How much of an age difference is okay for you in a relationship?

[lizziegrace]

I ask because I'm wrestling with that one. All the flirting and inuendo that goes on in the lounge is happening in real life with me. He's a great guy and is more mature than most 30 year olds I've come across. But that's the problem - he's 30. I'm 46. And don't misunderstand, I would be just as uncomfortable with 16 year age difference the other way. That would mean he'd be 62.

We had a camera operator go down in the middle of the annual auction with a grand mal seizure. This guy knew exactly how to handle the situation while many much older were still trying to deal with the fact that there was a person laid out on the concrete floor.

Please pardon my ramblings. I've been divorced 5 years and I haven't been pursued by anyone. Now there's this self-confident, funny guy and the biggest problem is that *I* can't get past the age difference. That, and I'm scared out of my mind.

So how was your weekend? ;)

[Connonym]

1. You're both adults, where's the harm in trying?

Aside from the potential for a broken heart, I mean.

[lizziegrace]

6. I think the bottom line?

It's the broken heart thing...

[Connonym]

9. But that's a potential in any relationship

Do you think the age makes it more likely? I'm still romantic to the core and believe that love can conquer just about anything except political differences.

[Drum]

2. Currently/recently a similar situation...

:shrug:

I'm PMing you

[lizziegrace]

4. Thanks

:)

[Cannikin]

3. Well, my last one was 9 yrs older. My current is 9 yrs younger...

Ya know, I'm not sure if I've ever dated anyone my own age.

[lizziegrace]

5. Thanks

9 doesn't bother me. The fact that this guy is closer in age to my 20 year old daughter than to me is really bothering me. Maybe I'm trying to find excuses...

[Nikia]

56. Do you think that your daughter would be supportive of your relationship?

I am not saying that you should necessarily not pursue it if she is less than enthusiastic. I am just thinking about the situation with my uncle. He started dating his current wife when she was 19 and his oldest daughter was 19. The relationship between the two young women was horrible and caused a rift between my cousin her father. Now that they are married and my cousin is off at college, things have settled down a bit.
I think that your situation would cause less strain though since your daughter is an adult and 10 years is a bigger gap than it was with my cousin and her step mother.

[lizziegrace]

59. Lelapin wants me to be happy

and hates that I'm alone. But like most children, she'd be torn as her life would change if I'm involved in a relationship with anyone, regardless of age.

[InternalDialogue]

7. Age difference is secondary to role difference in my opinion.

I've been flirted with and flirted myself with women around that age difference. All of those women are still friends of mine, but the relationships never went past a few dates and a little bit of fooling around not because of the age difference but because of the roles we played in each other's lives. One person was my recent ex-boss and I still knew her separated husband and teenage daughter. One person is the daughter of one of my clients. One person is a daughter of another friend.

In all those dynamics, all the parties were OK with the initial attraction, but it was the environment in which we knew each other, the roles each person would have to play regardless how the relationship turned out, etc., that made them not really optimal.

In your case, it would seem that the age difference is the only thing that you're a little hung up on, no? I say keep yourself open to what happens and see where it leads.

And my weekend has been wonderful, thanks to good weather and time to chat with some friends.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

12. ...

:hug:

I find myself, having been a mother for 20 years, kind of falling into that role. Not intentionally. I know this makes no sense.

He's in the arts and theater but has a day job and is settled. I just keep thinking that after a while, I won't be any fun to be around because I'm so far ahead of where he is in life.

I was awake until 4:00am. I'm sorry if this is disjointed and confusing. Kind of like my head right now. ;)

:hug:

[InternalDialogue]

23. I know what you mean.

But is that an obstacle you're seeing in yourself -- that you won't be able to see past being a mother to him? That you'll always be comparing his age to Lelapin's?

Those are real, and they're not to be ignored, but they're all on your side. If there aren't any on his part, then you can simplify the equation. Honestly, I wouldn't think too much about it before you need to. If he's up for spending time with you, give yourself permission to have fun. If it's real and it's going to be good, the feelings you get from being around him will convince the reticent part of you to let it happen. The older we get, sometimes, the more reasons we find to deny ourselves things that will make us happy. (On the other hand, as we age we also tend to eat more vegetables, so I guess that's the answer to the meaning of life.) :silly:

[lizziegrace]

27. LOL!!

you're a special soul and I adore you. Your take on things is perfect. :hug:

After years of being M's girlfriend/wife, Lelapin's mother, I'm still trying to figure out how to be me. Without all the baggage. And you're right. The older you get the smaller those overhead compartments become and the baggage tends to spill out sometimes.

;)

[InternalDialogue]

39. There's a part of me that is always standing to the side.

Whenever I make a decision or consider a choice, that person OKs what I do or overrides my desire.

If I were transporting dangerous chemicals, I'd be glad that there's part of me acting as a security guard.

But more often I curse him because he's part of me, but he's not letting me do the things I really want to do.

When I think of figuring out how to be me, it mostly consists of kicking that guy in the nuts and running away from him.

You come across to me as a lovable, caring woman with great interests and a lot of intelligence. You've got good taste, a sense of humor, and a sense of responsibility. Now... if that's not you, then you're a spy of the highest magnitude. But I think that is you, and you're already really good at living in that skin.

So next time you get a chance to spend time with him, give it a try without an imaginary chaperone. That will be the real you. And I'll bet it's how you come across here at DU, which has been all good as far as I can see.

It's funny -- when we're young, that feeling of terror is what we get off on when we're hanging out with other girls and boys. "She touched me!" "He kissed me!" "My parents are going to kill me!" Now, it's something that makes us want to get home and feed the cat.

[lizziegrace]

47. Or clean the bathroom...

anything to not face the possibilities.

I said it before. I adore you. And your take on life. You are "spot on" as my british sister would say.

:hug:

[Guava Jelly]

8. flirting in the lounge??

I haven't noticed..
So what are you doing hotstuff?? :evilgrin:
I think if you click you just click..And 30 isn't robbing the cradle imho.
:hi:

[lizziegrace]

14. Say it ain't so!!

Obviously I'm doing something to have someone show the least bit of interest in me. :evilgrin:

:hug:

[Guava Jelly]

15. .

"I'm doing something to have someone show the least bit of interest in me"
Maybe you are just being yourself .:hug:

[lizziegrace]

36. But

I was saving myself for you...

:loveya:


(Yea, I flirt much better her than in real life)

:hug:

[Guava Jelly]

37. Im am not worthy of such a prize

as the lovely lizziegrace :loveya:

[lizziegrace]

45. ...

:*


You are so good for my bruised ego.

:hug:

[Bucky]

10. Rule number one: breathe

It's cool. Do something radical like talk with him about it. I have some a friend who just got into a may-december thing. She's 44 and he's 27. We teased her mercilessly about it. But they're happy together and he's a great guy. My first suspicion was that it wouldn't last, it was just a fling---all the tacky stuff. Now they've moved in together and seem really really happy.

On the flip side, I broke up with someone last year because she was too young (I was 41, she was 24). I let the fact of our ages bother me. I tortured myself with the thought that I was going for arm candy. I let myself be bothered by that we have vastly different social references, which on reflection was really just about missing different TV shows. I still think I made the right decision (there were other issues) but some of it had to do with my attitude.

Your situation could go either way. My advice is stay honest and enjoy the moment.

[lizziegrace]

19. Thank you Bucky...

At least in this case,he's not getting arm candy. ;)

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

11. I'm not a good one to give relationship advice

But, I wanted to say, lizziegrace, that I hope you find love. And, no matter what the age, that the person you find treats you well. :hug:

[lizziegrace]

20. Thank you sweetie

:hug:


That means a lot to me. :)

[InternalDialogue]

13. And you've read this, right?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6419553&mesg_id=6419553

I think there's your answer!

[lizziegrace]

16. No, I hadn't read that

I've been in the studio for the last 3 evenings working the auction. Interesting. There's at least one post that involves a woman being older than her male partner... Usually it's an older man/younger woman thing.

:hug:

[SarahB]

17. The older you are, the less it matters.

It's not like he's 18 or something. He's a grown-up who knows who he is and what he's doing and he obviously likes YOU. If you are interested, give it a try. There are no guarantees with any relationship, but people we click with really well don't come along every day. Don't let something like this make you pass a person by.

[lizziegrace]

21. That's true

to a point. I know I shouldn't project, but I'd feel like I was taking his (or any other man much younger than me) freedom away as I get older and maybe get sick. We don't age well in my family. ;)

[greatauntoftriplets]

18. Go for it.

My nephew is marrying a woman 12 years his senior. They love each other and her kids are getting a great stepfather into the bargain.

Good luck!

[lizziegrace]

22. Sounds like they're lucky to have found one another

:)

My 20 year old daughter is "weirded out" by the whole thing. ;) But then again, most chidren are...

[Ptah]

24. I have a general rule for myself

I won't date anyone that is closer
in age to my daughter's age(22) than mine(56).

She was born in 1984
I was born in 1950
So if someone was born after 1967, I'll look elsewhere.


I think you should determine your own comfort level,
and wish you good luck.

:hi:

[lizziegrace]

30. That's kind of where I am

I just never thought I'd have to see if the rule's written in stone or just sand.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

25. We all met at a bar after the auction ended last night.

I was out until 1:30. And for someone who basically has no life...

I think if I'd asked, he would have come home with me. Also scared me to death. (and they'd been doing shots) I told him to call me, so the next move is his.

[Callalily]

26. You're thinking too hard lizziegrace

The two of you are attracted to each other. Go out, have some fun, enjoy each other, and get to know each other. You may find out that the two of you will be just good friends, or . . . something more. But don't dwell on what might be, or could be, can't predict the future, so please don't try, it'll drive you nuts.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[lizziegrace]

28. I am thinking too hard

helps me deal with the terror I feel.

I need to shut my brain off. ;)

[TZ]

29. Emotional age is more important than chronological

You may have seen my post on that other thread. I have rarely dated in my age bracket. If an older guy acts younger and more like my emotional age I would have no problem with it. Also the other way around. If I met a 21 year old who was mature enough emotionally, I wouldn't have a problem either. Unless you have an Anna Nicole Smith situation, I think we dwell too much on age differences. If both you and your prospect are consenting adults go for it! Don't pass up a good and promising opportunity....:)

[merh]

31. darling

love knows no age

if he makes you and your heart smile and isn't under 18 and you can have meaninfulf conversations with him, then why let age matter?

also, the benefits of loving a younger man are tremendous. :P

Just relax and enjoy the new friendship and if it moves beyond that, enjoy the glorious ride(s)


:hi:


:hug: :loveya:

[lizziegrace]

33. Merh!!!!!!!!

We *have* to talk sometime.

How are you? :hug:

And you're right. I need to relax. I was on my feet for 3 nights - 5 hours each for the auction. I can barely walk. I'm feeling very old today... Not helping the situation. ;)

[achtung_circus]

32. Of all sad words

of tongue or pen, the saddest are these; "It might have been".

So, find out, at your own, comfortable speed. No reason not to.

[lizziegrace]

34. I think I just might

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

35. Thank you all.

I've been at work or working with him on the auction every day and evening for the last two weeks. My house is a wreck, my cats are royally pissed at me and there's no food for me.

I need to get some things taken care around here.

First, I'll send him an email...

[Drum]

38. This thread couldn't come at a better time for me....

I appreciate all of your replies...I am wrestling with a related situation and echo many of these things y'all have related.

Thank you for sharing your perspectives...good to know what others have experienced with this, and makes me feel less alone about it.

and

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

40. I think that age difference you speak of

is not such a big deal and that the scared out of your mind is prolly the bigger deal

jmo

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

48. Yep

:scared:

I'm terrified...

[SPKrazy]

50. Well, remember it's only

one thing at a time, and you don't have to sign up for more than you can handle.

:shrug:

sounds nice to be pursued though! :pals:

[lizziegrace]

52. Very foreign to me

this concept...

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

62. I can imagine

it is foreign to me as well

:hug:

[Wapsie B]

41. An uncle of mine is in his 80's

married to a woman in her 50's. Been in a happier marriage than many others in the family, my parents included.

[lizziegrace]

49. How do you think

a marriage the woman in her 80's and the man in his 50's would be received?

Just curious. Society (and me as an individual, as much as I hate to admit it) is more accepting of an older man/younger woman than the revers.

[Wapsie B]

72. A much older woman and a younger man

would be less accepted. But if the feeling is there it's there.

[ThomCat]

42. I dated a guy 11 years older than me.

There were issues. I wouldn't let it stop you from dating. After all, even if the relationship is just fun, that's wonderful. I hope you will give it a chance and see if you can manage any issues that come up. A big age difference should be a warning, but not an obstacle. Just be careful. :)

[lizziegrace]

53. Careful is my middle name

unfortunately, it's in ALL CAPS...

;)

[Drum]

43. on topic?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6419553&mesg_id=6419553

[wildhorses]

44. my mom is 15 yrs older than her boyfriend

which means he is only 5 yrs older than me :shrug:

the social scene is just as messed up as the rest of the world x(

good luck to you:hug:

i wish i had some sage advice, sorry


got some sage though:P

[lizziegrace]

51. Isn't that used to drive out evil spirits?

And the ghosts of relationships past?

I'll take some!

:hug:

[wildhorses]

57. as matter of fact

the indian ceremonial sage is used for cleansing

so yes:bounce:

[lizziegrace]

58. Send it on!

:bounce:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

46. 4-5 years older and 3 years younger.

[skygazer]

54. It doesn't matter what's okay to me

What matters is what's okay to you and it sounds like you're not comfortable with this age difference. What you have to figure out is why. It could be that the age difference itself is the issue or it could be that since it's an obvious difference, you've latched onto that as a way of explaining your fears of being involved in ANY relationship.

Everyone is afraid when they're stepping back in after a divorce or breakup. We remember the hurt we felt when the last relationship ended and we question whether it was because of some flaw in ourself even when we know it wasn't. And we fear commiting ourselves to those risks again.

But the other choice is living alone and in fear and that's even worse, imo.

I would suggest taking any potential relationship slowly at this point but I sure wouldn't discount what sounds like a great guy just because of his age.

[lizziegrace]

55. Wise words

thank you. :hug:

[Nikia]

60. I met my husband at 19

At that point, it was about 2 years younger to 4 years older. If I found myself single again, I might expand that age bracket, but I am not sure by how much.
My sister is dating a guy 12 years older. She is only 27, but talks about how she is too old for a varriety of things, which people in their 20's regularly do. I can't help but wonder if having an older boyfriend has something to do with it.

[Orangepeel]

61. Age is a proxy for compatibility and wanting the same things in life

People around the same age tend to have similar life experiences and be in similar places in their lives (e.g., wanting to party, family oriented, empty nesting, etc.). But if those kind of things work out anyway, the actual age doesn't matter.

[NewWaveChick1981]

63. As long as everyone involved in a relationship is a legal adult, I see no problem.

:) :hi:

[InvisibleTouch]

64. Age difference has always been irrelevant to me.

Well, maybe not irrelevant, because I do have a distinct preference for older guys, or at least I did when I was younger; now that they've "caught up," I'm equally okay with someone my age or even a bit younger. But really, if the relationship is working or has good potential, why let something as meaningless as physical age get in the way? Some younger people have a lot more maturity and experience than those who are much older. Assuming both participants are of legal age, it's maturity and compatibility that matters, not years.

[GOPisEvil]

65. I think you should focus on the good things that could happen.

Stop trying to talk yourself out of being happy. I did that for years, and it isn't good for you. Open yourself to it and give it a try. Don't let fear rule you.

As for your kid, if he's a good guy and good to you, she'll come around. :)

[lizziegrace]

66. You're absolutely right

:hug:

I've been "not happy" for so long that the thought of it is very foreign and kind of scary.

And as for Lelapin, I think she was surprised that there was something between me and the man I've been talking about. Not that she thought it was a bad idea, she just had no idea...

And I've know him for over a year now. The sparks started to fly over the last few months. I just don't want to be played for a fool though. :(

[GOPisEvil]

67. There's one way to prevent looking foolish.

Talk to him about it. If he's the right guy, he'll get it and have that talk with you.

Believe me, when it's right, you know it.

[lizziegrace]

68. ...

:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

70. ...

:hug: Good luck.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

69. Lots of good advice here, my dear lizziegrace...

Go with it, sweetie!

You deserve this.........and how!

It's finally your time...:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[GalleryGod]

71. 15 years. Both Ways.

Big= 49 Carrie= 34

[Arkansas Granny]

73. After my divorce, I dated guys younger than myself a lot more

than I dated guys my age or older. Don't know why, it just turned out that way. I never lied about my age so they were also aware of the age difference. My rule of thumb was never to date anyone who was younger than my own children. The biggest age difference was with a guy who was 18 years my junior and we dated for nearly two years. I will admit that none of these turned into long lasting relationships, but more often than not we had a lot of fun and parted as friends. Age is just a measure of years, not compatibility or feelings.

[lizziegrace]

74. That's true

it is just a measure of years. I don't try and dress like I'm 25 but refuse to look any older than I'm comfortable with. Jeans and boots are what I wear when I'm not working.

He knows my age and has worked with me and my daughter at the auction for two seasons now (over a year). It still doesn't seem to bother him. :shrug:

[XemaSab]

75. 5 years younger, 20 years older

This will probably change as I get older myself, but I really can't see myself dating anyone younger than 25. :shrug: :P

[lizziegrace]

77. It just might change

as you get older. I had always thought no more than 10 years younger and maybe 7-8 older. The top number is the one that's shrinking. ;)

I'm painfully aware of the fact that if I were the younger woman in this situation, this thread probably wouldn't have been started. But since it's reversed, should I be flattered??

:shrug:

[XemaSab]

129. Hell yeah you should be flattered!

Shit, you should be flattered if an 18-year-old was trying to mack on you! :D

[MissMillie]

76. I think it's more important that people want the same things

and share goals

but often, there's a lot of age stuff that goes w/ that. Most men I know in their 30s want kids some day. I'm done having kids.

And as far as older men go... I haven't found one active enough for me.

[lizziegrace]

78. Me too

I know women have children in their 40's but not this one.

One day at a time. I think the fact that anyone was paying attention really freaked me out.

[MissMillie]

85. it would freak me out too

and scare the hell out of me.

Most times I'm slow to let someone in, then when I do, they decide they don't want me after all.

[lizziegrace]

86. I know the feeling

I truly do. I'm so used to being invisible that this scared me to death.

:hug:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

79. Age shouldn't be a factor IMO

I've always been attracted to women significantly older than myself and will most likely end up with one (of course I'm arrogantly presuming that anyone would want to be in a relationship with me, which is not a given). If compatability in other factors works out, I don't think age should be the sole factor excluding you from entering a relationship and finding true happiness. Of course, take care, be careful and don't get hurt but sometimes challenging your traditional boundaries can bring great dividends and rewards.

Good luck :)

[leftofthedial]

80. 32 years younger

12 years older

[Karenca]

81. I bet you're 53. nt

[leftofthedial]

82. how much?

LOL

:rofl:

[NMDemDist2]

83. my 2nd hubby was 15 years older

my current is 4 years younger

depends totally on the people involved IMO

[camero]

84. Depends on the people involved

I've had relationships with women from 13 years younger to 18 years older and think it doesn't really make a difference and has more to do with the maturity of the people involved.

Even though now getting very close to 40 that I think twice when a girl in her low 20's flirts with me. Which could mean a mixed blessing or missed opportunity depending on your perspective. I look young for my age I should say.

[1gobluedem]

87. It all depends on the two of you

I have friends who have been married 15 years; she's 48 and he's 82. And it is just fine, not weird at all. He's a young 82 and she's kind of an old 48.

My SO is 8 years older than I am and it's no big deal.

If you like him and the age difference doesn't bother you (as it shouldn't) then go for it. Who cares what other people think?

[Lil Missy]

88. Interesting question.

I went through the same questions when I met my partner 2 years ago.

We have a 17 year age difference. We met on an online dating site, and after a couple emails we agreed to meet at the local lesbian bar the following weekend. Then, I took a closer look at her profile and discovered the age difference. And I must tell you, it REALLY bothered me. I wrote her again and told her of my concerns, and gave her the chance to back out. Actually, I was HOPING that she would agree to call off our meeting. She didn't, and I kept my word to meet her, just to be polite. But, I truly thought it was just a waste of time. And come to find out, so did she, after hearing of my doubts and concerns in a previous couple emails.

I found her at the designated place and time, as we had arranged. I only had a couple bucks in my pocket because I didn't expect to stay long anyway.

To make a long story short, we hit it off INSTANTLY! Not a break in the conversation for hours. And, I can't explain it, at all. After a couple weeks, we have been inseparable since then. We have been living together for about 18 months now.

That's not to say we have not had some problems because of the age difference. We have, but they have not been insurmountable problems. And frankly, I think most of our differences are due to to the fact that she lacks college education, and I am much more "intellectual" about things than she is.

My advice to any woman would be to just trust your gut. Perhaps take it slowly and see where it goes. You don't have to make a life altering decision overnight. When the time is right for you, and the person is right, then everything will fall into place naturally. Don't force anything if you are not comfortable.

[Chan790]

89. Well...it depends.

This is going to sound horrible, but...I don't have a limit going younger (Well...I'd likely not date an 18 year old because we'd have nothing in common) and I don't even date my own age, let alone older. (Maturity issues on my part. I still act like I'm 15...I even need to be yelled at to clean my bedroom...I'm not ready to be an adult, so dating people in the settling-down age-range doesn't work.)

[LaurenG]

90. My husband is 16 years my junior

We'll be married 14 years this year. It worked out very well for us. Date the guy find out how much you have in common, you never know and it would be a shame to give up solely because of age differences...

PM me if you'd like, I know how you feel.

[lizziegrace]

96. Thank you.

I needed to hear this.

It's obviously not an issue to him. It's clearly an issue with me and I need to figure out why. I believe it's based in fear of caring again and possibly getting hurt. Yes, I do not live what I preach. ;)

I may just PM you in a few days. :hug:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

91. Well, considering I'm robbing the cradle with ZN,

(him being 13 minutes younger, that is :P) I wouldn't worry too much.

Really... I'm excited that this has potential, and age isn't an issue with me. :hug:

[lizziegrace]

93. Hey sweetie

I'm so glad to hear you say that. About this guy or any other for that matter.

I guess cradle-robbing must run in the family. My mother's older than my father, you're older than ZN ;) and I'd win the prize on this one.

I love you sweetie.

:hug:

[asthmaticeog]

92. Age doesn't mean shit unless it's prefixed by "under-".

I say go forth and have fun. :thumbsup:

[lizziegrace]

94. I just may go forth...

And damn, he's younger than you!! :wow:

:hug:

Thank you.

[asthmaticeog]

101. I'm finding these days that more and more people are younger than me.

Oh well. :shrug:

[swag]

95. I'm with Elton: I think you should draw the line at goats.

[asthmaticeog]

97. Elton's a fucking buzzkill then.

He clearly hasn't spent enough time in Ohio.

[lizziegrace]

100. ...

:spray:

[asthmaticeog]

102. That revive any memories?

You *are* from Columbus, after all. :evilgrin:

[lizziegrace]

103. Yes, but I'm not a native...

does that count??

;)

[asthmaticeog]

105. Depends on where you're a native of.

If it's still someplace I can make farm sex jokes about, all the better. :D

[lizziegrace]

106. Okay...

Enterprise, Alabama

Let the jokes begin!!

:patriot:

[asthmaticeog]

107. They write themselves, don't they?

;)

[lizziegrace]

108. They certainly do

I can just sit back now.

:popcorn:

[lizziegrace]

98. Line drawn...

;)

[nini]

99. If you're compatible - forget the age.

Couples can be the same age and the relationship may be a complete nightmare.

Age is a number. What counts is if you have similar interests, can have normal converstations, like each other etc..

He sounds like a good prospect - don't let the age difference be a problem. You deserve a good guy - he sounds like one :D

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

104. Nini!!

:hug:

:)

[nini]

113. I'm gonna be mad at you if you don't go for it

:P

I'm older than ZW - it hasn't made a difference.


:loveya:

[lizziegrace]

114. I am going to at least see where it goes

Just remind me to BREATHE!!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

109. Maximum lifespan of homo sapiens minus 18. -nt

[NewJeffCT]

110. As long as you are both consenting adults, I see no problem with an age difference

You might get a few questions, but if they are truly your friends, then they should be happy for you if you're happy.

But, to ramble on a bit: Between marriages, I dated like crazy for about 18 months... and, I'm talking 5-10 dates per week crazy. But, even though I was 32 when my ex-wife filed for divorce from me in 1999, I suddenly found all those really hot college-aged women that ignored me when I was in college were suddenly interested now that I was 32, 33 or 34 and in the process of a divorce. And, who was I to turn them down just because they were only "18" or "19"? (But, I did turn down an interested woman when I found out she was a 17 year old high school senior... so, at least it wasn't a Jerry Seinfeld/Shosanna situation) But, believe it or not, the first woman I dated after my ex filed was a woman 7 years older than me. So, I dated women in a pretty wide age range and really thought little of it at the time.

It's up to you and how you feel. He sounds like a good guy, and if he doesn't have a problem, you shouldn't either.

[Oeditpus Rex]

111. What's his mental/emotional age?

What's important is what someone has done in their time on Earth, not the mere linear measure of it.

I understand how you feel, though. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, and in a case such as this, included in that comparison would be something like "What does he see in me?" But that presupposes that he also has Age Issues.

Kinda reminds me of a bit from a "Mary Tyler Moore" episode in which Mary was dating a guy who was about 5' 2" (played by Hamilton Camp). He said, "You're self-conscious about my height, aren't you?" Mary said, "No, I'm self-conscious about my height."

:crazy:

[lizziegrace]

112. I think emotional age is more than his chronological age

And I like the MTM quote. I'm more self-conscious about *my* age than his. (I HATE getting older...)

:hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

115. Oh, yeah — as if *your* age

is any indication of maturity. :P



Seriously — you're assigning too much value to a freakin' number. Get over it. :hug:

[newsjunki]

116. re

married here, but i don't think i could date anyone that was over 10yrs older than me. since i'm still in my early 30's..23 would probably be the cut off for me.

[lizziegrace]

118. hey Oedi!

:P


:hug:

[u4ic]

117. As much as the parties involved feel comfortable with

:hug:


Perhaps you should read the last sentence of your second last paragraph again. I think that explains it. ;-)

[xmas74]

119. I've been wrestling w/ the same question.

I'll send you a pm w/ my concerns about the age. I'm kinda embarrassed to bring it up on here since I know of a few family members who read this board.

[lizziegrace]

123. I'll be online for about another hour

:)

[xmas74]

127. And I just sent

another one back.

Questions, questions.

[YDogg]

120. My grandfather was 32 years older than my grandmother.

Works for me.

[lizziegrace]

121. What about the reverse?

your grandmother 32 years older than your grandfather? (My issue is with me being older than him.) :shrug:

[YDogg]

124. That's just the way it was, but if it had been the other way around, it would not have mattered ...

... to me. Although it would probably be more accepted today than back in the day (1930s). Me, my wife is 3 yrs, 2 mos, 4 days older than me. Not that we are counting.

I believe very much in pursuing happiness, and letting some of those things like age work themselves out. But I also understand the broken heart thing.

[lizziegrace]

125. Thanks...

:hug:

And never quit reminding your wife she robbed the cradle. ;)

My father has never stopped reminding my mother. :)

[YDogg]

126. I keep reminding her than when she turned 16, I was 12.

... even though I turned 13 later that year. She started dating when I was still a middle school dork. As things worked out, I never knew her to be as young as I was when we met ... I was 21 and she was 24

[lizziegrace]

128. Sounds like you're both lucky to have found one another

:hug:

Good you can laugh about it too.

[XemaSab]

132. I don't think that's biologically possible

without a crime being committed. :P

[LostInAnomie]

122. For me, any legal age is perfectly fine.

For everyone else, if they weren't born in the same year someone is a cradle robbing pervert! :evilgrin:

[mentalsolstice]

130. We have 14 years difference

My husband is only six years younger than my mother. Our nephew is married and has a 2-year-old with a woman 16 years his senior, they met when he was barely legal, and married when he was 26, and her daughter from her first marriage was 20 when their baby was born (in fact, there's only 3 1/2 years difference b/t his wife and I). AND, in my opinion, the older you get, the less the age difference counts.

The heart wants what the heart wants...if you enjoy his company, and he's open to a relationship, go for it.

[Poiuyt]

131. Personally, age bigotry bothers me as much as any other kind

Do what feels right in your heart. Not what people might think.

Have you seen, "How Stella Got Her Groove Back?"

[Nicole]

133. 10 years for me.

That's what I'm most comfortable with.

[XemaSab]

134. One thing I gotta say:

the younger lads don't need pills. :hide:

[Pushed To The Left]

135. It's totally up to the people in the relationship!

It sounds like you two are interested in and attracted to each other. Just go on some dates and see how things go!