Basic Cube Farm Etiquette

[PVnRT]

Rule 1: I am not here to provide entertainment or company to you if you're bored or lonely. If I am busy, I am not going to drop everything to chat with you. In fact, I will actively ignore you until you take the hint. I come to work to work, not to socialize with people who, frankly, I'd rather not have a relationship with beyond that of professional acquaintances.

Rule 2: Do not eat at your cubicle if you cannot shut your mouth while chewing. The fact that you learned your eating habits from the other little piggies at the trough is irrelevant. Go to the fucking breakroom, chow down, then come back to your desk.

Rule 3: While I'm sure that you and everyone else has absolutely nothing to do and can spend the time talking as loudly as possible to the people who have gathered in your cube, I am actually working on things, things that require a lot of math and concentration. Consequently, your meetings to discuss the Final Four, them damn commie librul queers, taxes and various and sundry right outside of my cubicle are no longer welcomed and will be met with the most extraordinarily obnoxious gases I can manage to release.

Feel free to add more.

[mainegreen]

1. Do not schedule conference calls for an entire day in your cube, and hold them on speakerphone.

Irritates the hell out of us programmers.

[Richardo]

15. Not just programmers

:applause:

[Callalily]

2. Sounds like you

work with some rude, inconsiderate people. I'm glad I have an office all to myself. When people stop by to chat and I don't have time, I don't have a problem saying so. "I'm really busy, deadlines you know."

Rude people will always be rude. Unfortunately they don't think that they are the rude ones, it's always someone else.

Good luck in your cube!

[AllegroRondo]

3. Do not put your voice mail on speakerphone

especially if its your wife calling 8 times to remind you to pick up prescriptions on your way home.

[BurtWorm]

9. Sorry about that!

:blush:




(Just kidding. I hate that crap too.)

[youthere]

4. Rule 4:

If you are unable to accomplish basic necessary hygiene for any reason it is NOT under any circumstances attempt to disguise your wretched stank with liberal use of cologne, perfume, or air fresheners.

Rule 5: Personal business such as loudly disciplining your children, breaking up with your boyfriend, reminiscing about "what a friggin'AWESOME kegger that was!", or attempting to collect child support from a deadbeat ex-spouse, should be conducted IN PRIVATE or AFTER HOURS. Likewise, just because I sit in the adjoining cell, it is not necessary for you to give me a summary after said phonecall. I sit right next to you and heard the entire fucking conversation the first time.

[PVnRT]

5. Yes, I forgot your Rule #5

I would add a corollary here: Personal business is appropriate so long as it is done quietly and considerately and quickly.

[youthere]

10. Yes, I would agree to that.

sometimes you can't avoid personal business like making appointments etc...but screaming matches with your ex are just..well that's f'ed up.

[dropkickpa]

6. If you have to cut the cheese

kindly remove yourself. The only thing worse than having to sit around and smell your own farts is having to smell someone else's.

[soleft]

7. Addendum to Rule # 2

If you're culinary tastes involve food that wreaks of garlic or some other strong olfactory offending order, eat it outside the building.

[youthere]

11. LEFTOVER INDIAN FOOD!

uck. I'm sure it tastes divine, but it stinks to high heaven the next day.

[Little Wing]

8. #6 No clackety keyboards, especially if you have nails

[Rambis]

12. Dont' wear the same pants 5 days in a row

They are ripe by day three trust me! A co-worker went abroad and got some hip jeans and wore them everyday for a week. Just because they are jeans from the Great Britain doesn't mean they don't wreak after three days.

[Pied Piper]

13. If you share an office with someone...

...your are not permitted to fart in said office, even if you say "Excuse me." Especially if you do it every day.

You are also not allowed to pull out a trashcan from under the desk and then proceed to clip your fingernails.

Do not attempt to engage your colleague in constant chatter - we both have work to do. I am wearing my iPod for a very specific reason - to drown out your constant babble.


And yes, he's sitting right next to me as I type this.

[bertha katzenengel]

16. hi Piper

Just saying hi. Is your av because you are or because you are supportive? :hi:

Signed,

Queer as a Three-Dollar Bill

[Pied Piper]

17. Because I am!

:hi: back atcha!

[bertha katzenengel]

14. One of my cow-irkers could talk the sparkles off a bass boat.

Whenever she even slows down while passing my desk, I pick up the phone. That doesn't always deter her. I'm sick of hearing about her troubles. :(

Thank you for the thread.

[PVnRT]

20. We've worked out a system of rescue calls

Since there is one particularly bad offender of random chitchatting around here.

(1) Offender walks into neighbor's cube and begins talking. Wait 1-2 minutes to see if they leave.
(2) If they don't leave, email another of our cabal that is nearby. Tell them to call the victim.
(3) If no call arrives within 1-2 minutes, call them yourself, just talk quietly.

[Tyler Durden]

18. One word: LISTERINE

Hey, I KNOW my breath reeks from time to time. I take care of that issue with mouthwash and "Breath Assure."

DO NOT lean over my shoulder and spew breath a hippo would be PROUD of. As George Carlin says:

"ANYONE can have bad breath Marge, but you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon."

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

21. I keep breath mints by my desk.

Altoids, Tic-tacs, whatever I'm currently using. My own breath tends to get pretty bad, so I like to keep a constant supply. Then, if I'm trapped in a conversation with another breath monster, I just pull out my stash, take one for myself, and say "You want one?" Most of the time, it works.

[RetroLounge]

19. I have one...

If your the boss, don't walk the cube farm aisle and stop at every cube to ask how we are.

We know you really don't care, because if you did, we wouldn't be in the fucking cube farm the start with.

and we have work to do. You gave it to us, remember?

RL

[Smooth Operator]

22. Rule #6

Don't take your shoes off during working hours. Smelly feet makes the day drag on forever. Use a good foot deodorant and cotton socks. Plus nobody wants to see that you have holes in your socks because you don't clip your toenails. I once walked into an office and the woman who worked there was putting nail polish on her toes. A bright red color which was kinda nice but not the place to do it.

[underpants]

23. Take at least 10 seconds off the recommended cooking time for popcorn

:grr:

I have an office but seriously that ruins a whole day.

[underpants]

24. MEN-undershirts are required

This goes for all office personnel

[PVnRT]

25. Or just ban popcorn

Since there are so many people who are completely unable to read the THREE WHOLE STEPS to making it in the microwave correctly.

Nothing beats the smell of burnt popcorn all day - much like the smell of a hundred stale farts.

[madinmaryland]

26. Please DO NOT reheat any fish dish in the microwave!!

:puke: