So my HS senior son is getting pressured into doing drugs

[hatredisnotavalue]

all of his friends are leaving him because he won't. We just had a tearful encounter. He really wants to play college football and doesn't want to smoke pot or try whatever else is out there. He just wants to play football and go to college. As parents we grew up in the 70's and did our share of experimtental stuff. I just don't know what to tell him right now.

[Oeditpus Rex]

1. Those are friends?

:shrug:

[hatredisnotavalue]

3. Good point...n/t

[Deja Q]

7. Lindsay Lohan claims innocence on the drugs from her car...

If that's friendship, setting up your friend for a crime not committed by them, that's despicable.

Of course, Linday was illegally drinking... then driving under the influence. She's not so bright to begin with, therefore using her to illustrate a point is not very bright either...

But the core point remains; drug users do it to feel good but know it's not legal. History has shown they are not so kind to their friends when times get tough. Lindsay should pay for her crimes. And not for anybody else's. Just having 'friends' like that is bad enough.

I'm also presuming the drugs were left there by her 'friend', and were truly not hers.

[MichiganVote]

2. What do you mean you don't know what to tell him!?! You tell him people who do drugs are losers.

Besides, after HS, he won't even see most of these people. Everybody moves on after HS.

[hatredisnotavalue]

5. I just told him that/ he knows that in his soul

[Iris]

8. "Everybody moves on after HS." - Unless they smoke too much dope! n/t

[Celeborn Skywalker]

25. I smoke pot.

Am I a "loser" according to you? Please be careful with that broadbrush.

[Name removed]

26. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[devilgrrl]

33. My aren't we judgemental!

Bet you think cancer patients who use marijuana are losers too.

:eyes:

[Book Lover]

45. What a shame that your book of losers is so large

I do hope you never take any kind of analgesic for your life's troubles, dear. The attitude I see in this post would not go so well, I think, with hypocrisy.

[bedpanartist]

37. but that would be a lie

there are lots of people who do drugs who are winners, big famous rich ones.

[devilgrrl]

47. Richard Branson...

the worlds richest stoner.

[fishwax]

43. I'd never tell my kids that

[bedpanartist]

48. you won't have to

they'll see for themelves.

Our high school valedictorian sold over an ounce a day, every day.

[ellisonz]

50. Square.

[sniffa]

53. ok mcgruff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8sag6qcHnQ

or, are you pop sensation, regina?

:rofl:

[Orsino]

54. It's not a simple on-off switch, and any kid will see right through that ploy.

Some folks only try alcohol and other drugs, while others are trapped by them. Some users are never owned by the drugs, while others turn out to be particularly susceptible, and you never know until you try which group you'll fall into. It may be that all a parent can do is warn the child of this.

"Users are losers," though, is morally equivalent to abstinence-only sex ed, and does not prepare the child to live in the real world.

[Gato Moteado]

56. wow....your list of losers is huge!

the amount of people you know that occasionally smoke dope, drink alcohol (yes, alcohol is a drug), smoke cigarettes (yes, tobacco is a drug), or use some other substance recreationally has got to be over 90%.

those people are all losers?

[Kutjara]

58. You forgot coffee.

Caffeine is the most widely-used drug in the world, so I guess everyone who "uses" coffee goes on the loser list too.

[Deja Q]

4. How do you feel about drugs now, compared to the 70s?

I used to experiment with credit cards. If I ever had a child, I would tell it not and explain why and how they hurt peoples' lives.

[Iris]

6. I think what you did is irrelevant when just before you said,

"...and doesn't want to smoke pot or try whatever else is out there."

You need to support him. Never mind what you did in your past.

[hatredisnotavalue]

12. I agree

I just hate this whole drug culture thing. I think I would have made more of my life if some adult had said to me that there was so much more to life than doing drugs. It wasn't never that great.

[Iris]

14. Now's your chance to do for your son what you wish someone had done for you!

I think he's lucky. :loveya:

[hatredisnotavalue]

17. I agree...n/t

[Parche]

9. Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure is a cop-out
I commend him for not bowing to that...he sounds very strong, I know you are proud of him

I have never ever taken any illegal drugs or bowed to peer pressure at any time, never have
smoked or even experimented with pot at all, and I never plan to....of course I have beverages
every now and then!!! :hi:

[bigwillq]

10. They're not really his friends then.

Real friends wouldn't pressure anyone into doing anything they don't want to do. Tell him that.
He might need to stay away from that group. They are nothing but trouble. Your son seems to have a good head on his shoulder and seems to know what he wants out of life. He doesn't need those people in his life. It may take awhile for him to accept that but in the end he will be better off without them.

[Bjornsdotter]

11. I asked my son if he wanted

...to be a leader or a follower? I went down that line of attack, while he didn't choose either (my son marches to a band only he and a few others can hear)he at least thought about what I said.

I also threw in that one of his friends couldn't find his ass with both hands in the dark, why would anyone follow him?

Best of luck with you son...
Cheers

[Lex]

13. I had HS friends who did drugs and some who didn't. None of

those who did drugs ever twisted the arms of those who said, "no thanks."

In fact, there was more for the ones smoking pot if a few said "no thanks" anyway.

[JVS]

15. If he doesn't want to be cool that's his choice

[pagerbear]

16. You know, the next time someone asks me why I keep getting disillusioned and fed up with DU

....I will refer him to this comment.

[JVS]

19. Awesome!

[Mojambo]

24. If you were high you would have got that joke. n/t

[WindRavenX]

18. as a pothead, it's beyond uncool to pressure friends into doing it

Sorry your son is hanging with a bunch of dicks--if he doesn't want to smoke or drink, that's his choice and if his "friends" don't respect that, tell them to fuck off.

[realisticphish]

35. this

:thumbsup:

[Book Lover]

46. Totally agree!

How rude and childish do you have to be to taunt someone who doesn't want to drink or get high? Man, I did some foolish things when young (stupid, vulgar, foolish things), but at least I was never rude to someone who I called a friend. Maybe because I had other things to do with myself: work, church (at the time), art...

As a parent, I would file this under the "When so-called friends turn out not be be friends" category. Which is tough to get through at *any* age.

[ellisonz]

51. I second that emotion.

[MnFats]

20. telll him to hang on until he can get to college.

he'll make new friends then.
probably guys on the football team, but in all likelihood some of them will be dopers, too.
but not all.
if you have, say, three or four good friends, you're set.
hang on a while.

oh, and tell him lots of women dig football players. But not football players who smoke dope.

[hatredisnotavalue]

22. ): You are so right...

[RedSpartan]

23. Indeed

I played college football, and can tell you from personal experience that your son just has to hold on and get to college and he will instantly make about as many new friends as are on the team. Normally, the fall sports teams report to camp before the rest of the student population, and you get a chance to really bond and get to know people sooner as a result. True, there are all kinds of people on the teams, but since a football team usually numbers anywhere from 50-100, he'll quickly find people with his same interests and mindset. And the best part is, with regard to those who he normally wouldn't be friends with on the team, the fact that they are on the team together establishes a mutual respect that will help him get along with a far more varied collection of people than perhaps he would otherwise. It really was a great experience for me, and I hope your son find the same.

[Joe Fields]

21. Tell him they aren't truly his friends, if they take him from his life goals.

I don't know if these are friends he grew up with, which would make it hard, but he has resisted this long, so he must know what is the right thing to do.

[sasquatch]

27. Where is he trying to play college ball at?

:shrug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

28. Good for him for saying 'No'!! Let him know he has the Rabrrrrrr stamp of approval

for not giving to assholes who would pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do.

The fact that his "friends" left him only belies the fact that they aren't worth having as friends.

He's learned an important, and difficult lesson, and he needs all the congratulations everyone can muster to give him for standing up for what he believes in, even at the cost of losing "friends".

I pray that the rest of his life he sticks to his guns in this way, and doesn't cave to bullshit peer pressure, advertising, or shit that the baser side of society says are important (and I don't mean just the base criminal side, but the base part of society that thinks pop music is legitimate, American Idol is cool, Thomas Kinkade is a good artist, and being dumb is hip).

:applause::applause::applause::applause::applause::applause::applause:




And congratulations to you: You have joined the ranks of a very select and small group of parents responsible enough to have raised a human being!!

:applause::applause::applause::applause::applause::applause::applause:

[flvegan]

29. Let them leave. Peaking in high school sucks

and your son doesn't want to do that. Remind him that after this year, he's got a whole new world of people and experiences, and if football is going to be some kind of ticket for him, he shouldn't blow it on short-term morons that will dump a friend because he isn't getting high.

[idgiehkt]

36. BRAVO

"peaking in high school sucks". That is so true, wow. It's a shame these kids are being this way, I knew others like this and it happened around me in my late teens even though I personally didn't do it. Sad.

[Connonym]

30. I love that you have the kind of relationship that your son can talk to you about it

that speaks volumes about his respect for you. Looks like you've done a good job with him. He knows the right thing, just remind him to keep his priorities straight and not to let stuff like that get in the way of his future.

[devilgrrl]

31. He needs to hang with a new crowd...

I have so many friends that aren't into doing anything, drinking, smoking, etc... there's nothing wrong with your son, I'm really sorry that he has to put up with shit like that. :-(

[Omphaloskepsis]

32. If he must, he could lie.

He could tell his friends he got busted with a 1/8 a year ago and he has to take random piss tests.

All of my friends in high school smoked weed. I didn't and I never got shit about it. His friends sound like dicks that want someone else to help pay for the bag. It sounds like he hangs out with jocks (peer pressure is their thing).. I hung out with the nerdy alternateens that listened to Nirvana all day.

[realisticphish]

34. As a recent teenager

(I'm 21) I think this is the problem. I have a significant number of friends who use drugs. Yet I don't. Why? Because I don't want to. And believe me, most people who offer drugs are just trying to be nice. "Here, want a hit?" "Nah, I'm cool." "Alright man, just offering." The end.

The problem isn't drugs, or your son. The problem is his friends. I have zero problem with people toking up. Absolutely ZERO. But I don't want to. And my friends who smoke pot are cool with that :shrug:

Tell him (in your own words, of course) that if they're being pricks about it, he should tell them to fuck off. One clarifying thing, though... are they actually actively pushing him to do it, or are they just doing it around him, and he feels uncomfortable? That makes a big difference in how he should approach them. If they're pushing him, "fuck off," like I said. But if he's just uncomfortable with it, he needs to talk to them. "Hey, I don't give a damn if you smoke (add that in, you don't want to be hostile), but could you guys not do it as much when I'm here? I just want to hang out, and smoking pot would fuck up my chances of playing football." If they're really his friends, they'll work something out.


**Sorry for my liberal profanity ;)

[WindRavenX]

38. word dude

Whenever I smoke, I offer it to people to share if they like. They say no, it's cool. I don't ask again. If they say yes, it's cool.

I have friends that don't smoke or drink. But it's not an issue because we're adults and don't try to force shit on each other.

[realisticphish]

44. a friend of mine didn't drink until

his senior year of college. He just didn't want to. Even now, he only drinks very weak screwdrivers. If this dude's friends are being assholes about it, he needs to get the hell away from them.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

39. He needs opportunities to meet kids who take their athletics as seriously as he does.

When he starts school, it'll be easier for him to become friends with people who respect his decision to refrain from trying drugs.

[jpgray]

40. This happens outside of after-school specials?

:o

Everyone I know has always been cool with my (eventual) lack of use.

[JVS]

41. I'm not cool at all with it. I fucking hate you because you don't do drugs!

[JVS]

42. Am I the only one here who suspects that a kid who talks about pressure against saying no...

is using this as a ruse to test the waters and see what kind of sanctions he would face if he were to "give in to pressure"?

[Zuiderelle]

52. Good point there.

Pressured into smoking pot? That's never happened to me in my life (dammit).

You make a very good point that he might just be exaggerating the pressure to see how much support he would get from his parents to actually partake. He probably knows that they smoked pot in high school and wants to see how far he can take it.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

49. Oh, where did you go wrong? ...

After all the dope-smoking.
After playing Grateful Dead for him in his crib.
After calling him "DUDE!" most of his life.

And now he wants to avoid drugs and play football.

What's the matter with kids today?!?

:rofl:

[Deep13]

55. Apart from the obvious (telling him "no")...

...just keep reminding him that if he wants a promising future then doing drugs is right out. Any involvement with the law and he'll be screwed. The health consequences will damage him pretty badly too. The only sure way to recover from addiction is not to fall into it in the first place. Their are far more kids out there that don't use illegal drugs than do, so he might just have to find some friends who won't lean on him to do self-destructive things.

[BluePatriot]

57. ...

Yeah, I actually had that experience my fresh. year of college. I got so mad at the nonchalance regarding alcohol and drugs in the dorm that I went above my RA and told HER boss that it was their obligation to put me in an alcohol / drug free environment and started quoting legalese.

They moved me to the Honors dorm, LOL. A real coup.

If people are giving him crap about not caring for alcohol / drugs they are not good friends to begin with. I had friends that would try those things but they never cared if I did or not, it was "more for them." I never tried to outright fight them over it though and it sounds like your son may be trying to convince his friends not to do stupid stuff. In retrospect I probably should have done that, everyone was lucky not to get hurt.