Single mothers and other strong women

[skygazer]

I was just talking to my sister on the phone. My sister has one child, a son now 24. He's a great kid. She raised him completely by herself - his father was never in the picture. She put him through college working as a bartender - he graduated last year with a degree in film and is now pursuing his career in Hollywood. He works regularly, makes enough money to pay his bills and is gradually getting better and better jobs.

She tells me that many of the people she knows make snide remarks about her and about him. About how she "does too much for him" and how she "babies him" and "needs to cut the apron strings." It's all bullshit - though she paid for his education, a lot of parents pay for their kids' education and he's paying his own way now.

She also mentioned her boss, who recently won about a million bucks in the lottery. He put his kids through college and then bought them a business to run. No one says anything negative about him or about him doing "too much" for his kids. I told her I think it's because people are uncomfortable with a strong, independent, non-traditional woman.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. I completely agree with you. It is a threat.

Cut the apron strings? I mean, are those strings thousands of miles long. For women I think it might be jealousy. We all like to brag on our children.

Hey, my brother is in film in LA. If he ever needs a hand up or some connections, say the word.

[skygazer]

6. What a nice offer, thanks

I agree that jealousy probably comes into play. For both sexes - I think it's unsettling for some people to see a woman succeed on her own without a man's support. And most of these people's children have barely made it through high school, let alone gone on to college.

So far my nephew has been finding steady work but I'll sure keep that offer in mine. :hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. He's got about 20 years in and is rather successful.

I'm supposed to be dancing a celebratory dance because his daughter (aged almost 5) just got accepted to Wildwood. it's a completely different world out there.

[skygazer]

12. That's cool - what's he do?

My nephew is open to about anything in the business. He's worked as an extra, he's worked as a production assistant, your basic gopher, he's got some musical talent and he has a really nice voice and has been encouraged to get into voice-over work.

It's funny - when he worked in odd jobs back in Vermont to earn money to move out here, he was miserable and crabby all the time. Now he often has to get up to make a 3 am call and work a 14 hour day and he's happy as a clam.

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. That's what my brother did too!

His first movie was "Night of the Running Man"... He's a location manager/scout. You will see him in the credits of movies like "Pirates of the Caribbean",most of Adam Sandlers movies (50 first dates) and "National Treasure" He started out as a production assistant. He also has a film being optioned right now. It's been a couple of years but these things take time.

[Debi]

2. I would only question a parent helping a child if the child wasn't also

trying.

Wealthy/poor doesn't matter. If the kid is a lazy slag then the parent isn't making things better by throwing cash at em.
If the kid is working/going to school/moving through life as independently as they can who cares WHO gives them money or help at times?

I was a single mom for 5 years - not an easy task and I am thankful for my husband (who adopted my son after we married ten years ago). I don't regret the time I had alone with my son and I love the time our family now has together.

Your sister has class and courage!

[skygazer]

3. She does indeed

I think she also gets flack because she stands up for what she believes - she's no shrinking violet. She's never abrasive or in-your-face but if someone in her bar makes a racist remark or something, she calls them on it.

Honestly, I am SO proud of her and how well she's raised this kid. And he's a great kid. I hope he makes it big someday so she can throw it in the face of all the small-minded people who've given her crap. Isn't that nice of me? :P

[Debi]

4. We all have a little of that in us...those who say they don't are liars! n/t

[idgiehkt]

11. I find it really strange

that their comments aren't the same nature as your second paragraph above. How weird. Man, it is amazing to me that a single parent can pay for a kid's college these days. Your sister sounds like an amazing woman. I worked with a woman like this in SC...which is fundie hell...I never even knew my co-worker had a child until I'd been working with her a couple of years. But she was a great woman, put her kid through college and he did great.

[skygazer]

13. He went to Syracuse University

Not cheap. I mean, it's not like she put him through the local community college. I know, you'd think people would pat her on the back.

People are so weird.

[Sequoia]

5. And one day he'll win an Oscar and on national TV

will say thanks mom, I owe it to your hard work when I was going through childhood and college. Then producers will clamor for him and he'll be so rich he'll buy her a house in Malibu and one in the mountains. Then, by golly he'll even get richer and buy her the Sleeping Beauty Castle in Europe.

And those who laughed at her...they'll be crying in their beer as they sit in the gloomy bar eating peanuts.

[skygazer]

8. And I'll visit a lot!

:rofl:

[Sequoia]

16. I bet you will.....free ticket too!

[u4ic]

7. There are a lot of people with issues

surrounding this.

The most vocal, I've found, are the ones who felt they didn't get what they needed when they were young - and seem to be fixated on what others give their kids, even when it's clearly none of their business.

Some could also be jealous of the close - and healthy - relationship your sister and nephew show as a family.

Whatever the excuse - good on her, and him! They both sound like amazing people, indeed! :toast:

[skygazer]

10. That's what I told her - it's their problems, not hers

She's a great mom and a strong lady. Thanks. :hi:

[NC_Nurse]

15. She sounds way cool to me!

Congratulations to her and her son.

People are great at criticizing how others live while ignoring their own glaring shortcomings. Who cares what
they think anyway? Good for her!!! :-)