Fading away

[ThomCat]

Some of you have noticed that I'm not around much recently. Thank you for looking for me and wondering how I'm doing. I appreciate the concern.

I've posted about how I'm loosing the use of my hands so that's probably not a surprise to anyone. (70% of hand strength so far, and a hell of a lot of constant pain.) I lurk now more than post. Instead of posting 50+ times per day, I'm now sometimes going days at a time without posting at all. I'm minimizing the amount of typing I have to do. If I post less and less often, and it seems like I'm not around a lot, this will be why. It will be because the meds still have not been helping.

I feel like I'm fading into the background. I'm really not trying to ignore anyone. A lot of you are great people I would love to still be talking to every day.

If you do see me around, please say hi and tell me what's up. That will mean that the pain has abated for a bit and I've got the time to indulge in some typing. :)

[RetroLounge]

1. Hi!

:hi:

:hug:

RL

[ThomCat]

29. Hi right back!

:hi:

:hug:

[billyskank]

2. ...

:cry:

:hug:

[ThomCat]

31. ...

That has been one of my reactions too. :(

At each new stage of disability I feel like I go through the steps of grieving all over again. I think I'm at the acceptance stage again.

DU helps. I like having people I can still socialize with. You're one of those people. So as much as possible I'm trying to stick around. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

3. ...

:hug:

:loveya:

I am so sorry.

[ThomCat]

32. Hi KitchenWitch.

You're one of the people here who I know understands. :hug:

I'm glad you're here. How are you doing?

[KitchenWitch]

41. I seriously got my batteries recharged over the weekend

I participated in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life event in my community. Although I am physically tired, I am emotionally and spiritually inspired.

We cancer survivors were treated like rock stars! We got gift bags, free food, massages, and other spa services. It was really cool. But most importantly, we raised a lot of money for cancer research.

:woohoo:

[ThomCat]

43. You, personally, are a rock star.

:loveya:

I'm glad it was such as awesome time. :)
Do you have any photos you can post? I'm sure I'm not the only person who would love to see them.

[KitchenWitch]

45. Alas, I did not bring my camera

bad KW!

The survivors lap was empowering!

[WolverineDG]

4. Oh no, ThomCat!

:hug: :hug: :cry: :hug: :hug:

:loveya:

dg

[ThomCat]

33. Aww...

Thank you very much. :loveya:

I don't know that you'll see me at any more marches (unless I get put into a wheelchair and can ride my way through it). But I hope I'll see you at a DU meetup again sometime.
:hug:

[WolverineDG]

78. If you want to march in a wheelchair,

I'll be there to push you. Even uphill. 'k? :loveya:

dg

[raccoon]

5. Do you have RSI, Thomcat?

Whatever it is, sorry to hear it.

[ThomCat]

16. So far,

my Rheumatologist is not sure if it's Psoriatic or Rheuatoid arthritis. My diagnosis has changed, but she's still not convinced shat she's got it pinned down. My pain manangement doctor is convinced that there is something else entirely going on other than arthritis because of degree of the loss of strength. Everyone keeps pointing to something Neurological because of the combination of pain and weakness, but even the top specialists say that I test clean neurologically. So I'm a medical puzzle that a bunch of doctors are still trying to figure out.

I never wanted to be a puzzle. :(

[raccoon]

22. Positive thoughts your way. nt

[pagerbear]

I'm sorry to hear that!

**pagerhugs**

[ThomCat]

36. Hugs right back to you.

:hug:

I'm still holding out hope for improvements. I'm long past thinking of doctors as magical miracle workers, but if there's anything they can do I think they'll eventually find it. :)

[wildhorses]

6. thomcat --- love you tons

sorry you are in pain.

glad to know that you are still hanging out with us:hug:

[ThomCat]

35. I love you tons too.

:loveya:

I'm still here, though sometimes just quietly. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

7. OMG

:cry:

[ThomCat]

37. Yeah, that was my reaction too.

I'm changing my entire life around to cope with this, but so far I'm coping pretty well. We'll see how it goes. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

38. I forgot more hugs...

..sorry...I was just so shocked.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[ThomCat]

40. More hugs are always welcome.

:)

:hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

8. Hi Thomcat..

I do notice when you're not posting but I'll now assume you're lurking at those times.
I hope that a better combo of meds is out there for you.:loveya:

[ThomCat]

39. I hope so too. I'd love to be able to chat and post more.

In the meantime, I'll just read the good stuff that other people post. You often say what I'm thinking. :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. My dear ThomCat!

Oh, sweetie......of all the people to have this happen to....

It should not be happening to you!

I'm so sorry.......

I'm so happy we were able to get together in NY... :hug:

[ThomCat]

42. One disability often seems to lead to another.

Better that it happens to me than that someone otherwise healthy gets hit with this. I already know how to adapt, accomodate and deal. :shrug:

I'm glad we met too. I wish it was a longer meetup. :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

10. I was looking for you!

Do you think you could make it to the Brooklyn Meet-Up if I swing through Staten Island to give you a ride both ways?

[ThomCat]

14. I would make a point of it.

:hug:

Traveling is getting very difficult, but if you're offering a ride I'd definitely be able to go. :)

[In_The_Wind]

128. It's a date then, we'll pick you up and return you back home again.

Please send me a PM with your address & phone number.

[Guava Jelly]

11. Sorry to hear that and i will keep an eye out for you

:hi:

[ThomCat]

58. I appreciate that.

I'll keep an eye out for you too, even if you don't see me as often. :hug:

[malta blue]

12. Hi ThomCat

I wish I could remove your pain....

Know that we here in the lounge miss you
:hug:

[ThomCat]

60. I wish I could remove pain too.

My own and the pain of a number of other people too. There are a lot of us here, it seems, who know what chronic pain is like.

Lacking that talent, I'll just keep pushing myself. You'll still see me on my good days.
:hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

13. Aw, dude

That blows. :(

I'm always gonna have a special thought about you, y'know. :D

:pals:

[ThomCat]

17. If it blew,

It might feel good. I bites. :P

You've been one of the people I look for when I'm here. That won't change. :)
:hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

23. ...

Okay, now I'm sincerely touched. :hug:

[crim son]

15. I hate to hear that, ThomCat.

I've been here less frequently and had no idea about your hands but I had noticed that you weren't around. I had hoped that something wonderful was keeping you away. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Goddamn it, I'm so sorry.

[ThomCat]

20. I spend a lot of time high and lightheaded now.

I suppose some people would consider that a wonderful thing. :P

:hug:
I'm planning on being here as much as I can. It will be less often, but I don't have any plans to leave as long as I can still post.

[crim son]

46. Pain meds do have their advantages, don't they?

I admire your strength.

[cwydro]

18. Hi Thomcat!

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I had noticed you weren't around and was a little worried the lioness was back up to her poisoning ways...

I come and go all the time too; lurking can be fun.

Hope your meds start to work.:hug:

[ThomCat]

19. I haven't even had a chance to see Lioness

since that incident. If the Brooklyn meetup happens it will be good to see people again. I'm becoming even more of a homebody. :(

If they find a combination of meds that work I'll go back to being a social butterfly. :silly:

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. sorry you are hurting. if you promise to get better, i promise NEVER to poison you again.

please? :cry:

[ThomCat]

27. Unfortunately, I'm not in a possition to promise anything.

:(

But I've been dealing with constant pain for 15 years and I keep pushing ahead. I'm going to keep pushing as much as I can. :)

I'm hoping we'll have many more evenings of hanging out. I just might be doing it from a wheelchair soon, that's all.

[taterguy]

24. Hi Thomcat!

What's up is that I just got home from work and I'm hoping there's a long enough break in the thunderstorms to walk the dogs

Exciting huh?

I also spent the weekend loading crap onto my photobucket account. Here's an example

[ThomCat]

28. That's a beautifully phalic picture.

:9

That's not crap. It's actually quite nice.

[taterguy]

30. That phallus saves lives

Let that be the lesson of the day :)

[supernova]

25. Hi Thomcat

Sorry you are having difficulty.

It is good to see you.


:hug:

[ThomCat]

52. Thank you, Supernova!

:hug:

It's good to still be here. :)

[BarenakedLady]

26. I've noticed your absence

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you (they) find some meds that will finally help. That sucks!

I miss you.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

53. I miss you too.

:hug:

I like seeing the pictures you've posted recently. It's nice to see you opening up, compared to when you first started posting. :hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

34. Hey, Thom!

:hi: :hug:

[ThomCat]

54. Hi SA!

I hope I'll see you at this Brooklyn meetup. The other boroughs need to chash that party and represent! :P

:hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

64. Definitely!

:P

[SeattleGirl]

44. Hi Thom! Sorry to hear that you are losing the use of your hands.

Have you checked into voice-activated software? It's much better than it was when it first came out about 17 years ago. I don't know what it costs, but I do know one brand is called Dragon Speak.

:hi:

[ThomCat]

47. It's on my list of adaptive stuff to check out.

Right now I'm still installing safety bars and getting stuff to help me hold and open stuff. Voice software is definitely coming soon. :)

Thank you for the recommendation. I have been wondering where to start looking. I'll check that one out first. :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

48. Good.

A former co-worker of mine got Dragon Speak. We have to do lots of reports, letters, etc., and his hands were starting to bother him a lot. He got Dragon Speak, and just loves it.

Glad to hear, too, that you are doing other things to help yourself out. :hug:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

49. Sorry for your ordeal

That would be most frustrating. I hope you are able to manage your pain effectively. Take care. :hug:

[ThomCat]

55. It is constantly frustrating.

Today's a relatively good day (which is why I'm posting today) but everything changs every day. It's hard to keep up with. But with moral support from good people I'm managing pretty well.
:hug:

[Flaxbee]

50. hey Thomcat -- I'm so sorry

to hear about the pain, but glad you're posting whenever you can! We love to see you, whenever you're here. :hi:

[ThomCat]

56. I'm very glad to hear that.

I often wonder, when I'm posting, if I'm too high on meds to be coherent. I'm always happy when people respond and it appears I made sense. :P

:hi:

[silvermachine]

51. Hello!

Sending you all the best thoughts...I'm truly sorry to hear of your situation.

[ThomCat]

57. Thank you, silvermachine!

:hi:

[silvermachine]

69. Anytime!

:pals:

[ZombieNixon]

59. That sucks, dude.

:( I'm sorry. You'll be missed around here. :hug:

[ThomCat]

62. I'll still be here.

So I want to see more mushy posts about how well things are going with you and Lelapin. You're both young and deserve to have a wonderful relationship. :hug:

[tandot]

61. So sorry to hear that. Have you thought about voice recognition software to do the typing?

http://www.nuance.com/naturallyspeaking/

Here is the PC Magazine review:

Speech recognition has never been this good. Dragon Naturally Speaking 8 Professional, the latest incarnation of the popular speech-recognition engine from ScanSoft, is better at turning speech into text than any other commercial product on the market we've seen. And though it still makes its fair share of mistakes, correcting those mistakes is remarkably easy. If you've been disappointed with speech-recognition tools in the past, Dragon 8 could turn you into a believer.

We tested the rather pricey Professional edition ($795 direct), but the same engine underpins more consumer-friendly Standard ($99) and Preferred ($199) versions (see www.scansoft.com/naturallyspeaking for a rundown of the differences). During ad hoc testing at PC Magazine Labs, after roughly 20 minutes of training, Dragon was about 95 percent accurate, and this improved after more training and more practice. By comparison, IBM ViaVoice 10, the one-time Dragon archrival (now also sold and marketed by ScanSoft), was only about 70 percent accurate. Granted, Dragon can still be frustrating—especially in the beginning, when you're still getting used to it—but thanks to a slick tutorial wizard and a clever interface, it's far less painful than you might expect.

Training the app is easy—even fun. After about 5 minutes of reading something as enjoyable as Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, the app will have a pretty good idea of your speech patterns; if you like, you can ask it to analyze your e-mail messages and Word documents, so it can get a good idea of your writing style as well. This typically takes somewhere between 5 minutes and half an hour.

After that, you'll need another 15 to 20 minutes to run the tutorial wizard, which explains each of the app's primary features and lets you practice along the way. You will find that practicing tasks with the wizard is a bit easier than using the product on your own, but don't let that bother you. After just a few more minutes of dictation, you should have things down.

More:
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1818453,00.asp

[ThomCat]

65. I'm going to be requesting that here at work.

If I can get them to provide it here (where I spend most of my time on the computer) then I'll have a good chance to really learn how to use it and get good at using it.

Then I'll see about buying it for home. Though, all things considered, there are a lot of other more necessary adaptive expenses that have to come first. :(

[VenusRising]

63. Hi!

:hi:

I'm sorry that your body isn't cooperating with you. It can feel like a real betrayal.

I hope that you find something that works for you to keep the pain managed.

Love and healing thoughts coming your way.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

67. Thank you very mucy, VenusRising!

:hi:

Yes, it does feel like a betrayal. I still have hope though. Some of my doctors are really fantastic. I'm very lucky to have access to some of these people.

:hug:

[myrna minx]

66. I am so sorry, ThomCat. I wish I could take your pain away.

You are a beloved person here, so please check in on us when you can. :hug:

[ThomCat]

68. Hi Myrna!

You're beloved too. I haven't seen a lot of your posts recently, but you're a person I always enjoy seeing. :hug:

I'll definitely be here when I can. :)

[flamingyouth]

70. Gosh, Thom, I'm so sorry to hear about your pain.

Other people in the thread have already made good suggestions, I see, so I'll send my best wishes and tell you I'm thinking of you. :hug:

[ThomCat]

73. Thank you, flamingyouth. Good wishes are important too.

:hug:

[Nicole]

71. Hi Thom!

I hate to hear you are having more problems & in so much pain.

You're one of my favorite posters & I hate to see you fade away. :(


:hug:

[ThomCat]

74. It's certainly not by choice,

and I'm still hanging on.

My boss just agreed to provide voice recognition software for me here at work. If that works out well for me that will definitely help. :)

Thom

[Writer]

72. I wish you the best ThomCat.

And hello! :hi:

Writer.

[ThomCat]

75. Hi Writer!

If I somehow get lucky and get the best, I promise to share. :)

:hug:

[Writer]

76. That's very sweet.

Thank you. :hug:

[The Wielding Truth]

77. Just wanted to be one of your, missed you, groupies.

Hope you can find a pain management specialist who can rejuvenate you. Maybe watching your avatar affected your neck muscles????

Just wanted you to smile.

[ThomCat]

86. I'm fortunate

I have an amazing pain mananagement specialist who acts as a reality check for all the other specialists. He's the one trying to puzzle this out and also find some pain drugs that work on the different types of pain that I have.

You did make me smile. I love that avatar. It's so like me. :)

[Zoigal]

79. Hi ThomCat

What a bummer. Hope your MDs are able to pinpoint the cause of all of

your pain and zero in better treatment soon. Meanwhile, hang in there.

[ThomCat]

87. Hi Zoigal,

Thank you. I'm definitely hanging in there, and finding out how much everything has to change to enable me to hang in there. It's turning into quite an education.

[uppityperson]

80. Hi THomCat, nice to see you, thanks for checking in and posting.

I was wondering how you're doing. hugs to you.

[ThomCat]

88. Hi, Uppityperson!

:hi:

Thank you. :hug:

I hope, with all the rounds of meds they're trying, I'll have some good news soon. If so, I'll definitely share. I'd love to have good news to post. :)

[Kajsa]

81. I'm so sorry to hear that, ThomCat.

;(


I'll be around and I won't forget to say 'hi' to you.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

90. Hi, Kajsa! I appreciate that.

Moral support has been a huge help. :hug:

[lizziegrace]

82. Hey sweetie...

My friend was just over looking up information on some type of block for spinal pain. It seems to help her (bad car wreck). I wish there was something out there like that for you.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

92. I wish there was as well.

Hands are more difficult than feet in that regard, because the block would have to be in the neck. I'm just hoping there are meds out there that work for this type of pain. Narcotic painkillers don't help.

I'm hoping to have some type of progress, just because I'm too stuborn to think there won't be any progress. Hopefully I'll have something more positive to post in a few weeks. If we find a way to stabilize what's happening, I'm throwing a party. :)

[lizziegrace]

107. ...

:hug:

If we could take the pain away for just a few minutes, you know we would.

[Bunny]

83. I've missed you here, Thom.

I hope you can find some meds that work, so you can be here more often. :hug:

[ThomCat]

93. Thank you, Bunny.

You're awesome, and I miss you too. :hug:

I'll post when I can, and I'll be back more if we can get this stabilized. That's a promise.

[enigmatic]

84. Better days ahead for you, Thom

:hug:

[ThomCat]

94. May you speak Truth!

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

85. Best of luck to you.

Hang in there. :hug:

[ThomCat]

95. Thank you.

I will do everything I can. :hug:

[Danger Mouse]

105. That's all you can do.

You know, of course, that you'll always be welcome among us, and if you ever want to know what's going on, there'll be dozens of people climbing over each other to be the first. :)

[Bjornsdotter]

89. I'm so sorry to hear that

...I enjoy reading your posts.

Not much happening here, lil Bjornsdotter graduated from high school and we are just settling into the summer routine.

:hug: hope the meds start to work for you.

[ThomCat]

99. Hi, Bjornsdotter.

That's cool. It's a big transition period, and kind of exciting. I hope there are good things happening (good college, good relationship, good job, etc.) happening for your lil one. :)

:hug:
If these current meds don't do anything, there are at least two other rounds of meds my pain management doctor has lined up to try. Something will work.

[SPKrazy]

91. I'm Sorry That You Are Hurting, and having

such things as losing grip strength etc.

I don't know what causes it but I know that I have some neuropathy and pain in my hands, along with arthritis and there are times it hurts to type.

I hope that you hang in there Thom, and lurk a bit!

Post when you can.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

100. That is the big puzzle.

People with diabetes get neuropathy, but if you don't have diabetes everyone seems to be at a loss for what it could be other than arthritis.

I hope your pain is infrequent, transient and managable. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

119. For the most part it has been

one time i couldn't move my fingers in my left hand for about an hour and they do get painful in the knuckles with regularity, but mostly nothing that can't be handled.

Here's hoping that something can be done for you!

:hug:

[mzteris]

96. have you tried

Dragonspeak - or some of the other talk to type programs??

I'm sorry you're having problems and are in pain.

We really miss you around here, ThomCat - try to keep us posted on how you're doing, 'k?

We'll all be sending you the really good Lounge vibes so you *should* start to feel better. ;)

[ThomCat]

102. My boss just approved buying Dragonspeak for me.

I'll be trying it shortly. If it works well you'll definitely hear more from me. :)

:hi:

[mzteris]

116. yay -

Most people are pretty happy with it - it just takes some "training" to get it to understand you. It can be a wee bit frustrating at first - but just hang in there.

We definitely want to be hearing more from you!!!

:hug:

[femmocrat]

97. So sorry to learn of your health problems, ThomCat.

I hope the good days far outnumber the bad ones and you will soon find a treatment regimen that provides genuine relief.

No need to reply... just a :hug: and :hi:

[ThomCat]

103. Today's a good enough day that I can type

with only a little pain, so I'm indulging myself and posting quite a bit. So of course I'm going to reply. I want to return that :hug:

:)

[Left Is Write]

98. Hi, Thom!

:hug:

:hi:

[ThomCat]

104. Hi LIW!

:hug:
Right back at you. :hi:

[TOhioLiberal]

101. ThomCat...

...I've wondered where you were. I hope you have many good days, because you're sorely missed when you're not here! :hug::pals:

[ThomCat]

106. Hi TOhioLiberal.

Thank you very much. It's nice to know that people think of me. The lounge vibes and friendships mean a lot. :)

I hope there are good days coming too. I will definitely share them when they happen. :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

108. I'll be watching for you...

...I'll always say Hi. you can count on that! :hug:

[libnnc]

109. I love you Thom

A whole lot...:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[ThomCat]

112. I love you right back, libnnc.

You're awesome. :hug:

[bridgit]

110. hi Thom...

:hi: :hug:

[ThomCat]

113. Hi, Bridgit!

:hug:

[GenDem]

111. So very sorry, ThomCat

I hope that you find relief from your suffering. So many mysteries in this fucking world.
Tonight I went to visit a friend with MS. She fell a couple weeks ago, and is not very good at all. I hate it. I hate that your going through this, too.
Hang tough.
:hug:

[ThomCat]

114. Thank you, GenDem.

I'm hanging as tough as I can.

I'm glad you're sticking with your friend. A lot of people just disappear when someone's health gets inconvenient. You're a good person. :hug:

[salin]

115. Many hugs

of course I miss you - and am always very glad to see/read you. I had no idea about your physical problems ... sending you tons of vibes per healing. From here forward, I will read "seeing you" with new eyes - not just a personal appreciation that I get to see/read you - but with the recognition that if you are posting that your pain has, at that time, abated. Please know how appreciated your presence is by this DUer! :loveya:

[ThomCat]

121. Hi Salin,

Thank you very much. :hug:

Now I have some good warm fuzzies right before bed. :loveya:

[Briarius]

117. Oh man, I hate to hear that!

:cry::hug:
I know we're a bit far, but if there is something we can do to help, don't hesitate to ask!

[ThomCat]

122. Briarus, you're friggin awesome.

Have I mentioned that? :hug:

Good thoughts and vibes are always welcome. That helps a lot. And, I hope I get to see you and Lynz at a meetup or something. You're not that terribly far away. :)

[lost-in-nj]

118. You don't know me

but I know you...

So I want to offer my support and

:grouphug: :hi:

please remember

Bright stars do not fade.... they shine forever


lost

[ThomCat]

123. Thank you.

:hug:

Actually, I've noticed you a bunch of times. I just haven't posted enough to talk to you yet. :hi:

[momophile]

120. my very best to you, ThomCat

you are one of my favorite people here at DU. Please take care of yourself, and I hope you have more good days than bad.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

124. I hope so too. Good days will be welcome.

I now have a new roommate who will be doing all the housework in exchange for free rent, and I'm adapting everything in sight with handles, levers, and grips. My doctors are excellent. If all goes well I hope to have some more good days.
:hug:

[Robeson]

125. Best of wishes to you, ThomCat....

...I hope your doctors get it figured out.

And hey, lurking is fine, I do it all the time...;-)

[u4ic]

126. I wish you the very best, ThomCat

I hope the doctors can determine what it is you have, and start a course of treatment. And, of course, that treatment will be successful.


Take care of yourself, and do what you need to do. You are one of the great posters here on DU.:hug:

Keep up the good fight. :toast:

[liontamer]

127. Hi Thom

I'm sorry you're going through this. :hug: