For those married 10+ years

[populistmom]

Poll question: For those married 10+ years

How do you REALLY feel about things?

[mitchtv]

1. "Gay married" 27 years

voted anyway(it's DU)

[populistmom]

2. Wow 27 years!

That definately counts. Congratulations!

[Liberal Veteran]

3. 27 years? That's like a 108 in hetero years.

Congrats! Me and my boyfriend will be celebrating 14 years this year.

[ulysses]

5. ROFLMAO!

"108 in hetero years" :D

[Liberal Veteran]

7. It's a standing joke. Gay couples face a lot of external pressure...

...that can drive a wedge into relationships. From friends who don't respect your commitment to family members and society that doesn't acknowledge it at all. It does have some impact.

[ulysses]

20. no doubt.

I'd just never heard it put that way. Still giggling...:)

[BOSSHOG]

4. I will have been married 30 years in April

and fall in love again every day. I'm truly blessed with my wonderful wife. We are a team and succeed together.

On a political note. We are for gay marriages. Why would they be a threat to the sanctity of our marriage?

[ulysses]

9. absolutely agreed.

Why would they be a threat to the sanctity of our marriage?

We'll have been married eleven years in June, and I don't recall having said "for better or for worse, but if gays get married then all bets are off". Even if I didn't *actively want* my gay friends to be able to get married, it would no more affect my marriage than the phases of the moon.

Option #1 on the poll, btw.

[WWW]

22. 24 years this October

I couldn't agree with your more Ulysses. Love is love.

[never cry wolf]

6. Sorta hell for me.

Worse than going through the motions though, can't wait to get out.

[Ishoutandscream]

8. With an 8, 3, and 1 year old

There's still love, but not a helluva lot of time for passion. The only time I can post here is when I get my best rest - AT WORK!

[XNASA]

10. It'll be 20 years, this September.

It's funny. We rarely do anything together anymore, but we've never been closer.

Sorta like grown up siblings, in a way.

I'm sure that things will be much better after the kids are gone, and we can move back downtown. I'm looking forward to that day, very much.

Even though I cast my vote differently, I still feel very strongly, that Robb is a dingbat.

[Indiana_Dem]

13. I feel the same way,

we are total opposites on most things and don't do a whole lot together but you're right we've never been closer. He lets me grow and do what I want to do and he is always there for me and hopefully me for him, too. I wouldn't say its a passionate love like in my younger years but it's stronger than that. We both WANT it to work. Love and lust are 2 different things. It's great if you can have both but it's rare I think.

When I look at Bill & Hillary or Dean & his wife, I can understand them not being together physically all the time but still loving each other.

[XNASA]

15. I thought you were going to say, "I feel the same way...........

....Robb truly is a dingbat." ;-)

We're only opposites on the things that don't count for much. We enjoy the same food, movies, music, art...stuff like that. We also agree on how our children should be raised. I guess that's the most important thing right now.

[Indiana_Dem]

16. LOL no I wasn't gonna say that! lol

We're opposites in that he an "A"-type personality and I'm the opposite. After being with him for 19 years, though, I've adopted some of those traits and I think he's adopted some of mine over the years, too. We kind of balance each other out. We argue a lot about affairs of the world and things like that but he is 16 years older than me so we have this generational gap thing but we get around it somehow and accept eachother for who we are. He often tries to change my mind but to no avail!! I've just adopted this attitude that he HAS to accept my beliefs unless he wants to divorce me which he doesn't want and neither do I. So we compromise.....he proably does more compromising than I do. Our relationship is based on mainly trust and wanting to make something work. I am probably hell to live with the way it sounds! He puts up with alot and I thank him continually!!!

[fishnfla]

11. Going on 14 years now. Very happy together

We're lucky. Last night we played strip cribbage . I think she cheated, but heck, who cares?

PS. we employ the Bosshog 'team approach' to our marriage. Works real well

[populistmom]

12. Follow-up question for the "I love my partner more each day" people

When you were first married, did you have that "butterflies in your stomach, totally in love" thing? I guess I'm asking this because when I was first married, I was pretty cynical about those things thinking if a couple are friends with mutual goals and decent sex, that was enough, but sometimes I wonder whether that was right or not, maybe it's not the whole picture anyway. Maybe that mushy stuff is important to keep those feelings going during the hard times maybe? I don't know (I suppose that's why I ask those who do).

[Indiana_Dem]

14. When I say I love my partner more each day

I mean I couldn't imagine after building what we have over 19 years and then not having it. It would all be a big waste of my life if I were to give it all up now. I put too much into it at this point to let it all go.

[tigereye]

17. been married for 12 years this past October

we had the "butterfly thing" in the beginning... soul mate/ etc, then lived together for quite a few years before we married. We were friends before we got together and are still friends. Once we had a kid it was hard for a while because our roles were different, where you say, " Who is this person?" And having a kid or kid(s) makes the intimacy stuff a lot more difficult. It's like that great Dana Carvey routine about trying to have sex when you are exhausted from a long day of kid wrangling. Not sure what the routine or video is called, but it is hysterically funny with his comments about kids, how they act, and how tiring they can be!

However, passion can re-emerge and surprise you, after you thought things had become sort of routine. So I have to say that long marriage can get better, deeper, more interesting as you face different things over time. ( sorry if this sounds like a double-entendre, not intended:))

[ulysses]

23. not really.

It was a fairly clear-eyed assessment of us as a couple, since I was about two years out from a really passionate, deeply fucked-up college relationship that I'd thought for a while could end in wedded bliss. I mean, I was in love with Ms Uly (and still am) but it wasn't Harlequin. We went through several stages between meeting and marriage, including a brief starry-eyed stage, but we covered some fairly rough ground the summer before I proposed which took care of most of the illusory dreaminess. :)

I didn't marry a wallflower and we've certainly had our times. But we don't call each other names, usually don't go to bed mad, etc. We've forgiven each other for much (she's had to forgive more - she'll leave food on the counter overnight while I'll forget to pay bills, for instance) and kept our transgressions out of the sexual realm.

My take after ten years? There is no magic bullet, mushy stuff or otherwise. A long-term marriage comes down different things for different people, but it's often a slogging affair. And that's fine. If you marry in your twenties and stay married until one of you dies at the proverbial ripe old age, passion will at the very least change. That's fine too, because the depth that replaces it is a fine thing.

My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this month. It hasn't always been the easiest of things, but it's among the finest in my book.

[ewagner]

18. 29 Years in March

Sorta going through the motions. Thought about divorce but it takes too much effort.

one edit: I should add that my wife thinks of me as her career coach and does depend on me for advice in the corporate battles she faces. So, I suppose I serve some purpose.

[Pale Blue Dot]

19. The wife and I are really good friends, not really much more.

Most days that's enough. :shrug:

[Robb]

21. I've only been married for 6 years,

yet somehow I felt compelled to vote. :hi:

[Haviland_42]

24. I've been married 12 years....

and it's better now than it was 10 years ago. (And it was pretty darned good ten years ago.)

[populistmom]

25. just one kick

because inquiring minds want to know

[MaineDem]

26. 30 years next August

I couldn't imagine spending my life any other way. He's my best friend plus he does the laundry! :D