Your one-line pearls of wisdom- worldly knowledge thread

[underpants]

Mine?

If the change/snack machine won't take your dollar spit on it.

The bill not the machine....do that later.

Oh and say your ABC's when washing your hands (to make sure they are clean)

Especially after touching currency.

Okay GO!

[jimbo fett]

1. Nothing is better for your sex life than clean sheets.

[pdx_prog]

2. keep

your mind FULL and your bowels EMPTY.....

(It's SO just the opposite with a lot of people)

[Demobrat]

3. Keep your fixed expenses low.

No debt. Ever.

[moof]

6. When someone pays you a compliment, just say Thank You.

also

Better to remain silent & be thought a fool
than to speak & remove all doubt.

[Richardo]

4. Complete transcript of Dad's talk to Richardo before going to college:

"Don't do anything stupid."

(I was unable to comply :D)

[trof]

13. THAT's funny.

[Loonman]

5. When plugging in your audio/video cables

Label them.

[patdem]

7. Cats fur to make kittens britches

You say this when your child has asked why for the umpteenth time...that was my mother's famous quote to me. It shut me right up...since I was knick named 'Kitten'...completely befuddled me!

[CatWoman]

8. Contrary to popular belief African Americans have only ONE thing

they HAVE to do.

Conventional wisdom was there were two things: stay black and die.

Enter Michael Jackson......

[trof]

14. So is THAT.

funny
(see 13 above)

[beawr]

9. Marry your second wife first.

That usually means waiting until your thirties....But I feel real good about just skipping my first marriage and going right to the second. You other children of Divorce will know what I mean.

[jus_the_facts]

10. DON'T WORRY...BE HAPPY!

:o :o :o :o :o


:evilgrin:

[Bombero1956]

11. for me

Don't smoke in bed, make love instead.

[trof]

12. Never fry bacon in the nude.

Said here before, but bears repeating.
Also: No matter hwere you go, there you are.
Think about it.
:shrug:

[kmla]

15. "Buy the rumor, sell the news."

I'd follow that advice alot more if I had money to invest in the stock market.

And - always flush the urinal with your elbow. Why? Well, just think of the last thing the guy before you touched right before he flushed it with his hand...

Ewww.

[democracyindanger]

16. You wouldn't worry about what people think of you

if you knew how often they actually did.

[mac56]

17. Everybody's less weird than they think they are.

Everybody's weirder than other people think they are.
Everybody's somebody's weirdo.

[Blue-Jay]

18. Never pass up a chance to urinate.

I nearly had to deal with the unfortunate consequences of diobeying my own rule on the trip home from work.

[mac56]

19. Never let a machine know that you're in a hurry.

nm