Post the punch line of your favorite joke.

[davsand]

We haven't seen one of these for a while! My offering today is:




"The epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits."




Let's see what ya got!!!!



Laura

[leftofthedial]

1. And Laura said,

"Have another pretzel!"

[dysfunctional press]

2. her brother's dick tastes funny.

nt

[5thGenDemocrat]

3. "And the groom said..."

"That's okay, Father -- they won't let us into the supermarket any more, either."
John
It's a lot funnier with the joke attached. Don't forget FUNDAY's June 16, Laura.

[davsand]

4. Hey!!!!

I can't tell you how good it is to see you! Hope married life is treating you well--kiss & hug your bride for us!

It'd be nice if we can make it up, I dunno. We said that last year too--but Kev's heart attack kind of kept us a bit tied down all summer. He's doing fine now (in fact he's at the gym about 5 days a week!) so hopefully we can get up to see you all.

Keep safe!


Laura

[Esra Star]

61. Is that the sex on the freezer one?

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

5. Here's mine..

"Not much really, just where'd you get that lousy haircut?"

[Blue-Jay]

6. Sure I did. How do you think THIS shit got started?

[Critters2]

7. If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder

Cool sig, Laura!

[davsand]

9. It was dubbed a "cabbit" by somebody a couple of day ago.

I'm switching my cats out for the holidays. I had a little kitty with a green ribbon for a St Paddy's day sig line, and now the cabbit. I'm wondering what kind of cat I'll find for Memorial Day...

-----

How is your kitty? Is she back home and all well? I've been wondering about her since I saw your post in GD about Science Diet dry food--because that is what we feed Chaucer. I actually called the local vets yesterday with "cat fud" questions and only one of them took me seriously when I told them I was worried about feeding Science Diet Dry.


Laura

[Critters2]

13. Thanks for asking, davsand

She's in the hospital again, had quit eating Monday morning. Getting fluids and rest, probably coming home tomorrow because her kidney numbers are better again. She's been in and out of the hospital for about three weeks now, with see-sawing kidney and thyroid numbers. The vet here has been good about looking at possible causes. It's been kind of a surprise because this clinic seemed real impersonal until this. I've really missed my vets both in Iowa and the one down there, in Paxton, actually, whom I liked a lot. But this one has come through in the pinch!!

Say hi to kevsand, kidsand and everybody!

[northzax]

8. "they're both fun to ride...

until your friends see you on them"

[RetroLounge]

25. LOL!

I love the Moped Joke!!!!

:rofl:

RL

[JitterbugPerfume]

10. and then you kick him in the ash hole

[Patiod]

11. "But officer, that doesn't look like a breathalyzer!" nt

[wildhorses]

12. how do you spell czechoslovakia?

;)

[lildreamer316]

14. "Damn!"

}(

[PVnRT]

15. If that's my rectal thermometer, where's my viola?

n/t

[Critters2]

24. LOL!!! nt

[Callalily]

16. Small medium

at large!

[Mrs. Venation]

17. My Daddy Would Say

"Holy shit, a talking chicken!"

:bounce:

[hellbound-liberal]

18. "One's a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a dirigible!"

Joke: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?

[charlie and algernon]

19. How many is a brazilion?

[philosophie_en_rose]

20. How many is a brazillion?

:D

[Left Is Write]

21. "But you F**k ONE goat....!"

[RetroLounge]

26. Ole the Goat F*CKER!

That joke is SO Minnesota...

:rofl:

RL

[Left Is Write]

28. LOL! I've never heard it told that way. I've always heard it as MacGregor...

Told by my brother in his faux Scottish accent, it's positively hilarious.

By the way, my husband made me tell that joke to his parents.... the first time I met them!

[RetroLounge]

29. and I bet his parents laughed...

:D

RL

[Left Is Write]

31. They did, but it's a bit nerve-racking to tell such a joke...

to one's boyfriend's parents upon meeting them.

Little did I know what a raunchy sense of humor my FIL has. :)

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

22. I have another!

'At my aage I'd rather have a talking frog'
:)

[Elidor]

23. "No wonder you're bleedin', Shelia! Somebody's cut yer cock off!"

Saw that posted here recently, and I'm still laughing.

[achtung_circus]

71. That would be me.

A true classic.

[jakefrep]

27. "Under no circumstances...

...should you refer to the Blessed Virgin Mary as 'Mary With The Cherry'."

[RetroLounge]

30. "...because Simon was a poor conductor..."

it's from a skit I remember seeing at camp when I was a kid...

RL

[northzax]

32. grumpy f#$%ed a penguin!

grumpy f#$%ed a penguin!

[Ramsey]

33. "Bass solo!"

Always worse when drums stop, you see.

[davsand]

34. The headline the next day was "Artie chokes 3 for $1 at Luigi's."

And it is a clean joke you can tell your mother, grandmother, or maiden aunt!!!!


Laura

[youthere]

35. ...and the snail looks up and says "What the HELL?!"

[ScreamingMeemie]

36. and the bartender looked up and said,"What is this? Some kind of a joke?"

:hi:

the other Laura

[BarenakedLady]

37. MOOO! (n/t)

[MrSlayer]

38. "Washing the blood out of your clown suit."

Sick? Yes. Funny? Absolutely.

[noonwitch]

39. My owner puts a raincoat on me and makes me do pushups in a cave until I barf.

My brother's favorite joke when he was about 12.

he also liked the "hot buttered corn" one.

[DontBlameMe]

40. "It's a hell of a way to spend Easter"

[edbermac]

41. To get to the other side!

:rofl:

[av8rdave]

42. Well, we won't be welcome in the grocery store anymore either!

[Kashka-Kat]

43. "I can see your house from here."

[blondeatlast]

44. "I'm sorry, bartender. I was just trying to get my date drunk..." nt

[Arkansas Granny]

45. You are on the other side!

[rhiannon55]

51. Is that the one about two solipsists across the river from each other?

[zingaro]

46. She's got worms too, sir, and I like to fish.

[kwassa]

47. The best piece of ash I've stuck my pecker in, in a long time.

There were two trees in the forest ...

[madinmaryland]

48. How many is a brazilian??

:evilgrin:

[El Fuego]

49. "...then the Invisible Man says 'I don't know, but damn, my ass hurts!'"

[Mad_Dem_X]

50. "Sorry occifer. I ain't junk!"

:rofl:

[davsand]

52. "I'd like a vinegar and water please."

And NO, you can't tell that one to your Mom.


Laura

[SKKY]

62. I'll have a beer, and get this douche-bag with me whatever she wants....

[NMDemDist2]

53. I'm a frayed knot

:rofl:

[leftyclimber]

54. A bad golfer goes, whack, "Damn!"

and a bad climber goes, "Damn!" WHACK!

[myrna minx]

55. I don't understand, Ole packs his own lunches. n/t

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

56. Wait! I have another favorite!

Eats shoots and leaves..........

[cloudbase]

57. Don't tell me that

you've got golf clubs in there!

[auburngrad82]

58. How much is a Brazilian?

[Forkboy]

59. "Cleaning the blood off of the clown suit."

Don't ask...it'll never be told to a fellow human.It shouldn't even have been told to me. :D

[SKKY]

63. I suddenly feel dirty...

...like the first time I heard that joke.

[Forkboy]

64. It's a horrible,horrible joke.You damn well better know the person you tell it to!

I almost feel guilty knowing it.

Almost.

[SKKY]

66. But lets be honest here...

...we both laughed, huh?

[Forkboy]

67. Maybe

:evilgrin:

[davsand]

72. Do you two have something to share with us all?

With this kind of intro you almost HAVE to share the joke so we can all decide how horrible it really is...


Laura

[Forkboy]

79. Trust us on this...it would equal instant banishment from DU

and from anyone with a moral conscience :D

[PVnRT]

60. Oh, the wombat's no problem, it's the yak you have to worry about.

n/t

[SKKY]

65. Me cago en la puta que te pario!

30 anos contigo y nunca he visto los ojos hasta ahora!!!

[Xipe Totec]

68. The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go.

[WeRQ4U]

69. "Play it? I'm gonna screw it if I can get it's pajamas off"

One of my faves.

[Frank Cannon]

70. "The Aristocrats!"

[VelmaD]

73. PatiO' Furniture

*snort*

[YDogg]

74. "PING pong balls? I thought you said KING Kong balls!"

[BulletproofLandshark]

75. Then he told the bartender...

No you don't get it, man. Chunks is my dog's name.


It's probably better if you don't hear the rest of that.

[av8rdave]

76. Amputate? No...you give it two weeks and it'll fall off by itself

[BreweryYardRat]

77. "Wear anything you want. It'll just be the two of us."

[XemaSab]

78. By the grace of God and these two fingers, I got them all back in.

:D

[Lady Effingbroke]

80. "The potato goes in the front, not the back!"

[Crabby Appleton]

81. "because Thursdays it's your turn in the barrel !"

[Left Brain]

82. "I sit up and beg,

he rolls over."

[HuffleClaw]

83. "rectum? damn near killed him!" n/t

[enigmatic]

84. " I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.." n/m

[PassingFair]

85. I'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg...n/t