Will I ever want to marry and have kids?

[Jack_Dawson]

I'm 34 and still prefer living alone and having girlfriends. Oh I also have two cats. All my friends from college have three kids. Do I have a problem? Thx in advance.

:nopity:

[Ellen Forradalom]

1. Why are you asking us?

Do you care? No? That answers your questions.

If you are ever ready to change your mind, you will know and won't need to consult us.

[Jack_Dawson]

4. Jeez just looking for some guidance from my elders

Sorry to bother you.

:scared:

[Ellen Forradalom]

9. You get me wrong

You already know there's nothing wrong with you. So there's no need to ask us.

[populistmom]

2. Be who you are

Kids are a lot of work and it's so personal of a decision. If you want to have 8 kids or 3 kids, one kid or no kids, if it's right for you, don't worry about what the rest of the world does.

I never understand why people want to pressure people to have children and I've seen it. A friend of mine has one son and people are always asking her, "When are you going to have another?" She's not even sure she wants another and it's no one's business.

[brainshrub]

3. Your asking the wrong people.

Anybody who posts here is probably not mentaly stable enough to give you good advise.

[NightTrain]

18. Speak for yourself!

I take offense at that, particularly coming from a poster who's too lazy to use the DU spell check feature.

[ProudGerman]

5. Imagine this

You are rudely awakened at 6:30 on a Saturday morning because some kids, your kids, turned your stereo on with all the knobs turned to maximum first. You awake with a start, along with a women you consider drop dead georgous laying next to you, and fly down the stairs touching maybe 2 of them.

If any of the above sounds nice to you, then maybe the married life is for you.




In case anyone is wondering, I'm not married. The above scenario was perpetrated by yours truly, when he was 4.

[Jack_Dawson]

8. I hate that the Niners aren't in the playoffs

Good visual though!

[Mikimouse]

6. You're young and have plenty of time...

there is no reason to rush anything just because of things that other people are doing, but you knew that, right?

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. Being married and having kids isn't the end-all be-all of human existence

If you don't feel like being married and/or having kids, all the power to you. There's no reason you ever should, unless at some point you feel like you should. We all have our own paths to happiness and fulfillment - and sadly, our society still this (oh, trof is gonna kill me for saying this word) children/marriage=the only path to true happiness meme.

I think it's bunk. I see too many people who get married/have children because they feel pressured to do so and/or feel that it will make them, finally, happy. It's a lie. It will make you happy only if you feel that doing either or both is actually in your calling as a human being. Not everyone is, and for those who aren't, there's no moral or ethical deficiency in not having children, or not getting married.

You do seem worried about it, though - may I inquire as to why? And I don't mean that cyncially or intrusively or that you shouldn't feel worried - I'm truly curious, and would like to hear your story.

[Jack_Dawson]

10. It's more like...I'm worried that I'm not worried

if that makes any sense. Just some Saturday night contemplation...

[Ellen Forradalom]

11. Don't be worried that you're not worried.

What, me worry?

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. And worrying that your not worried

worries you? :evilgrin: I say that tongue-in-cheekly, but also seriously. I know what you mean - sometiems worry builds in ever-succesive layers and drives us near to insanity.

All I can say is, if you're not worried about it, then don't worry about not being worried about it. I know it's tough, cuz wer're in a society that places a far higher value on having children than we place value on those who are sensible to realize they don't want children and thus don't have them.

Personally, I wish we could get away from child-bearing worship (and marriage worship), and simply begin to celebrate people for who they are. (Why should a married guy get cheaper insurance? But even beyond that, why should a childless couple have to endure constantly being asked "When are you gonna have children?" or why should a young man or woman have to constantly endure being asked, "When are you going to get married?" I always prefer to let THEM TELL me whether they are happy, and how they will find that happiness, instead of me imposing my own happiness values on them).

[smirkymonkey]

15. I am about 5 years older than you

(and female - so it's seems even more unnatural) and I used to worry that I wasn't worried at your age.

Now a I really, really happy that I am not married w/ kids, although I haven't entirely ruled out marriage yet. Now that I know myself better I realize that parenthood is NOT for me.

It's great being an Aunt or Uncle though!

[ClintonTyree]

13. Not if you have an............

ounce of intelligence in you. ;) Don't be caught in the trap of other people's perceptions and expectations. If you're comfortable with your position, stay the course. I bowed to family and professional pressure to "live the American Dream", you know the wife, house, 2.2 children, dog, cat etc. and all it got me were two divorces, lots of child support payments (although I dearly love my children), lost 2 houses and all the pets. I finally learned my lesson and have been blissfully single for 18 years.
Do what's best for you, not for family and friends. I know that I'm not your typical DU'er in this respect, but I wish I'd never have succumbed to pressure from family and friends to get married.

[Jack_Dawson]

14. Thanks DumpGump

Great post! Food for thought.

:toast:

[otohara]

16. Old and Alone

I really worry about my women friends who are in their 50's and not married. But then they are women and it's different for women in regards to health, and employment. Women get all the health problems and don't make as much money as men.
The thought of growing old alone is not appealing to me now - but when I was your age, I still didn't think of my self as old, or growing old. It sneaks up on you - one day you're 50 and 60, 70 doesn't look that far away anymore.

[Betty]

17. You can get married

and still end up old and alone. I also don't think single people are neccesarily "alone".

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. Yes, you have a problem.

You should be miserable, and constantly whining about the lack of companionship. You should be desperately scrounging to find someone who will fill that void, and she should be so utterly perfect that she's almost beyond belief.

If you actually do find this person, you should marry her immediately; because your time is definitely running out, and you need to make sure you acquire at least a couple of children, because nobody's life can truly be complete without having some.

Then you need to spend the next few years whining about lack of sleep, dirty diapers, disillusionment with the woman you thought was perfect, ungrateful children, and insufficient time to do the things you enjoy doing alone.

By now, I'm hoping you've noticed how ridiculous this all sounds; and that you're laughing at me, and getting a chuckle in for yourself as well.

You may want to someday marry and have kids; but I'm glad to hear that you don't want that right now. It leads me to believe that if you do want marriage/family in the future, it'll be for all the right reasons.