Apparently I'm not a man

[Courtesy Flush]

I get comments like this from time to time. Today, it happened again.

My boss was discussing how to move a bookshelf. Not a big one, but not tiny either. She said "Are there any men around?" There were only three people in the room. No missing the fact that I was there.

"Oh, so I'm not a man?" I said.

"You know what I mean, we need a man to move the bookshelf."

Everyone who knows me knows that I am restoring a 4000 square foot Victorian home practically single handed. I built and installed my kitchen cabinets, and I go out on the roof to make repairs. I'm a pretty active person. But I'm also handicapped.

Women make these statements most often. Sometimes I think they make a point of saying them in front of me, just to put me in my place (I do have a bad habit of acting like I'm normal).

People love to say how wonderful it is that I (fill in the blank). But from time to time they let it slip that they don't consider me to be fully human.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. thats fucked up. seriously. fucked.up.

to begin with her statement is sexist. i am much stronger than a lot of men/women i know. secondly, just because you have a handicap doesnt mean you are no longer a man. to imply that you are less than another man, is beyond shitty.

sorry that it happened to you.

:hug:

[grace0418]

2. That's shitty and stupid and sexist to boot.

First of all, the lazyass should get off her duff and move the bookshelf herself, unless she has some physical reason why she can't. But to imply you're less than a man and then not even apologize for her insensitivity is just awful. I am so sorry.

[Book Lover]

3. Holy jesus!

Run over her foot or something, man. Fuck her.

[ThomCat]

4. Unfortunately, I'm not surprised.

I've received similar comments a few times.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. i am fuming after reading this post.

i am not sure why this one made me so outraged. but it did.

people suck.

[ThomCat]

8. Everyone has prejudices.

Very few people seem to mind having them, but being subject to them definitely sucks. :(

[Pushed To The Left]

23. I'm prejudiced against prejudiced people! n/t

[Phentex]

6. That sucks!

Did you ask, "What DO you mean?"

I'd be tempted to stoop to asking how he wipes his ass without his momma's help....but that's just sexist too.

[unpossibles]

7. that is BS.

you should tell her to kiss your ass, but that you need to find a real woman who can do it properly.

[hfojvt]

9. you can't be a man

because you don't smoke
the same cigarettes as me

I am not sure you should take it that way. I think there was something unspoken. Not her true feelings about you. She said "Are there any men around?" instead of "Are there any men around who can help us move this shelf?" Thus, although you are a man, you are not a man who can help move the shelf. I just think it is short-hand, not a feeling that you are not fully human.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

10. Sorry, man.

Your boss is an idiot.

[mzteris]

11. What a terrible thing for her to say!

:hug:

Inconsiderate - not to mention sexist! - and just plain damn ignorant, I'm guessing.

Is it a large enough company that you can register a complaint with HR? To document for any future harassment or other incidents?

[Courtesy Flush]

12. It wasn't harassment

Just ignorance. Yes, it's a big organization, but you have to take your licks and keep your mouth shut here.

[mzteris]

15. it could be construed that way

if she did it "on purpose" - or she keeps on doing it.

You should NOT be made to feel uncomfortable in your workplace. (That's called a hostile work environment.)

http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/association_ada.html

[Cabcere]

13. Wow. Totally uncool.

:( I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorant crap like that. :hug:

[Deep13]

14. "just to put me in my place"

And where is that? Selling pencils on a street corner? "Dude, quit acting all normal and stuff. It's creeping the rest of us out!!" Wow.

"I went for a jog in the city air
I met a woman in a wheelchair
I said "I'm sorry to see you're handicapped."
She says "What makes you think a thing like that?"
And she looks at me real steady
And she says, "You want to drag?"
So she starts to roll and I start to run
And she beat the pants off my aching buns
You know going uphill I'd hit my stride
But coming down she'd sail on by!
When I finally caught up with her
She says "Not bad for somebody ablebodied.
You know, with adequate care and supervision
You could be taught simple tasks.
So how about something to eat?"
I said that'd suit me fine
"We're near a favorite place of mine."
So we mosied on over there
But the only way in was up a flight of stairs.
"Gee, I never noticed that," says I.
"No problem," the maitre d' replies.
"There's a service elevator around the back."
So we made it upstairs on the elevator
With the garbage, flies, and last week's potatoes
I said "I'd like a table for my friend and me."
He says "I'll try to find one out of the way."
Then he whispers, "Uh, is she gonna be sick,
I mean, pee on the floor or throw some kind of fit?"
I said "No, I don't think so,
I think she once had polio.
But that was twenty years ago.
You see, the fact of the matter is,
If the truth be told
,
She can't walk.
So he points to a table, she wheels her chair
Some people look down and others stare
And a mother grabs her little girl
Says "Keep away, honey, that woman's ill."
We felt right welcome.
Then a fella walks up and starts to babble
About the devil and the holy bible
Says "Woman, though marked with flesh's sin,
Pray to Jesus, you'll walk again!"
Then the waiter says "What can I get for you?"
I said "I'll have your best imported brew."
And he says "What about her?"
I say "Who?" He says "Her."
"Oh, you mean my friend here."
He says "Yeah." I say "What about her?"
"Well, what does she want?"
"Well, why don't you ask her?"
Then he apologizes.
Says he never waited on a cripple before.
We immediately nominated him for Secretary of the Interior.
Well, she talked to the manager when we were through
She says "There're some things you could do
To make it easier for folks in wheelchairs."
He says "Oh, it's not necessary.
Handicapped never come here anyway."
Well, I said goodnight to my newfound friend
I said, "I'm beginning to understand
A little bit of how it feels
To roll through life on a set of wheels."
She says "Don't feel sorry, don't feel sad,
I take the good along with the bad
I was arrested once at a protest demo
And the police had to let me go.
See, we were protesting the fact
That public buildings weren't wheelchair accessible.
Turned out the jail was the same way.
Anyway, I look at it this way--
In fifty years you'll be in worse shape than I am now.
See, we're all the same, this human race.
Some of us are called disabled. And the rest--
Well, the rest of you are just temporarily able-bodied."

Fed Small, folk singer, 1984

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/product.asp?z=y&EAN=011661401426&itm=2

[xchrom]

16. ok then -- that rings the bell for stupid. -- tell her she wins.

[undeterred]

17. There's someone I am very angry at right now

and that is the most hurtful thing I could think of to say to him (and believe me, I have good reason for saying it)... so I cannot ever imagine saying it in a casual, offhanded way.

When I need help at work, I might say "I'm looking for brute strength" or "I'm looking for some help with incredible agility" i.e., a huge guy is not going to fit behind this spot but I need someone strong. Try to make it a compliment that this person is exactly what I need.

Anyway, I'm sorry that person was a jerk to you.

Edit: I have a dog that limps. He is almost 15, but he has limped since he was 2. Sometimes perfect strangers walk up and say "What's wrong with him?" like they have a right to ask, or like I haven't noticed or haven't taken him to the vet.

So somethimes I say: "Whatever do you mean? There's nothing wrong with him". :shrug:

[Danger Mouse]

18. People can be such assholes even when they're trying to be nice.

How do you stand it?

[otherlander]

19. If i were you I would probably just snap and shoot everything.

[MissB]

20. Wow.

What an ignorant boss.

[Kutjara]

21. I've had plenty of the same.

For some reason, people seem to assume that muscular dystrophy clips off the testicles as well as weakens the muscles. I've listened to variations of your boss's comment my whole life. It's irritating, sure, but it's also been very helpful too: I learned early on never to take shit from the ignorant and the bigoted. If the comment appears "well intentioned" I usually engage in a little impromptu consciousness-raising. If it appears to be an attempt to diminish or demean, I tend to leave a smoking hole where the commenter formerly stood. Whatever they think of me, they won't make the mistake of taking a disabled person for granted again.

[Pushed To The Left]

22. Pretty stupid thing for them to say!

It annoys the hell out of me when people try to change the definition of a word like "man" "woman" "adult" etc. to match their own stupid prejudices. It says more about her than it says about you. And kdsusa, we at DU know the truth:

[mentalsolstice]

24. Sexuality and sexual identification

for disabled persons is, unfortunately, the "last frontier". I don't know what state you're in, you may want to call your state's protection and advocacy system. Here's a good place to start, http://www.napas.org/. I'm so sorry this happened to you! I could PM you with all kinds of war stories, but I don't know if that would be a good thing.

YOU are who you are, and you're valuable in this world! DO NOT ever let anyone make you feel otherwise!

[Courtesy Flush]

26. Nope. You've got to pick your battles.

People say stupid things. It happens to me on a regular basis, as I said.

If I blow the whistle every time somebody did this, I'd become the whining victim that they think all handicapped people are. It would only re-enforce their stereotypes.

Once, at lunch, an administrator said that it ruins her appetite to hear about people's disabilities when she's trying to eat. She was sitting next to me at the time, and later, she came to me and apologized, saying she didn't think of me as handicapped. Just stupid shit. People don't think.

The kicker is, we all work for a social service agency.

[BarenakedLady]

25. How awful

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that kind of ignorance.

I'm very close with someone who happens to be in a wheelchair. I'm learning through him what that is like to deal with on a daily basis. Things I've never had to think about before. It has opened my eyes to a lot of things I've just naturally taken for granted. I hope I'm losing some of that ignorance. I see what a capable human being he truly is. And believe me, I would never make the mistake of not considering him to be a real "man"! LoL. :evilgrin:

[Scarlett17]

27. Some people are just S.O.S.

Stuck On Stupid. I'd say I was sorry, but mostly I'm sorry for her and what an idiot she is.

[Courtesy Flush]

28. If it makes you feel any better

She's a rabid freeper, and believes every nutty conspiracy theory she hears. (O, the stories I could tell :) )

So you see, she couldn't help herself.

[Scarlett17]

29. Lord, help the simple-minded.

There should be a 12 Step Program for that. But the first step is admitting you have a problem, which is something freepers just cannot do.