My little sister (6 years old) got into a "gifted" school.

[Evoman]

I don't know much about this school, but I guess they tested her for admission and she did VERY well.

So I'm wondering about peoples experiences with these schools. She's a sweet girl, but shes an only child (she has no brother or sisters living with her and my dad and stepmom) and a little spoiled. Frankly, I'm afraid of her becoming egotistical or becoming something unpleasant (and please don't infer that I'm jealous, I'm really not). Are my fears unfounded based on your experiences? What can I expect?

On edit: Also, what are success rates like of those graduating from gifted schools. My sibling and I (no slouches I might add) have all graduated from normal schools and have done pretty well for ourselves. Do these schools actually give you an advantage?

[wildhorses]

1. read your sigline---

:P

give her some time ....

all teenagers become egotistical and unpleasant no matter where they go to school...

[frankenforpres]

2. read this book

Mindset by carol dweck


the thing to worry about as people praising her for being smart, and not working hard

[liontamer]

3. depends on the school

the point of the gifted school is to provide extra opportunities for learning to kids who can use them and who wouldn't be well served by the standard curriculum. However some of these schools are just crazy type a schools that are focused more on image (look how bright our kids are!) than actually providing a good environment for kids. That environment can be really demoralizing and suck the love of learning out of kids. In the long run not going or going likely wouldn't affect her success.

I doubt she'll become egotistical because of the school, but the school might have other downsides.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

16. Depends on the kid, too...

My stepsons both went to the same gifted school. While they were receiving instruction at a more advanced level than they did in their local public school, they received a ton of "busy work" to complete at home. My older stepson thrived in the competitive atmosphere, and my younger stepson floundered and became depressed by it.

It isn't as if my younger stepson wasn't gifted...it just wasn't the right scene for him.

I have to agree with Liontamer that many schools, even the ones that aren't "gifted", are more concerned with their image than they are about the well-being of their students.

[Red State Rebel]

4. Going thru the Same Thing With My Grandaughter

She scored a 164 on the Stanford Binet and they want to put her into a Program for Exceptionally Gifted Students. I'm proud of her, but concerned about the social aspects of this.

It's a real toss up that I guess you just have to evaluate as time passes.

[liontamer]

5. the social aspects are really a non issue

Gifted kids are still kids, so she'll learn normal interaction. And your general attitude towards people is usually more reflective of what you learn at home anyway.

[Evoman]

6. The thing is: my dad and step mom praise her profusely.

No matter what she does....and no matter how awful she is at it. And I don't mean, "Oh, thats good dear". I mean. "Oh my! That was amazing. Your the best ballerina ever"

I have concerns. She is fine so far though....so I hope her temperment doesn't change. I bet you mine would have if I had been put in one of those schools.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

12. I wouldn't worry about that part

Landing in a school entirely full of gifted kids will be a humbling experience, I'm sure.

It's like the classic story of the high school seniors who are valedictorians, get admitted to an Ivy League school, and find themselves among dozens of valedictorians.

The only thing I would worry about is if she's not really gifted, that her parents are just pushing her so that they can brag about having a gifted child.

Does she strike YOU as gifted? Did she talk unusually early and in a way beyond her years? (Once when I was in a restaurant, a little boy who turned out to be only two walked up to me and started interrogating me about why I was putting milk in my coffee. His mother apologized for him bothering me, but I was fascinated at his ability to speak so well at such an early age.) Does she show any marked talent for anything? (I knew another child who was able to play a piece by Handel at the age of six, after seven months of violin lessons.) Has she learned to read early, and if so, is she an avid reader? (I used to look things up in the adult encyclopedia by myself when I was seven or eight.) Does she show a strong interest in any topic that kids her age usually don't pick up on?

Or is she just a normally bright child whose parents have an exaggerated idea of her abilities?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

11. The social aspects are MUCH WORSE for a highly intelligent kid who

is stuck in a classroom full of average kids and a teacher who doesn't know what to do with a gifted child. Children can be really, really mean to anyone who is different in any way, and if the teacher is insecure as well, s/he will do nothing to stop the bullying, thinking that it's for the kid's own good to get him or her to stop acting "weird." In fact, some teachers will do everything they can to put the gifted child down.

(What I'm saying is a composite of things that I experienced and things that graduate school friends of mine experienced.)

I once knew someone who conducted a summer math camp for mathematically gifted kids at a college, and he said that one of the most gratifying parts of the experience was seeing the kids blossom socially when they realized that they weren't the only ten-year-old in the world who was capable of college-level math and that there were other kids whom they could talk to as equals and who wouldn't ostracize them for thinking in a different mode.

[grace0418]

15. Oh boy do I know what that's like. We didn't have special schools where I grew

up, and my school's idea of a gifted program was to just give the smart kids twice the amount of work. Which is really nice, as if the too-easy math problem wasn't boring enough the first time, YAY, I get to do twice as many! :eyes:

My dad skipped a grade when he was young and it gave him problems socially, so when my school suggested that for me he was really against it. So I spent most of school being bored stiff and not working very hard. I could do my homework on the bus before school and get straight A's so why study, right? The problem came later on, in high school and college, because when faced with coursework that actually challenged me I had absolutely no study skills whatsoever.

Then I look at two of my nieces (who are very much like me in a lot of ways) and I see how different their school experience was because they did go to programs that suited their abilities. They have so much more confidence than I ever had, and are much more together than I was at the same age.

[Shakespeare]

17. Amen.

Everything you said is spot-on.

[Evoman]

7. Yes, I suppose you have to wait.

What else can I really do? I mean, its not like I, her 27 year old brother living in a completely different province, can do anything about it.

[Evoman]

8. I was really hoping to hear from gifted people themselves.

What has your experience been? Are you successful?

[liontamer]

9. well

I'm gifted. I didn't state that, because a lot of people slam you on message boards for saying that. I've also gone to special gifted schools. I had the best experiences doing gifted programs at regular schools. My school for the gifted was horrible and demoralizing and honestly scarred me for life. I refused to go to Harvard, because I was afraid it would be like my "gifted" school. The problem wasn't socializing with other students, the problem was the way the school was structured ; they were so achievement oriented that they really took the joy out of learning. The school was so horrible (despite all the awards, hell even I was winning competitions for high school students when I was 11) that parents, and later the local news, stepped in because the school was emotionally abusing children (common lunch time games were developing the best ways to commit suicide). After I finished the middle school, I ended up not going to the high school (I to this day never told my parents that I was accepted into the special high school). In my normal high school, which still allowed me many opportunities to learn interesting things, it took me a long time to adjust to the fact that being miserable wasn't normal.

So as to how successful I am, I'm currently in a PhD program for neuroscience at a top tier research institution. I'm happy with what I do, so I'll say I'm successful, but going to the gifted school didn't really help me with that. In fact I think it was detrimental. However, not every school for the gifted is like mine was. So I encourage you to really research it for your sister.

[Evoman]

10. Thank you for your input.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do. My dad is damned proud of her, and I even if the school wasn't good, I doubt my advice would matter.

I'm sorry that things were so bad for you at that school.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

14. I never went to a "gifted" school, but I was put into a gifted program in

fifth grade. It was fun and challenging, but my parents pulled me out of it after a year because they thought there was too much homework, and good for them, they believed that kids should have plenty of unstructured time (a heretical concept these days) and learn to use their imaginations.

Fortunately, the school was in a college town, and even the regular sixth grade had high standards and good teachers, who let us work at our own pace if there was something we were good at.

However, before I entered seventh grade, we moved to a suburban area that was in the process of turning from a working class small town to a snooty suburb. Everything that's wrong with the American high school system was wrong with this place--an anti-intellectual atmosphere, an over-emphasis on sports and socializing, classes that were too easy, and a limited curriculum. There were some good teachers, but all the history teachers were actually sports coaches who had to be given a teaching assignment to keep them busy for the rest of the day, so I knew more than any of them.

I begged my parents to let me be an exchange student overseas, but they couldn't afford the fees that such programs require.

I was never physically bullied, but I was socially miserable (ostracized and ridiculed a lot) and intellectually bored. However, I'm GLAD I wasn't homeschooled. Spending more time at home than necessary would NOT have been good for me emotionally at the time.

College was better, partly because the "top dogs" among the students were 22 instead of 18, and that's eons in terms of maturity. Especially at a small college, there's the possibility of becoming friends with your major professors and hanging out with students who are interested in the same things you are, so it was good for me socially.

Graduate school was the best. I was surrounded by other people who had been miserable in high school. I'm still in touch with many of them, thirty or more years later.

I had a brief academic career, and now I'm a self-employed translator. I'm not rich, but I like my work and am moderately well known in the field. I also have fulfilling things to do in my spare time.

[grace0418]

18. All I can say was that I was considered gifted and *didn't* go to a special school.

And I think, based on what I see my two nieces doing, I could be doing much better if I had gone to a school that better understood my needs and abilities. Having said that, I think it *really* depends on the school. Hopefully the one your sister is going to is a good one, since you said you can't do much about it anyway.

[LeftyMom]

13. I was in self-contained gifted classes at a regular school for elementary

All conventional classes for junior high (the school didn't offer anything else) and as many AP/honors classes as I could get in high school.

I was never an especially happy or social kid, but I really value the few years that I had of being able to interact normally with my classmates and not feel like I was different or separate from the group as a whole. Academically, do I really think that classes a year or three ahead of grade level made a huge difference? Probably not. In terms of my emotional well-being? It was vital. The two years I was only in conventional classes were definitely the worst part of my schooling.