Does anyone else have a problem with self esteem?

[terrya]

Besides myself? My sense of self is one of the issues I'm dealing with in counselling...besides the depression (and the two go hand in hand)

And if you do have issues with self esteem...what do you do to deal with them?

I'm serious here.

Thanks,
Terry

[jpgray]

1. Everybody has a problem with self esteem

I like exercising, or doing something creative to clear out my brain of musty junk. Usually low self-esteem for me is an accumulation of musty junk. If you're working hard, it tends to dissipate.

[RUexperienced]

2. I'm too embarassed to say....

[IronLionZion]

3. Depression blows

I try to make a conscious effort to think positively and it's working so far. Try to think of all the positive parts of your life and great accomplishments. Then go excercise and eat a healthy meal. Eating makes me feel good but I go for the healthy stuff like fruit and yogurt.

[HEyHEY]

4. I have realized ALOT about myself recently

ANd I'd say I do, for the most part. But I am lucky enough to have the balls to try things anyway, it's just when I'm done them, I never think they're good enough.

I also get a bit of a persecution complrx sometimes. Latley though I've been able to recognize it for whatit is and deal with it.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

5. yep

i take celexa but that doesn't really help with the self esteem stuff, just the other depression stuff.

[populistmom]

6. Oh yeah

I'm the person who tends to absorb everyone else's shit and I'm just getting out of that mode in the past year or two. I used to base my opinions of myself simply on what someone else thought, good or bad (often mostly bad or self-critical), not seeing myself for who I am. Figuring myself out a bit more and a lot of introspection has helped- immmensely. :)

[ComerPerro]

7. Not in the classic sense, I guess

I am pretty confident that I can do anything I really try to do.

But I never really feel any pride an anything that I do accomplish. I usually figure that if I know something then it is pretty much common knowledge, and if I can do something I figure that most people can do it, and many do it better.

[Tripper11]

8. I'm not depressed...but I tend to get ignored a lot...

or passed over. People say nice things about me at work and stuff. I give a lot of myself, work hard, and I am very reliable, but for some reason I just don't make a huge impact. I try not to worry about it too much, I have a loving wife and kids who think I'm the greatest and that's enough for me. Everything else I figure, will eventually fall into place, and I won't give up.

[Philosophy]

9. I gave up on self-esteem a long time ago

I'm a loser, and I don't care.

[Deja Q]

10. Avoidance of social issues...

I do what I need to do in public, and nothing more.

I've tried counseling and meds. Meds don't address the problem and don't do much to make me feel better either. (typical American philosophy; avoid the problem and just try to make the symptom feel better.)

[Kamika]

11. I have too much of it

I know that that's not what you meant but sometimes I do hear bad stuff, like how I refuse to hear ppl out or don't give ppl a chance to prove themselves, or I just shrug off criticism etc because I'm convinced I'm right anyway , granted it's not like having bad self esteem but it can be troublesome.

[Philosophy]

12. I used to be depressed

But then I just got tired of feeling bad about being such a loser, so now I just don't care anymore. In fact I've come to view my life from the outside looking in as a satire - so now when bad things happen to me I find them funny, like slapstick comedy. I got fired from my job, and I laughed. I got into a car accident, and I giggled. I get laughed at every time I ask a girl for a date, and I chuckle right back. At this point I think if something good happened to me for a change, I would probably cry. I may be insane.

[twistedliberal]

13. Definitely.

I never feel like I "fit in," and I can't really put my finger on why. I feel extremely lonely, yet when someone tries to reach out to me, I seem to push them away. Quite often, I don't answer the phone, simply because I don't feel like talking to anyone. Most of my friends have moved away; others have gotten married and we have drifted apart. I have a strong desire to make new friends and open up to people, but I have such a negative self-perception that I become defensive, sometimes at the most innocent questions. And if someone tries to compliment me, I don't know how to deal with it.

I guess I'm not much help to you though, since I don't really have a solution.

:shrug:

[Nikia]

14. I always have even though I know that it is irrational

Of course I grew up with a mother who expected me to be the best at everything I did, criticized my appearance while doing nothing to help me, and said that I was a weirdo. My parents divorced when I was young and never felt that either one of them really loved me. There also was an evil step father and my parents always fighting over support and vacation and blaming us for the other parent. I suppose that is more than enough details.
Anyway, I have a lot of insecurities pertaining to that. I get really down on myself a lot and any situation that I am remotely involved in that goes bad becomes all my fault in my mind. I have begun to let go of perfectionism though. I have met a lot of people who are less intelligent, less talented, less accomplished, less attractive, making less money in their middle age than I make now, and they do things because they like them, not because they are good at them, and they are satisfied with their lives. I have considered that. Maybe, achievement isn't everything. Maybe trying to be the best at everything or maybe anything isn't really that important.
My best friend also struggles with self esteem even though he is above average in most things. He had a problem with alcoholism and said that AA really helped him with this issue as well. "I'm no better and I'm no worse than anyone else." If I really believed that, it would take a lot of pressure off of me.
Anyway, as I am accepting my humanity more, I have realized that perhaps the key to treating myself appropriately is thinking of myself as my own best friend. I am very kind and forgiving to those who I care for most while I am well aware of their faults. If I could just believe that always.

[enough]

16. Having struggled with this for a long time,

I think what you just said is the most important thing: "I'm no better and I'm no worse than anyone else." I think we who have depression and self-hatred think that we are somehow different from everyone else.

If you can let go of the need to be either better or worse than everyone else, things get a lot easier. You are just one more regular person, a mixture of good things and bad things, just like everyone else.

It actually helps me as a sort of mantra to remind myself that there are over six billion human beings on the face of the planet right now. In that context, the question of whether I am good enough, or strong enough, or talented enough, or pretty enough, really shows itself to be absurd. Especially since you know that every single other one of those six billion people is wondering the same thing about himself and herself.

If you can keep this sort of context in your life, you can just go about doing what you want to do, without all the anxiety. Works for me.

[trof]

15. Can't help ya, terry

I got an ego as big as a barn (which Miz t. kindly feeds, daily).
There was a time, when I was a fat little kid, that I suspected I might not be the coolest guy in the 4th grade. It soon passed.

If there's any way you can swing it, I'd suggest being a fighter pilot. I have NEVER, in my 62 years, EVER met a fighter pilot with low self esteem.

Barring that, is there anything you'd like to do that you can do entirely on your own? And be totally responsible for your own success or failure? Something with maybe a small element of physical danger? Rock climbing, flying, surfing, para-sailing, hang-gliding, hiking even. I think maybe you just need a confidence builder. I DON'T want you to go risk your life in some dumb thing you don't feel comfortable doing.

Learning to fly made my life totally different. Something to do with self-sufficiency and responsibility for my own actions.

Good luck.
:hi:

[Xandor]

18. Excellent point, trof

... about starting an activity that promotes self reliance. When I became an avid (rabid!) whitewater kayaker in my forties, my self-esteem was bolstered immeasurably. I felt I was doing something that relatively few people can do, I was doing it pretty well, and the only person having any control or say-so about what happened to me was me. Oh, and the River Gods. Anyway, it made me feel like a million bucks.

[jonoboy]

17. same here..and was treated for same..keep busy if you can

[MrSlayer]

19. Nope, I love myself.

Some might even call me narcissistic.

[KG]

20. i have no self-esteem to have a problem with.

:(

[beawr]

21. Just with Other Peoples' - Seriously though.......

Seriously though, I still do, yet I am getting my PhD, I have a beautiful wife and two great kids, and am comfortable. Years ago, I was miserable, but I suppose some sort of survival instinct, and lots of weed, kept me going. But I think it is a constant battle. There's a lot of room between being some sort of Scientologist EST-hole blow dried asshole and a total self despising loser, it's just finding that place, making amends with the past and realizing you are pretty much the same as everyone else. That takes time and I sincerely wish you well.

[Cleita]

22. Yes, but I think it stems from being raised to be a meek and

obedient woman, which I wasn't, so I was always being told how awful I was and all the things that were wrong with me and how I would never get a good husband because of my bad attitude. Even though I have gotten over most of it, it still comes back to haunt me every now and then.