulf War -- the first one -- veteran in the USMC. My partner, who is older than me (a Vietnam vet) and most definitely un-PC, warned me that his man was kind of a redneck, in the not-so-happy sense.

Anyway, I met him the other day and the first thing he starts going on about is how much he hates Asians and what he was going to do with any Asian tourists who might hassle us (stupid ass...it's the American ones who hassle us, almost exclusively). I just walked away and spent most of the rest of my time scowling at him when he entered my visual field. He was drunk and began going on about how he was going for a career in stand-up comedy and how he was writing some excellent material lately and going to burn a DVD that'd make him millions...he asked us if we wanted in on it (no, you dumbass motherfucker...you put my name on it and I'll sue your racist ass so bad your diseased sperm will be paying for it). He graced us with some of the crap he thought was funny. It was awful. Truly awful.

One thing was some spoof of an ad that featured some black football player who I guess starred in a series of Campbell's soup ads that featured him running home for mom's soup (I have no idea...I don't watch TV and I don't follow sports) but in his version the player's last name was 'Spearchucker' and he was racing home to his mother who had a bone through her nose and a cannibal soup with a human head in it. Another bit had something to do with The Wizard of Oz with Bill Clinton as the Tin Man, entertaining himself with a can of oil before Dorothy (Monica) did what she did so well while Hilary just cried "I'm melting!" I was going to ask him if the Scarecrow was Dubya, but I didn't need to get into a fight in public with some drunk poseur all dolled up in his official Harley Davidson accessories, so I walked away again (he asked my work partner if I was mad at him...no shit, Sherlock). Yeah...that's about the size of it, though, those kind of 'jokes'...there were a couple more he related -- the asshole would not go away and my partner didn't want to be rude because he wants his mechanic -- but all of it was along the same vein: absolutely racist with zero redeeming value. By that I mean that some jokes are really, really offensive but you can't help but laugh, even a little, and even if you hate yourself for giggling. His weren't even THAT good...they were totally devoid of humor and not jokes in any sense, just racist crap that'd only appeal to neo-Nazis and the like.

He finally got on his piece of shit Hardly Abelson, the loudest but least capable motorcycle on the planet, and took off: a pig on a hog. If there's any justice in this world, there's a Las Vegas taxi -- the driver's of which are actually the most feared animals on the planet, way outstripping the Cape buffalo -- out there with his name on its front grill.

Hey, for all I know he's a reader of Freak Republic -- or one of the other Reich-wing shitholes the denizens of which are obsessed with DU -- and he'll see this post. This would not surprise me at all. My identity will be blown then, boy. Well, fuck...listen, Tom, you racist fuck-knuckle, I'd rather have my engine seize than take it to you for a service, and if you have a problem with me thinking you're a subhuman piece of shit then come and tell me about it and be sure to take a swing, because I am just itching to fucking destroy large expanses of your anatomy, asshole...no matter how bad you might think you are, you're no match for me. To quote your brain-dead comrade, "bring it on." Fuckwit.

[Blue_Tires]

1. strange...

maybe you would be better off going to the dealer next time (I've always heard good things about MB service)

[bullwinkle428]

2. Sounds like he's got an excellent shot landing a gig

as a warm-up act, either for Larry the Cable Guy or at the next Republican National Convention!