As A Child... Were You Taught To Say "Sir" and "Ma'am" To Adults

[arwalden]

We weren't even allowed to say "huh?" or "what?"... if we didn't hear what was said, we were taught to respond with "Ma'am?" or "Sir??"

Have "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir" faded away? Or am I just expecting too much? Or is it just something that's most common in the Southern United States.? Maybe I just don't see it much because I live in Maryland. I don't know.

-- Allen

[Lostmessage]

1. How about Thank You?

It has something to do with southerners I believe and I was raised that way.

[papau]

21. something to do with southerners ? - Well it existed in Chicago Land!

indeed, kids had some tough, visible to all, rules

[displacedtexan]

2. Yes, Sir/Ma'am, I was.

And so was my child.

[Ishoutandscream]

45. Yes, sir or ma'am, myself included

42 and still say it. Even to adults younger than I. I still hold doors for ladies, and will stand when a woman enters the room. I know that is very old-fashioned and insulting to some women, but that was the way I was raised. Old habits are hard to break.

[ZenLefty]

3. Actually, the Magistrate taught me all that

And I was an adult at the time. Sir. ;-)

[11 Bravo]

4. Dad was a career naval officer.

Sir and ma'am were very much the rule as I was growing up. I'm 53 now and I still use both reflexively, often to people younger than I.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

31. When I hear ma'am from older men...

I love it. It makes me think he's a gentleman and hasn't given up on the whole chivalry thing. I love that.
Duckie

[soleft]

5. I got used to saying it in Taekwondo class

Now I find I say it all the time.

[Intelsucks]

6. We didn't have to say it to our parents, but they expected it when we

talked to other adults.

Actually, I hate it when children call me "sir" or "mister"... it makes me feel old. :(

[Bridget Burke]

7. Yes, also "Please" & "Thank you"

I don't see a problem with any of these phrases.

[mac56]

8. I didn't get the sir/ma'am thing, but...

raised in the Midwest, I was taught to be extremely polite to all adults.

My brother in law, raised in Kentucky, has many times pointed out that "Opie" on "The Andy Griffith Show" was NOT a representative Southern kid of that era. No "sir", no "ma'am". Pretty impudent overall by the standards of the time.

[slackmaster]

9. Not here in San Diego, California, but...

Because of a job situation I spent sixth grade in a public school in Alamogordo, New Mexico. The sir/ma'am thing was required there. It was very, very hard for me to start saying those words, which other than in quoting people or jokes I had literally never used in my life.

For a while I called cops sir or ma'am to help stay out of trouble. But now I'm over 40 and on the rare occasions where I am confronted by one I'm a lot older than they are, so the salutations seem inappropriate.

The first time a little kid called ME sir I almost lost control of all bodily functions.

[Kamika]

10. Not really

Altough I do say Sir and Ma'am to officials

[Virginian]

11. It was to show respect to elders.

Now that I am older, showing respect to elders is too old fashioned for today's kids. I get called by my first name. I always had to put "Miss" or "Aunt" in front the first name of an elder woman if I was allowed to address her by her first name.

I still use the terms when speaking to my elders. It makes them respect me back.

[trof]

30. First names of elders

I was raised in the south in the 40s and 50s.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" were as natural to me as "please" and "thank-you" (after a lot of initial prompting by my mom and grandparents).
"Can I have another cookie?"
"MAY I have another cookie...what?"
"May I have another cookie, PLEASE?"
Didn't take me long to catch on.

Now...using first names with your elders.
Call me a geezer, call me an old fogie, call me crochety...I'll plead guilty...but it BUGS me for a 20-something receptionist to call and say "Hello, trof? Just calling to remind you of your appointment with Dr. Smith tomorrow."

Don't even get me started about telemarketers who don't know me from Adam's off ox, and say "Hello? trof?" :grr:

If I don't have a social relationship with you, and if you're considerably younger than I am, I really prefer to be addressed as "Mr."

[CBHagman]

39. Amen to that, sir.

I don't like this phoney "We're all friends and oh, so casual" crap that's being shoved down our throats. I always address clients by a courtesy title and surname.

I don't recall my parents teaching me to use "sir" and "ma'am" in any particular fashion, but they were sticklers for manners. The very first thing my mother asked me when picking me up from a birthday party was, "Did you say 'thank you'?"

By the way, my mother was the daughter of immigrants and grew up in the Bronx, so that just goes to show you that it doesn't pay to generalize.

[Snow]

47. Agree almost totally.....

although I never got the sir/ma'am habit (see my post below), the first-naming thing from people I don't know really really honks me off. Having said that, though, I work in a medical/academic organization, and the hierarchy thing can get a little rich, ie people who insist on being called "Dr. Snow" while first-naming their support people, especially the male "Dr"s and the female support staff. When I first came here, I was assigned a new secretary, not even all the way out of school yet, and she wondered to me if she should call me "Dr. Snow". So I said fine, but in return I should call her Ms. Ong. She decided first names were okay, & so did I. Probably would've been different if it weren't southern california.

[eyesroll]

12. Sir and ma'am weren't big in Illinois, where I grew up, but I was always

instructed to call adults "Mr." or "Mrs." or etc. unless they said otherwise, nd even then it was hard. We moved from a block where everyone was Mr. and Mrs. to a block where everyone was first-names, and I couldn't do it for several years. I still correct myself sometimes, with my parents' friends who long ago told me to call them by their first names.

"I beg your pardon?" or something similar was encouraged if we didn't hear what was said. Manners were vital. Please. Thank you. Excuse me.

[MissMillie]

15. pretty much the same for me (n/t)

.

[cally]

25. That's how I was raised

I still have a difficult time calling my parent's friends by their first names.

I don't like being called Ma'am but it is common from folks raised in the South. I feel very old when I'm called this. :shrug:

[madrchsod]

27. yup ,it was mr and mrs

around these parts too. and the spinsters were "miss"

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. we had the same in WI - I don't remember kids using sir or madam,

but we always called adults Mr. or Ms. or Mrs., even in the church.

Heck, I have some people in my life who were adults when I was a kid and even though I was later an adult mentor to THEIR children, I STILL call them Mr. or Mrs.

I still refer to all my seminary professors as "professor" - even my partner's advisor, and she calls her advisor by her first name. Buit I just can't do it...

:-)

Though I have never expected children to call me Mr., and I had a few adults as a kid who met me on a first-name basis (mostly all the adults who did youth group stuff were first-name basis).

[Dirty Hippie]

13. I feel very strongly about this issue!!

I was forced to use sir and ma'am, raised in the south. I refused to allow my children to call anyone sir or ma'am as they were growing up and defended my viewpoint with their "superiors".

The custom was forced upon African-Americans as a reminder of their oppression. Adults who force it upon their own children are following suit IMO.

[Lars39]

23. Yep, there is another side to politeness, that's not always pretty.

It really sucks when as a child you have to answer in a respectful tone the correct ma'm or sir to somebody that just treated you like a POS.
It can foster a blind obedience in children, which is not always good, imo, and also encourages neanderthal behavior in some power-happy adults. And yes, I was taught 'proper', too. I like addressing someone as Mr or Mrs or Ms, better.

[silverlib]

43. Thank you very much...

there are lots of ways to teach courtesy without subordination and suppressing of feelings. I agree that courtesy is an odd commodity these days, but I don't get courtesy confused with subrogation.

Whoa - It always amazes me that I feel so strongly about this!

[Lars39]

44. I think the problem arises when you are taught it for courtesy's sake,

and somebody comes along and uses the *magic* words as a stick to get you to obey them. Power-hungry/wielding people get hung up on having people *obey*.

[Rowdyboy]

14. Sir and Ma'am, Please and thank you...

Oh hell yes....I still use them. Anytime I hear a child use these words I compliment the parent, whether I know them or not.

[proud patriot]

16. Yes

:hi:

[Bertha Venation]

17. Yes. By myself.

I taught myself everything.

On edit: except not to run with a lollipop in my mouth. My mother taught me that one. Way to go, mom!

[Cuban_Liberal]

18. I still say it!

I was raised in a very 'traditional' household, that way: respect your elders, etc. . It's served me well in life, I will concede. Thanks, Mami and Papi! :)

[Insider]

19. yes, but reinforced in the army

funny you mentioned this. the other day, my cousin asked me to pick up her daughter while i was in baltimore. i called and asked the teen if she had any money (i had very little gas and no more money). she said "for what?" i was stunned for a few seconds. at that age, the only answer i could have was "yes, ma'am" or "no, ma'am"

[Solly Mack]

20. Yes and I still use them

...I get a laugh at people who are offended by it...and some people are...

imagine...being offended by good manners.

I also say please, thank you, may I be excused, and pardon me

[silverlib]

22. I'm in my 50's and raised in the South and NO

My father was of the belief that he would rather have me say "yes" or "no" with respect than hear me say "yes sir" or "no sir" without respect. This caused me some temporary problems when I started school. Connotation was his rule and I agree. I do have friends that strongly disagree. I still live in the South, and some families still think this is important. Have you ever met an adolescent that impressed you with his manners only to find out he was scum?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

35. Of course...and it makes me wanna just smack them...

In my profession, it's an every day thing.
Duckie

[madrchsod]

24. oh yes...

grade school in the early 50`s you were not allowed to even think of anything disrespectful. i went to the school that was the high school that Ronnie Reagen graduated from. looking back i may have had the same teachers.....

[Cena]

26. Nope.

I was taught to say "Mr.," "Mrs.," or "Ms." I do on occasion say "No sir" or "No ma'am" to people who are as old or older than my parents.

But it seems like common courtesy is being thrown out on the curb like yesterday's trash. I don't even hear a simple "thank you" from anyone anymore.

[dolo amber]

28. Most definitely

And I've tried to instill it in my own kids, but sadly most adults these days seem almost offended by it. Just another example of youth-obsessed culture, imo. If you speak to someone with respect you must think them an old fart who you can't talk to on your own level or something.

The 13 yr old has a beau (also 13) who when he calls the house says, "Hello, may I please speak to Emily?"...I damn near stroked out right there in the kitchen the first time he called. I'm used to hearing caveman-like grunts from kids these days. "Emlythere?" :eyes:

[cosmicdot]

32. Are you free? Yes, sir, I was raised to say Yes/No sir and ma'am

Most people I have worked with never used it as a form of respect, i.e., to supervisors, and such.

... I've always been unanimous in this.

[Snow]

33. No. I was raised in Van Nuys by Hoosier parents,

in one of these post-WWII GI migration suburbs, and everyone was very young. We addressed the adults by their first names. In retrospect it was kinda weird, all these little kids first-naming the other little kids' parents, but it seemed to work. Disrespectful we were not, and I suspect the parents were in that late-20 'are we really adults' omigod here-comes-the-big-3-0 angst, and welcomed it. There were no older people in the community at all, kind of a loss now that I think about it. And no non-whites, either. It was a pretty narrow little place.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

34. The Sir and Ma'am thing is the best habit...

It also makes people feel important, I think. See, as most of you know, I work at a Juvenile detention Center. The kids there are required to call us Ms. and Mr. They are also required to speak to us in complete sentences, and I go completely bonkers about table manners. And have been known to YELL Down the table that if someone gives whoever the ketchup when he asks like that, you'll be on the wing (Sorta like time out) so long your ass will start to rot. I like it when they leave with a general knowledge of manners and table etiquette. They didn't get taught any of that stuff at home. And I know it's not all bad. A kid came up to me at the Store the other day and was like "Ms. Duckie, how are you ma'am." Hugged me and told me how much help I was. You're right, good manners do reward in the end.
Duckie

[bif]

36. I still use those terms

For anyone older than me. That's the way my Dad taught us. Sometimes it seems awkward to use Sir or Ma'am, but I still do it out of habit.

[SheilaT]

37. Nope, but we did address them as Mr, Miss, or Mrs

-- this was in the days before Ms was common. I never felt that forcing kids to sir and ma'am adults resulted in genuine respect. On the contrary, it was most used in my observation by kids who had no respect whatsoever for the adults they sirred and ma'am'd endlessly.

I eventually learned to use sir and ma'am as an adult in a public contact job where it was useful and appropriate.

I have a niece who served a hitch in the navy, and I want to slap her every time she slips up and calls me ma'am. Especially now that she's nearly 38 years old and an adult my equal.

I've made a point of telling my children's friends who've graduated from high school that they can now address me as Sheila, rather than Mrs or Ms my last name.

[arwalden]

53. Cheeky Sales Clerks Call Me "SIRRR" When They Mean "Asshole"

I'm sorry, SIRRR there's nothing I can do to help you.

-- Allen

[snobird]

38. Frozen North

Being born & raised in frigid Northern Ontario, did not ever excuse using bad manners. Frozen brains or tongues were no excuse!! My experience living in the southern states with my partner was a trip.I got called Ma'am & Miss Lynn.. loveddddddd it!

[Mrs. Venation]

40. Yes

I grew up in eastern Tennessee; we were taught to respect our elders. Sir and ma'am were required, and we never addressed adults by their first names.

My mom and dad have lived in the same house for 47 years; some of their neighbors have been there equally as long. To this day, and I am 52 years old, I cannot address these folks by their first names. I'd feel like I was being rude if I did.

In the south, rudeness is a serious offense. Some people rank it right up there with murder. There are still duels being fought over rude behavior, but the guns have barrels that are slightly crooked. If the barrels were straight, and the sights were calibrated, someone might get shot . . .

and that would be rude.

[Bertha Venation]

50. You ain't right.

I'm so glad I married you. :loveya:

[kskiska]

41. No.

I lived in Connecticut, and in retrospect, in a dysfunctional household. So repressed, actually, that we barely even called our parents anything, much less Ma'am or Sir. Even as adults, my sister and I have had problems addressing family members.

Back in the early 60s when I started working, it was still customary to call bosses by Mr. or Mrs. (usually Mr.).

Living in New Orleans a dozen or so years ago, I had occasion to spend time in black neighborhoods of various jazz musicians. The neighbors always called me "Miss Kathy," which made me very uncomfortable in a Gone-with-the-Windish sort of way.

[FlaGranny]

42. My parents never

told me I had to say "sir" or "madam", but they did teach me to be polite. They taught me by example. I'm actually kind of glad I never use the sir or madam approach because I find that now I'm all grown up and mature, I really don't much like being called madam. I use the words "excuse me" and "thank you" a lot and a friendly smile does the rest. If I want to get someone's attention and I do not know their name, I usually do not call out to them, but I walk over and I might say "pardon me, would you mind . . ." or something like that. My husband uses the old phrase, "say, buddy, could you tell me where the men's room is?" That's one of his favorites. He's always looking for the men's room. ;-)

[Liberal Veteran]

46. God yes! And I still do!

I think manners and consideration for others are the hallmark of a successful society.

[lazarus]

48. oh, yes

Grew up in the military, then in the South. Very much respect required.

[Piperay]

49. No...

I was born and raised in Los Angeles and that is something you hardly ever hear from anyone unless they are from somewhere else.

[Matilda]

51. In Australia, we've never called people Sir or Ma'am,

but as a child it was always Mr/Mrs or Miss to adults, and when I
was older, I was never able to use the christian name of anyone
who was an adult when I was a child.

And it was please, thank you and I beg your pardon if you didn't
hear something.

[Breezy du Nord]

52. Not really, actually

I always called adults by their first names, except for teachers.

I'm reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" right now and that's what struck me as kind of odd. Well, not odd, I jsut observed how different things are now.

[Liberal Christian]

54. When "sir" is refused

As a pastor, I will often use a "yes, sir" or "yes, ma'am" response to people as a sign of both respect and affection. Occasionally, I get a response from men, "Don't call me 'sir.' I work for a living." This is usually from veterans who were enlisted or non-commissioned officers when they were in the service.

It always knocks me back a bit, and I try to tell them I was simply using it as a sign of respect, but I am often surprised at the resistance.

[supernova]

55. Absolutely, I wouldn't think of treating

elders otherwise.

Although in keeping with the times, if I have a good rapport with a younger person, I expect them to call be my my first name. And I expect them to listen to what I have to say.

Having said that, there is a whole subtext to "Sir!" or "Ma'am!" that is very snarky and condescending that non-southerners rarely understand.

edit: make that "non-southerners"

[KG]

56. a started using the terms as an adult

not a requirement in my home, but we were taught good manners.

but as adult i work at being polite as possible to all.

[Corgigal]

57. I just got bitched out today because of this issue

funny how you DU'ers know so much. The VP of the school my 13 year old attends had to bring up why my child doesn't say Sir or Ma'am. I told her it's not what we do in this house, we believe its a cultural issue and I served my country so my child wouldn't have to be forced to give an adult verbal respect. I want my child to think and question not behave like a puppy. Of course she said that is my mistake. It's not my mistake but no one ever said that up in New York and not all adults should be honored with titles. Nor should every child care if said adult owns a title. Talk is just that talk, its the actions that really count.

[Matilda]

58. A little courtesy doesn't hurt,

although "sir" and "ma'a" may be going a bit far today. My husband
gets really annoyed if anyone calls him "sir", because he thinks
they're being sarcastic, and in this country, they probably are.

[Piperay]

59. Yeah, I don't like it when anyone

calls me "mam" makes me feel like I am a hundred years old and I am not yet fifty. :argh: