A " " walked into a bar and.....

[Wonco_the_Sane]

Any new/old goodies?


A three legged DOG walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"!

A HORSE walked into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face"?

A TERMITE walked into a bar and said "Is the bar tender here"?

Two ATOMS are in a bar, A1 says "I think I lost an electron"! A2 says "Are you sure"? A1 says "Yeah, I'm positive"!

Two men walk into a bar...the third man ducks.

Two PENGUINS are sitting in a bar, P1 says "You look like your wearing a tuxedo". P2 says "Maybe I am".

Two fat WHALES are sitting in a bar. W1 says "eeeeeeooooooouuuuuueeee" W2 says "I don't get it"?
oh one more

A BABY SEAL walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Canadian Club, on the rocks".

P.S. I was a bartender for a couple years

[MiddleRiverRefugee]

1. a BABY walks into a bar....

Bartender says "What'll it be?"

Baby says, "I want some cottage cheese."

Bartender says "NO WHEY!"

(teaching this one to my daughter)

[Wonco_the_Sane]

3. I love dumb/kid jokes for some reason

[EstimatedProphet]

2. OK...guy walks into a bar...

OW!!!!

OKOK...2 guys walk into a bar...
OW! OW!

OKOK...so a seal walks into a club...

:)

[TreasonousBastard]

4. Skeleton walks into a bar...

"Give me a beer and a mop."

Priest, rabbi and Methodist minister walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Is this a joke."

[Wonco_the_Sane]

5. arrgh.. good ones, can't belive I forgot

[jmowreader]

6. Little Rotten Johnny walks into a bar

And orders a beer.

The female bartender asks him how old he is. "Eight."

"Look, kid, are you trying to get me in trouble?"

"We can talk about that after you bring me the beer."

[MrMonk]

7. A GIANT PANDA walks into a bar and . . .

A giant panda walks into a bar. He orders some food, eats it, then pulls out a gun and blows the brains out of the guy next to him.
As the panda makes his way out of the door, the bartender yells “Hey, you just shot that guy. Where do you think you’re going?”
The beast replies “I’m a panda. Look it up in the dictionary.”
When the panda is gone, the bartender thumbs through the dictionary. “Panda: furry mammal, lives in China. Eats shoots and leaves.”

[Wonco_the_Sane]

8. LOL that's new to me

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

9. a chimp walks into a bar

the bartender says, "what'll you have , mr president?"

[areschild]

10. Guy walks into a bar

and says to the bartender, "If I show you something that you've never seen before, will you give me a free beer?"

Bartender says, "Sure". So the guy pulls from his pocket a teeny, tiny piano.

The bartender says, "Man, that's nothing. I've seen that before."

The guys says, "Wait a minute." He then pulls out a little 10 inch man, puts him at the piano, and the man starts playing Chopin.

The bartender is amazed, and asks where he got him. The man shows him a magic lamp and says, "You have to rub it 3 times and make a wish."

The bartender says, "I'll give you free drinks for the rest of your life for that lamp. The man says "OK".

The bartender rubs the lamp 3 times and makes a wish. Soon there were ducks flying everywhere.

The bartender says, "What kind of lamp is this? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The guy says, "You think I asked for a 10-inch pianist?"

[mac56]

11. A pirate walks into a bar ...

with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.
The bartender says, “Hey buddy, you know you have a steering wheel attached to you?”
The pirate says, “Yarrr, and it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

[Wonco_the_Sane]

12. Last 2 were great

there are still so many I have forgotten

[mac56]

13. A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper says, “Really? You have a drink named Fred?”