So, for those following the saga, I finally told the ex to stay outta my life

[HEyHEY]

It was the last time. So; background.... we hadn't spoke for a month. Just kind of let things peter out... I was the one that inititiated it. Then, I was feeling so much better about it all and stuff and thought, "I should call her to let her know that I don't hate her or anything." And I did.. we yakked briefly and she said she was coming down. So, she said she'd call me when she got in.
She didn't. Eventually I sent her a PM saying "THanks for the call. It was nice to know that you arrived safely."
She sent me one back apologizing and saying she had been hanging out with her family.. that's totally cool.. but at least a TM saying she was okay would have been nice... I wasn't looking to hook up or anything that night.
So, she was like, not calling me and being just rude, so I left a message on her phone saying I thought she was being quite rude.
Now, more background... since the official breakup we've talk all the time until a month ago. She ended all conversations with "I love you" I thought that was wierd but took it as platonic. THEN.... she finally calls me back. And is acting all strange. I had thought we were good friends as she always made a point of saying how much she appreciated me staying in contact with her as none of her other Vancouver friends ever called her. And because we still had close ties and supported each other.
Anyway, so she calls me back and says she doesn't want to go out to with just me.... as if we haven't seen each other in years or something. And started like RAGGING on me for being pissed she didn't call and says "Well, when you get to town the first person you call isn't your ex-boyfriend. Now, as previously expressed, we were still VERY close. And now she was trying to make it seem like we were just a couple exes or something.
It pissed me off and I said, "Oh, I didn't realize I'd dropped so much on your scale of importance." I mean, seriously to go from loving support of each other to like "I don't want to go out with you alone" is like "Huh?!"
So I just said, "You know what? That's enough... don't contact me again." And hung up. It's too bad she had to ruin a good relationship, then a good friendship.
I had a great vision of this weekend too. I figured we go out for coffee, have a few laughs and leave with a new understand. But no.
Fuck her. I'm not her emotional kleenex.
Then, 20 minutes later I was on a date with a great girl and barely thinking about the whole saga.
Enough's enough. There's only so much abuse I can take.

[wildhorses]

1. finally!!!!

:applause:

[HEyHEY]

3. Thanks

I will never try to be anyone's hero again.
Looking back, I can't believe how much I gave and how much abuse I took.

[wildhorses]

5. i remember...

she needs professional help.

i am so proud of you:toast:

:yourock:

[Bjornsdotter]

2. That's it?

...you leave us hanging with "Then, 20 minutes later I was on a date with a great girl......" and no details!!

Details please...:popcorn:


Oh and forget about the ex....she's not worth it.

Cheers :toast:

[HEyHEY]

4. Haha

Well, me and the date went for dinner, gelato and watched a movie at my place. We made out a bit, but I didn't try anything too bold as I like her and don't want to scare her off.

[Bjornsdotter]

7. Are you going to see her again?

:popcorn:

[HEyHEY]

12. tomorrow! n/t

[Bjornsdotter]

13. Excellent!

:toast:

[crim son]

6. Well,

the inevitable has finally happened. We've all been there at least once and I'm glad you ended it on a strong note. To better times ahead: :toast:

[Maddy McCall]

8. You two are better apart.

Seriously. I wouldn't lose a bit of sleep over this if I were you.

[LibraLiz1973]

9. Yay!! Now just stay away from Toxic Girl

She's a NUT!


After the last incident where you realized she was dating someone I think we all hoped you would steer clear. Notice in your story that you said things basically petered out for about a month, but then YOU called HER... Don't do it again!! You NEED to let this go- it is never ever going to be what you wanted it to be. It can't. Don't let a month go by and then decide that you want to change your mind about what happened this time too. That girl is like poison for you.

And when you say that your "relationship" was one of loving support I have to say, it sure doesn't sound like it. It sounds like YOU are loving and supportive and she treats you like shit.
You deserve so much more than that! Learn that YOU are important.

Glad to hear the date went well- you definitely deserve someone SOLID!!!

[HEyHEY]

14. I will never call again

Enough is enough... sad thing is, she still doesn't get it. Oh well, not my problem. I actually kind of hope she sends me an email so I can seriously tell her off, but, whatever.

[LibraLiz1973]

15. In all likelihood, she will NEVER "Get It"

The thing is, by hoping that she emails you so you can tell her off, your still leaving a door open.
Some part of you may hope that by telling her off, she will see the error of her ways- be frightened enough
of losing you forever to change.

But the reality is, that wont happen. No matter what you say or do, she is who she is.
She will change or (most likely) not change on her own. Bitching her out and telling her
what an ass she is wont do anything except eventually make YOU feel worse- for letting her have
such power over you & then telling her about it. She's not going to have a light bulb moment
because you tell her she hurt your feelings. She knows she did, and she has known the entire time.
Yet she keeps doing it.

The best (and frankly, most unexpected) thing you could possibly do is NOTHING. Don't call, email, write, fax,
text message, IM or send smoke signals. EVER. Don't answer any phone calls, text messages, letters, email, IM's
or anything else. EVER. She expects that as in all past situations you will get in contact with her-
just like last time when you said you were done & you got in contact to tell her you didn't hate her.
Right now the one thing she knows for sure is that you will be back- because history has shown her that nothing
shitty she does to you "sticks". She clearly has alot of issues in her life. In all probability your purpose
to her is one of ego boosting. Either purposefully or subliminally, she has chosen to treat you like shit.
And you have chosen to let her.

In the well established pattern that has led to today, you have tolerated and accepted her treatment of you. No matter what she
does, you end up giving her a pass. YOU need to STOP feeling bad for her. SHE IS MAKING HER OWN CHOICES.
You are not in charge of her life & you never will be. NOTHING YOU DO is going to make her "better".

Truth be told, even if she had some life changing "I get it" moment, she would end up with someone else.
Nothing you say or do is ever going to make her the perfect partner for you. She has shown you time and
again that no matter what you wish, it isn't going to happen. The thing you want is a fantasy- and ideal
you have created in your mind. You need to let that go.

For whatever reason, you've spent far too long in a situation that will never make you happy.
You've accepted and enthusiastically participated in a situation that can never be healthy.
Take a good look at the situation for what it REALLY is. Toxic and Unhealthy.

What would your advice be for someone in a similar situation?


Some of this may seem harsh to you but I can only say it comes from the heart. I've been there. Literally.

I wish you nothing but the best! I hope this time is really it and you are ready to move on!!

[BlueIris]

10. Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried this post was going to end with,

"But then we got drunk and did it and I forgot about all that other stuff and everything's back to normal now, SO THERE!!!"

Instead of your version of, "Then I realized--again--WHAT A FUCKING NUT JOB SHE IS, and RAN AWAY." Which made for a much better ending to this story. Please don't ever take even one more phone call from this "woman." No emails. No voice mails. "Hi, it's Am--" is your cue to erase, erase, erase. Block the phone numbers, and the e-mails, and ignore the mutal friends. Stay away. Far away. FOREVER.

[LibraLiz1973]

11. Notice that everyone here that knows anything about the SAGA

(not a relationship, not a friendship- a saga) is thrilled that you finally told her to blow off.

We're all sending you positive vibes- now go block that girls email address, home phone number and cell phone. Return any mail to sender. Really Blue is right on- STAY AWAY FOREVER!!


P.S.
When you say none of her other friends have stayed in contact I have to wonder... is it because they figured out she's batshit crazy?