Best snarky response to when I am having kids?

[BluePatriot]

So, there is a baby shower today at work. Yes, in RL I will sit there politely and eat sheet cake and ooh and ahh while inwardly snoring...I think. Still, the question always comes up, "when are YOU having kids?"

Let's figure out some fun responses. Mine for now is "I can't afford them....I work HERE."

Lounge powers activate!

[AllegroRondo]

1. Well, my husband and I tried 4 times yesterday.....

[taterguy]

2. When my husband can afford to get his vasectomy reversed

[SteppingRazor]

3. When I can get more for a baby on the open market

:evilgrin:

[BluePatriot]

5. muahaha....

:rofl:

[Maddy McCall]

4. Gawd, I hate work baby showers.

I'd say, "When the boss quits wearing a rubber, I guess."

:evilgrin:

[BluePatriot]

6. *snerk*

:rofl:

You guys are cheering me up enough to tolerate the damn shower now, hehe.

[mzteris]

7. I always used to say

"not anytime in the next nine months, anyway!"

Reminds me of a story (doesn't everything?):

Many many years ago, my (then)4 yo daughter told my mother's Sunday School class (a bunch of OLD ladies) that I was going to have a baby. As everyone gasped in astonishment - and my mother nearly fainted (I was divorced, you see....) my little darling continued, "just as soon as she finds another husband!"

:rofl:


Where THAT came from I'll never know.

[DBoon]

8. As soon as the eBay auction closes

the bidding for a healthy infant gets rather fierce you know

[ThatsMyBarack]

9. I've already got 'em!

Goldmine:



Raphael:

[ThomCat]

17. They're beautiful babys.

:)

Raphael looks like a talkative one.

[ThatsMyBarack]

19. Sure is!

Sorry about the scary eyes. I hate it when that happens when I take pix.

[Arugula Latte]

26. Oooh. That's some prime kitty belly ... Just askin' for a tummy rub!

And Raphael is gorgeous! :loveya:

[Little Wing]

10. clear your throat and annouce that you both prefer the other option

that should shut em up

[NMDemDist2]

11. when I was still of childbearing years I'd say

"he's fixed and i'm broken, but thanks for asking"

:evilgrin:

[ThomCat]

18. Best answer!

:applause:

I'm sorry about the broken part. :(
But that really is a brilliant answer.

[NMDemDist2]

22. don't be sorry

it sure made dealing with birth control choices cheap and easy :rofl:

[AllegroRondo]

12. "why, is yours for sale?"

[reyd reid reed]

23. ....

:rofl::rofl:

:thumbsup:

[graywarrior]

13. My real reason for not having them was to stop the lineage of dysfunction

I took one look at my entire family when I was 8 and decided, nuh-uh. this is gonna stop.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

14. "As soon as I can find some fava beans and a nice Chianti"

[GoneOffShore]

15. We were going to, but decided to have a dog instead.

No college expenses.

[regularguy]

16. "I think I'll artificially inseminate right now...

Here, hold this..."

[BluePatriot]

24. *spits out tea*

:rofl:

[texas1928]

20. I just look at people and say.

Why have kids, My wife and just enjoy the practise to much.


Or if you really want to freak them out.

Make a comment about liking it in the A## to much.

[jobycom]

21. Just say "Silly, women can't have kids!" and walk off.

Must look serious when you say it.

[formerrepuke]

25. "..when they perfect human cloning.. I wanna raise myself right"

[Phillycat]

27. Say, "I'm...I'm BARREN!" and burst out crying.

That'll shut 'em up.

[skygazer]

28. None of your business

I hate that question - it's so nosy and rude. But if you prefer humor to snark, how about, "Well, since humans aren't on the endangered species list yet, we thought we'd hold off for a while."

[ileus]

29. Kids are the devil....

[JackBeck]

30. I always say:

We keep trying, but I can't seem to get my husband pregnant.

[BluePatriot]

32. haha.

:rofl:

:thumbsup:

THAT one is good.

[RedStateShame]

31. "Well, I'm really attached to sleeping late, having fun at night, and not spending my Saturdays...

...watching soccer played poorly alongside some crusty-eyed douchebags who couldn't bother to grab a condom.

[KitchenWitch]

33. "When I finally grow up - which I don't intend to do for a LOOOONNG time!"

:P

[myrna minx]

34. Are you coming onto me?

:rofl:

You poor thing...I loathe showers of any kind, especially at work.

[Phillycat]

37. WE HAVE A WINNAH!!

*ding ding ding*

[Redbear]

35. OH NO! I knew I forgot to do something!

[rug]

36. When I begin to dislike anal sex.

[BluePatriot]

38. **Update** The shower is over.

At least this one was short. The mom-to-be is my boss.

The last shower we had here was for the clerk who was from Malabo and didn't know about this particular American tradition. It was rewarding to see how touched she was by the gesture of us banding together to buy things for her baby. Even the smallest gifts made her happy.

Compare it to today -- my boss is so high maintenance, married rich, always wants the best stuff, etc. It felt like an obligation. Plus she wasn't or isn't going to invite me to her SECOND private shower which she has been planning while giving me busywork to do, but her little clique from work is "so totally going omg" *gag, high school* Not that I particularly want to buy her any more crap.

Actually no one pestered me at all, I just quietly sat there. The remarks were good for a laugh anyway :)