Help for a friend?

[OllieLotte]

I could use some advice. I received a phone message from a friend, I have known for 45 years and that I grew up with, asking how I would feel about a permanent house guest (him). His mother who has taken care of him has Alzheimer's and emphysema. It is likely she will pass away in 6 months due to her lung condition. He has cerebral palsy and is confined to a wheelchair and does not work, nor does he drive, due to motor skills. He suffered a heart attack three years ago.I moved away over 25 years ago, but we have kept in touch with a cards around Christmas and I have always visited him when I went back home, which is once a year. I'm not a phone type of person and neither is he, so we never talk on the phone. He has an older brother (retired) who lives 250 miles from from him. This is a lot to ask a friend and I couldn't imagine asking my wife to make this kind of sacrifice. We are middle class and have no children by choice and both work. We have taken in friends/coworkers a number of time before with usually good results. However, in those cases we were trying to help someone get back on their feet. In this case, there would not be an end in sight. This would be a life changing event, which I don't think I can do. I live about 900 miles away. Sorry if this is rambling, I'm trying to give some details. Thanks for the help.

[Shine]

1. It sounds as if you've already made up your mind against it

I think your friend is asking a HUGE thing of you...and your wife, too. It seems a bit much, to me, personally. Why can't he live with his brother? :shrug: It seems more appropriate for family to step in, at this point, even though you've been friends for so long.

If, on the other hand, you do decide to help, I would suggest only doing it for a limited period of time, while he figures out some other living situation.

That's my two cents. Good luck! :hi:

[Suich]

2. It sounds like your friend should be living in a place that is equipped

for some in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy. Doesn't he need round the clock care, or will eventually? I can't see you and your wife leaving him home alone while you go to work.

Maybe he could check with his health care provider for a recommendation on a more suitable place for him to live.

This is a very sad situation and I wish the very best for you all.

Good luck.

[Nicole]

3. I would kindly tell him no.

He sounds like he needs more help than you can give, even if you wanted to. You and your wife both work & won't be there to help him during the day. I would offer to help him find other living arrangements, if you can do so by phone or internet searches.

I have to wonder if there is a reason his brother can't or won't help him? Something doesn't seem right if he needs help from a friend 900 miles away instead of a brother 250 miles away.

What a tough spot for him to place you in by even asking such a thing. Good luck to you all.

[Whoa_Nelly]

4. Do you and your wife own your home?

Another thing to consider is that should he live with you, have an accident on your property, it could end up costing you in insurance.
And, you may have to alter your home to accomodate his needs (bath, door opening widths and handles, egress, etc.) And wold he have regular attendant care, and could you leave him alone for extended periods of time, (work vacation)? Would it impede you and your wife from having the social life, visiting family life you now have?


Just trying to be practical here. Am sure you wouldn't have posted about this unusual request by your friend if the thought that maybe you should consider it as a possibility. However, instead of posting here, the person to ask for input from should be your wife. Doesn't matter what anyone says here that might influence you pro or con. This is really something that needs your wife's input more than anyone else.

:hi: