Enjoy the laugh: Actual Sentences found in Patient's Hospital Charts

[LynneSin]

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
   
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
   
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
   
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
   
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
   
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
   
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
   
8. The patient refused autopsy.
   
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
   
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
    
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
    
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
    
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
    
15. She is numb from her toes down.
    
16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
    
17. The skin was moist and dry.
    
18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
    
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
    
20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
    
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
    
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
    
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
    
24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
    
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
    
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
    
27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
    
28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
    
29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
    
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
    
31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
    

Stuff like this makes me laugh so hard I feel like I'm gonna pee my pants. Enjoy the Laugh

[kayob1]

1. HEY

Are you a transcriptionist?

[LynneSin]

6. It's just an email that is circulating around

:D

[Bronco69]

2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

ROFLMAO!! I want to meet HIM!! :-)

[VelmaD]

3. My mom is a transcriptionist...

My favorite she ever saw is still the woman suffering from "a persistent SOB at night".

[arcane1]

4. hehe, some of these are classic!

Gotta pass this around the workplace :silly:

[beyurslf]

5. Love it.

I get bored toward the end of the work day and little laughs pass the time away.

[supernova]

7. BWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Thank you LynnSin! I can hardly catch my breath or see to type these are so good!!

ROFL!! :bounce: :bounce:


I used to do medical dictation and can almost pick out typos versus the HC profession just wasn't thinking when they dictated it. OTOH, it's so easy to misinterpret what some MD or MDwannabe is mumbling into that recorder.

Again, I really needed the laugh! :D

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

ROLF!!! ROLF!! Gotta be a first year!

[Richardo]

8. "circus sized"

I'm laughing my MF'n ass off...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D

[flamingyouth]

9. I have one from my own file...

"The patient was given an injection of antibiotics following a cat bite administered by me."

My regular doctor just about died laughing when he saw this. I had to go to the ER after being bitten by a feral cat, and that was what they wrote up. :D

[rbnyc]

18. LMAO!

It's like they do it on purpose!

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. I do NOT want this dr: Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid

I'm all for effiency, and yeah, once ya got your hands in there might as well get as much data as you can, but I'm willing to forego a little loss of efficieny when it comes to rectal exams and thyroid checking.

And please, wash the hands before checking the thyroid. Thanks.

[LynneSin]

11. "We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us."

That came from one of the best Simpson Episodes where the aliens Kang and Kodos takeover the bodies of Bill Clinton and Bob Dole.

When they had kidnapped Homer Simpsons, Homor dropped his drawers and they uttered that quote!!

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. LOL! I love that episode.

And it's very line in conjunction with checking the thyroid.

[GOPisEvil]

12. LARGE BROWN STOOL AMBULATING IN THE HALL?!?!?!

:scared:

[LynneSin]

13. I just want to see someone's circus sized genitalia

:shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

14. Can't help ya there.

Sorry.

[WealthAndDemocracy]

16. Reminds me of an actual courtroom quotes thing similar to this

I'm quoting this from memory so it's not exact, but a lawyer asked a Coroner or Doctor if he was sure the patient was deceased.

The Doctor answered that the persons brains were sitting in a jar on his desk, so he could be relatively certain in his assesment that the person was not alive.

ROTFL!

[rbnyc]

17. You almost put me back in the hospital...

...laughing my ass off. I nearly choked laughing.

[WealthAndDemocracy]

19. Constipated until she got a divorce

She finally unloaded the shit. LOL!