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I wrote this flight of fancy for my high school paper. Give me your thoughts, and feel free to contribute your own.
CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS ARE SECRETLY SUPERVILLAINS: AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORT
George W. Bush and the Green Goblin Similarities: Large, comical ears, maddening cackle, enthusiasm for bombs, likes to take to the air in ridiculous outfits, tendency to be impaled by own weapons, father and son with same alias. Differences: The Green Goblin is a genius; the Goblin also uses a strength-enhancing chemical to commit crimes whereas Bush simply relies on a potent mix of Bombay Sapphire and pain medication.
Dick Cheney and Herr Starr Similarities: Willing to kill innocent people to further agenda, proficient with firearms, curses a lot, once held position of “Sacred Executioner” Differences: Starr is dead; Starr has military experience.
Condoleezza Rice and Harley Quinn Similarities: Has pretty obvious “thing” for employer; keeps coming back to said employer against better judgment; long-lived despite little practical purpose. Differences: Quinn has been known to occasionally question her boss’ decisions; Quinn looks natural when smiling.
Bill Frist and Doctor Octopus Similarities: Embarrassing, whitebread haircut; makes one think that obtaining a doctorate must be really, really easy, makes up scientific facts as he needs them, has no problem with torture. Differences: Doc Ock has always been one guy; Frist was recently killed off and replaced with the younger, hipper secret identity of Bob Corker. Also, to his credit, Doc Ock never mutilated stray cats to get his doctorate.
Bob Dole and General Zod Similarities: Refers to self in third person long after it stops being cute; military experience; hatred of humanity; was once legitimate threat but has since faded. Differences: Bob Dole looks nothing like Terrence Stamp; also, he derives his strength from hair dye rather than Earth’s sun.
Scott McClellan and Mysterio Similarities: Creates elaborate illusions which fall apart upon further investigation, similar head shape, one of several people to hold job. Differences: Mysterio’s illusions fool people who aren’t already easily fooled.
Donald Rumsfeld and Vandal Savage Similarities: Appears throughout history as advisor to notorious conquerors; looks okay for his age; does a lot of soliloquizing. Differences: Due to the nature of comic book deaths, it is likely Savage will appear again in the future. Rumsfeld, not so much.
Sam Brownback and Stilt-Man Similarities: I hate them both. Differences: Stilt-Man is not from Kansas, or completely obsessed with irrelevant wedge issues.
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