Bush Administration Makes Case for Invasion of Iceland-SATIRE

[EstimatedProphet]

Bush Administration Makes Case for Invasion of Iceland

Washington (AP)-Today the Bush Administration announced that the war on terror would be taken to a new member of the “Axis of Evil”-Iceland.

“The Icelandic people labor under an oppressive government which is stockpiling huge arsenals of nuclear and biological weapons of mass destruction, and has adopted a bullying, destabilizing attitude toward countries which share its borders” US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said today in a hastily-called press conference.

“It is clear that we must act now, in a decisive fashion, to eliminate the Icelandic threat to our shores” Rumsfeld added. “Icelanders don’t hold the same values of economic well-being that we do. They are entirely unconcerned about oil and the world's energy problems; instead, they concern themselves only with fish. We know that a neo-militaristic environmental cabal controls Icelandic thinking.”

Secretary of State Colin Powell elaborated on the Icelandic threat to America by citing the fact that large areas of Iceland show up as “hot” on thermal scans in satellite imagery. Powell stated that this is a clear indication of underground nuclear testing.

“These large “hot” zones, they can only be caused by high temperatures underground. This proves that Iceland has been pursuing underground nuclear tests.” Powell said.

When asked about the suspected strength of the Icelandic military force, Rumsfeld said that the information was still coming in, but much is known about the Icelandic naval forces.

“The Icelandic navy has the capability of arriving in Boston harbor within 3 hours. They can also slip in entirely undetected, because their ships are cleverly disguised as fishing boats, and would never raise any alarm from our naval forces in the Atlantic. Their camoflage is highly effective, but we know that they are military craft”. Rumsfeld pointed to evidence that the Icelandic ships carry large nets, which can be used as ladders for marines to board and commandeer other ships.

Additionally, the Icelandic airforce is also implicated as a threat to US security, and their planes are reported to be disguised as commercial IcelandAir passenger jets. Rumsfeld indicated that the Icelandic terror regime is notorious for a kidnapping and extorting racket, in which American citizens are taken from US airports and flown to the Icelandic capitol Reykjavik, where they are held for up to 48 hours and must pay over $300 US to be released.

Both Rumsfeld and Powell agreed that the Iceland menace is the most extreme threat that America has faced since Iraq, and perhaps even Luxembourg.

“We must act now to eradicate this threat to our American corp-er, way of life” Rumsfeld said. “We cannot sit by and let an Icelandic nuclear weapon go off in one of our cities. We must take action now. We cannot be distracted by the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, or our inability to capture Osama Bin Laden, or the low morale of our troops in the Middle East, or the falling value of the dollar, or the inflated importance of our “economic recovery” or our inability to significantly reduce unemployment, or outsourcing of American highly-skilled jobs, or allegations of corruption and cronyism, or the increasing discontent in America with this administration or…” At this point Mr. Rumsfeld was privately spoken to by a White House aide, and abruptly ended the press conference.

Note: The previous message has been an attempt at satire. Any indication of humor is intentional. Reality is 2 doors to the left.

[EstimatedProphet]

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