Divinity, endorsed

[mdmc]

Citing fear of eternal damnation, Presidential candidates Joe Lieberman, Wesley Clark, and Rev. Al Sharpton reluctantly joined God in endorsing George Bush for reelection, according to celestial insiders, speaking on the condition of anonymity.

Apparently Edwards, Kerry, Braun, Kucinich, and Gerhardt are still deciding on how to proceed against such a powerfully endorsed incumbent. Kucinich, in an effort to fight fire with fire, has been in contact with both Zeus and Vishnu, in an effort to counter the divine endorsement of God. Lieberman and Clark decided to drop out of the race after both men failed to court YHWY into granting them (his} endorsement.

Dean continues to campaign, stating that it will take the Virgin Mary herself to stop his momentum through the primaries.
Edwards, Gerhardt, and Kerry remain in the race, in an effort to spite Dean. “If God did support Bush,” Kerry stated, “then he should have no problem with how we have campaign against Dean throughout this primary.” “We are truly doing Gods work.” added Gephardt.

A CNN / Time Warner poll showed that 9 out of 10 Americans feel that God is an important part of their lives. 8 out of 10 stated that their religious belief dictate exactly how they vote. 3 out of 10 stated that they intend to vote.

“Things couldn’t be better!” quipped Al From, the Chair of the DLC. “If God likes Bush and his policies, just think of how happy he will be to endorse Hillary in 2008!”

God bless us, America. I guess he already has.

[Constitution]

1. Sharpton, Clark and Lieberman and good men and they are

less likely to endorse Bush than Dean is.

[mdmc]

2. according to heavenly insiders

they put their love for avoiding hell above their love for Dean!

[mdmc]

3. all three of them

are all religious people.

[Merlin]

4. God is a horse's ass. And everybody knows he endorsed Lieberman.

Listen, I know a thing or two about this Guy. I mean, this is the same Supreme Being who put nipples on men, for Christ's sake! And He actually created men first! So what was He thinking?

Ok, so then He can't even find the guy, Adam, who's hiding behind some tree in a garden. But He's, you know, all knowing, so I mean, what gives? Then he makes Eve, and they're both naked, and He get's all bent out of shape when they discover sex. And He's so uptight about sex, He can't even say it, has to use a metaphor, an apple.

But He doesn't have any problem killing people. Killed off all of humanity except for one guy and his freaking boatful of a family and a menagerie.

Then--and this is the real killer--He GIVES all the land from hither to yon in the middle east to some guy named Jacob--who's name he changes to Israel, go figure--and to "his seed" like, forever. Forever! That means even now. And who's word do we have for it? Why, God's, of course.

After all, everybody knows the Bible is the Word of God. Which brings me right back to what I was saying. God is a horse's ass. The Bible is so screwed up, such an abysmal, incongruous, violent, sordid, jumbled mess of nonsense (did you ever actually read it!?) that anybody who wrote that thing is a complete jerk.

Sorry God. Go to school or something. Christ! You'd think a Creator of this magnificent universe would be a hell of a lot better writer.

[eissa]

5. Geez!

I had to run from my computer after reading that for fear of being struck down my lightening!

[mdmc]

7. but you must conceed

that he packs a mean endorsement.

[TheMiddleRoad]

6. My god ..

My God told me that Bush is in league with Satan.

He also said that Pat Robertson is the Anti-Christ. Pat Robertson worships a false idol, Supply Side Jesus. They are all blasphemers.


Seriously, I think Dean should take these guys to task for talking up Jesus but walking the path Satan.