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This is my first self-indulgent post. Bear with me.
As all of you probably know, life isn't separated into chapters. It's a pretty monotonous continuum, along which you run into a few surprises. Then your medical bills shoot through the roof during the final six months. My car was totaled less than a week ago and I wrote very briefly about it in a thread that has been archived. Why oh why is my little car dead, why couldn't that Toyota have hit me instead? It had assumed much of a personality, as an old car often can. But my car, in which I was escorted from the hospital shortly after my BIRTH eighteen years ago, was not allowed so much as a dignified retirement after its years of faithful service; it was sent off to the scrapyard. But I am vindicated. A brush with death does not give you a new perspective of life, just a stark awareness of how terribly precarious it is.
What's funny is that before the accident, I had felt that I had lost the will to live, spurned by the world, and other such bullshit. I found it very distressing that people could live the way they did, fully aware that death awaited them around every corner. We live like animals, and no, that isn't admirable. I'm no different, of course! I serve no greater good. But I wouldn't know where to begin. Actually I've narrowed my choices down a bit. I'd like to presume that many of us have no idea where to begin in defining this "greater good" in the first place, especially since the majority of us honestly believe there is no good greater than the interests of the individual. (Particularly ourselves!) It's only natural. But nature is wickedness, that's how God intended it. How can God's design be flawed. We're selfish little beasts, all we want is to screw and to shit regularly and to suffer. We can't perceive anything bigger than ourselves, though at times we try. But trying I'm afraid is just not enough. Trying doesn't cut it. We could INVENT something greater than the sum of our experiences, we could spend our stupid lives in hopeless devotion to the state, or maybe LOVE is the greatest good. Love is too exclusive to be good. And sex is immoral whether for pleasure or procreation. I'm convinced GOD is the greatest good if anything is to be good at all. Maybe the greatest good is a cunt on a stick. Truthfully I have no idea. Maybe superlatives are the mostest greatest bestest good thing in the whole world.
So anyhow, after this terrible car accident all of which I can be certain is that I am AFRAID TO DIE
So, I'm asking, for the hell of it: what is the greatest good?
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