Things you'd rather do than watch tonight's SOTU?

[Bundbuster]

For me:

- clean YOUR toilets
- listen to Ted Nugent or Oxyrush, while cleaning your toilets
- get a colonoscopy
- party with Tom DeLay
- watch Survivor re-runs
- donate $20 to Pat Robertson
- take up alligator wrestling
- sleep with rattlesnakes

How about you?

[POed_Ex_Repub]

1. Clean the cat box

-Be stung by 1000 bees
-Watch 72 straight hours of "reality" tv
-Listen to Macho Man Randy Savage's new rap album
-Shove a small furry animal in every orifice
-Sleep outside in the sub freezing weather
-Be ravaged by paris hilton.... (okay, maybe that one's not so bad)
-Replace my toilet paper with sand paper
-Break my tv remote with the channel stuck on QVC or TBN

[JitterbugPerfume]

2. have a tooth pulled with pliers

get a hysterectomy

run into my ex- boyfriend

[liberalmuse]

3. Pound a large nail in my head...

and see if I can pull it out with a pair of pliers without getting too much gray matter all over the place. Seriously, I am going to do some drinking and mocking--the latter if I get the urge to hook up my antenna and yak at the idiot. All that work for 10 minuntes of tv--that's about all I can stand of the shrub, drunk or not.

[eyesroll]

4. I think I'm watching the damn thing,

but there will be Trivial Pursuit. And then sleep. Damn, I'm tired. And cussing, I guess.

[GURUving]

16. You're braver than I am

I want to watch so I can yell at the tv and find out what to get pissed off about next, but I'll leave it to the courageous posters to inform me.

[KamaAina]

5. Crawl to the bus stop on hands and knees over broken glass

Pull out the rest of my hair with tweezers
Take a relaxing, two-week vacation in Baghdad

[ronnykmarshall]

6. Litter box

That's always a good one.

[Lostmessage]

7. Dishes

I haven't done them since Christmas and they are getting a bit stacked up in my kitchen.

[PerpetualWar]

8. Watch the grass grow

[Bundbuster]

9. Eat worms

[ogminlo]

10. Listen to Malloy's live "pithy commentary!"

This should be good!

[terrya]

11. Give a full body massage to Robert Novak eom

[Lostmessage]

13. I am eating right now

:puke:

[Bundbuster]

15. Watch it, Terrya -

Or I might suggest

- tongue-dancing with Annthrax
- an intimate Las Vegas evening with Bill Bennett
- delivering Richard Perle from virginity

[terrya]

17. Bundbuster, I could....

Do the second option, even though I'm not that keen on gambling.

The other two options are beyond the pale. :-)

Terry

[DS1]

27. with release?

[Bundbuster]

29. Hey DS1 - are you gonna take

a 120-minute ice cube bath, or just poke piano wire through your eardrums?

[fleetus]

12. My taxes.

Even tho I'm not in the top 2% or whatever it is to qualify for the latest 0% APR with cash back giveaway. :cry:

[Cuban_Liberal]

14. Castrate rabid wombats bare-handed.

---Having my toes gnawed off by wolverines.
---Eating garden slugs.
---Shaving my chest with a rusty razor blade.
---Listening to Jerry falwell preach about the 'sin' of homosexuality.
---A week's vacation with my freeper brother-in-law.
---Breathing 'dog breath' non-stop for a day.

[LanternWaste]

18. I'm not proud of this...but here goes:

I'm not proud of this (but since it's the truth, what better place to post it than DU?).

In lieu of watching SOTU address, I'm going to smoke a joint for the first time in almost seven years.

Unemployment for almost one year, Bush being the President for almost three, me being single for almost four and my best friend having "accidently" left two joints in my mailbox this afternoon has led me to the conclusion that tonight is a good night to watch three or four episodes of Band of Brothers while smoking myself into a drooling, mind-numbing fog of "why the hell is life not working out quite the way I wanted it to?" despair and self pity for this evening and this evening only.

Aren'tcha glad ya asked? :)

[Bundbuster]

19. Hey - go for it, LanternWaste!

I wish I could have been in an opium daze since November 2000. Instead I can only chimp-proof my TV watching.

Your associate who left the 2 joints in your mailbox is a friend indeed.

[lovedems]

23. My husband will be over at 7:45

:)

[lovedems]

20. Change poopy diapers

At least I can throw that shit in the garbage.

[LanternWaste]

24. LMAO

"Change poopy diapers"


There is absolutely no reason why I should find as hysterically funny as I do...

edited for spelling...god, do I need a job or what?

[trogdor]

25. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D:7

[mlawson]

21. Rather spend the night on top of Mt Mitchell, with nothing on but

a wet sheet!!! And it will hit below zero up there tonight.

[NightTrain]

22. Tonight at 9:00 EST...

...I will begin the process of self-inducing an orgasm.

If the Republicans only want to jerk off figuratively, that's their business!

[Bundbuster]

26. Maybe 9 months from tonight

There'll be an explosion of lib'rul Democratic babies like 9 months after that power outage in New York years ago. People with nothin' better to do can be dangerous that way...

[crobinson2k]

28. Have a threesome with Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly

while Rush videotapes it high on oxycontin.

If someone fools me once, shame on them.
Twice? Shame on me.

Can't believe a word of word of it anyway, why watch?

[Arugula Latte]

34. Welcome to DU, crobinson2k!

You sicko! ;-)

[maggrwaggr]

30. get my scrotum waxed

nt

[CBHagman]

31. You guys are the best!

I laughed until I cried.

I'm at work and being forced to listen to the State of the Onion, as we like to call it. I would rather be...

...having a root canal.

...giving Rick Santorum a scalp massage. :puke:

...dealing with the sociopath pharmacist at the local Rite Aid.

...chug-a-lugging Phospo Soda or whatever that hideous stuff is they give you before a colonoscopy. :puke:

[Bundbuster]

32. You're being FORCED to watch?

Does your boss/employer also

- make you take golden showers before work?
- show re-runs of Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party?
- feed you Mad Cow hamburgers for lunch?
- have Dennis Hastert play Santa at your Company Christmas parties?
- pay you quadruple-time for watching AWOL tonight?

[Arugula Latte]

33. plunge a hot poker up the wazoo...

or perhaps up the ol' ying-yang...